Five physical features that I like about myself.

   A while ago, I wrote a post inspired by a journalling prompt in the 200+ Journal Prompts Ideas for the Mind, Body and Soul book by Riley Reigns about (almost) ten things I’m really good at and today I thought I’d do another not just oh-so-self-centred but also oh-so-vain post based on a prompt from this book, which goes as follows: 

   What are 5 physical features that you love about yourself

   That previous post was fiendishly difficult for me to write, even with the help of my family, and I suppose this one is going to be quite challenging as well. While I don’t consider myself unattractive, I also donn’t think I have such physical traits that I would as much as LOVE. So instead, I’ll focus on those that I like, and we’ll see if I can come up with five. As I do usually with lists like these, instead of just listing stuff, which would be boring, uninventive and ridiculously short, I’ll try to expand on all of these as much or as little as I see fit. 

  1.  My hair. I quite like my hair, specifically how thick, soft and strong it is. Most of people in my family have very thick and fast-growing hair, except for my Dad. I like that it’s very healthy, looks good and people usually compliment me on my hair, and you can do a lot with it if you want. Even when I was younger and my hypothyroidism (which I’ve had as a result of congenital hypopituitarism) was difficult to control which made my hair fall out like crazy, it still didn’t show and it didn’t look like my hair was thinning so my Mum kept saying that it’s probably for the better that I lose so much of it because God knows what would happen if I didn’t. Now I don’t lose quite as much of it and no disaster has happened so far, thankfully. As a young child, I had reeeeal long hair, which I generally really liked, and I liked the added bonus of being able to hide behind it if I didn’t want people to stare at me or something. But long hair is loads of hassle, so even though I still love the idea in theory, in practice it’s a different kettle of fish. Thick hair can be quite a lot of trouble if, like me, you don’t do a whole lot with your hair. It grows really quickly, so I have to have a haircut once a month or sometimes more often, and I hate having my hair cut and everything to do with it, I generally hate people messing with my hair and I totally don’t get how it can be relaxing for some people. :O Because it’s so thhick, haircuts and other hairdressing maintenance and stuff takes longer than with average-thick hair. Actually recently one hairdresser told me that she never had to do with more difficult hair than mine. Though my Mum said that probably means she just hasn’t had much experience in general. Even with my short-ish hairstyle (currently it’s with a strong emphasis on the -ish part ‘cause I haven’t had it cut in over a month and of course it also depends on a specific hairstyle I’m having at a given time, but usually my hair-length oscillates somewhere within the short-ish spectrum these days) I sometimes simply don’t have enough either physical energy or brainergy to wash my hair and do stuff with it, the more that when you have frequent migraines, playing around with your hair feels even more annoying while you’re migraine-y, and even though I most of the time don’t need to worry overly about hairstyles anymore, like I said I still have to have it cut more or less regularly. I’mm also not overly thrilled about its colour, which is kind of mousey and just not all that exciting. Someone once told me that it would be super cool if I died my black hair, and so that was what I promptly did, the more that my Gothic interests started to emerge. I liked it, and I got a lot of positive feedback from people. What irked me though was the fact that it was difficult to find black/deep dark brown dyes that wouldn’t have a reddish shade to it, which I didn’t like the idea of and which apparently didn’t make the effect so good either. So eventually, as my Celtic interests started to grow, I decided that if I have to have some red in my hair, I’d much rather be a full-blown redhead than a reddish brunette or something like that, and so I was happily a redhead for a while, which I also got a lot of positive feedback on and I don’t even know which I liked more, having properly black or red hair. However, we’ve already established that my hair grows like crazy, and when I did all those experiments I was still going to the boarding school, so I could only dye my hair (or rather my Mum did for me to be specific) when I was at home, and I was at home on average once a month, so my roots would start to show quickly. Also, since I don’t like people playing with my hair, I dreaded the procedure itself. Then the second in my life major depressive episode hit me and I just stopped bothering with it, and have never bothered with it since anymore. 
  2. My eyelashes. As much as I don’t like my eyebrows and would like them to be at least a bit thicker and a bit darker, I do quite like my eyelashes. I don’t know if there’s some big reason why. I just do. They’re cool, and it’s considered a good thing  to have thick eyelashes it seems. It looks like you’re dreamy, and I am dreamy, so that happens to be pretty accurate. And, for what it’s worth, I remember that my late friend Jacek from Helsinki told me once that apparently it’s the most striking physical part of me, whatever he meant, but I guess he meant it as a positive thing or otherwise he probably wouldn’t have said that. I only don’t like them when they get inside my eyes and I can’t get them out. 😀 
