February 2018 – My Inner MishMash

I had a cat before Misha named Kiki. He wasn’t officially mine as Misha is because my parents bought him, I don’t remember him very well as I was at the boarding school most of the time then, but I wasn’t very emotionally close to him.

3. I don’t like cosmetics smelling like food.

4. I have about 15 km to the seaside.

5. When I was born, there was a massive storm or other weather phenomenon, anyway our house was out of electricity, hence my Dad says I got used to the darkness and hence I can’t see. 😀

6. I don’t want to have children, but because I love names I like naming or helping with naming other people’s kids or playing baby name games.

7. I am a night owl.

The TMI tag.

Today I was tagged by absolutely great Carol Anne who blogs at Therapy Bits

to do the TMI tag. Here goes:

What are you currently wearing?

I got out of the shower a few minutes ago and now I’m in my pj’s and dressing gown.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yes, multiple times.

DID YOU EVER HAD A TERRIBLE BREAKUP?

No.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

21.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

168 cm, or 5 feet 6 inches.

HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?

45 kg, 7,09 stone.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?

NoNe.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS?

None, I’d like to have one, but don’t have any creative ideas as for now.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

Mm, I like many things, but let’s pick kefir. I love kefir.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

Again, very many, but currently I’ve listened a lot to “Olivia” by Canyon City and it has somehow stuck in my head.

WHATS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

Aquarius.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO SHOWER?

Now, as I know I have skin issues and they get worse when I take longer showers, it is very quickly, like three minutes, max five, but I used to take pretty long showers before, even like 20 minutes. Although I’ve never measured the time precisely. 😀

whats favorite show?

I don’t watch a lot of TV so don’t really have any very favourite shows.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?

As for now, Plu, I think, is my most favourite, but I have many bands I love.

SOMETHING YOU REALLY MISS?

My best friend, well now I don’t know if he still is my best friend as he suddenly stopped writing back to me or contacting me and it lasts this way for quite a long time but I still miss him, but stopped trying to contact him as whatever is the reason, he certainly doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and being optrusive is what I dislike the most in people and wouldn’t like in myself as I know how pissing off it can be.

WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN YOURE SAD?

To my room.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET READY IN THE MORNING?

Depends on my mood and what I have to do. When I’m going somewhere or someone is coming to me, it’s no more than 20 minutes I think, but if I don’t have any plans, it can be even half an hour or if I’m very depressed then even more.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?

Many times with my siblings. 😀 But nothing too serious.

WHAT TURNS YOU ON?

Sense of humour, intelligence, people named Jack or Jacek, people speaking my favourite languages, many things, too many maybe. 😀

WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?

Thoughtlessness, shallowness, optrusiveness, ignorance.

QUALITY YOU LOOK FOR IN A PARtner?

Caring, with similar values, intelligent, with a good sense of humour, passionate, versatile, emotional, enthusiastic, introverted.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Black, white, grey, blue, green. And silver.

LOUD MUSIC OR SOFT?

When I’m low, I usually listen to loud music, some rock or metal or Gothic stuff sometimes, I also like to listen to loud music when I’m very happy. But when I’m not toolow I mostly listen to soft music, or when I’m anxious.

FAVOURITE QUOTE?

“If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends. If you cannot, friends you’ll never be and you need not waste time in trying” L. M. Montgomery “Blue Castle”.

Favorite actor?

My previous musical crush Cornelis Vreeswijk played also in a few films, so I choose him, or a Swedish actress Catrine Lundell whom I really admire because she’s an actress despite suffering from chronic and rare disease and in my opinion she plays really well.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS? WHAT THEY ARE?

I could make a whole list of fears, and I might, just to see how many pages it will have. 😀 To mention a few: anything related to vomiting, interactions with people, heights, wasps, crowds, very large, open spaces, some speciffic sounds and (in some circumstances) silence.

WHATS THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU CRY?

Being simply overloaded by difficult emotions on my birthday, so a month ago.

MEANING BEHIND YOUR BLOG NAME?

