Question of the day.

Hey people! πŸ™‚

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My answer:

It’s really hard to say, I don’t think there’s one thing in me that if I had fixed, life would be much different. I could say my personality because there are a lot of things in my personality that are difficult for me to deal with daily but then on the other hand I would not like my whole personality to change because first, that would be such an awfully huge, scary and awkward change and second, there are things that I do like about my personality and ones that I simply have gotten used to perceive as parts of me and would feel weird if it would suddenly be otherwise, and also the difficult things have their upsides as they usually do in life. I think it would be useful and way easier though if I were less of a ruminator.

You? πŸ™‚

Question of the day (27th November).

Hi people. πŸ™‚

Let’s stay with the astrology related questions for a while.

Have you ever done your natal chart? If so, what is your sun sign, moon sign and ascendant?

My answer:

Yes, I did years ago although I don’t remember much from that. I’ve always thought I’m not a very typical Aquarius in many respects, but there were things I could relate to in it. If I remember correctly my moon sign is Scorpio, and my ascendant is Libra. What do I relate to in that? Let’s see, I’ll do it quickly again for the purpose of this post.

Aquarian people are said to think outside the box and don’t like to follow the crowd which I think can be definitely said about me. I also think it’s true that I’m curious and observant, as well as intellectual and can be aloof. And I am also quirky and different which is most certainly true. But all the other things they tend to often say about Aquarians, like that they for example like change and like to reform their surroundings, is not really true of me either at all or barely.

Aquarians with Libra as the rising sign are bright and like to live in their mind, are unusual and can be impractical or easily distracted. That’s all mostly true I think, apart from being easily bored that they also say. I hate boredom but am not easily bored if I am able to do what I want.

And as for my moon sign, now that’s eerily in line with me in some respects. Lunar Scorpio eople are said to be emotionally intense and driven by their emotions but often are quite obsessed with controlling and mastering their emotions which, hmmmmm… is really true. I guess it’s even more true what they say that a person with Scorpio in the moon can dig deep into someone’s personality, I definitely love to observe and analyse people and often do it very automatically, and thus my grandad likes to call me X-ray. πŸ˜€ I guess it sounds creepy but I do love figuring out people. It’s strange what they say that lunar Scorpios test people whom they love or feel attached to and can be suspicious, and that that testing is not always conscious, I’ve written a couple times that I do that. They also say when a lunar Scorpio commits to a relationship, they’re very loyal and protective I do suppose I’m very protective of people I love and especially of the felines I love. People with Scorpio in the moon have lots of dramatic emotional ups and downs throughout their lives, I’m not sure what’s dramatic and what’s not but I guess I could say that about myself at least to some degree, but then I also suppose so could everyone. Lunar Scorpios are also very intuitive. I’m not sure if my intuition really works that well but I do have gut feelings a lot of the time and I tend to follow them which usually turns out good for me, but it’s not without consulting it with my brain. Lunar Scorpios are also apparently very strong so that people often feel like leaning on them which I do not agree with. Some people are scared away by people like me, huh that’s good to know and sounds rather contradictory with the previous statement but actually different people react to you differently. πŸ˜€ Lunar Scorpios are said not to be fearful but rather brave and courageous which I absolutely don’t feel like it describes me since, having loads of anxieties, I’m quite naturally fearful and have always been.

So, yeah, a lot of it is true, but a fair bit is not, especially about my sun sign.

So, how about you? Have you ever done that and did it make any sense to you? Have you made any use of it in your life? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Hi guys! πŸ™‚

How do you feel about astrology in general?

