If We Were Having Coffee… #WeekendCoffeeShare.

Welcome to another

Weekend Coffee Share.

Grab some coffee, or whatever else you prefer, and join in. It’s much cooler now than even yesterday morning, which I am very glad about, and Misha is too. Though his sleeping patterns remain unchanged so far. He’s still asleep. I told you last week that I’ll have almond milk for this weekend’s coffee share to share with you (doesn’t Weekend Almond Milk Share sound way more sophisticated than plain Weekend Coffee Share? 😉 ), but I don’t have it. I just ended up not doing any shopping, so yeah, maybe next week. Hope no one feels too disappointed haha.

I wrote a bit of an update a few days ago so you already know a lot about what I’ve been up to this week, if you don’t know and want to catch up just go

Here.

If we were having coffee I’d ask each of you how you’re doing…

If we were having coffee I’d tell you the therapist I contacted on Thursday didn’t write back to me yet but I’m still hopeful. I was a little concerned because I couldn’t find anyone else in my area doing psychodynamic therapy if she wouldn’t respond, but yesterday I found out about a clinic in Gdynia which specialises in it, so I might contact them next week if I’ll need to. Gdynia is further from me, not far but not particularly close either, so I’d also have to ask Mum what she thinks about it, if I would have to have therapy there.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that yesterday in the afternoon we got a lot of rain and storms and that’s such a huge relief to me, because this heat was really overwhelming. Summer is nice, and warm weather is nice, but oh God, please, 36 C?! Isn’t that crazy?! The question is obviously rhetorical, it’s devastating.

And as we are talking about that, if we were having coffee I’d tell you that due to that weather we had I suspended my Welsh for a while. I mean my Welsh course, if you’re learning a language and doing it for fun you usually learn something every day, no matter if you’re doing your usual lessons or not. At first I wanted to be bold and still do it, despite I usually feel really crappy physically in the heat, but then I decided it doesn’t make much sense to just play a hero for the sake of playing a hero since I won’t learn much this way and I stopped it. Today though there was no reason to prolong it so I did my Welsh challenge, despite the break it went pretty wel. Then I went to show off to our learners’ community and one of the people asked me so why won’t you do another one then? I hesitated for a while, felt lazy and not quite like doing it but decided to do so anyway. So yeah I did another one, it went by even quicker than the first one and it felt like I was even better at it than at the first one lol. My new favourite welsh word is o ddifrif (o THEE-Vree, the dd is pronounced like th in the, the f is pronounced like v and the f at the end is silent), which means seriously, and ddifrifol (thee-VREE-vol) which means serious. It doesn’t sound serious at all, does it? 😀

If we were having coffee I’d tell you I had a brilliant, lovely dream last night, involving my current music crush Gwilym. And OMG it was so vivid. Well, all my dreams are vivid, most of them at least, which can be both fantastic and shitty, but it was just so… I don’t even know how to call it haha, let’s just say wonderful anyway. It made me feel really good, as my crush dreams always do, but it didn’t stop the anxiety that I still feel somewhat since that last sleep paralysis to creep into my mind again pretty soon after I woke up. I try to not care though, or pretend I don’t so that it won’t get the satisfaction at least, and despite the anxiety I feel pretty positive today.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you tomorrow is a sort of our parish church’s day, it is a thing in Catholic churches in Poland – each one has its patron saint and the day that is this saint’s feast day, they celebrate it with a lot of splendor, but also in a kind of rustic way, even in the cities, and to be honest, I usually don’t like all those celebrations, they feel very trashy to me. One of our patron saints is saint Roch, his feast day will be soon, but the celebrations are tomorrow for us, he is also a patron saint of animals, as far as I can remember there was some sort of legend that after his death he went to heaven with his dog. And because of it, among all the usual trashy stuff, there is also an interesting tradition in our church, namely pets are blessed and consecrated. Mum and me were last year with Misha (we were joking it was his christening hahaha), and I think we will go this year too. It always makes him a bit nervous because he doesn’t go out much and there are lots of other animals and he doesn’t have much contact with other animals, but also it is one of the few opportunities for him to get out and be safe with us, and he still likes to go out, as he often manifests very clearly. 😀 Plus I think it is a cool habit. Some people tend to think animals are some sort of worse kind of creatures, my Dad even thinks it’s a profanity to pray for a pet for example when it’s sick, and yes there certainly are some limits and I don’t say we should do with pets or allow them to do just the same things humans do, but they’re also God’s creations, good natured and often much more innocent than humans, so why such little things as praying or blessing them could be a profanity? I’d rather agree with Lucy Maud Montgomery who said something like that we can pray for anything we love, I guess Judy Plum said it in “Pat Of The Silverbush”. She was Presbyterian but I don’t think it makes much difference in this case, actually I think that Catholic faith is more emotional and stuff so we should think so and practice it as well. I am sure that God also created Misha with some sort of purrpose and loves him, it wasn’t just an accident that Misha appeared in the world, otherwise He wouldn’t make him so beautiful, so He must care about him. Plus I am strongly convinced that God has a sense of humour, a very good one, though a bit too ironical at times, and if someone has a good sense of humour they can’t have such stiff rules as my Dad does, don’t you think? 😀