My Inner MishMash relates to my cat’s name Misha and also to the fact that I always have a total mishmash of thoughts, ideas and emotions in my head, but this mishmash is my inner so usually you can feel more or less awarded if you get access to it 😀 and I like the word mishmash. As for “what plays in my brain” it’s a paraphrase of a Polish idiom which literally goes like “what plays in ones soul”. If someone asks you to tell them what plays in your soul, they encourage you to confide in them. I am very interested in human brain and all about it, hence “brain”, plus this blog is a place for me where I can write down my thoughts and feelings, and also share with you my favourite music, as music “plays in my brain” almost constantly.

LAST TIME YOU SAID YOU LOVED SOMEONE?

To Misha, about ten minutes ago.

LAST BOOK YOU READ?

“War Of Love” by Aleksander Fredro, my obligatory reading for school.

THE BOOK YOURE CURRENTLY READING?

“Treasures Of The Snow” by Patricia St. John.

LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?

Mmm too long ago to remember. 😀

LAST PLACE YOU WERE?

Zofijka’s room.

LAST SPORT YOU PLAYED?

Horse riding two months ago.

WHOS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

Zofijka.

LAST SONG YOU SANG?

Agnes Obel’s “River Side”.

aFAVORITE CHAT UP LINE?

Don’t have one. 😀

DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH.

I’ve had lots of very intensive crushes and so called musical crushes, as for now I don’t have any crush that I know in real life, but I have a musical crush called Gwilym Bowen Rhys and it is also a very intensive crush.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON YOU LAST TEXTED?

My Mum.

FAVORITE FOOD?

Anything spicy.

PLACE YOU WANT TO VISIT?

Sweden once again, UK, Ireland, Finland, Netherlands, Faroe Islands.

WHATS THE LAST TIME YOU KISSED SOMEONe?

Misha about 15 minutes ago.

LAST TIME YOU WERE INSULTED?

Can’t remember really. 😀

FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SWEET?

Chocolate I think. But it really depends what kind of sweet stuff it is.

WHAT INSTRUMENT DO YOU PLAY?

I’ve played piano at school and learned guitar for a while but didn’t play for ages and don’t think I remember anything from that. I feel much better as a listener than creator of music and I didn’t like the pressure on music we had at school but now I think it wasn’t that bad because I know something more about music than an average person can know which helps me in understanding and valuing it. I don’t know as much as fully musically educated person as I didn’t finish music school, but was attending to it for a couple years which gave me some understanding of things.

FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY?

My ring made of agate.

LAST TIME YOU HUNG OUT WITH ANYONE?

IRL it had to be very long ago, as I can’t remember. 😀

I tag just anyone who’d like to participate. :

Question of the day.

What is the most important goal every person should have?

My answer:

I think such goal could be to love ourselves. ‘Cause when we love ourselves, we automatically become better and more loving and caring to all the other beings in the world, thus making the life easier for all of us.

What do you think? What should such goal be in your opinion?

Song of the day – Pugh Rogefeldt – Grimasch om morgonen.

Hi! 🙂

Today I share with you another version of this fabulous song – “Grimasch Om Morgonen” – written and originally performed by Cornelis Vreeswijk. This is a cover made by Swedish singer Pugh Rogefeldt.

New gem stones in my collection.

I’m really starting to wonder about taking photos of all the stones in my collection and putting them here. It would take a lot of time and obviously I would need someone else to involve in it and take the pictures, but I think it could be a good idea. What do you think?

My Mum wanted to make me a surprise and bought me some more stones which are really beautiful. They are standing on my window and everyone says they look brilliant in the sun. It’s very snowy here recently, but also the sun is shining a lot so they have great conditions to present themselves. I am really happy I got so many new stones recently. I plan to go to the Festival Of Minerals which will be sometime in August in Silesia. I’d love someone acquainted to take a look at my collection and tell me whether all of these stones are really natural and I’d love to take a look at some minerals I’ve never seen before.

As for other things, yesterday I had an intensive Welsh day, well I’ve heard of people having much more intensive days, but it was the most intensive Welsh day I’ve ever had, because I did 5 challenges during one day. My brain felt drained, but, in contrast to the brain drainage I always get when I have Maths, that one felt really good and I felt glad and proud of myself, not depressed and tired as I usually am after my Maths lessons, simply because my achievements were much much bigger. I decided to praise myself for that and when we were going for a walk with my Mum, we also went to the grocery shop as she needed some vegs and I bought myself a chocolate with nuts which is really yummy. We had a really long walk which I definitely needed after all that brain fitness and which felt very refreshing, and my leg didn’t go as crazy as it did recently, I think it’s healing and going better, slowly, but surely. I can’t wait when I’ll be able to go horse riding finally, gosh I didn’t ride for TWO MONTHS! My horse will forget me! 😀 No, seriously I don’t think he will, I had a few years break time years ago and he seemed like he remembered me. 😀

Today I went to my GP in the morning, as he finally came back from vacation. I decided I will listen to my therapist’s suggestion and will ask him to prescribe me Afobam again. Also I asked him for some more Hydroxizinum as I was running out of it and then picked my prescription along with that from the dermatologist I got on Thursday.