My answer:

I used to be very skeptical about it and didn’t believe in it at all, I thought it was evil. Then, as a teenager, I started to take a great interest in all things esoteric and related, and astrology was especially interesting to me. I was really immersed in it and thought about it as really fascinating but the way I see it now was that it was more one of the ways in which I was rebelling, mostly against my boarding school which was Catholic, and I wanted to have nothing to do with it, I didn’t want it to have any influence on me. My family is also Christian and practicing, but at that time I desperately wanted to think I was an atheist, just to be different, it was all very complex I think. Interestingly, around the same time my Mum started to be slightly interested in astrology as well. She never was before and thought it was bullshit. But she got some books, I believe they were called Astrologus, it was a series of twelve small books about each sign in-depth. And she started to think it makes some sense, some parts of it at least. – After some years of my fascination with esoteric stuff, lucid dreaming, Doses aka sound drugs, and after I left that school I re-converted to Christianity in a way, and started my life all over again. I’m no longer as very passionate about astrology but I do find it interesting. I think it’s really silly to make stuff like a horoscope for all people of one star sign and expect it to work for them. I suppose there can be astrologists who do horoscopes in a more intelligent way, for an individual, taking into consideration their whole birth chart and other things, but I’m not sure that can really work as well. But I suppose it can make sense that people – their behaviours, impulses, health – as well as nature overall, can be influenced by moon phases. My Dad has a gardening lunar calendar and has made some experiments with his plants to see if the Moon could really have any influence and from them it appears it could. People have trouble sleeping when the moon is full and women used to get period according to moon phases when the world was less industrialised, or that’s at least what I’ve read. There is also an online lunar calendar that I sometimes look at and I’ve started to see some pattern between the way my anxiety changes and the changes in moon phases, but I’m not sure it really has much influence, it’s more like a theory, not something I strongly believe in.

I’ve also read in a couple books about that, even if your star sign doesn’t affect your personality, the quarter of year in which you were born could, to a minor extent, and that it could affect your health, like, children born in summer are susceptible to other things than those born in winter. As for star signs having an impact on people’s personalities, I think it could also be true to an extent but not as huge as many astrologists or astrology afficionados claim. If you do your natal chart, you can see surprisingly often a whole lot of similarities between your personality and the signs in your chart. I’m not sure it’s really as infallible as people claim because I know loads of people who really badly stick out from what they should be like according to their star sign, and I don’t feel like a real Aquarius either, and sometimes not even a natal chart can explain it. But I think a lot of the time, with describing people’s personalities, perhaps some predispositions, it’s right. It won’t predict your fate in my opinion, well perhaps if you believe in it strongly and will just make it happen, or if you go to a really good astrologist who also knows a fair bit about psychology and human nature, and I wouldn’t put too much significance to it, defiinitely not as much as I used to, you need to keep thinking critically when playing astrology. I suppose it could be a good complementary tool for people who are on some sort of a self-discovery journey, wanting to figure out themselves, their relationships or families, but I wouldn’t base solely on astrology. While fortune telling or putting all your trust in such things as stars feels wrong to me as a Christian, I no longer consider astrology evil as I used to, not if you approach it with the right mindset. After all, some monks used to also be astrologists in the past, and back then there was nothing wrong with it I guess, and if so, why should it now? If you use astrology for example as I said to study lunar influences, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t play around much with astrology these days just because I don’t find it as very interesting as I used to, and I don’t need it nor don’t feel like it, but I have no problem with using it in the right place. It’s certainly more logical than numerology which doesn’t make any sense whatsoever to me now and which I used to sit very deeply in as a teen as well. I guess it was rather that I wanted to believe in it and that it could tell me something, rather than I seriously did believe it works.

So, what’s your view on astrology? πŸ™‚

,My thoughts]

My Jackophilia.

Recently, one of my penfriends asked me whether I have ever written a post about my Jackophilia – that is, why I like the name Jacek, and Jack, and many other Jac- names, and why I have such a soft spot for people with those names – and if there’s any backstory to it. And it’s only then that I realised I’ve never written a post about that. The reason is quite simple, because there is no backstory, nothing that I could clearly point out or no particular event that has started it out. But I thought I’d write a bit more about my Jackophilia anyway.

