Stoicism

This is a very powerful post, to which I can hugely relate as someone constantly trying to unlarn bottling up emotions and living with consequences of doing so all the time for years. If you struggle with similar issues, I highly recommend you reading this. 🙂

New Beginnings

We all have a different reaction to pain.

Some of us react externally, such as jump in shock, scream, cry, or become enraged.

Some of us react, but rather internally than externally. Such as concealing the pain deep within the mind, making it appear as though they feel nothing on the outside but truly suffer inside.

Instead, the outside reaction might just be a smile. Or even nothing at all. Almost appearing as though they are immune to the pain inflicted upon them.

Maybe they want nobody to see them in pain. They wouldn’t want people to show any care for them so they can endure their suffering alone. As if nobody would be able to heal them.

Or perhaps they think people would view them as weak. A pathetic human that could never stand a chance through life. They want to eliminate the possibility of being embarrassed by hiding…

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Question of the day.

What’s the oddest crush you’ve ever had?

My answer:

The oddest?… All my crushes are odd, to say the least, particularly my musical crushes, though, truth be told, I didn’t have many other, I mean, most of my crushes that I’ve ever had are music crushes. Well not crushes really, but as most of you may already know, I think the word crush is closest to describe it, though it feels sort of shallow. But… the oddest… I’d have to make some ranking with the different criteria for what’s classified as odd, and then maybe I’d be able to find the one who was more odd than all the rest. Well, but, I guess from my music crushes the oddest would be the one on Vreeswijk, as it was so intense, and… just… odd… Hm.

Oh, but, other than that, I did have a very odd and a very short-lasting crush when I was a kid, and when I say crush, in this regard I do mean a crush. I could be like 7-9 years old, can’t remember exactly, we were building a new house, we lived in the countryside back then and had a very small house on the same backyard as my Mum’s family – her sisters and parents – and we wanted to build a new house, in pretty much the same location, but on my grandparents’ roof and we wanted it to be bigger. This whole building thing lasted for years, and at one point there was my uncle’s friend helping out with it. I just don’t know when or, what’s much more enigmatic and odd, why, but boy did I get a crush on that guy. I really, REALLy don’t know why! He was just such a simpleton, just nothing special about him at all, he couldn’t even speak properly gramatically and was a bit smelly because he was smoking heavily. He was overall nice, that’s for sure, and had fairly decent sense of humour, and that would be all that I could say both positive and at least somehow remarkable about him. So, yeah, I don’t know why I had that crush, what I do know is that the only person who knew about it was my brother, though I don’t think he can still remember it, even I had to really think before it came to my mind haha. I wonder what was so special that I was seeing in him back then. 😀 And this crush was, especially as for my standards, very shortlasting. Can’t say exactly how much it lasted but I’d say maximum 2-3 weeks. I guess for most kids at that age or slightly older such a shortlasting, intense crush on whoever happens to be new and in the eyesight would be a typical thing, our Zofijka have had like three such crushes if I remember well since the start of this school year, however I don’t think I could call myself typical and such things weren’t and aren’t typical for me, I rarely crushed on anyone in my surroundings and if I did I had to have a good reason behind it, so, in my case, something like this was extremely odd. 😀 Also he was much older than me which especially in childhood I think does make a difference. So yeah, that would be my oddest crush I guess. 😀

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

And, finally, the question for today is:

 

When was the last time you cried in front of another person?

My answer:

As you probably already know, I’m not much of a cryer and I hate crying, more so crying in front of others, so I try to avoid it as much as I can. So I don’t really know when was the last time, or why I cried. The only thing I can say for sure is that it had to be some time ago and that the only person in front of whom I ever cry nowadays is my Mum.

You? 🙂

 

Question of the day.

Is there a film that’s left an impact on you in some way or form?

My answer:

Guess not, or can’t think of any, I’m certainly not a movie expert. Well I guess everything we see or have contact with impacts us in some way, but I don’t think a film has ever impacted me significantly. I loved watching “Rännstensungar” (Guttersnipes) because of Vreeswijk, as probably all of you already know, and I loved “The Six Bullerby Children” when I was a small child because I fell in love with the Swedish language watching it. Other than that I guess the only films that affect me more significantly are such that contain something that is anxiety provoking for me like people vomiting for example. I can read books in which it happens, if it’s not too graphic, but I still can’t stand it in a film without feeling shaky and sick or having to leave the room, I can’t understand why it always has to be so visible and audible and obvious in films, or maybe I’m just overly sensitive in this particular topic. When I accidentally happen to watch such films or be around when someone is watching I am just happy I can’t see.

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

When were you last greatly relieved at being able to excuse yourself from something you were dreading?

My answer:

Well, for me avoidance is one of the main strategies to deal with life, I guess I wouldn’t be diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder if it wouldn’t be so 😀 ALthough in avoidant personality disorder avoidance seems to refer only or mostly to social situations, while for me it can be also in some other sorts of anxiety provoking situations too as I don’t have only social anxiety. and finding excuses for things I feel anxious about, or feel uncomfortable with generally, is always a very tempting thing to do, and one I do, or at least think about doing, very often. It’s also usually very relieving when I can excuse myself from something I’m very anxious about or don’t feel like doing for any reason, unless it’s something real important that I excuse myself of doing and then my conscience bites me. 😀 But, the last thing I was able to avoid…? God I guess there are so many of them I just don’t know when was the last time, sometimes I just don’t realise that the thing I’m doing at a certain moment is avoidance. It’s just so weird. Mmm… Ah, I don’t know if it was the last thing but it was pretty recent!

Last week on Friday Zofijka’s classmate came over to us for lunch, and then to play with her. We were home alone, I mean our parents were away. THis girl is new, she lives here since a couple months, and that was the first time I met her. I liked her, and I knew from Zofijka she likes her too and sort of admires her, because she’s lived in the US for a couple years and her English is very good. Zofijka doesn’t have very high aspirations as for her ENglish but it seemed to impress her. ANd she wanted us to talk in English to each other and she wanted to listen. So, although we were both rather confused as for what we can talk about, we did, and the discussion became pretty dynamic and funny, especially that Zofijka could understand hardly anything and we were telling her we’re talking about her which was driving her crazy.

At the weekend, her parents wanted to come to us – we wanted to give them our rabbit cage, as we didn’t have rabbits anymore while they did and didn’t have a proper cage – and because both my parents and hers have been quite interested in each other because of similar views and stuff they just wanted to meet. I didn’t particularly care about their visit. When they came, I was in my room, doing some Welsh, I knew they didn’t expect me to join them or anything. After some time though Zofijka knocked on my door and said that her friend told them about me, and about our English conversation, and that they’d like to meet me. For some reason that made me feel rather jittery, I do like to show off my language skills but I definitely don’t like people to make too much fuss about them and I felt like they definitely might, and I just had a very anxious day which I guess contributed to my maybe slightly inadequate reaction. I just told Zofijka I am doing my Welsh and I’ll come to them when I finish. ANd I was very glad I had that excuse. After they left and when we watched a film later on with Mum she told me they were so looking forward to meet me because of course Zofijka told Mum that I can’t come because I am doing Welsh and they heard it and they were like WHAT? Welsh?! And that they were still very interested in meeting me. It’s not like I don’t want to meet them or something, I think they are pretty nice people from what I know, but it just makes me feel soooo weird when people make so much fuss and overexcite about my languages, it’s embarrassing, annoying and scary.

How about you? 🙂

Janice – “Answer”.

Hi guys. 🙂

The song I have for you today is from Swedish singer Janice Kamya Kavander, known simply as Janice. She’s becoming very popular in Sweden, and there is something powerful in her voice. I am generally not like a big fan of very soul-like sounding voices, except for Amy Winehouse and maybe a couple other people, but I do like Janice and her expressiveness. And I must say this particular song really moved me when I heard it.

It is about, or to, Janice’s dad, who died five years ago. For me, when I first heard her, she sounded rather mature, as her voice is so strong and expressive, but turns out she’s only 24, so she was 19 when her dad died. That’s very early and no wonder it affected her even more than it would affect someone later on in life. And this song is so full of expression, I think it’s hard to not feel even just a little bit moved. There are lots of versions on Youtube, but I like it particularly in the acoustic version, which is only on Spotify, so, again, I have to only give you the link to Spotify.

IsÁk – “Face The Truth”.

Hi guys. 🙂

Recently, I’ve showed you a lot of Scandinavian – Swedish and Norwegian – music, often some pretty new things. Let’s stay in Scandinavia, but have something slightly more exotic today.

IsÁk is a Sami band – from Norwegian Lapland – and they combine Sami joik – Sami traditional singing technique, joik is also a name of song sung in such a style and generally this genre – with modern, kinda synth sounds. Their lyrics, so far, as they don’t have any full length album as of yet, are in English, Norwegian or Sami. The band has gained quite a lot of attention in the Sami environment and on the modern Sami music scene.

The name of the name of the band, as I assume, comes from the leader and vocalist’s surname, she is ELla Marie Hætta Isaksen.

As far as I know, they only have a few songs released until now, and I must say that I generally quite like them but I find this song the best, I feel like the rest isn’t as good as this one, even this song is for the most part in English. Though as you will be able to hear, there is also a part in Sami, and with joik too. So here it is and I hope you’ll like it too.