OK, I think I’ll go now, I think I’ll turn on some music and go to Dreamland for a while, I’m  feeling like it and don’t have anything much better to do today, and that seems to be a cool idea anytime.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee?

 

Question of the day.

How are you, today?
My answer:
I’m OK, and I’m glad about it after last week which was pretty rough for me emotionally. I’m not doing anything paticular today, was supposed to see my new therapist, but she had to reschedule our session. We had a lot of snuggle time with Misha earlier today when Mum went out with Zofijka to the orthodontist and there were just we at home. They’ve come back already though. Mum told us she’ll make rice croquettes with mushrooms which we all like except for Dad but he’s at work until tomorrow so we don’t have to worry about him and have what we like. 😀 So both Zofijka and me are looking forward to it and although Olek doesn’t know anything about it yet, I’m sure he’ll be delighted, I guess he likes them the most of us. So I think I’m gonna have a calm and peaceful day. I plan on reading a lot today – I got a great book from Carol Anne blogging at Therapy Bits, it’s a foster care memoir by Maggie Hartley called “Tiny Prisoners”. I’ve just read her another book, “Battered, Broken, Healed”, and I have also read one more book by her before and they’re all great. The one I’m reading now is absolutely intriguing. Misha’s had a lot going on for him recently, but I think I’ll let him talk about it on his own tomorrow, he’d be disappointed if I told you everything, he’s always so desperate to have somethigng interesting to say and talk to people about his new “adventures”. 😀 Poor child.
Last Sunday we had a barbecue with my Mum’s family, it was my cousin’s First Communion anniversary, and there was one cat on the backyard who particularly liked me, although apparently she’s generally very cuddly. She literally spent all that time we were there on my lap, which was very nice of her and I absolutely loved her, at least I wasn’t bored. 😀 I couldn’t help though comparing her to Misha. It’s not like I would want Misha to be any different, he wouldn’t be Misha then, but still I sometimes regret he’s not more cuddly and wonder why he’s always so fearful. It doesn’t look like he’s just a stereotypical, selfish cat who only wants to be lonely and not disturbed by humans. Maybe I’m exaggerating or pick holes in it, but for me he looks like he has some sort of weird internal conflict. He often meows when he’s lonely, he wants to get in when the door is closed, for example to my room when he knows I’m in and he hhrrrus at me to let him in. Then he’ll usually rub my leg very subtly and hide undeer the bed or the table. And you usually won’t be able to coax him out of there, unless he’s hungry and you have some snacks for him, but even then he’ll be usually very wary and hesitant. He sometimes comes near me or anyone else of us, but if you turn to him or try to touch him, he’ll usually seem scared. He has his cuddly moods, but usually he’s very cautious, and for me that’s worrying. At the same time, when he’s in my room and I try to make him comfortable and do my own thing not paying any attention to him, he meows, scratches things around me, comes close to me to rub me and then runs away before I can touch him. So, for me, he looks like he’s somehow conflicted. Well if it’s really the case he seems like me haha. But I hope it’s just because he’s so young, and he’s very lively and wants to do things on his own, explore the world, and isn’t old and calm enough to just be cuddled all the time and purr. We are a bit afraid that he could be a bit overwhelmed of Zofijka. You see, when Misha came to us, he was a very little, scared kitten and his breeder told us that until he adapts, we’d better act like he’s just not here and not pay any attention to him. He cried a lot and it took some time for him to adapt, but it was impossible to keep Zofijka away from him. She couldn’t resist to pick him