My Dad’s name is Jacek, and since as long as I can remember, I’ve just loved this name, and, moreover, I thought that if I’d ever want to have a husband, he’ll just have to be a Jacek. I didn’t have any other criteria. I still remember very vividly when I told my grandma about that, I was maybe 5 or so, and she was shocked: “Oh, but if he’d be an alcoholic?! Would you still want him because his name is Jacek?!”. It wasn’t that I was in such awe of my Dad, I mean of course, he’s my Dad, I love him, but I don’t remember ever being quite as enamoured with himself as with his name, so to put it. πŸ˜€ All my toys that I felt were more masculine – teddy-bears, figurines, characters in my games – were named Jacek. Even if it meant that there was a whole family with a Dad named Jacek and his two or more sons, also all named Jacek. It’s probably good that there is no actual feminine form of Jacek in Polish (OK there is Hiacynta, but that sounds and looks different doesn’t it, and we’ll talk about that in a minute) or otherwise there wouldn’t be any diversity at all, and so at least females had their own unique names. I also felt immediately drawn to people named Jacek. Of course, I’ve met some Jaceks that I didn’t really get along with, and I am aware that there are some pretty nasty ones out there, all sorts of liars, thiefs, greedy, weak-willed, snobbish and two-faced people who don’t like to think more than necessary, but most of them are really cool, honest and reliable people. Also, I love book characters called Jacek. If ever in a book a character named Jacek was treated badly by someone, even just spoken negatively about, whatever, my heart broke into pieces. It still does, to an extent, even when that Jacek or Jack is a real villain. I remember when I was perhaps Zofijka’s age and read some young adult Polish novel, and there was a girl who was dating a Jacek, and at some point she just realised he’s not for her and she doesn’t really feel anything for him other than friendship. I knew her decision was right, it was clear in the book they don’t fit, yet I was almost crying reading how – in my view- she rejected him and he was so so sad. It was the name Jacek that also opened my eyes for the first time for this weird phenomenon which is the influence of names on personality, which I’m still passionate about and still figuring out. And as a kid I ust loved loads of words with jac in them. I still love the English ones: hijacking for example, it sounds like “Hi, Jack!”. Saint Jacek (or Hyacinth) has been my most favourite patron saint ever since. One of my first speech synthesisers was Jacek, and I still have him, it’s been over 10 years!!! And now it’s possible I’ll have to lose him. Oh well we’ll see… I love hyacinths – the flowers – but my favourite flower has always been muscari – and I’ve just recently learnt that they’re called blue grape hyacinths in English as well! – I’ve also heard that there is a gem stone called hyacinth, and if so, I really hope that some day I’ll be able to have one in my collection. My best friend was also Jacek.
Just as I started to take an interest in the etymology of the name Jacek, I was also curious if it exists in any other languages, and I asked people if they know how Jacek is in English. Most of them would confusedly say “Dunno, guess Jack…”. Jack didn’t sound even a bit quite as good as Jacek to me. But Polish people so often do such a weird thing that I can’t fully understand. When there is an a in an English word, they’ll make things more difficult for themselves and say it as e. So lots of people actually say Jeck, or bleck instead of black, or ket instead of cat. And Jeck sounded awful. But at some point there was a Jack in my ENglish textbook and then I learned that it’s JACK, and is written almost like Jacek, and I was over the moon! A lot of Polish Jaceks go sometimes by Jack, even just for fun, but those two names are not related at all. I’ve always wanted one of my musical crushes to be a Jack. Maybe someday it’ll come true. Lemme know if there are any musicians named Jack or something similar that you like, especially not too popular ones that I could like. πŸ˜€
Jacek (YAH-tsek) originated as a nickname of Jacenty (yah-TSEN-ti), but is now a short form, and a more common one actually, Jacenty is hardly ever used, it’s more common in the east of Poland in people born in 40’s or so, but it is NOT popular at all. I like the retro feel of Jacenty and I think it could come back, I mean I would like it to, not that I think it will anytime soon, with Jacek as a diminutive. Jacenty comes from the Greek Hyakinthos – Hyacinth – as in the Greek myth and as in the flower. – THere is also a more fancy, latinate form Hiacynt (HYAH-tsint), and the feminine Hiacynta (hyah-TSIN-tah). I’m not as fond of Hiacynta as I am of the male forms, and Hiacynt sounds a tiny bit too androgynous for my taste and lack masculinity a bit, but for a girl I really like Jacinda, and I love Hyacinth both for a boy and for a girl, even though normally I’m not a big fan of unisex names. There is also a theory that Jacek could be a Slavic name coming from an Old Slavic word that would be something like jaΔ‡ – which means to ride, and thus could mean good rider or something, how cool! – But that doesn’t really sound convincing and believable. There is also something like Jack (YAHTSK) in Kashubian language, it is apparently a Kashubian variant of Jacek, and another one is Jacy (YAH-tsi).
