Question of the day.

Which of these describes the average state of your home/room/place of residence? (no judgment attached to these, not from me anyway).

a) very neat and clean, with minimal stuff

b) reasonably neat and clean, but with plenty of stuff c) clean but messy

d) just messy

e) other – pls expand.

My answer:

Definitely C right now, and most of the time. I like it this way though. I am not a perfectionist and I like to be messy if it doesn’t disturb my life in any way and if I am a creator of the mess ’cause otherwise it’s annoying obviously ’cause when someone else makes a mess it’s much harder to get inside their brain and figure out where they could put something I need right now, So, well, my room is just like me. πŸ˜€ It’s fairly clean though because living in the dirt doesn’t seem as appealing as living in the mess, lus my Mum is an OCD (colloquially speaking, but wouldn’t be surprised if seriously too) so everything has to be clean, otherwise she’s unsettled and life is pointless. When someone was coming to me though, like my maths tutor or my Swedish teacher, my room was always at least B, but it was my Mum’s work.

How about your space? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Do you consider yourself a nurturer? Do you have a nurturing friend?

My answer:

Hm, that was a little bit tricky for me, since I felt like I hadn’t have very clear idea of what actually nurturer means. It’s because there’s no equivalent word for it in my native language which is Polish, so my idea of it was rather brief, just someone who nurtures, and the word nurture actually can’t be expressed in one word either, at least as far as I know. But I found a very interesting definition, not in any dictionary, but apparently there is a personality type based on MBTI, which is called nurturer and this is ISFJ. At least the site personalityperfect.com calls this type the nurturer. I did the MBTI test only once and not very carefully but it says I’m INFP, but I used their description of ISFJ to see if I can consider myself as a nurturer.

They say nurturers are philanthropic, altruistic and generous, to put it simply. I don’t know if I’d call myself philanthropic, rather not, but I think I am generous and I like to help people if I can. I used to be a real altruist like REAL, as is my Mum, but I’ve noticed it isn’t always the very best thing to do, so I try to be reasonably altruistic, although as in many other interpersonal situations it’s often hard for me to deduce where actually the middle is and where the extremes begin, but I’m learning with time, I believe.

They say that: “The people and things they believe in will be upheld and supported with enthusiasm and unselfishness.” Well, I try to be supportive towards people whom I believe in and I quickly engage in their lives and am always happy with their successes, as for things, everyone who knows me a bit knows that if I’m into something, I am always way too enthusiastic about it, which is the more hard for other people to stand that I have a lot of interests, so a lot of things to be enthusiastic about, which at times is just the only thing that keeps me motivated when both my mood and energy are so low that otherwise I wouldn’t even be able to move my finger, which really saves me.

They say they’re warm and kind-hearted. Well I don’t think many people would say I’m warm, in fact I’ve heard either directly or via some other kind individuals that I am frosty or even icy, and I think they’re right because after so many years of stifling emotions it has become damn hard for me to release tem even when I am just with myself not to mention with other people. I try to seem as warm and emotional as I can though. As for kind-hearted, um, yeah, I guess I have the genes for it as my family consists of incredibly kind-hearted and sensible people, but I’d rather leave it for others to say, as I think no one can be objective about themselves in this case.

“They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people’s feelings.” I do value harmony in my environment and surroundings a lot, I do value harmony in music even more, as for cooperation – emmmmmm well naaah, I’m not for it at all, well I wouldn’t be like rebellious if I’d have to cooperate with you and I’d try to do my best for me and for our team, but I’ve never liked cooperating and had never been good at cooperation, I was always either the one who let all the others do everything just doing my job as quickly as possible to be free from it, or I was the “leader” doing everything for everyone to not have to communicate with them too much, I am oversensitive for other people’s feelings, which can have its advantages, but often sucks, which I think every empath with a lot of imagination and interest in others would confirm. I am not only sensitive to their emotions, but also sometimes to how they feel physically, like it often happened when my Mum had period I just felt kind of like I had it too, even though mine was just gone. πŸ˜€ That’s so weird.

They say nurturers are considerate – um, I guess I am, – and bring out the best in others – not sure.