I did some more Welsh today too.

I just had a very yummy dinner, pasta with Napoli sauce. Dad and Olek are both at work, so we don’t necessarily have to have some meat. They must always have meat for dinner, but not me and my Mum, so always when they’re not at home, we have something we like and Zofijka usually likes it too, or she eats at school.

Today I also helped Zofijka with her English homework a bit, but it only led to both of us being frustrated. Zofijka is very hard to teach, it is difficult for her to focus and she hardly ever listens what you tell her and doesn’t really get English and I am not really good at explaining language stuff to people and the last thing I’m good at is teaching anyone anything, but since as for now she doesn’t have any English lessons besides school as she used to have, I try to help her as it’s at least something.

Question of the day.

What do a lot of parents do that screws up their kid?

My answer:

The thing I hate that quite a lot of parents do to their kids is diminishing their problems. Like, a kid comes to them, trusts them and wants to share with them whatever is on their mind, something more or less difficult they feel like they need some support with coming through. And the parent’s reaction is like: “These aren’t problems. You’re just a child, you don’t have serious problems. You’ll start real life and you’ll see what problems really are”. That discourages most kids from confiding in their parents and makes them feel like their struggles aren’t important to their parents and don’t really deserve any attention. Plus, another thing is, so when does “the real life” start? When you get married? Divorced? After you’re 50? 😀 I’m really curious.

Another thing that pisses me off a bit every time I see it is when a child tells the parent about whatever is happening in their life and the parent doesn’t really listen but only wants to give advice, no matter if the child wants it or not.

What are your answers and what do you think about it?

Song of the day – Sofia Karlsson – Grimasch Om Morgonen.

Hi! 🙂

A month or so ago I shared with you this song in its original version, performed by Cornelis Vreeswijk, my previous musical crush whose poetry I would love to translate into Polish sometime in future, it is my very big dream. Also I’ve made an attempt to translate that song into English, which you can see here

. But today I wantd to share with you this song in another stunning performance. Anything by SOfia Karlsson is stunning, but since I love Vreeswijk’s music and poetry so much, this is my favourite song I’ve heard by her. Hope you’ll like it too, She’s so expressive.

Month of blogging, yaaay!

Exactly. My Inner MishMash had its official birthday three days ago, but since I spent three days on setting it up, the actual birth took place on 26th of January. So far I am really excited with blogging and everything about that, moreover, I feel like it never was as enjoyable for me and as successful on any with my previous blogs as it is now.

Also I would like to thank you all who are following my blog, reading, liking and commenting my posts, I am extremely grateful to you and so very happy you are here.

But I am also curious if you like it here and what speciffically you like here, hence I thought I will make a poll.

Thanks in advance for voting and I will be even more thankful if you have any suggestions or ideas about what you’d like to see here in future and if you will let me know about them in the comments. I have some ideas I would like to start in future, but as ideas are never too many, yours will be enormously appreciated as well. Also feel free to give me any additional honest feedback in the comments if you’d like to.

Share Your World – February 26, 2018.

What are you reading right now?
We have so called obligatory readings in all the schools in Poland and I’m now reading one of those which are obligatory for our term, it is a comedy called in English “War Of Love” written by ALeksander Fredro. I love reading, but obligatory readings are usually fairly boring and this one isn’t an exception.

What was your first adult job?
My first and current job is being an office worker in my Dad’s company. There are only two of us in it, he had to register his own company to be employed in the company he’s working for now. He’s a tank driver. I don’t have my work to do, practically what I do is helping Dad with some tech stuff as even things like typing are like black magic for him. Also I answer to emails send to him. It isn’t anything exciting, but I earn some money which I can either spend on anything I want for myself, as I live with my family and don’t have to buy basic things like food for my own money, or I can save them for the future as I still don’t know what I will/want to do later in life. I appreciate it a lot and my Dad does too as because I’m disabled, he doesn’t lose any money when he pays me, he gets the same amount back from the fund for disabled people or however it should be called in English.