Jack, meanwhile, as I hope you Anglophones know without me telling you that πŸ˜‰ is a nickname of John, which evolved via an earlier diminutive Jankin, which then became Jackin. So not quite an equivalent of Jacek etymologically but who cares. For me it is like Jacek very much, the feel of the name is very similar despite it sounds differently and has vastly different roots.
I love that there are so many expressions, fairytales, nursery rhymes and all with Jack in it, it adds to the feel of the name, that it gives to the personality of a bearer in my opinion.
I don’t like every single name that has Jac in it, for example I am not a big fan of Jacob, or Jace, but I do love all the forms of Jack. All the Jackins, Jackies, Jacs, even Jocks and Jockies! They’re all so brilliant and so vibrant and each has their own feel that I love. I think the Welsh Jac is my most favourite because of how minimalistic it is but how much inner potential it has. As I said I also love Hyacinth and all its forms, perhaps Hiacynta a little less than the rest. I love Jacqueline and the abundance of her forms too, despite it actually seems to come from Jacques, which comes from the Jacob/James family.
I thought I’d give you just a little bit of an idea how I see those two names – Jack and Jacek – people with them, how I think their names might shape their personalities. Of course, as always, keep in mind that it’s not the name that shapes our personality in the first place, that there are genes and so many other things that determine who we are, and that name is just one factor. There are also people who do NOT fit their name’s description, simply because their name doesn’t fit them and wasn’t chosen with enough consideration, and they may experience some sort of a disharmony and conflict in their life and feelings, particularly between what they are like, and what their surroundings expect them to be like. Lastly, people spell their names differently, people have middle names, people use nicknames and often a Jack might in fact be a John, or a Jackson, and his personality will likely reflect it. These are just small, very generalised characteristics of Jack and Jacek, they’re not exhaustive. If you are sceptical about any influence a name could possibly have on a person, feel free to just treat the paragraphs below as my imaginings, that I hope to be as objective as possible.
Jack: – Jack is practical, frank and honest, and he expects the same honesty in return. He takes things as they are, doesn’t overthink them or analyse overly. He is intelligent and certainly not shallow, but he doesn’t like wasting his time on things that don’t necessarily need that, and feels uncomfortable around people who are exalted, he has certain difficulty expressing strong positive emotions, it’s embarrassing for him. He much prefers being active, and doing something to show his love and dedication, rather than use big words to show it. He is humourous, friendly, and a pleasant companion, who will get along with pretty much anyone, he is also an ambivert. It’s only with his loved ones that know him really well that he takes off the protective mask of self-confidence that he wears mostly unconsciously. Only those who know him really well can see his weaknesses, insecurities, some darker and deeper shades to his personality that he sometimes doesn’t accept. On a daily basis, it is a mostly happy-go-lucky guy, but with those he feels comfortable with, he can often be changeable and moody. Usually naive in his young years, if life lets him down, he can easily become cynical and imbittered, he may feel let down because he looks at others from his own perspective, expecting frankness and directness, and as a result, his trust is often abused, unless he won’t change his ways of interacting with people. Jack himself is very reliable, trustworthy, makes people feel safe around him. Or in any case, he has an ease of making such an impression on people, which could potentially make him a great manipulator, but Jacks are usually empathetic people who have their moral values. He has predispositions to be good at arts, but he needs to develop his taste, he’s not born with a mind very perceptive to art but he definitely can shape it, as well as his own, unique and captivating style if he decides to do art seriously. He is flexible and open-minded and learns quickly. Jack is incredibly resilient, responsible, usually quite fit, able to pursue his dreams and put considerable effort into it, mostly calm, but can be very passionate at times. He is adventurous and likes to explore, but also has a huge, often unconscious need for roots, security and stability, home, belonging, and has a strong sense of connection to his family and heritage. He is a traditionalist but at the same time he’s usually very liberal in his views. He’s down-to-earth, but likes being creative and make things with his hands, be out in nature which inspires paths of his thoughts and imagination in a subtle way, he also loves to engage in sports. He is incredibly sensitive but doesn’t like to show it for fear of being vulnerable. He appreciates simplicity – in his surroundings, people’s claims and characters, in thinking and speech – and enjoys the simplest things in life the most. Jack usually comes across as very charming, even though he’s rarely truly and objectively physically attractive.