So that’s all about the nurturers, and I think I can say that overall I am a nurturer.

As for friends, yes, I do know lots of people who would fit these “criteria”. First of all my Mum, who is definitely my friend (my Mum is an ISFJ!!!), one of my blind Polish friends who had just a heart of gold despite having a total hell of life herself. Since like a year I’ve made a lot of friends in mental health communities, particularly on email lists, and now here on WordPress, and I see a lot of people everywhere whom I could call nurturing. And then there is my best friend, about whom I’m actually not sure anymore if we’re still best friends since he seems to decide to not keep n touch with me anymore, though I don’t know any reason for it, we haven’t written or talked together for almost half year now but I still do think about him as my best friend even just because I got used to it so much. Anyway, I could see a lot of traits in him that would match the above very well. So I think he is a nurturer, even if nurturers don’t usually end their relationships out of the blue, but as I said I don’t know his point of view, so don’t want to base my opinion just on my feelings. I also had to cut off all the contact with some people in the past so I don’t think I have the right for judging him, even if from my perspective he hadn’t have any reason to do it.

OK, so how about you? And your friends? Feel free to use this description of nurturer I used, or any other definition, however you want to answer this. πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Do you ever use the self-checkout whe you go grocery shopping? Do you use your own bags?

My answer:

As for the self-checkout, it really depends. We have a few small grocery stores in my area, and in most of them there is no self-checkout. If there is any or if we grocery shop in a bigger store, we usually use it, but it’s not a rule or anything.

As for the bags, no, we don’t use our own for groceries.

How about you? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

What is the most backhanded “compliment” anyone has ever given you?

My answer:

This is an incredibly hard question for me, so that I’m not even sure I’ll be able to give you a concrete and unequivocal answer. I’ve always had a huge issue with compliments and that was one of those many things that have finally led me to the conclusion I may really have AVPD. As most people, I’ve received quite a lot of compliments on different things, and usually was happy about it ’cause well who doesn’t like when they appreciate you/what you did. But usually it has always been so that the more something matters to me, the more I want this compliment someone told me to be true, the more I feel like it isn’t. My inner critic is driven crazy and – sometimes very loudly and emphatically, sometimes in a low and sarcastic voice, somewhere in the background, deep down in my mind – desperately tries to convince me that they said it just to said something, or because they’re nice, or because they maybe would tell it to anyone in the same situation, or maybe just because they don’t know the truth and think what they said is true, or insert any other excuse here. But what I hate the most is when my mind tries to convince me that what they told me was just ambiguous and sarcastic and what they really meant is simply the opposite of what they said. While I generally like sarcasm and using it and sarcastic conversations with some people and, at least while with others, I think I have quite a lot of distance to myself and to everything and the ability to laugh off actually anything, I hate it when I get this feeling that it is just sure that they’re sarcastic. And it is not only about compliments, but pretty much about anything nice/positive that other people tell me. Of course, needless to say, rationally I know it is just a distortion and probably their intentions were good and clear, but my fantastic fascinating freaky fuckin brain is never able to get it fully, as it is usually with such things. I hate it also for another reason, because it makes me think in a bad way about other people and makes me in some way judgmental, even though I don’t let my thoughts and assumptions influence my relationships with other people or my attitude towards them unless I can have really strong rational evidence that something goes wrong indeed.

So yeah, I’m not going to tell you about the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever get, because according to my mind I guess around 95% of all the compliments I’ve got should be classified as backhanded and I don’t think that right now I’d be able to look at it objectively. Don’t know how much sense it makes for other people, the more that you guys are actually the first people I’ve ever told about it so I’ve never actually expressed it before, but that’s more or less how it feels for me.

What is such “compliment” in your case? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

What do you wear when you go to bed?

My answer:

Usually pjs, sometimes nightdresses. I have one nightdress that has “Misha” printed on it. My Mum went to one of these machines where you can print out whatever you want to be written on your clothes and I wanted to have something with Misha’s name written on it. I thought something I wear at night would be the best because it is at night when I spend the most time with Misha.

You?

Question of the day.

Is there anything you’d like to tell me, or any question you want to ask me?

