There’s been a lot of squabble
in our house lately.
Zofijka’s friend’s been coming a lot to us to play with her this week. They can play well, but they are both completely diffeerent and they’re often arguing. They literally change their minds about each other every minute, which can be both funny and annoying for an outside observer. Everyone around needs to be engaged in their squabbles, and that can piss you off at times, however we’ve learnt to look at it with some distance now.
What worries me much more is that my Dad is recently in a very squabbly mood. Usually the person he argues with is Mum but now he can literally find a reason for a squabble in anything, even things that he liked before are now wrong, all is wrong, every reason for complaining is good and every reason for starting an argument is good for him, and he is generally very conflictive, shouty and irritable. Don’t know what’s going on. I do know though that it pises me off greatly. Recently whenever he gets back from work the atmosphere in our house becomes heavy and unbearable, and I’d say rotten, if you can define atmosphere this way in English.
What pisses me off even more is that today is Father’s Day. Couldn’t he hold back his moods just for today? Why are we supposed to accept it? Zofijka runs to him – “Daddy, Daddy, happy Father’s Day!” – and he stands like a marble statue and only mumbles – “Uhm, tanks”, which honestly sounds more like, “F… off” (well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but it certainly felt discouraging).
I’m particularly mad because of our Mum who is mostly dealing with his moodiness and with whom he argues most often and says hurtful things without thinking much. I guess he doesn’t mean most of them, but I know it hurts her. Since I got back home four years ago my Mum is very happy because she has someone who can listen to her different dilemmas. And I am happy to be her listener, I like to listen to people, unless they’re not too boring. And because she tells me a lot about how she feels I know that his grumpiness is hard for her to live with sometimes. My Dad isn’t always like that, but can be pretty often and then Mum feels it the most, everyone would feel very uncomfortable in such situation. I’m just so frustrated with him, so I’m making use of the fact that no one of my close family knows English so I can get it out of my brain.
Zofijka has finished her school year yesterday. She has very good grades, as for her. But he didn’t care a bugger about it. I asked him by the way whether he’s seen her grades, but he just mumbled that he didn’t, in a way that showed his lack of caring more clearly than the words would. Again, it’s not his normal attitude to Zofijka, but imo he should at least pretend the interest. That’s shitty. I mean, if he likes being grumpy and not happy with anything, than OK, it’s his choice, he has the right to feel however he wants, but why others have to deal with it too? Such people really drive me crazy.
I hope he will be so kind to consider changing his attitude to others soon, or maybe they’ll send him for a longer route and he’ll come back more communicative. He really annoys me right now and if it wasn’t Father’s Day, I think I would just tell him something abut it, though maybe I shouldn’t. But on the other hand in some way I have more influence on him than the rest of us because he’s always liked me the most of his children, God knows why, I guess because I was his first child, and because most of the time I was away from home so when he missed me, he idealised me or something. I think his irritability is passing on to me a bit, also because I’m having a Zombie day after no sleep at all. I think I’ll cool down soon, anyway what I surely wouldn’t do, I definitely wouldn’t let it out on people around me.
OMG what a rant! That’s normally so not like me! :O I didn’t plan it to look this way.