Jacek – Jacek is very similar to Jack, especially in his honesty and trustworthiness. He’s also a practical thinker and comes across as very charming, as well as friendly, though not as much and as immediately as Jack. Jacek is more complicated, more sensitive, more introverted, more imaginative, has a tendency for being irritable, he is less resilient than Jack, may be needy and slightly immature which makes relationships with him more intricate. He is more egocentric and selfish, but not badly egoistical or anything like that, he just has a hard time looking too far out of his own mind frame. He has a tendency for pensivity and is more of a dreamer than Jack, he is also a bit less outgoing, but not significantly. He’s just a decent, nice, conscientious guy, assuming he was brought up well and his upbringing helped those traits to come up properly. He might have his quirks, be eccentric or lead a bohemian lifestyle, he may also often feel misunderstood, or he may just be a bit of an outsider, but if he has to, he will fit in without a clash and he’ll adjust to any company he’s in.
Jacky is very friendly and outgoing as well, and very charming and lovable, often thought of as attractive, but less honest and might easily get himself into lots of trouble, he usually doesn’t find himself the best kind of friends, he wants to be always there where a lot is going on and has a lot of zest but at the same time a really careless attitude to things. But he can be a very emotional being and anxious to please, as well as impressionable. He is egotistic and always wants to be the best, he tries to avoid conflict and live well with everyone that is important for him, and he is very attached to his mother, he also appreciates comfort and luxury in life and might be a little bit snobbish.
Jackson loves adventure and travel, and is a great dreamer, brave, courageous and determined. He is confident, communicative and charming, and wants to appear very masculine. Can be manipulative, but in any case is very eloquent and makes for a good leader.
Jac is very much like a Jack, but some traits of his character can be more pronounced and intense. For example the resilience and intellect.
Jacenty – well, I can only see him as a man older than 50 so I may not be very objective here. He is strong, masculine, self-assured, can be wealthy and materialistic and people usually respect him very much. An introvert who is very proud and may be a little haughty and icy, and not the most tolerant. He’s reserved and usually very serious, cool and calm, it may or may not mean that deep down he’s actually rather shy and doubting in his abilities.
Hyacinth – a girl with this name is fanciful, not very disciplined and rather dreamy, often artsy. She is a bookworm and a big thinker, often completely lost in thought, shy and perfectionist, anxious and sensitive, and a good observer. She may be very skilled in dance or music. A guy named Hyacinth is also an intellectual and cerebral type, may be either very poetic, or more into things like science, he is also very spiritual and has a tendency to isolate. He is capable of doing great things in his life and he doesn’t like any restrictions, he loves being out in nature and do all sorts of sports, loves being by the sea. He’s quirky and not the most communicative in the world, often may seem very scatter-brained because he has always plenty to think about and his way of thinking and perceiving the world is different than most other, more typical people.
Jacqueline is a complex character because her personality is a combination of great strength and extreme fragility. She usually makes an impression of a very gentle and delicate, I’d say dainty woman, and tends to be quiet and not talk a lot, but she has a steely will. She is very sensitive and emotional, sometimes to the point of neurotic, capable of loving people greatly, she has a tendency to overthink everything in her life. She is sharp-witted, sophisticated and gifted artistically and literally, and has a natural air of elegance about her.
Jackie though is vastly different. She loves being active, sporty, she has a lot of energy and she likes to communicate, cooperate and get together with others, she usually has quite a bunch of friends. She might struggle with anxiety and feelings of inferiority though, because she’s very much of a perfectionist and self-conscious about her appearance, especially as a teenager, but later on as well. Talking about her problems with the others is the best cure for her, so it’s good if she has someone she really trusts, she isn’t made for solitary life.
Jacinda is full of charm and sweetness, optimistic and very feminine, youthful even in her older age. A very emotional, spontaneous and sensitive person with a big, kind heart, very trusting and rather naive. She likes to give as much of herself as possible and doesn’t expect much in return, she is capable of loving unconditionally and very altruistically. Her weakness is vanity, and lack of imagination.
Jackin has a very good self-esteem and people usually like him, because he’s nice-looking. He usually doesn’t look like a very serious person, but he is a very ambitious man, often a great materialist wanting to achieve a lot in life. He has a bit of an authoritarian personality and may easily be impatient and a bit harsh-mannered. I hope you enjoyed those name descriptions.
Do you like the name Jack, or Jacek, or any of the related names? Do you know any Jacks? Do you like them? Any Jac people out there? πŸ™‚

