Question of the day.

And, finally, the question for today is:

 

When was the last time you cried in front of another person?

My answer:

As you probably already know, I’m not much of a cryer and I hate crying, more so crying in front of others, so I try to avoid it as much as I can. So I don’t really know when was the last time, or why I cried. The only thing I can say for sure is that it had to be some time ago and that the only person in front of whom I ever cry nowadays is my Mum.

You? ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Advertisements

Question of the day.

Hi guys. ๐Ÿ™‚

The question I have for you today is as follows:

If you had to pick any family member to live with you forever, who would it be?

My answer:

Misha! God please let Misha be the longest living cat on Earth, even if it means that he’d be the most famous one and that I would have to bear nosy visitors from all around the world wanting to see 40-year-old Misha! I couldn’t do without Misha. But if we are talking exclusively about humans, my Mum, I think.

You? ๐Ÿ™‚

Hoping hearts.

Tomorrow my Mum has an appointment with a coeliad disease specialist in the afternoon, and in the morning, she will have some blood tests done, mainly to see if she has enough of iron, feritin, or however it is called, and how her thyroid hormones’ levels are, because she’s constantly very tired and having menopause so it was actually what I suggested her to do because so many women in her age seem to start to have all those Hashimotos, hypothyroidisms and stuff.

But what I’m mostly concerned about is that coeliac disease thing. She has had isssues with gluten and with food in general for a long time now, feeling unwell after pretty much anything she eats. It’s really concerning for me, and I know for her too, even though she pretends to take it easy. She had gastroscopy and colonoscopy done and thankfully there’s no cancer or other alike shit involved, I was freaking out it could be that. But still, the perspective of my Mum having coeliac disease quite scares me. I just hope it could be just something milder, something easier to treat, I’ve heard so many awful stuff about coeliac disease. Maybe it’s just some allergy or something. But even if she doesn’t eat any gluten she still feels tired and very often feels bloated.

and I know she’s stressed too, and can’t wait to know what’s up.

So we both, with more or less desperately hoping hearts, are awaiting for the results, and I, despite identifying myself strongly as a defensive pessimist, still am praying for the best possible outcome for her.

 

Question of the day.

What is on your mind, today? Anything you would like to share/get off your chest?

My answer:

As for me, there’s been a lot happening lately. As you may know, I’ve been pretty much depressed over the last few days. Sunday and Monday were awful, now things are going a little bit better, some external circumstances have taken part in it, that it’s getting a little better.