up every so often, cuddle him, chase him… Sofi’s quite a noisy, veery active kid so he actually looked like he’s scared of her. She meant the best and was very affectionate with him, but he didn’t feel very comfortable with her, and it looked like he didn’t trust her. I tried to keep her away from Misha because Misha’s officially mine since I had bought him with a little support of my parents, but obviously I wouldn’t tell her that he’s only mine, if he lives with all of us so unofficially he’s mine and Zofijka’s, although I have a feeling that the person he secretly prefers is Mum, which I’m OK with it and which is understandable since she makes him food most of the time, like prepares his wet food or gives him some human food while making meals, changes the water in his main bowl, and always cleans up his litterbox. After some time he started to be more comfortable around Zofijka and he likes to play with her, although is particularly cautious and doesn’t like to be touched by her more than necessary. and I wonder sometimes whether it is she who kinda screwed him up, that he’s so wary around people. Was she too intrusive for him and was it too early for him for such close interactions? Or was he already somehow traumatised before? Is it just his personality? ‘Cause in a way I doubt Zofijka could screw him up so much, after all she loves him to pieces, and she wouldn’t harm him purposefully.
Where I’m going to is that when I saw that cat at my grandparents’ backyard, I started to think more about getting another cat, for Misha. For me, and for all of us, Misha’s just enough. But we’ve often discussed whether it would be good for Misha to have a friend. In contrast to people, he seems to crave contact with other animals. And maybe if the other cat would be like her, so cuddly and sweet, Misha would see that there’s nothing wrong with being cuddled and nothing bad is going to happen to him. And he’d have a playmate. I felt even tempted, and I know my Mum was too, to take that cute girl with us and I even started to call her Michelle, but obviously it wouldn’t be a wise idea. She’s spent her whole life on te backyard and she wouldn’t be happy closed in the house, she wouldn’t adapt.
I had awful allegy after so much cuddling with Michelle – that’s weird that I am allergic to cats, but not to Misha 😀 – but it was so nice to cuddle with her. She purred so loudly, our poor boy Mishka likes to purr but it’s always a very silent purr, so you’d rather feel it under your fingers if you touch his neck, than hear it. Mum has even a theory he has something with his throat or something like this because his purr is rarely heard if you don’t lie next to him, with your ear next to his head. But I still hope it’s all just because he’s still so very young. And, actually, I don’t mind how loud or quiet he purrs, quieter purring is more intimate and just for you, no one else around can hear it, it’s not for anyone. In a way, such sensitive beings like Misha are much better than such affectionate kittys like Michelle. Michelle purred so loudly that everyone could hear it, although they talked, laughed, ate, walked around… and when I finally had to leave, I gave her to my cousin, and Michelle still purred, expecting more cuddles, so it wasn’t about me, it was about any human being who would be around to pet her. That’s not the case with Misha. Misha might not be cuddly all the time, and might not purr all the time, but when he does, he does for those whom he really knows and likes, and who love him. So far, it had never happened that Misha would sing his litle purry song to any stranger, other than my grandad, who is generally liked by cats for some mysterious reason. And that’s what I love about Misha. As a mum wouldn’t like her child to be indifferent whether it is her or a stranger taking care of the child, so I wouldn’t like my furbaby to have the same feelings for me, and any random person who cmes in to our house. That’s what I’ve been thinking about for a while now.
How are you doing? 🙂