So You Know.

Hi guys! πŸ™‚

Candace over at Revenge Of Eve

does a series on her blog called So You Know, in which she asks us some personal questions. I’m going to answer her questions for this week. πŸ™‚

 

  1. Do you feel confident in expressing how you feel about particular things? Example: sharing your opinion or protecting your boundaries – Opinions? Yes, I usually have no problem expressing my opinion, unless there is really some sort of a tricky situation, either tricky socially for me, or in that the topic is tricky or my opinion on it is very unconventional or controversial. I don’t want to hurt people so I might be more cautious and not as direct as I would be in other circumstances, but if they ask for my opinion I will share it honestly. I guess it works, because I’ve had quite a few people who badly wanted to discuss politics and religion or such with me and some of them were like “Well it sucks you don’t agree with me but I appreciate your sensitivity/tolerance” or something like that. πŸ˜€ So yeah, when things get stressful, I try to be possibly diplomatic, unless they totally piss me off, and I don’t come out first with my opinions or don’t initiate a conversation about them if I feel that theirs are largely different and the conversation would probably not be very constructive. I don’t have any trouble with sharing my likes or dislikes or tastes even those very quirky ones, though I did for a long long time, I am very open about it, even if people look at me as if I’m crazy haha. Unless I’m around really extremely narrow-minded folks. . As for boundaries – well, that’s another thing. I do struggle with it. To a varying degree, depending with whom, and probably also depending on some other things, and things have improved over the last couple of years, but it is a struggle. I struggle with protecting my boundaries, as well as sort of defining them, I often feel confused about it and like I can’t evaluate fairly where they should be, so that I wouldn’t allow them for too much or get too paranoid or distant and push them away. It’s a bit complicated. I guess I could blame the AVPD thing for a lot of my boundaries problems as well.
  2. Do you have someone who holds all of your life’s secrets or do you keep everything to yourself? – A bit hard to say. I don’t have such a person who would hold literally all my secrets, I have quite a bunch of things that I would never tell anyone, or not all of it, but I think my Mum knows a lot of stuff about me that other people don’t. I’m also very open and honest on my blog and write about some things that I wouldn’t tell, or don’t normally talk about with people I know in real life. At the same time though, I still keep a lot to myself.
  3. What is the one quality you look for in a friend? – Hm… I guess the one I consciously look for is usually having some common ground – usually interests, but also experiences – I think it can make people feel closer to each other in some way. And I do have it with a lot of my online friends, but not all of them, and those who don’t have much in common with me in terms of interests or such are still my good friends. All of my friends though are very empathetic people, so I guess ultimately it could be empathy.
  4. What is the one quality you possess that you are most fond of in others? – Hm, how do I put it… An interesting brain… πŸ˜€ You know what I mean, don’t you?… Well I guess it doesn’t have to be obvious and sounds pretty odd, so if you don’t, what I mean is, I like intelligent, imaginative people, who have rich inner lives, who might be a bit quirky or at least able to think outside the box and be themselves… There’s way more that I could say about a person that I would classify as having an interesting brain, but that’s just the basics. It’s actually a group of qualities, but I see it kinda collectively.
    1. List five words you would use to describe yourself. Only five words. – Melancholic, individualistic, solitary, humourous, anxious (M. I. S. H. A. just needed some inspiration πŸ˜‰ ).

Question of the day.

Hi people! πŸ™‚

A quirky name related question for you today:

Has anyone ever told you that you don’t look like your name? Like: “You’re Mary? You don’t look like a Mary!” and if so, did they suggest what name you did look like?