What’s your favorite breakfast cereal?
Cini Miiiiniiiis!!! 😀 I’m crazy for them and my siblings are too. I like them both with milk and dry. I like Chocapic too, I most often eat them with yoghurt, as well as those cereal that look like pillows and have different fillings, I forgot how they’re called. I love Cheerios too but rarely have them.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha, progress in my languages, blogging, writing more of my book, a self care evening I had on Friday with a long hot bath and Jack Daniels with Pepsi, listening to lots of good music, testing my Mum’s new electrostimulator which was funny and I’ve never used it before and didn’t have the slightest idea about how it works, trying some yummy food.

Thanks for hosting to Cee’s Photography

🙂

What’s your favourite?

Today is #WYF day at Revenge Of Eve

and the question is about your favourite colour.

Well when I was blogging in Polish on the platform for the blind I once asked people this question and it started a long discussion about how strange it is when people ask the blind about their fav colours. I’m totally blind since birth and I don’t see anything strange in it. I’ve always had my favourite colour, or, as it is now, even a few colours. What is really strange is that although I’ve never seen any colours obviously, I have some things I associate with them or imagine when I think about them and according to many sighted people I talked about it to, they are pretty accurate to how these colours really look. I know which fit with which, which are lively or calm, can distinguish some shades in my imagination and some blind people who have seen my stories say that my descriptions of people’s appearance are too detailed to be written by a blind person. 😀 I don’t know any other congenitally blind people who can’t see colours who have it like that but that’s how it is. for me and I think I’m glad of it. I suppose it may be somehow distantly related to the fact I’m synesthetic.

When I was a little girl, I loved red. Now red is my least favourite colour. I dislike very bright colours and don’t wear them or don’t have them in my room. I would feel awfully with the consciousness I am wearing something brightly red. 😀 It’s absolutely weird but I find this colour somewhat… anxiety provoking? Really hard to explain it.

Now, my favourite colours are: black, white, blue (all shades, or all I’ve heard of), green (excluding some shades) and grey.

I like to be surrounded by these colours, have lots of objects inn these colours or wear clothes in these colours. My favourite flowers – which I believe are called muscari in English – are blue and so many beautiful things are blue. As my favourite colour to be surrounded with I would pick green, my current room is dominated by green, while the colour I love to wear the most, feel the best wearing and people say I look good in is black. I am rather girly and love wearing dresses and almost all of them are black, except one.

ah, and I like silver too, but mostly just in jewellery.

So that’s it about my fav colours.

Question of the day.

What is the most important thing a person can do to improve themselves?

My answer:

Another hard one… Umm, a person? Every person? I think it’s hard to find a thing which all the people could do to improve themselves as we all have so different qualities… and so different values so what’s important to me doesn’t necessarily have to be important to you.

But the first thing I thought about was to become more empathetic. Most of us, unless severely hurt in childhood or having some conditions like brain damages, are empathetic to a varying degree, but I think also most of us could make more use of it or improve our empathy. I think it’s often that when we do something we know is good for us it sometimes happens that we tend to think so much about advantages which we will have of it, that we might not see other people who may be also influenced by our decisions and won’t benefit from them or may even feel hurt. Sometimes we feel emotional, arguing with someone or something like this and our emotions change our view on things. We see our feelings first and then other people’s and we often say things that may be hurtful for them just because we feel hurt. We know they will feel pain and it isn’t necessary to hurt them, but we don’t try to feel how it would be to be in their situation.

I think if we tried to imagine possibly exactly how a person may feel when we do something, or how would we feel being in their shoes, we would do much less hurtful things to people and maybe even start to do more nice things to them. Of course too extreme empathy isn’t good either, but I feel like most of us would benefit if we tried to improve this quality in us. And it would be definitely a big self improvement.

What is such thing in your opinion?

Song of the day – Gabrielle Aplin – “Please Don’t Say You Love Me”.

Hi! 🙂

So this is the last song (at least for now) from Gabrielle Aplin of my favourites I wanted to show you. I think it’s her most popular song and it’s really lovely.