First of all, some sort of breakthrough has taken place. My Mum, my monolingual, self-doubting Mum, has started to learn English! She’s been thinking, or more like dreaming actually, about learning Italian, or maybe Russian, she does know some Russian from school, but it’s become quite rusty over time. And I kept telling her how good it would be if she knew English, because with her different interests she could find much more interesting stuff online, like she often does a lot of research about some health related topics, and it happens that things in Polish internet on that topic are just very limited, or poorly verified, or something, the more that these things she looks for are usually fairly rare in general. And she could find people that she could talk to, more people with more similar interests. I have never thought however that she could take it seriously, she always thought about learning languages as something exorbitantly difficult and just impossible for her because she “doesn’t have the gift”, whatever this gift is. So you can imagine my utter astonishment. It happened just out of the blue – I just finished my Welsh challenge and went downstairs to recharge my brain with some sugar. Mum was in the kitchen and I told her that I just finished my Welsh and then she asked me how I actualy learn languages. So I gave her a lecture, because there are tons of things I do for every language, and then she started talking about her Italian, how would it be to learn it, and would she really manage. I said she sure would, it’s just the thing of finding the best method. And then she started to look up the apps for learning languages. I told her that actually if she would really like to learn a language, I would recommend English as first because then she can have more resources to learn whichever language she wants. There sure are lots of resources to learn Italian via Polish, it is a popular language so why not, but if she wanted a really good and helpful phone app, I would rather search for an English one. There is Duolingo, which I’ve never used myself, but a lot of people I know did, and it has a Polish version, but as much as I know about it, I wouldn’t recommend it for a beginner. So then she told me she actually doesn’t mind learning English first. She brought out Zofijka’s textbooks and other books to learn English that she had, and never really used, because Zofijka absolutely hates English, and Zofijka’s flashcards. And, just started to learn English. For me it seemed very impulsive and short-lasting, but three days have passed and she’s still going, and she has mastered to be and to have in present tense, as well as transforming simple sentences into questions. She’s having a very hilarious accent, but she’s going. And she has absorbed a huge amount of vocabulary. Well, in the world that is overflowed by English, she’s got in a lot before, consciously or not, and that’s a huge plus too. The only thing that is actually very disturbing and that I guess needs much more work than her English itself, is her confidence, she just can’t get it that she can be, and actually already is, good at English, as for her level and the pace she goes on. She looks forward into future and is very nervous about how much she still has to learn, and how it all seems to be difficult, every single failure is like a proof for her that she can’t do it, and is doing everything wrong, she is frustrated that she doesn’t remember words by the first time she hears them and thinks she has bad memory. I’ve tried a million times to tell her that I am learning a third language and still have many of these issues she has, and lots of other people have it, but I guess she needs time to grasp it. And when I try to motivate her and tell her it’s not as she thinks, she thinks I’m just trying to cheer her up. But I am genuinely amazed with her progress! She’s doing really a lot each day. I asked her what’s actually her main goal, or motive behind it, because if she doesn’t have any she can finish even quicker than she started. And she told me she just wants to keep her brain fit, same as her body. She’s doing five Tibetan rites, and she thought she should do something for her brain as well. Also she hopes she could encourage Zofijka more to learn English and help her with it. I tried helping her but it is clear that she’s just not willing to learn English, she started to hate it because of her schools, also she has significant difficulties with focusing her attention – she was born one month premature and apparently some attention deficit is the result of it, or some mild learning disorder, at least that’s what our Math tutor is saying. Though Zofijka isn’t not intelligent so I think she could do better, but so far even private tutors weren’t able to help her. And Mum also wants to just have something more meaningful to do. My Mum doesn’t have any other job than, as she calls it “home manager”, so I think it would be good for her to have something more to do and that it is a reasonable goal. We are talking a lot in English, despite her limited vocabulary, so that she just gets comfortable with the language, I encourage her to learn doing some enjoyable or funny things so that it’s a pleasure for her, and she puts a lot of effort in finding the right words or at least describing things on her own. She is also using a lot of resources, yesterday she even watched Ceebeebies. So yeah that was a shock for me. And that’s also something new to me, because of course I help her with her English. I am not good at teaching or explaining things to people, particularly those things I am particularly good and keen about, but I just make sure she does everything right, provide her with some advices and make for a conversation partner for her.

Another thing is that yesterday four years have passed since I left the boarding school forever. I am so relieved anytime I think about it. But I think that’s also why I’ve got a lot of awful memories out of nowhere recently and some pretty freaky nightmares about that time.

My grandparents will soon have their 50th wedding anniversary, they will have huge celebrations because of that, and that makes me more and more anxious. There will be more than 50 people, they are mostly family but many of them I barely know or don’t know at all. There will be a huge party even with dancing, I hate this kind of parties the most. But I need to go even just for my grandad. I know he isn’t keen about all that fuss either, but just has to adjust. And that’s so weird, since the anniversary is his, and as for my gramma, she is happy but it wasn’t her who came up with the idea, it were their daughters, and they both just agreed. Normally when there is a huge party like this my grandad always knows perfectly when to take a French leave and since he knows I’d like too, he always asks me if I want to go with him and he drops me home. But since now he is a host actually, I’m sure he wouldn’t do it, no matter how much he’d like to. I heard there will be some distant relative of my Mum who is called Jacek and I’ve heard lots of good things about him, and I was looking forward at least to it, to see what he’s like and maybe have some fun, but they say he won’t come. I feel like it will be incredibly boring, most parties are so for me, and being bored and anxious among lots of people is a pretty nasty combination.