My answer:

Don’t know if it was more about looks, or character/personality/behaviour, or perhaps both, but yes, my own mother, who gave me my birth name, told me that. πŸ˜€ Isn’t it a bit ironic?! When I told my Mum for the first time that I really liked the name Emilia, she told me that actually, she doesn’t feel like my birth name suits me, and if she was to make that decision again, she wouldn’t give it to me, and that Emilia did feel kind of better though she didn’t know what she’d rename me if she could and had to make her own choice. She said a strange thing, that when she mentions me or talks about me with someone and uses my name, it feels like she’s talking and thinking about two different people. πŸ˜€ That sounded weird, but felt even more weird for me because it corresponded with my feeling when people talked to me using my birth name. It felt as if they thought I am someone different, like I need to change my behaviour and the way I act to suit their expectations and their view of me. And there are still people who call me my birth name, and in most cases I get it because it’s family and if you’d always known someone by a certain name it’s hard to suddenly change it, and I still get this feeling when they call me my birth name, I didn’t know why it is so but I always felt a kind of annoyance when someone called me by my birth name, and there was some weird dissonance or something, I guess. Another weird thing here was that apparently when I was born, my gran asked Mum if she’d already picked a name for me. Mum said that she was hesitating, and she suggested Emilia. My gran! I was really surprised when I heard that because, well, my gran has five children, and looking at their names, her naming taste appears to be completely different and I can’t imagine her liking the name Emilia. Of course it was a different time when her children were born, late 50’s-early 70’s, and the name Emilia would be a bit more unusual then, but still… quite unbelievable for me even after a couple years since I learnt about that. Also I’ve never had a particularly close relationship with her, if any at all. That doesn’t mean we don’t like each other or anything, just can’t connect on any deeper level, we’re pretty glaringly different kinds of people, other than that we both seem to like the name Emilia. πŸ˜€ She didn’t comment though, or at least not to me directly and not so that I would know, about my name change.

And then there is my aunt, after whom I was named, who says I absolutely don’t fit the name Emilia. And I guess I know why she thinks so. Simply because most of my extended family, who knew me by my birth name, and don’t see me often enough and don’t know me well enough to feel familiar with the change even after about four years, still call me my birth name. And, among them, I don’t feel like an Emilia or not fully. I still feel like I have to play that other girl they want, don’t know why really because I’m not that desperate for their acceptance, maybe it’s just something that I can’t get rid of, or maybe it’s some coping/defensive strategy or whatever. I only feel fully like an Emilia when I’m with people I’m feeling at least a bit of a closer connection and like we get each other, or when I’m on my own, or doing what I love, or with people who don’t know me at all so don’t have any rooted assumptions/prejudices/expectations towards me.

Aside from that, when I was a kid in nursery, I met a woman who constantly called me Anna, and I didn’t correct her, but at some point someone else did, and she was like: “Oh really?! I’m sorry, I must have forgotten. But you look so much like an Anna!”. πŸ˜€ I also had a teacher who once renamed me, I assume either on purpose and jokingly or because he forgot my real name but still wanted to call me something, and he called me Maryla. πŸ˜€ I am 100% sure he didn’t think that was my real name, because… I don’t know how to explain it really haha… well I guess because it’s one of those names with a really kind of dusty, outdated feel, that aren’t bad or that don’t have any common bad associations but that most people just don’t like. So the likelihood of me or my equal being called Maryla is like if your average kid in an American school was called Muriel for example (I love Muriel but I’ve heard there are also many people in the US who hate it). πŸ˜€ A girl standing next to me immediately said in a very serious voice that I am not Maryla, but he was laughing and like: “No? What a pity. But from now on she’ll be. She looks so to me”. That was kinda funny, although, trying to be objective, I couldn’t and still can’t think of anything in myself that could make me seem like an average Maryla. πŸ˜€ And the girl beside me was even more confused than me. πŸ˜€ The guy was generally quite bizarre though.