I’m gonna tell you guys things that I want to tell you at the moment.

My answer:

Hmmm, there could be a lot of things I could tell you, my lovely readers. First of all I’d like to thank you once again for the fact you are here, reading all of my scribbles and for all your likes and comments. I am thankful for all of you – those already 103 followers (yippeee!!!! thanks) and those of you who don’t follow me but still read my blog more or less often. And I am thankful for each one of you separately, all of your reading, likes, comments and follows, that means so much to me. You probably already know that I had a few other blogs before this one, they were much more humble, I even had one Polish blog on WordPress, but I’ve never got so many followers and I could only dream about so many comments and likes, it was in a big part due to my very poor idea as for how to promote myself and that although there are many blogs on Polish blogs, interactions on them are, usually, fairly poor. SO when I came here to the English language WordPress community, I felt shocked immediately, since I was getting likes actually immediately after I published my first post, and it was something I absolutely wouldn’t expect after my experiences with Drimolandia (that was how my previous blog was called). So yeah I’m so thankful for all of you.

What else can I tell you, I think I can tell you a bit about my day. So again, unfortunately, it is a Zombie day. Ughhhh. For those of you who may not know, Zombie day is how I call every day after a night of no sleep. ‘Cause well you literally feel and perceive the world a bit like a Zombie then, don’t you? I hate it so much, but not much I can do about it. It’s after 9 AM now and as for now I feel pretty decent and not sleepy at all, but I know that if I want to keep it this way or at least similarly I’d soon have to help myself with a coffee or two. In my case catching up on sleep during the day isn’t a good option and I do it only when I’m so exhausted that my brain falls into pieces and can’t function anymore because it doesn’t help my sleep cycle to settle and most probably I’d have another night of poor sleep ahead. So I’ll just have to get through it and then go to sleep possibly early hoping my sleep cycle will set up properly at least for a while. Shit I wonder what I’ll do if one of the days when I’ll have my finals will be a Zombie day. That would be a nightmare, but I guess that since I can’t do much about it, I shouldn’t think too much about it as it won’t help. So during that sleepless night I was reading a very interesting book, in Swedish. Almost half a year has passed since the last time I read a book in Swedish, so decided it is definitely a time to change it, and this book seemed so cool. It’s called “Konsten Att Vara Ela” (The art of being Ela) and it’s written by Johanna Nilsson. It’s kinda psychological novel about a girl, or actually a woman, who is very lost in her life, her family has fall apart and she can’t accept it, she isn’t really a grown up and she doesn’t want to be, she wants to be crazy, wild and free and so she’s criticised by her family. She generally feels very lonely, but then she finds a little, neglected girl called Klara whose mum is a druggie and homeless and can’t take care of Klara So Ela takes care of her. And she generally starts to change. Don’t know where it all is going yet, as I’m still in the middle, but it’s very interesting. My Mum woke up very early so I gave up on trying to get at least some little bit sleep in the morning and got up to, it was like 6. We talked about Zofijka’s school. Mum always talks to me about all her issues, that’s nice, well I mean I appreciate it because I guess it has to mean she trusts me, but she also almost always asks me for advice, and this time it was so too. Zofijka’s having lots of trouble at school, with her friends, and Mum doesn’t know what to do about it and how to be objective. The problem is I don’t know either, as I am not a children specialist and don’t plan to be one ever, so I just told her to go with her instinct and she was like oh wow yes you’re right I’ll do so thank you! like I said something extremely original and completely new, which made me kinda confused. πŸ˜€ But maybe that’s how it feels for her and if so, I’m glad I could help her. Then also Zofijka came and we all talked about it. She’s so poor, I really feel for her for all these stupid school affairs she’d been thrown in. That’s very complicated plus it’s her thing so I won’t go in the details here, I’ll simply tell you that it is a classic school issue. Because she’s different, has a different view on lots of things, because we as a family are different so she has a slightly different upbringing or way of life or call it what you want and a little different outlook on some things than all of those so very typical kids in her class, she’s now not liked in her class apparently by anyone. And she’s actually alone. It is a big deal for such a social butterfly who is made for and get used to be always in the limelight. And it’s hard to be wise in such situation, you know. Because she also isn’t a docile angel, and can be very moody, bossy, egocentric and stuff, so as we suppose, part of the guilt for why they don’t like her is on her side too. Zofijka was so stressed out that she didn’t even go to school yesterday, Mum actually drove her, but as she got out of the car she started to cry desperately and keep saying she doesn’t want to go to school, so Mum let her stay, if things are so very stressful, one day shouldn’t make much of a change. Today she did go to school though and on her own and I really hope things will be improving. There are always some kind of affairs in Zofijka’s class and somehow she s always involved in them, don’t really know if by her own choice or accidentally and don’t know what to think about it. Now there are only Mum and me and Misha inand I think I’ll soon have that coffee.