Fffrrreeezzzing!

Yeah it’s really freezing here today. Snowing almost all the time since yesterday and very icy. My gramma whom we invited today for some time to stay with us almost collapsed on the steps when she was coming in, so slippery it is.

So as you know I had an almost sleepless night. Yeah luckily I managed to fall asleep about an hour after I wrote that post in the morning and had a few hours of sleep. It wasn’t very refreshing, but it was definitely something. Otherwise I would probably become very groggy after some time. We all went to the church in the morning. We went there on foot, it is about 7 minutes walk from us till there, so not that very far, but my leg was burning a lot after I got home. It’s shitty, I thought it healed at least a bit. and then my uncle dropped gramma (my Dad’s mum) to us. I was writing a lot with my pen pals. Also I played with Zofijka for a while. At 4 we went to church again, but now by car. Now as it is Lent, there is a special devotion on each Sunday of Lent related to that in Poland, apparently it doesn’t exist in any other Catholic countries, I think its English title would be something like Bitter Lamentations and it is about Christ’s passion and it is sung. We dropped gramma to her house afterwards and did some shopping. Zofijka felt very sleepy early on and she went to bed about 7 PM so very not like her. She wanted me and Misha to be with here so we were as she was falling asleep, she often wants us to be with her before she falls asleep. I told her a story. I don’t usually do that, only sometimes, but she really likes it. Zofijka’s stories are very special. They are about a fictional creature called Jim, which looks like a human, actually like a 10-year-old boy, but he is a Jimosaurus – the last Jimosaurus in the world and is 10000 years old, despite looking so very young and being so child-like. Jim lives in Australia (Zofijka had a slight obsession about Australia when I was making it all up so hence the location) in a little hut in the forest. He’s the king of that forest and all of the animals there can talk obviously. Jim’s best friend is – Plim – a pretty clumsy, forgetful, awkward and sluggish but very kind-hearted and sensitive koala who rules the forest on Jim’s behalf when Jim’s not there and a bit scating, but incredibly loyal bee called Sophie who is very good at cooking and making different curing mixtures and taking care of animals and people. Jim can eat normal people food and he likes it, but it isn’t nutritious for him. Really nutritious food for him is helping people. When he feels hungry, which happens very often, he takes out his binoculars and leather wings and climbs up on the roof of his hut. Then he looks at the whole world and searches for people or any other beings who may need help. If he finds someone to helps, he takes quickly what he needs, sometimes takes Sophie with him if any medical intervention is needed, puts on his wings and flies there. So as you see poor Plim has to be in charge most of the time actually. So Zofijka’s stories are always about different people or animals or plants or even sometimes things that Jim helps. She always says she loves Jim. But she always falls asleep so quickly that I highly doubt he can hear the whole story.

Question of the day.

What’s something that people think makes them look impressive/attractive but actually has the opposite effect?

My answer:

In my opinion, it is very hard to answer this question, if not impossible. Everyone has different taste as for fashion, different views and opinions. Some people like tattoos and think they’re a great expression of their style, thoughts, feelings, personality or whatever else, others think tattoos are only for prisoners or other socially condemned, marginalised people. Some people may think a plus size girl in tight clothes looks beautiful and feminine and she shouldn’t be ashamed of her body any less than conventional, slim models if she feels OK with her weight and looks, others will say she looks yucky.

So, although fashion styles, stereotypes and majority opinions are changing, I think people’s opinion always were, are and will always be very diverse and, at least if you won’t to answer this objectively, you actually can’t.

How do you think? Is it possible to answer this question objectively in your opinion? How about your own likes and dislikes? What do you find not attractive or impressive, but feel like others think it makes them attractive? I was focusing only on appearance, but since attractiveness isn’t absolutely only about that, how about your thoughts about other things that can be attractive or not attractive in a person.

Song of the day – Gabrielle Aplin – “Miss You”.

So today I want to show you another song by Gabrielle Aplin I really like. It is really nice plus it reminds me of a really fabulous time in my life about a year ago. Hope you’ll like too if you’ve never heard it before.

Anyone else not sleeping?

