Question of the day.

What were/are your favourite classes at school – and were the ones you liked most the same as the ones you were best at?

My answer:

It is hard to think about any classes that I really liked. I liked Polish as a language, same as English, but had become discouraged to it both as school classes fairly quickly, as they were both so very boring and I rarely was learning on them something I thought could be really interesting or useful. Most of my English skills are actually self-taught and I don’t feel like any of the schools I’ve been going to has taught me much more really useful things than basics. I’ve been very good at both Polish and English though, slightly better at English.

Then there were German classes when I was in primary and secondary. It isn’t one of my favourite languages, like I mean in my top favourites, so I didn’t feel as motivated as with English, but I still do like the language and was fairly good at it, but OMG it was so incredibly boring, plus most of the classes were actually completely wasted because of my classmates, who were mostly boys at that time, with whom the teacher couldn’t cope at all. And I feel like she wasn’t the best at explaining things either. When I left the school for the blind where I spent most of my childhood and school time, I had one year of individual learning until I started the school from which I’m graduating now, and during that year I finally happened to have a cool and concrete German teacher and I really enjoyed having lessons with her and learning German. But as I said I was never particularly motivated to this language so I just left it after I was finished with individual learning and now I can barely understand someone speaking German, not to mention my own speaking skills.

I kinda liked art at the school for the blind, but only because our art teacher was incredible and was one of the very few people I was getting along somehow more naturally there and who genuinely liked me despite I sucked at her subject as much as it’s only possible. She was a very warm and creative person and she understood it that I need much more assistance with doing arts stuff and some things are just nearly impossible for me to do because of my coordination issues and other stuff and didn’t make much of a deal about it. It was her who actually discovered my writing skills even though her subject wasn’t about writing at all and we had kinda unwritten agreement. She was helping me with technical stuff a lot, often just making what we had to do during the class for me to make it faster and more efficiently, while my task was writing. Like I was writing poems for all the students’ mums or other people so that they could have them on their cards or other gifts if they didn’t have much creativity in writing themselves, I was making up some slogans for posters, stories to get along with different art works etc. and although it was something I was doing more of duty than pleasure, I was glad I still had something to do and that she was so understanding.

So overall I don’t think I could say I had any really favourite class. I was OK at most of the classes but not passionate about anything.

You? 🙂

A little heads up.

Just wanted to quickly tell you that tomorrow I am starting my finals. I am not staying for the night at that school tomorrow and will head back home after I write the exam for the weekend and come back there again for Monday and Tuesday, but because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to post anything tomorrow I scheduled the regular song and question posts for tomorrow so that I won’t leave you with nothing guys and there will be something going on on here even if I’m not here. There’s a few hours drive to that school where I’m taking the exams and I have to be in already at 8:15 AM, have no idea at what time I’ll be at home. At the weekend I’ll also schedule some posts to come in on Monday and Tuesday.

I really hope that after this whole exam hustle will finish I’ll be able to make this blog more dynamic, as there was hardly anything besides the series posts here in weeks, I plan on changing it and writing some more lengthy posts, so, yeeeah… be warned. 😀 And Misha will come back, I promise!

So that’s it from me now, just in case you’d be wondering what’s going on and why I don’t reply or anything, as I just don’t know at what time I’ll be back.

OK, off to sleep now, don’t feel sleepy at all, but have to be up at 4 AM. (:| Don’t know how I’ll do it, so wish me luck with this please. 😀 I had one big exam in the past which I actually passed in the total Zombie mode and it was horrid.

Question of the day.

If your school separated you by reading groups which level were you at?

My answer:

Neither of my schools did that, or anyway it wasn’t something casual. But in school for the blind where I was for most of my education we often had reading contests – class, school or interschool, in the Central Library, and I kinda liked to participate in them and pretty often was winning some leading places. Also, I don’t know how it is in other schools around the world, but we usually had so, that if we were reading in class, usually the teacher picked a person to read a bit, then another to read another bit and so on, and the rest just followed the text. Because I read quite well, teachers often picked me, just to have it done a bit more efficiently than most of other students would do it and not waste too much time. And I know many of my classmates were annoyed by me, because I usually read pretty quickly and they were lost easily. 😀 Also later on I had a very lazy Polish language teacher who used to take an advantage of the students whom she perceived “more bright” and so she often wanted me to read stuff to a classmate who was dyslexic. So I guess that all says I was pretty good at it.

How was it in your case? Also, do you think separating students by their level of skills is actually good? Are you one of those who think it makes children less self-confident, or do you think it helps children on a higher level to develop quicker, while also helping children on a lower level to go up, but in their own pace and with the support adequate to their needs?

Question of the day.

Today, my question for you is:

When did you start learning to read?

My answer:

I was prepared to it long before I actually started to learn to read, it started sometime when I was in the nursery. They basically prepared us how to read Braille, using different things that imited how it works and we were taught how to use, but not to write yet, different Braillers, it was more of a play than actual learning though, we didn’t actually know why are we doing this. Well I was actually interested why because it seemed boring for me and a bit pointless when I was 6 yeas old or so. And there even is a film about us, I mean our nursery and I was going to it when it was filmed, and they filmed me doing all that stuff with one of the staff’s assistance and all of the sudden I asked her “Why am I doing this?” Everyone who was around then or watched it found it very funny, but actually, I think it’s very important to have some sense behind what you’re doing, isn’t it? 😀 And she answered that it is because it’ll help me to read in future and that I will read lots of fairytales and all and she thinks I will love to read books and maybe write my own lol. And it all came true more or less and my family is making laugh of her that she was a prophetess, I even read fairytales pretty often to this day. 😀 So yeah, that was about my reading preparations and then I went to the reception and it was then I started to read. I really liked to learn it and truly always looked forward to learn new letters, I considered it a lot of fun. That was when I was 7-8, I know normally reception is earlier, but I went to the nursery when I was five, I don’t think it would do me much better if I went earlier, plus most of children there were even older than me. SO it was rather late on. I remember that we went to the library with our class teacher and were drawing books for ourselves and the one I drew and that was my first longer read was “God And Mouse” by Angela Toigo. It was rather boring, at least so I thought then, but I think my opinion wouldn’t change that much if I’d read it now, although I read it in one afternoon.

