Question of the day (19th October).

What was the first book that made you cry, or at least feel very, very sad?

My answer:

I’ve been thinking about this for a while but can’t think of a book that was the first. While books often affect me strongly and I may easily feel sad if a book is sad, I don’t cry very easily at all because of a book even if I fee like I’d like to be able to sometimes, it’s just a super rare thing, same with movies and music. While on one hand I’m glad I’m not an easy cryer and at least in some part it is the effect of my own considerable efforts over the years of bottling things up, on the other hand I actually envy people who can cry when they’re moved by things as it seems a very healthy mechanism and seems to be generally seen as a very sincere reaction by people. So basically because it’s very frequently that a book moves me very deeply and I find it very sad, but at the same time ultra rare that it would make me cry, I can’t think of one particular example that would be either the first or even just one that would stand out particularly. I remember that the last book that I was crying a little bit when reading it was Maggie Hartley’s book Battered, Broken, Healed that I read last year, when for some unexplained reason one specific thing made me feel particularly sad, namely when the mum of a baby whom Maggie was taking care of at the time was telling Maggie about how whenever her daughter cried at night, her abusive husband wouldn’t let her see to her and how difficult it was for her and for little Jasmine as well. I don’t know why it made such a very strong impression, it’s definitely not my typical reaction even when I hear sad things like this and it’s not the most difficult thing I’ve heard definitely, but it just made me feel so sad I suddenly started crying but only a little bit. I guess I must have generally been feeling down.

Oh, yeah, now I remember a book that made me feel particularly sad, but it definitely wasn’t the first one, actually quite recent, and it also made me feel a whole spectrum of all sorts of feelings and, despite a rather difficult topic of the book, quite a few fragments of it also made me laugh a lot and overall the experience was very positive. It was Room by Emma Donoghue.

So, how about you? Also, are you easily moved by books at all? If so, is it to such a degree that you just easily absorb emotions that are in the book, or does it also mean that you cry easily when you read something particularly moving, be it positively or negatively? 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people! 🙂

What is something that is makiing you feel bad?

My answer:

One thing that makes me feel perhaps not like super bad, but a little anxious and uncomfortable, is that I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to have a thyroid ultrasound done. I’m not particularly enthusiastic about having to interact with people there so while it’s not a super challenging or unusual situation that would paralyse me, I also have my Mum to help out as my spokesperson, it’s just a bit uncomfortable and it’s been in the back of my brain all the time for a while. As you may know, I’d been treated for hypothyroidism since I was a very little child, I was taking thyroid hormone and growth hormone. At some point I went off the thyroid hormone though, which most people have to take throughout their entire life, as I seemed not to have neither any specific symptoms anymore when off it, nor any special improvement in anything while taking it. Probably the only symptom of hypothyroidism I can strongly relate to these days is low mood, for which I have a separate diagnosis these days though and no doctor has ever said that I have the mood difficulties that I do because of hypothyroidism, and low energy which is a common thing in womenn on my Mum’s side of the family because of low blood pressure, and my Mum has the same thing. Anyway, recently I had some blood tests and it turned out I still do have my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels elevated, so my GP thought she’d refer me for the ultrasound, just in case there’s something else going on. I’ve never had anything particularly wrong going on on ultrasounds as far as I know, except for my thyroid being a little bit too small, but it’s always better to check it out once in a while I guess, especially that I didn’t have it in like over 5 years. So I am also a little bit stressed in case something may have changed, even though rationally I know it’s not super likely.

Also the Dad thing is still affecting me a bit.

My Mood has been very much up and down lately, but I don’t think there are any more clear, external reasons right now for the downs, or can’t think of any, so it’s probably just mostly my brain.

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people! 🙂

What is something that is making you feel good, these days? 🙂

My answer:

Misha’s presence is always making me feel good. Right now he’s sleeping on the wardrobe and he has spent almost the entire day with me.

The cooler weather is making me feel good, too. The summer heat has been quite exhausting for me, and for Misha too, also for my Mum and I think for a lot of people as it was really a long time and at times felt insanely hot, and I’m really glad that it’s cooler now, it feels very pleasant outside.

The fact that my Dad’s at work so I don’t have to deal with him for a few days 😀 – he’d had quite long holidays recently and now he’s gone back to work yesterday. It gets unpleasant and stale when you’re spending so much time with someone and you’re not really on the same wavelength at all.

Music. I’ve been listening to lots of great music, but that’s nothing new. Also my great speaker and headphones that I’ve got myself recently and that I use with my iPhone. I really love my computer speakers as well, but, as I always listen to something quietly at night, it wasn’t as much of a pleasure listening to something at night on them, with all the accompanying hum of my desktop computer.