Goodnight, good morning or whatever people say at 04:10 AM. 😀

Yeah, another night of no sleep. With the difference that this time I won’t be able to catch up on sleep in the morning if I’d become sleepy as I have things to do in the morning. So unless a miracle will happen and I’ll get an hour or two of sleep until 6, I think I have a zombie day ahead, as I always call days after a completely sleepless night. Ugh, I hate it so much. But maybe if I’ll go zombie for a day, my sleep routine will settle back and my brain will get in which timezone I am. The good thing however is that Misha’s with me fast asleep in his basket, giving me some more sense of safety, and, which I am very gateful about, my anxiety is definitely not as overwhelming as it was last night. I mean it still is there, but it isn’t so exhausting and I am more functional so after like two hours of tossing and turning I got up and started doing some nice things like I wrote a bit of a next chapter of my book. It’s called “Jack Hamilton” and I’ve been writing it for years, finding comfort in it. Jack Hamilton is just a simple guy, but with very complex life and he’s quite funny, he is actually writing his story on its own. I often plan to direct his life and make him do what I want, but I end up writing something completely different like he’d want to write a life scenario for himself. I planned to publish Jack, but firstly now it’s definitely too long, and secondly, he became my close friend over the years, someone extremely close to me, almost ten years now. My God I can’t believe I can manage with him for so long. He isn’t easy to live with. And although many people know I’m writing a book about a guy called Jack Hamilton who is half Irish half Swedish, even know some of his life story, I’ve never shown anyone more than my notes before writing an actual chapter. I feel like my relationship with Jack, although he’s only my creation, is very intimate is some way.

Besides Jack, I’ve been reading my book, snuggling Misha, still have music on and I think soon I’ll go to bed again just in case I might fall asleep, although I highly doubt it could happen.

Who else isn’t sleeping for whatever reason?

Happy birthday, Olek and Mum!

So as I wrote a while ago today my brother Olek and my Mum have their birthday together. Olek is now 19 and I can’t believe it’s my Mum’s 45th birthday. She definitely doesn’t seem her age for me.

Besides having completely sleepless and very anxious night, I’m doing well. I could catch up on sleep in the morning which I did. It’s crazy to fall asleep at 7 AM, innit? 😀 But I’m glad I fell asleep finally, I prefer to sleep during the day than go around looking like Zombie and feeling totally rubbish, especially that with all the celebrations we had quite an eventful day. Although I doubt I will sleep tonight too, but well, we’ll see.

So right now we had a full house with lots of family, they came around 6 PM and I stayed with them for a few hours, but then me and Misha took a French leave before nine and are both in my room together. We have loads of delicious food, my Mum’s spectacular dessert which everyone likes and which never is boring – meringue with fruits (today peaches and billberries), a cheese cake, chicken wings, gyros salad and chops with chilli and mushrooms and other stuff, and some nachos and breaded nuts. Misha loved the chops.

Earlier today when I woke up we went with Zofijka to the shop and bought Mum a blanket she wanted to have. It looks really cosy and snug. I got some money for Olek as right now it seems to be the thing he needs and dreams about the most, plus I just hadn’t got any other idea honestly.

Also I will get some music for Mum as she mentioned to me she doesn’t have anything new to listen in the car.

As for other things, on Thursday I had an appointment with that OM doctor who is also a dermatologist and about whom I wrote some time ago, this time I saw him as a dermatologist because of my dry skin and the infection I have on my leg, but he didn’t really tell me anything which would be very new to me. He said I shouldn’t take showers but rather baths and don’t use a usual soap. I stopped taking showers last week already and we all always use black soap which is natural, also I try to make my baths possibly short most days. He also told me I should moisturise my skin and he prescribed me something moisturising. I moisturised it before as I thought it’s logical when you have dry skin, but I did it with oils, so maybe that cream he prescribed me will be more helpful, I didn’t collect the prescription yet though. And he told me the issue should ease a bit as the winter will finish which he told me last time too and which I’m really hoping for. I showed him my leg and he said he also thinks it may be because of my dry skin, then I mentioned to him that I showed it my GP two years ago and she said it might be staphylococcus and he said that yes it might be this too, but didn’t even suggest to make any tests or didn’t prescribe anything specifically for it, so looked pretty much like he didn’t know what it is. I told him I try to treat it with tea tree oil which seems to help and he said I should continue with it as it helps with healing. So, both me and my Mum, who also has dry skin and he says it’s genetic, we felt a bit like we wasted our time going there.

