Hey people! 😊

I’m still alive. Well I guess you don’t doubt this, as I’ve been reblogging some posts and commenting some of your posts, but I haven’t posted an actual post here in over a week and I’m really really sorry about that, I didn’t mean to definitely.

I’ve been ill with bronchitis since the weekend, I tend to get bronchitis inevitably every year sometime in autumn or winter and it’s somehow related to allergy and asthma, and that has made a bit of a chaos for me and I’m just behind on everything.

Tomorrow it’s probably going to be a busy day for me, busy and boring altogether, so I don’t know how quickly I’ll catch up on everything.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m still here, didn’t give up on blogging, and will now try to catch up on the song of the day posts a bit as I’ve intended to show you so many great songs, and if I’ll manage then I’ll post the question for today for you as well, and I hope I’ll be able to do some more longer writing later this week too, when I’ll feel better and get back on track with things.

Hope you are all doing well. 🙂

Update on Misha and me.

First of all I wanted to thank all of you once again for all the support and kind thoughts for Misha. It’s way more appreciated than I can express at the moment and means a lot for us. 💙
So as you may know from my yesterday post Misha is sick and that’s for sure now.
I went to sleep almost straight away after writing this post though couldn’t fall asleep for ages, had that awful feeling when you’re just too exhausted emotionally and physically to actually fall asleep. Misha spent some part of the night under my bed, then he threw up again, which messed up with my absolutely fabulously overactive emetophobic brain even more and I felt so sorry for him as he looked so scared and devastated and I was just helpless and scared as well, maybe more than him. 😀 Poor child. So I finally gave up and had to take my sleep meds which I always try to avoid as much as possible but sometimes they can be really saving.
Before I fell asleep Sasha came to me and laid down on me purring so blissfully and loudly, even without me stroking him. He is really such a nice little furball, so very cuddly and joyous. As he lied on me, I felt more grounded and calm under his little, warm body and finally we both fell asleep, although I can’t say I was sleeping well because I was waking like every two hours or so which was really irritating.
Mum gave Misha the antibiotic in the morning, the one he was prescribed yesterday, but he was looking very very poorly. He didn’t eat anything, only drank some water, had diarrhea and fever, although he felt very cold and was shivering just like yesterday. He laid down in his bed – the basket on my bed – and lied there so silently, literally the only way you could actually see he’s alive is to feel his chest moving while breathing, other than that he was so still that it felt utterly scary to me and Zofijka and even to Mum, although she says she isn’t emotionally attached to Misha.
So finally we decided we should go to our local vet to check on him, maybe he would know what’s wrong exactly.
Mum and Sofi ended up packing Misha and driving there twice because the first time they went it was closed so poor thing was quite stressed out, no wonder as he hardly ever leaves the house. Luckily though the vet was indeed able to tell us what’s wrong.
He was actually laughing openly at the thoughtlessness of the vet who vaccinated Misha for cat flu, knowing that Sasha is sick, the more that he was sick with just the same thing. Who on Earth would vaccinate their child if another one is contagiously sick, and why should it be otherwise with pets? That was just what we thought, but obviously you don’t want to come across as a know-all, after all the vet should know better what she does…
Actually, before Misha was vaccinated on Monday, my Mum had one of those inklings she has – the first time they told us to come with Misha for the vaccination and Mum went with him it turned out that they actually didn’t have the vaccine at the moment, then the second time they went was just the same, and my Mum started to wonder out of the blue that maybe it means Misha shouldn’t be vaccinated. Then they planned to go for the third time, but Mum had to collect Dad so they didn’t.
As I said my Mum has such inklings or impulses quite often, she really seems to have a good intuition. It might look a bit like some superstitiality or something like this, but she really acts as if she had some sixth sense sometimes, and generally she’s not superstitious at all, quite the opposite. Oh gosh what a long digression!
So our local vet to whom Misha went today laughed at that vet quite honestly, and told Mum that Misha most probably has caught cat flu from Sasha and this is its very beginning. But because Misha was also vaccinated, plus has been very stressed lately, and not coming out of the house much, it might be a bit more severe than Sasha’s, as his autoimmune system is probably weaker due to all that.
He gave Misha two injections with no problem – although the emergency vet to whom they went yesterday couldn’t manage to do it and Misha broke the needle – and he told Mum to come with Misha again on Saturday to see how things are going. So it’s probably much less serious than it looks.
Mum mentioned to him that Misha is so very stressed out lately and so very fearful, that he’s always been rather prone to anxiety, but since Sasha is with us he seems much more stressed, and he prescribed him something mildly sedative that he can take ad hoc when he’s more stressed, like at such times as now, when he has a lot to cope with emotionally. When I heard all that, I felt somewhat relieved and so did Zofijka and Mum.
I can’t say though that Misha is doing better. What’s for sure though, is that he’s not worse and he’s even eaten a little, so we’re very hopeful.
Sasha is so very caring of him. He’s really such a kind-hearted baby. I went to Misha about an hour ago to check how he’s doing and I found Sasha sitting by his side and purring. Misha was indifferent and rather not encouraging to make any closer relationships with him, but Sasha didn’t care. He really likes Misha. He always purrs and hhrrrus when he sees him, though Misha usually runs away. It’s not like Misha doesn’t like him – he’s not hostile or anything anymore – he just seems like he still needs time to adapt to the situation.
When it comes to me, as I said I feel significantly relieved after all those news and that Misha is relatively stable even if still poorly, though I feel like it hasn’t sunk in in my brain yet. I can’t say I’m feeling well emotionally today.
I’m kinda agitated all day and very anxious in general, don’t know if it’s actually about Misha or for no particular reason. I’m just feeling sort of wired and antsy and jittery and my thoughts are racing quicker than horses and I feel like all the sounds and smells and everything was way more intense than normally and sort of overwhelming, – that thing happens to me quite often but today it’s really pretty distracting – but at the same time I feel exhausted. I don’t even know how to exactly describe it. My anxiety is pretty bad but as I said I’m not really sure of the reason so the more it’s hard for me to get rid of it. I guess I just have to get through this and can’t do much about it at the moment. I rarely feel that way, I mean agitated and like I can’t sit still for too long, usually my anxiety doesn’t look that way, so it feels rather awkward and annoying and maybe there’s something deeper to it that I can’t figure out, but honestly I’m not quite in the mood for figuring out anything at the moment, don’t think it would be actually productive. I think I’ll try my luck and go to sleep, who knows maybe I’ll succeed. Sleep well too guys. 🙂