And the question I want to ask you, other than the main one is, what do you like the most on my blog?

So yeah, very curious as for your answers for both these questions.

Question of the day.

What is your favourite type of tree?

My answer:

Actually, I’ve never thought much about it. Since I know that my Celtic tree sign is cypress, I have some liking for cypresses, but that’s not like I have a deep love for these trees, so I don’t know if I could call it my favourite tree.

Since we moved here, I also developed some kind of special relationship with acacias. I know it’s not everywhere this way, but here in Poland our streets are named either after some famous people, or pretty randomly, after places that you can find there or nearby, after where they can lead you, after how they look, I’ve even came across a town where the streets were called after famous cartoon characters lol. And, in the town where we live now, or more exactly here in the outskirts, in the part of this town where we live, most streets are named after trees. Pretty randomly I guess, because as far as I know, there aren’t any apricot trees on the Apricot Street, nor any birch trees on the Birch Street. My street is literally called Acacia Street, and, as far as I know, there weren’t any acacias either here. Until we moved here. ‘Cause my Mum decided that since it is Acacia street and it’s such a nice name, there should be some acacias and she planted some in our garden. I thought it’s very cool. We have a lot of other trees here too, especially pines, my Mum loves pines, particularly more since I’ve told her that pine tree is her celtic tree sign. I also told Mum, a bit ironically, that if our street is called Acacia Street, so maybe we also should call our house, as people in England or Canada did, or maybe still do. I was pretty surprised when she took it seriously and said it is a good idea and started pondering about the name. At first I thought the idea itself is a bit snobbish, but generally I think you couldn’t find a less snobbish person than my Mum anywhere, so I guess it would be OK for her, if someone would thought she did it because she’s a snob, they would just have to be stupid or not know her at all. And so she thought we’d call it Acacia Hill, but, wait, we don’t have any hills here. πŸ˜€ But we have a river running through our backyard, so I came up with Acacia River and my Mum was thrilled, although for me it seemed a bit odd at first to call the house a river, but well, I like odd things, so, why not? We told Dad about our idea and he said it’s a “total nonsense and stupidity”, but even though he made kinda little signboard of Mum’s design with the name “Acacia River” and some other graphic stuff on it. πŸ˜€ As you can guess, people always comment on it, but are even more shocked as they enter our house, especially those who have seen it before we finally settled in. So yeah, I think I can say my favourite tree is acacia.

And then I also like jasmine. I know it’s more of a shrub than a tree, but well, does it really matter so much if you’re not a xylologist? I am talking not only about that jasmine that perfumes are made of but also about mock orange. Don’t know how about English-speaking countries, but in Polish language these two plants are always confused. Mock or ange is called jaΕ›minowiec, but everyone calls it jaΕ›min colloquially, while in fact jaΕ›min is the name for jasminum. That’s at least what my grandad told me, I’ve never gone deeper into it. Anyway, I like jasmine for its smell, I like jasmine perfumes, I like the name Jasmine, I just like all about it. And I like jasminum. It grows on my grandparents backyard, or earlier mine, as I lived there –
or my parents and siblings did anyway – for my entire childhood. They have a lot of trees there and when I was little my grandad showed me them all regularly and taught me how to differentiate them, πŸ˜€ that was fun, and this jasminum is my most favourite, it smells so beautiful and looks so nicely.

What is your favourite tree? πŸ™‚