It’ll be my nameday on Saturday – and no, I’m not going to invite anyone, I celebrate the nameday of my birth name for the purpose of the family, and my actual nameday of my legal name is just for me and those I really want to have fun. Because I just can’t understand what’s so fun in inviting lots of people, providing them with food and drink, making sure they have fun and enough to eat, smalltalking and faking a smile. Sure, I like many people from my family, some I love, but who is actually celebrating, if I/my Mum are the ones who have to organise everything, invite everyone because it’s some sort of stupid rule for them, because they expect it? That will be always one of the biggest world mysteries for me. So I just want to have fun the way I like it. As some of you may remember, I planned on going to the Italian restaurant with my Mum, I invited her and offered her that we two could have some yummy food, and generally just go out together. Today I wanted to make sure if she’s still up to, and she said that no, she isn’t, because one of Dad’s brothers had his nameday yesterday and he’s making a party on Saturday and she and Dad want to go to him. That at first annoyed me, because well I told her about it much earlier and she agreed and was happy, and now she tells me she has different plans, and only when I ask her directly. But I didn’t say anything, ’cause I don’t think there was much to say, since if they agreed to go to him it would be weird to cancel now, or my Dad would have to go alone, whihc I assume would also be weird – or he would have to stay home because Mum is going with me, and it wouldn’t be fair because I would feel awkward getting him a dinner, since he’s actually my boss so he should rather get one for me, they’re theoretically still his money anyway. ๐Ÿ˜€ And I just don’t feel like taking him with us, so it wouldn’t be fair to do this to him. So yeah, I don’t want to complicate things, but I think I felt hurt ’cause it looked like she didn’t want to go with me. Not that I so desperately wanted to go to that restaurant but just to have some fun time with her, thought it would be cool, and her reaction at first was like she was happy about it. But maybe she just hasn’t much choice and has to go to my uncle’s party, I don’t think I want to investigate. Anyway, I still am going to have fun, and that’s not the end of the world. That means that me and Misha will be home alon e – Zofijka’s going to the swimming camp. I bought myself lots of spicy snacks and other treats, I also bought some for my family and for Zofijka for her camp. So I will have lots of yummy food, and I will be listening to a few of albums that came out recently and that I was looking forward to like crazy, and I really can’t wait to listen to them and make some little reviews in my diary. am also going to start my Swedish course, to make my Swedish even better. I hope that such a nice day will help me to get out of that depressive whole, ’cause recently everything really seems to be a bit overwhelming and hard to cope with, and I find it hard to be around any people around whom I have to fake anything, so most people.

How about you? What’s been on your mind lately? ๐Ÿ™‚

Question of the day.

What kind of dog would you get if you had a chance?

My answer:

As a loyal and consequent Jackophile… well, ya know what I’m about to pick… Jack Russell terrier. ๐Ÿ˜€ Actually, we thought about getting a Jack Russell sometime ago, but no, seriously… I’m afraid I have no clear idea. I like dogs, but I am not like passionate about them so am not an expert as for breeds and don’t have a favourite one. I’d just like it to be friendly and cute and clever. Zofijka dreams about having a dog, Misha is a bit too little for her, she’d need a companion with whom she could go for walks regularly and play outside, which she can’t do with Misha as we don’t let him out almost at all and if we do it’s usually by accident, plus their characters are as different as possible, Misha is a bit afraid of Zofijka’s exuberance and boisterousness. But neither Zofijka nor Mum aren’t decided as for what kind of dog exactly it should be. My Mum is terribly indecisive. Sometimes she wants a little, young and cute dog like a york so she could have it at home with Misha and they could play together and sometimes it could go out and then get back home and lounge on the pillows. Then she wants an older dog which is already taught some discipline so she wouldn’t have to teach it everything and it would be better to guard the house and it should be of a bigger breed and should only be on the backyard, not in the house God forbid! Then she says she doesn’t want any dog because then everything would be messy and dirty and it is too much of a responsibility for anyone here, particularly for happy-go-lucky Little Skunk Zofijka, instead she wants another Russian blue cat to keep Misha company – he’s really thirsty for any animal friends, it’s very visible he lacks it very much and is just bored most of the time. And sometimes she wants an Abyssinian cat. And then she doesn’t want any other animal because it’s just way too much for her to handle. Things are even more complicated because as long as we live here we had three dogs already, and all were just so stupid and two of them have ran away from us while the third one was trying desperately to run away because he missed his old family and was misbehaving so we sold him. My theory is that changing his name worsened the situation so much, because when he came to us, his name was Jacky, but Mum decided to change it because “it’s stupid” and because sometimes some people call Dad Jacky so it would be a bit confusing. He was going by Jacky for like three days and although he was sad visibly, when we finally changed his name to Bobby, the real troubles started. ๐Ÿ˜€ Well I’m sorta kidding but who knows… Wonder what’s his name now. Anyway, for my Mum, it all goes this way in cycles since about half a year now. ๐Ÿ˜€ Most recently when she was in a dog phase she wanted a pinscher. So nobody of us knows what kind of dog we want. ๐Ÿ˜€

How about you? ๐Ÿ™‚

Question of the day.