Yesterday I had “brain drainage” in the evening – that’s how I call Maths because I always really feel brain-drained afterwards 😀 and I hate it – and because I was feeling so drained I decided to have some self care time. I had a long, oiling, moisturising and relaxing bath with olive, coconut and sunflower oil and Epsom salt. I felt a bit like I was sitting in some mediterranean dish lol, Greek salad or something, wondered whether I maybe should put some feta cheese or olives into it too 😀 it was really oily, but I felt a bit desperate to do something with my skin as it pisses me off more and more. It’s strange that it never was so hardcore until this year, I’ve never realised I had dry skin before. So I spent there about 15 minutes listening to Plu and relaxing and even took a drink with me to the bathroom and drank it, it was Jack Daniels with Pepsi. I love Jack Daniels (not only because it’s Jack 😀 ), this is actually the only alcohol I drink, and I didn’t have it for ages, since September, but somehow I felt I’d like to drink it that evening. It was so good to hear Gwilym singing and drink Jack. I felt very moisturised afterwards and also very relaxed and warm, so I think it was a good idea, although I think I should probably repeat it once or twice as I felt itchy again later at night, but not as horribly as it used to be recently. The doc said I may feel more itchy when I’m stressed and I was definitely very anxious at night so I think that could be a reason for it.

So yeah, the evening after Maths was definitely fabulous for me.

The night was pretty rough as I mentioned, my Mum suggested it was maybe because of Jack still circulating in my blood and I also think that’s possible. I felt somehow very agitated and anxious, sometimes even panicky and it was very exhausting. Misha wasn’t with me, I looked for him for a while but felt too overwhelmed and scared in general to walk around the whole house and look for him everywhere, I hoped he’d come to me later on but it didn’t happen and everyone was asleep so I didn’t call him with food as it makes a bit of a noise.

I still felt that anxiety staying with me for most part of the day, also probably because of so many people around, but now I’m not anxious almost at all.

How is your weekend going? 🙂

Question of the day.

What easy thing do you most often screw up?

My answer:

Oh, really many things. Lots of objectively fairly easy things to do around the house seem practically not doaable for me at least on my own, or take me lots of time and the effects aren’t really impressive. Same with some other things requiring good fine skills for example. My spacial orientation is rubbish too, also due to issues I have with my labyrinthum, I hope I spell it right. Ah, but something I screw up most often are casual talks with people or smalltalk. It either bores me to death or scares me and I VERy RARELY can do a good job of it.

How about you?

Song of the day – Kortez – “Dla Mamy (for mum).

Hi! 🙂

Wanted to continue with my favourite Gabrielle Aplin songs, but put aside for today because… because today is my Mum’s and my brother’s birthday, yes, they have birthday on the same day, so I wanted to celebrate it somehow.

And this song seems perfect for this purpose. Kortez is a Polish singer, whom my Mum has a pretty big crush on, almost as big as my crush on Gwilym is right now. Kortez’s music is quite speciffic and he’s rather speciffic too, and I think people most often love his music or hate it, rarely something in between. His songs are very melancholic, depressive even, but beautiful. I like him too and this song is the first song by him I’ve ever heard. It describes Kortez’s relationship with his mum which apparently is very close.

But it also describes perfectly the relationship between my Mum and Olek. She showed me this song last year and asked me if I also think it does and then when we listened to it, we both started to cry. The text is fairly easy so I’ll try to translate it:

For mum

I will bruise myself
I will get lost somewhere
I will lie to you
you will refrain from anger.
I will desire stars,
You will give everything
and I will take everything.
I will dance a night away,
I will believe in something,
I will hit the bottom,
I will travel far and wide,
I will make a mistake,
I will shout out the anger
because you stand firmly behind me

I will give you field flowers for that,
I will send you a letter,
I will take you for a walk
I will make a present for you
I will tell you a bedtime story.

I will stand up to somebody,
I will achieve my goal
I will feel ashamed
and I will be upset.
I will raise my voice,
I will build a house
and you will be proud.
I’m not afraid
I know what I want
and I will keep going
I will keep going ahead
I will look back
I will look for you
and I will not find you.

I will give you field flowers for that,
I will send you a letter,
I will take you for a walk
I will make a present for you
I will tell you a bedtime story.
Isn’t it a great description of son-mother relationship?

So here’s the song: