Question of the day.

In general, ow do you feel about asking for help/reaching out for support?

My answer:

For me, it is a challenge to ask for help, and I’d better not do it if I really don’t have to, or if I do, I often feel either awful or just embarrassed about it. I think it’s mainly because of my lack of confidence and very low self-esteem. Same applies to reaching out or asking for support, though the thing here is more complicated also because of my trouble with expressing emotions as well as my sort of ingrained view that I have trouble looking outside of, that it’s wrong to do, or at least wrong for me, and that I should deal with things myself since other people have much more serious problems. So then even if I do reach out, I often feel like shit about it, or if I ask for help in situations that don’t feel serious enough or I thinnk I could somehow manage them I feel so crappy as if I was manipulative or something. It also happens that I even don’t like to admit that I’m not OK for example, or that something is not going well, as even when I can see that people care, I wonder why actually they would. I have the problem with asking for help/support both with people I know well and am relatively close to, and those whom I don’t know too well or are complete strangers. With the first it’s because of what I wrote earlier, plus I just don’t want to bother them, and with the latter it’s usually because of my anxiety. I absolutely hate people being condescending, like helping me out but making it clear that they’d rather not do it and just making a big deal out of it. Don’t know if you call such a thing condescendingness in English but it seems the closest word I can come up with hahaha. But then on the other hand I’m blind, and also have some other difficulties, which makes it pretty much impossible to live without other people helping you, and I think that in comparison to an average blind person I’m quite dependent on other people’s help, like I rely on my Mum quite hugely. This is quite a contradiction which sometimes can really really suck, and my dependence on other people oftentimes makes me feel even more rubbishy. In the recent few years, my views on this have changed a little bit, as I’ve been trying to figure out a lot of things and actually stared to focus more on my mental health, but it is still a significant problem for me, though I don’t like to talk about it usually.

So, how about you? Do you need a lot of help from other people, or are you a very independent person who doesn’t need it/avoids having to ask for it?