When did it all start for you? 🙂

Question of the day (10th March).

What is one thing in your personal life that concerns you? Can you change it?

My answer:

As it is for most people I suppose, there are lots of things that concern me and it’s hard to pick the one that concerns me the most. I think the one that I’m thinking a lot about, that is very stressful and affecting my mental health are my final exams coming pretty soon, not even full two months. I think stuff like exams is always stressing for people, so I’m anxious about how it’ll go. But what I’m even more anxious about and what is strictly related to it, is what should I do afterwards. You know, usually people after finishing school find it challenging to start something new and don’t know what to do with themselves and it’s even more complex with disability and mental issues on top of that. I find it all very anxiety provoking, overwhelmingly depressing and worsening my anxiety in other areas of my llife.

Also there is a very recent thing that ocupies a lot of space in my thoughts recently, but is more or less concerning for me since almost 4 years already. My psychiatric diagnosis. Having my depression worsened since a few months I was thinking a lot of that what is this I’m struggling with. Is it so scary/rare/weird/complex that specialists can’t find a name for it? I was thinking whether I really want to know what it is but although realised it won’t change things itself, I just felt like it would help me feel less inadequate at least. Labelling isn’t a good thing in many ways and isn’t constructive on its own, but it can help us to find more appropriate support, to feel less alone in what we struggle with.

And since a few days it is occupying my mind even more often. And due to that, some important things have taken place in my life very very lately. I hope to tell you more about them in a separate post, but to put it basically for now, a few days ago I’ve made a little (or maybe not so little) research myself on what could be going on with me and then had a long talk with my ex therapist on the phone about very many things and at the end she told me she’ll look around for a psychiatrist who could assess me. I think that now I’m suddenly much much closer to getting a diagnosis.

But still feel somehow concerned. SOme stuff I’ve got to know lately shocked me a lot, shocked my Mum… So yeah, these are things that concern me the most lately.

Your turn. 🙂

Sleeping and feeling more decently. :)

Yes, my sleep is now not very far from proper and I am happy about that. That Zombie day on Tuesday was so awful and exhausting. Thanks sooo very much to all those of you who supported me that day. I was so overwhelmingly depressed that actually at the end of the day I almost ended up self harming again, somehow resisted the urge, but then was even more frustrated and sick of myself, I self harmed just a bit more than a month ago and I had much longer periods without self harming in the past. The fact I didn’t finally do it didn’t really matter for me, I felt absolutely awful for feeling such a bad urge. Finally I went to bed at such a cosmic hour as for my sleep cycle as 7 PM, earlier than Zofijka. 😀 I usually go to sleep the last, only sometimes Misha is up for longer. and slept for… 12 hours! It was a very refreshing and heavy sleep, I actually don’t remember any awakenings. My mood lifted up a bit too so I felt functional enough to write my geography control assignment. It was so boring. Not like I expected it to be very very interesting, I’ve been always finding school extremely boring overall, but anyway it was boring. I had to write about different forms of nature protection in Wejherowo County where I live, like Tricity Landscape Park for example. I think I did it well. Last night I had another night of good sleep and have a feeling tonight will be so too. I don’t expect it to last long but as long as it lasts, I’m very happy about that. Emotionally/moodwise today I feel tolerably. Definitely not good, but functional. Recently I don’t feel very functional, so I’m glad about it. I gave my Mum my assignment to print out. My geography teacher is an elderly guy and rather extremely not up to date with new technologies, which makes it a bit hard for me and my Mum. Normally I could just send him this assignment in email, but as far as I know he doesn’t have any email so my Mum needs to take the time to go to the printing house and then deliver it to him. But well education system sucks in general, not that there aren’t any exceptions of course. Tonight Zofijka is sleeping with me. While my anxiety is definitely more manageable since last week, Zofijka who is a rather worrisome kid, is recently a bit anxious. They watched some scary stuff in class, well scary in her opinion. She seems to be always overly scared of things like demons, ghosts, vampires or paranormal phenomena. While her friends find it very intriguing, in my opinion probably also overly. So she wanted to sleep with me. She wants to sleep with me every night, but this time I agreed as I know how fantastic it feels to be scared in the middle of the night and alone, especially if you’re just a 10-year-old child, although I’m not very enthusiastic about sleeping with other people. I’ve just watched an episode of Happy Valley with Mum and then some film about the Tudors on Epic Drama. We love British films as you can see. And we had ginger tea and some chilli crackers. It lifted up my mood, I hope it will stay so until tomorrow. I think I’ll be going to sleep soon, it’s 10 PM so rather early but I somehow feel sleepy and I don’t really have much to do right now other than sleep, especially that I must be rather silent as Zofijka is sleeping.

Wishing you all good night and sweet dreams, or a nice day, whatever time is now where you live. 🙂