Food always makes me feel good as well. Today we had very yummy chocolate budyń with Mum. Mum makes it on her own, it’s not the instant, shop-bought budyń. I think I’ve explained somewhere on here earlier what budyń is, but if you don’t know, it’s kinda like a creamy Polish pudding. Only Mum put a bit too much chocolate into it, and while it was extremely delicious, it was really, really sweet, and neither of us was able to eat a lot. 😀

Books make me feel good. Right now I’m reading a very amusing Polish book, which is basically an anthology of different texts from mostly Polish literature, but not only, from different time periods and genres, all about cats! I’ve just started it today in the morning but I think it’s going to be very enjoyable for me. And the last book I read was “Harriet and the Cherry Pie” by Clare Compton, a lovely English children’s book, the style and plotline of which reminded me very strongly of Noel Streatfeild, and I like things like these. Since the main character lived in her great aunt’s cafe, there was lots of food involved.

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day (17th September).

What was the last time you were in a bad mood?

My answer:

I’ve had a mostly good day today, but I’m in a bad mood right now. I’m angry and disappointed, and just don’t know what to do. You know that I’m going to get a new computer soon, and some other new equipment? It’s a matter of days now, and that makes me pretty anxious. The guy who had been helping me with all that tech stuff kindly offered to set up some of the programmes I use on a daily basis before they send it out to me. So, he set up my mail on there, and Dropbox and a couple other important things. My Mum also sent him registration keys and installers to some of my speech synths that could be installed in such a way, that she bought for me ages ago and that I’m using a lot. And today, when my Mum got back with Zofijka from her tennis in the evening, she just casually mentioned: “Oh, there are some mails from that computer guy, I didn’t read it all but he couldn’t install something, those synths I guess, I’ll read them to you later”. And she just did, and the news sound very bad to me. He was able to only install three out of the 7 voices. He said the Welsh language voice is no longer accessible for some reason. It makes some sense, because the company who produced all those synthesisers, called Ivona, doesn’t exist any longer. Amazon had bought them some years ago and then destroyed them I guess. This is a big deal to me that the Welsh language voice is no longer accessible. I need that synth to help me out with my Welsh learning, and, as you can imagine, there’s no alternative with such a small language. I just freaked out. The rest of the synths seemed to have not working keys for some reason, and one of them – my most beloved and treasured Jacek – has some more sophisticated error in the installer. As I said, the company is no longer there so I can’t even get another one, unless illegally I guess, which I don’t want to do as then it’d probably have some glitches. But what will I do without Jacek? My small glimmer of hope is that Mum has multiple emails from Ivona for some reason and maybe there are the right keys/installers for the rest of the voices in some of the emails that we didn’t send him, but I don’t think that coould be the case sadly. Other than that, I’ve had just a bit of a collection of synths, because it’s something that interests me, and it’s sad that most likely some of the best ones in my collection will be gone. I can’t get over it, it’s stupid, but I really liked Jacek so much. And there was Astrid, my Swedish synth. I could get another Swedish one from another company, but why should I pay for another one, if I already have Astrid. And I do need a Swedish voice very badly. And, linguistically, she was the best from all the Swedish language synths I know. There is a shop still selling Ivona speech synths in some a little different version, but they seem to be pricier there, and I had a chance to use them for some time and for some reason their quality isn’t as good in versions from that shop, and they like to crash a lot, which is hardly acceptable for me. Or maybe I just had such a bad luck with them. In any case, I’ve already had to pay a lot for the computer, and I’m not feeling enthusiastic about re-buying 5 voices I theoretically already have. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to believe it’s happening. My precious, precious Jacek! 😭

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

Is there anything at all from natural world which has the ability to affect you mood in a positive way?

My answer:

Sure! First of all, obviously, Misha. Misha affects my mood and me in general in a very positive way. He helps me stay calm, lessens my anxiety, makes me more relaxed, makes me smile, keeps me company or even helps me come back to normal with my sleep cycle if it goes crazy for a while. Plus he’s beautiful. I think everyone would agree that beauty affects us in a positive way and influences us a lot.

Next thing, horses. I love it how the horse and the rider can be actually like one while riding and how strong the connection is then. My horse – and riding in general – is capable of making my mood significantly higher when I’m depressed, but I guess that’s also the thing with endorphines and such.

I love muscari, I guess that’s how these lovely blue flowers are called in English. There is something sweet about them I just love.

I find rain calming and helping me to concentrate, plus I like it also because when it falls, most of my allergies go to sleep.

And, since my early childhood, for some reason I’ve always felt something towards ice. I can’t explain it. I just like to feel it. I remember that I’ve even had a small dream to have a piece of ice that will never melt so I could feel it as much as I’d like to and have it in my room. 😀 I was just fascinated by ice, I guess, and still am in some way.

Another thing are gem stones, even though maybe some people wouldn’t classify them as part of the natural world. I love how beautiful they are, I really like to feel them and also in some way I do believe in their healing properties, and so I like working with them as I can, and I have a lot of admiration for gem stones.

Oh, and the sea! How could I forget about the sea? It just make me feel in such a very special way. And generally, being in contact with nature always makes me think about God and how perfectly He made all this. And when I’m by the sea, I tend to feel it particularly strong. And I think it’s also a positive feeling. I feel so grateful for Him he created all that beauty for us.

And I think I might have many other things in nature I feel a strong connection with, although these are the ones that came to my mind at the moment.