Freaking out.

Guys I’m so panicky and jittery today, I just can’t calm down my mind.

Misha is probably ill. And it doesn’t look too well, if it ever looks well when someone’s sick.

Today we have a vet day overall, because earlier today mum was at the vet with Sasha, whose eyes are very watery and he has runny nose all the time and is hoarse. Sasha is feeling OK overall but those symptoms are still present although he’s been with us for three weeks now and on antibiotics, so Mum decided to go to another vet as she had an inkling there’s something more to it than just blocked tear ducts.

It turned out he has cat flu or I don’t know how it’s called in English, or actually that it is a recurrence because he was treated at his breeder’s before but not long enough. So now he’s taking other meds, and we’re hopeful he’ll get better soon. Other than being tearful and husky and sneezing all the time he’s fine and dandy so we don’t think there’s something to worry about.

But Misha…

I’ve been kind of worried about Misha since Sasha has come to us, he seems to be adjusted now to his new little friend, unless he invades his privacy or something, though I’ve had an impression he’s even more wary and anxious than before Sasha came. I tried to rationalise it that maybe it’s more visible now that Sasha lives with us and Sasha is so cuddly and energetic and all Misha’s individual traits are now more expressed or something. And maybe it is so.

But since like yesterday I had even an impression that he’s actually kind of sad and dejected. Well, he may be anxious, a loner, very withdrawn and it’s hard to figure out what he feels, but you couldn’t say he’s sad, when he’s his normal self. He’s actually pretty cheerful and humourous in his way. But yesterday, he was sad.

Last night he came to me, I didn’t even know it. I was already in bed, and he hid under it, as he often does when he doesn’t wish to be cuddled, because no one can get him out of there even if they want. He likes to sleep there, although I don’t think it’s the most comfortable place.

And suddenly I heard such a strange noise…. before I even realised I heard it, my heart started racing. I think everyone would be scared to hear some strange noises from under your bed if you don’t know that someone is sitting there since probably a few hours. Then I realised it has to be Misha, and that it sounds a bit like vomiting, or choking, or whatever.

Whatever it could be, if you’re emetophobic like me, you have yet another reason to be scared now.

In a way I got used to cat vomit since Misha lives with us, it’s much less anxiety provoking and triggery than human, the more that he usually does it very discreetly and away from us and it’s not me who has the honour to clean it up, and it’s usually not contagious, still though, I am quite anxious when it happens to him.

But this time it was worse, like more violent, I just felt like it sounded more serious.

He calmed down pretty quickly though so I tried to persuade my brain to forget about it.

After some time he wanted me to let him out so I did and Mum just came back from her friend’s so I went downstairs to her and told her that Misha was choking or vomiting very violently, but to my surprise she didn’t find anything extraordinary under my bed.