Recently, I asked you guys quite a few questions about your families. Now I guess I’m going to focus on questions regarding reading. So the question for today is:

Do you remember your parents/relatives reading to you?

My answer:

Yes, I do. Being blind, obviously you have a bit limited choice of books you can read. Anyway so was with me when I was a child, as I weren’t familiar with that much of techy stuff, for some reason it wasn’t an important thing for our school to teach us about things that can help us read in this or that way. So when I was a little kid, even when was technically able to read and when I was at home, my Mum often read books for me. I think the first one she read to me was “The Six Bullerby Children” and so my fascination with Sweden started. I wanted her to read it to me again and again and again. And again. And then once again. And then I read it on my own, but actually could as well recite parts of it lol. Then I remember books like “Krรณlestwo Bajek” (The kingdom of fairytales) by Ewa Szelburg-Zarembina, “Anne Of Green Gables” and even popular science books like “Czy Wiesz Co Jesz?” (Do you know what you eat?), although being less than 5 I don’t think I understood much of it and I can’t recall more than just the plain fact she read it to me. So before I went to nursery she read to me A LOT, then not that much because I was at the boarding school almost constantly and of course Olek was little and she hadn’t much time for such things. But she still read to me from time to time. I think the last whole book we read was “Sprฤ™ลผyna” (Spring, but not spring as the season, but the object spring) by Maล‚gorzata Musierowicz. I’ve read all Musierowicz’s books on my own as a teenager and “Sprฤ™ลผyna” was the first to come out after I’ve read all of them and although it was released, it still wasn’t added to the catalogue in our library for the blind, so my Mum bought this book for me and read it to me. It took very long to go through it, but we did it. Oh and one summer a few years ago she read to me Lucy Maud Montgomery’s diaries, that was cool too! Now Musierowicz has released another book which I haven’t read as it’s not accessible yet, so maybe she’ll read this one for me too. She also read “Moomins” for me and my brother when we were kids. It happens that she reads a fairytale for Zofijka and I always listen to it too, I love fairytales from all around the world and my Mum is good at reading them. Recently we read a Russian one in which the main character was called Misha. ๐Ÿ˜€ I have the same book with fairytales as my Mum, moreover, I have many other books with fairytales, but I just like when she reads to me or to us. And it was me who picked that fairytale about Misha as I knew it was there. ๐Ÿ˜€ Sometimes Mum also reads to me some religious books, or about medicine, sometimes some newspapers and books to school if I can’t access them. . And sometimes I read to Mum as well, I’ve read to her for instance “Blue Castle” by Montgomery and “Outsider” by Colin Wilson, a book that made me thinking a lot and I thought she should know it too, but she couldn’t find it in bookshops.

Zofijka reads to me too, but more because she wants than because I do. She reads to me her obligatory readings. I always wonder why obligatory readings are so boring, or at least the vast majority of them, but they are anyway. I think it helps her if she reads them to someone.

When I was at the boarding school, my God mother came to me for a weekend and she read “Emily Of New Moon” to me. She told me we’ll continue when I’ll be back home, but it never happened. I was so curious that I just borrowed the book and ended up reading the whole series on my own. And I love it and find it my favourite series to this day. I just love Emily so much and generally Montgomery’s books, they’re about me lol, well most of them anyway. ๐Ÿ˜€

And I recall one time when my gramma read to me during one summer holidays when I was very small. SHe read to me some kids poems. Nothing fascinating, but I was happy and amazed she’s reading to me, as she has always been a very busy person. ๐Ÿ˜€

How about your experiences? ๐Ÿ™‚