Also a girl from our neighbourhood whom I used to play for some time when we were children once said a similar thing, though not exactly that I don’t look like my name. We were playing some make-believe game and I picked the name Helena for myself in it, and she was like: “Oh Helena, you’re really like a Helena!”. I do love Helena to pieces, but I’d go mad if someone called me Hela, if it was my name, and that would be highly likely. And I’m not really convinced Helena would fully suit me, I think you need to be a bit more expressive than I am to be a good example of a Helena and in harmony with this name, not extroverted, but just a bit more expressive, more engaging with other people I’d say, and maybe a bit impulsive too which I’m normally not at all.

OK, so how about you? Have you ever been renamed like that? πŸ˜€

Question of the day (5th May).

Would you ever consider naming your child after yourself, so she/he would be a “junior”? What would you think if this custom came back?

My answer:

Back when I was still using my birth name, and didn’t really think seriously about changing it, despite I did already think about myself as Emilia and loved this name, I thought that maybe if I had a daughter, I could call her Emilia instead. But now, even if I wouldn’t change my name to Emilia, it doesn’t seem a good idea for me. I think I would feel like something is not right if I did that. I could give my potential daughter my name as a middle, but probably wouldn’t, despite it is a kind of custom in our family and our region. I find it nice but boring.

Emilia is also a really hot name at the moment, I guess quite a bit more popular than among girls my age, not far below the top 10 and rising, and with Amelia being #9 and other -lia names in close proximity, and that’s off-putting for me for a baby name. As for this custom in general, of naming children after parents, like using a parent’s first name as a child’s first name, it’s not really common in Poland. I remember when I was a child, Olek told me about his class teacher “You know, you would get along with my class teacher, she likes the name Jacek, just as you, her husband is Jacek, and her son is Jacek too!”. πŸ˜€ And we were both like WOW! That’s crazy! How does she tell them apart? She really must love that name. So, I’d say it’s not really normal here. If you want to name your child after yourself or your spouse, use your name as their middle name. OK, my Dad wanted to call me Anna, after my Mum, but that’s probably why he didn’t in the end, because it’s her name already and because it’s not normal. But since I am now pretty familiar with lots of weird naming customs all around the world and especially in the English-speaking countries, it doesn’t really impress me and I don’t mind it, if someone wants it, it’s not my business. I just think it’s a little bit boring because there are so many beautiful names out there. Why limiting ourselves to just a handful?! Because I can see that if a parent names their child after themself, and a lot of people start to follow that trend, their children will likely do the same, and then naturally people’s names might suddenly become really boring and repetitive. I even have a problem with this middle names tradition over here, that everyone needs to have their parent’s name as a middle almost obligatorily, even though I do love my middle name after my Mum, I feel like it doesn’t allow creativity, especially that you can have only one middle in Poland if you’re a Polish citizen, not counting confirmation or a few traditional/obsolete hyphenated exceptions. Also, I can’t ignore the baby namer in me shouting “NO!” because as a firm believer in that a name carries a personality, or at least a strong potential influence on a person with itself, I just can’t help but feel that if you call your child after yourself, he or she may feel kind of unconsciously forced to be like you! To fulfill your expectations, follow your footsteps, won’t feel their own sense of identity, or at least that their name doesn’t belong fully to them. I was named after a close family member and my Mum’s best friend at the same time (they both shared a name), and still felt that way, like they want me to be someone I’m not, so how must a person named after their parent feel? That’s how I see it, you don’t have to agree with me and I’m pretty sure many people wouldn’t. So if someone would ask me for an advice regarding this, I’d say yes, you can, but if your name is easily nicknamed, try to find a different nickname for him, even if it’s just one letter or syllable more/less or a slightly altered spelling or let him have a nickname unrelated to the nickname that he likes and can go by daily, you’ll have to try to show your child that you embrace who he comes to be, that you accept him as he is and you’ll have to really stress that in his upbringing and make sure his personality develops harmoniously. I feel though like there really is a risk of some kind of disharmony between your own individuality and the way your family influences you. On a little different note, it’s just a little thought and it doesn’t mean that I have a problem with people naming their kids after themselves or am prejudiced but in a way it kinda feels a bit selfish to me. ‘Cause generally if we name our children after someone, we admire that person, or want to honour them because of something. So it feels slightly as if someone had a bit too large an ego. πŸ˜€

How about you? πŸ™‚