So I thought I can sleep peacefully and it was just some weird incident.

In the morning though Mum told me that she heard weird noises at night in the living room so she went there and found Misha choking and vomiting with foam, but said he calmed down quickly after she came to him.

So then I was already alarmed, though Mum said he probably ate something not edible or just ate too much.

And that would make sense – Misha sometimes likes to eat really weird things, despite all his classiness and aristocratic manners. If you leave him in the bathroom and there is water in the bathtube, he will drink it, even if there is soap melted, or shampoo, or bathsalt, or whatever you wish, he’s crazy about water. So maybe that’s why there was foam?

Still though I couldn’t stop worry about him although I was sure there’s no reason and i am just panicking like a neurotic spinster-catmummyfreak. I couldn’t help it though. I always freak out when it comes to Misha, because he’s the most precious thing I have. Even when he came to us, guess what was my first thought when I saw him?? “Oh God how beautiful he is, I love him, what will I do when he dies?” I was scared of even thinking of it, but it just popped in to my mind so suddenly…

I wanted to play with Misha a little in the morning, but he was definitely not in the mood. Then he went to Mum’s bedroom and just curled up there and slept.

I went horse riding then and, well do I need to say it was fabulous, only that it would be even more if I wouldn’t think constantly about Misha and wouldn’t be mad at myself for freaking out for no reason.

When we came home, I found Misha still curled up in Mum’s bedroom and lying very peacefully. I hugged him and I already noticed that he was all shaking and trembling. It happens to him sometimes, particularly when he’s asleep, so I tried to not think about it too much, maybe that’s the way he is.

After some time Mum was going to vacuum and she brought Misha to my room because he’s scared of vacuum cleaner so we always close him somewhere so that he wouldn’t be too scared. I laid him on my bed and stroked him, and couldn’t stop thinking about how shaky he is, as if he was freezing or extremely fearful, or had fever. I couldn’t resist to not wrap him up in the blanket, though it didn’t really help

I left him asleep and went to do my own things but soon heard him choking and vomiting again. And again and again. And then a couple more times throughout the day. Obviously it scared the shit out of me, both because I was so worried about Misha, but also because anything about vomit scares the shit out of me.

A while ago my Mum and Sofi went shopping and they also were at KFC (to get that takeaway meal with milkshakes I was telling you about recently) and when they came back I told Mum to look at Misha once again, because he’s really shaky and looks so depressed.

She looked at him and said there really has to be something wrong and she called the vet and they told her to come with him quickly. I just don’t know what to think, actually I would be really happy if I could switch off my brain, maybe if I’ll let it out here I’ll be able to…

So Mum took him and Zofijka went with them. I wanted to go too at first but then decided I rather wouldn’t, as it won’t make any good to anyone, especially me, and I can’t help him. So I stayed with Sasha.

By the way, speaking about Sasha, I don’t know if I told you about that guys before, but ironically Sasha seems to really like me. And I feel a bit weird about that since so far I don’t feel almost anything to him other than simply like him. Nothing as strong as to Misha. While Sasha is so clearly affectionate to me. 😀 Poor Zofijka, because officially he’s hers. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like her though, he likes everyone and is so very trustful.

I had my KFC food a while ago and the milkshake, and yes, it was good, as I expected, but I didn’t enjoy it at all, just drank it because probably I’d regret it later on if I wouldn’t, getting a chance after like ten years.

They just came back with Misha. Much quicker than I’d expect…

Mum says they don’t know anything. Misha was vaccinated like two days ago or so for cat flu, so maybe it could be a reaction for that, or the stress related to Sasha as it’s such a major change to him.

They wanted to give him an injection, but he was apparently fighting very vivaciously and crying, and Zofijka started to cry too, and she still can’t calm down.

I wish I could cry like her too, but I can’t and my head is throbbing and I feel almost physically sick of all that.

Misha got an antibiotic and something else and the vet said he indeed has fever.

I so wish it was just stress and that he gets better quickly.

Sorry for being so dramatic and emotional but I don’t have another brain mode to switch to at the moment and I just had to get it off, though don’t know if I really achieved it..

Please keep Misha in your prayers if you can or send him good vibes or something… He just looks so hopeless…

😱

Think I’m going to bed very soon, although it’s only half past eight, but I think it’s the wisest thing I can do now.

HildurHöglind -“The Fault In Our Stars”.

This is a newish artist to me. I recently got to listen to her EP “Poems”, consisting of poems to which she wrote the music, and two song with lyrics of her own. “The Fault In Our Stars” is one of those two. I haven’t found any evidence online, but it seems to be inspired by the famous John Green’s book, which I absolutely love, and I love this song too.