Since I haven’t posted any questions of the day for a long while, the question for today is just a simple one:
How have you been? Any exciting news that you’d like to share?
Well how I’ve been… very anxious lately. It sometimes just happens to me like it is in case of many people I guess that sometimes anxiety is just worse, even without any particular cause. And add to that that some of my phobias were triggered around the same time, and also that I’d had some a bit creepy tech issues that were worrying me a lot, and overall low mood, so it all contributed to me feeling even more anxious. I’d been also feeling emotionally overloaded and having some sensory hypersensitivity or however I should call it more than usual and it made me feel quite exhausted and my brain was a real mess. The good news is that my tech issue has been fixed, and I just hope it won’t ever happen again. I am also feeling much better compared to the beginning of this week or last week.
In more or less exciting news, as you may know I’ve been looking for something that could help me to deal with my messy brain, especially after quitting therapy with my last therapist. And both me and my Mum have made some research, a lot of it actually, and recently I’ve started supplementing CBD oil as well as niacin. I’ve been on a benzo medication for my anxiety for years and taking it as needed,but I’d been wondering about some more natural ways that I could manage it as well as my other mental health symptoms. I try not to be too carried away with what people say especially about niacin, as before doing all that research I knew virtually nothing about it, and I wouldn’t like to just put too much hope in it, I’m also not sure what kind of improvement exactly i can expect especially that I’ve had most of my mental health difficulties pretty much since forever, as long as I can remember, and they just seem a part of me in a way. I’m not like desperate or anything like that, mostly because of what I’ve said above, that although my brain is a jerk and really difficult to get along with, I’ve simply had lots of time to get used to it and it’s hard to imagine it being very different. It’s more of an experiment for me, who knows maybe it can help me. But people say it can work very spectacularly, and that it is something that haven’t been researched by scientists or medical professionals too well, I guess perhaps because it wouldn’t be too profitable for the pharmaceutical marketing, and it’s weird to think that just some vitamin could help you with, or cure from, as some people say, a mental illness. So last week I’ve got to test both niacin and CBD oil, I’m taking the so called niacin flush. There is a substance called niacinamide, if I spell it right, which many people feel tempted to use because it doesn’t have this flush effect but it’s actually bad for your liver from what I’ve read. The flush while taking niacin can be quite a weird experience, especially if you don’t know what to expect and don’t know what it is, it looks like an allergic reaction, very much so, your face gets all red as if you ate lots of chilli, you might feel burning sensations on your face, be itchy and feel all warm and fuzzy. Can be horrifying in public places hahaha wouldn’t wish anyone. 😀 But it’s not dangerous, and it doesn’t mean an allergic reaction, it’s just a weird side effect that many people find pleasant with time, I somehow grew to like it too, and apparently as your teatment progresses you don’t get it as often and as intense. Personally I’ve had this flush so far only 3 or 4 times, and I’m now on 125 mg, but will keep this dose for a while yet I think. There is much more about niacin and taking it but I guess it’s not the place to talk about it very in depth, but if you too are curious, there’s plenty of books, online resources, and people you can ask, I’m just learning and still don’t get it all right for sure. CBD I’m taking twice a day but I guess that would need more time to take any effect, I’m also eating roasted cannabis grains, mostly because they are simply a good snack, and have a lot of minerals, I don’t expect anything from them, just for fun.
It might be just a coincidence, but what I’ve already noticed is that despite my levels of anxiety have been high recently, I’ve been sleeping surprisingly well. I mean, my sleep is always messed up. It usually takes me ages to fall asleep and then I often get nightmares, or just vivid, yucky dreams, or sleep paralysis, or I wake up horrified at night for no apparent reason. It still takes me a while to fall asleep and I did have a few a bit unsettling dreams recently as I usually do when very anxious, but for me they felt fairly mild.I mean they were just normal nightmares that an average person could have, even a bit funny at some moments, not my usual creepy stuff that I feel off all day afterwards. But where I’m going to, is that when I sleep, I sleep very deeply, and it is really refreshing sleep which is not something I’d been getting very regularly. Even when I had those few bad dreams, I woke up feeling like despite the weird content of my dreams, I slept well. And I noticed that I’m looking forward to go to sleep, which wasn’t always the case or if it was it was more because I just wanted to escape from the reality or felt low or not like doing anything else. While now I simply look forward to go to sleep because it feels nice, even though I still know that my sleep paralysis friends are lurking around the corner, but recently I’ve been fairly successful to avoid them, not because of niacin, just because of sheer luck, some self discipline with sleep routines which is always a huge difficulty for me, and some desperation. And I don’t wake up at nights or wake up groggy in the mornings. So I suppose it could be the effect of the niacin that I sleep so deeply, though I’ll have to observe it more.
Other very exciting news is that recently I’ve got my favourite bathsballs from Mum. They are small balls with different essential oils in them. And I used to use them a lot being at the boarding school, I loved them so much. I’d searched for them a lot some time ago but couldn’t find anywhere. And Mum got them for me. The winter will be over soon, and my skin is now getting slowly better again, so I can have baths, and the oils in the balls actually help me, which I found surprising because well it’s just a mainstream product and just for relaxation, nothing specifically for skin care though they do say that they moisturise skin, but so far the only thing that really really helps me with that is coconut oil, I really wouldn’t expect simple bathsballs to be able to make it better, but perhaps it’s just the seasons changing and my skin getting better on its own. I’m glad I can have baths, even if not too extensive and it really brightened my very gloomy week to get those balls from Mum.
So, I guess that would be all from me.
How about you? How are things going? 🙂