  3. My fingers. I have long fingers, and I think that’s more practical than to have short fingers, and for some reason I generally like long fingers in humans. Ever since Sofi was born, I’ve loved her fingers to pieces. I also really liked to play with my Dad’s fingers when I was a kid, I even still do sometimes. I remember once sitting in the living room with Dad as he was watching the telly, and overhearing Mum talking to someone how “Jacek has such shapeless fingers” This was weird because it’s not something my Mum would tell like that to someone else, even if she thought so. My Dad did indeed have an accident as a teenager that affected his hand and fingers. He was grinding food for ducks and accidentally put his hand into the machine as it was working. He ended up with 34 stitches in his hand and had it in some sort of a cast or something for a year. It’s apparently some sort of miracle that he can actually use it, let alone that he’s still as marvellously dexterous as he is. One of his fingers is kind of crooked and there is still some scarring and marks from the stitches visible and palpable, nonetheless, I would never call his fingers shapeless. In fact, I think they’re very shapely and strong. And so, whether that was something that my Mum actually said or something my mind made up, I felt really indignant and sad and concerned that he might have heard it too, so I just started playing with them and that’s what I did ever since whenever we sat together. My fingers are definitely not as strong and as big as his, which I’m perfectly okay with being a woman, haha, in fact they’re very small and soft and people tell me all the time that I have baby hands, which is a bit weird but oh well okay. 😀 My fingers are also nowhere near as dexterous as my Dad’s, but that’s definitely not the fault of my fingers as such, rather, it’s my brain and coordination that is to blame. 
  4. My figure. Well… I have very mixed feelings about this. I’m thin and curvy, with large breasts, defined waist and wide hips. Apparently, it’s the “ideal” shape of a female body but I’m not sure what exactly ideal means in this context and for whom it’s so ideal. 😀 On one hand, as a female, I do like looking decidedly feminine, and I like being thin. But other than that, I don’t really like my boobs. I don’t think they need to be THIS huge to still make me fit into the “ideal” category, but I can’t do anything about it because coincidentally, I also happen to have mild pectus excavatum (a chest deformity) which from what I’ve heard would make mammoplasty complicated. The more that apparently the combo of pectus excavatum plus large boobs is uncommon, as pectus excavatum much more often co-occurs with boobs that are too small. As it is, I think it’s quite unhealthy, given that I tend to be either underweight or close to it, as sometimes it feels like my weight consists mainly of my bust. 😀 It’s not practical either, bra shopping is a nightmare. But overall, I guess I could have been in a much worse situation, and I’d rather have a lot of boobs than for example be overweight so that there would be a lot of me in general. 
  5. My skin. Aside from that it can get dry and itchy in winter, I generally feel very lucky in this regard and grateful about my skin being so easy to maintain, though I guess it’s only now that I’m writing this that I’m fully realising it. 😀 I”ve always liked my light complexion, especially when I was a Goth but I still do, unless I don’t have proper sunscreen when it’s needed and go red in the sunlight. Generally, I have a very soft skin without having to do much about it, even when it’s actually always more on the dry side, so no huge skincare routines here, I only sometimes need to moisturise it or have an occasional face peeling. Even when my thyroid was bad, I didn’t have most of the classic manifestations of hypothyroidism that a lot of people with this condition talk about and seem to struggle with a lot. On the other hand, I’ve never had bad acne either, despite it has plagued Sofi very badly, and my Mum struggled with it a lot too. I’ll get an odd pimple when Jack the Ripper (period) is about to arrive but nothing dramatic, though perhaps a part of why it never gets dramatic is that I never pop pimples because I think it is more gross than actually having them, though I can understand it must be different for sighted people. Apparently if your skin has more of a tendency to dryness and not much acne you could get wrinkles earlier than people who get a lot of acne, but I don’t think I mind that very much, I guess wrinkles are less problematic than acne and at least stranger people will no longer automatically assume I’m Sofi’s peer lol. The only thing that I definitely don’t like about my skin is the amount of moles I have, which is surely genetic as both my Mum and my gran on Dad’s side also do. When I was little my Dad used to say they’re “beauty spots” but I totally don’t get that and would get rid of them all if there weren’t any potential complications of that. I just hope I wonn’t get hair growing on them like my  gran. 😀 

WOW, I did it! Go Bibiel!!! But I’m pretty sure that if it would be six, I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything else. And if I did it, so can you! 

   So, what are your five things? Or feel free to name more, if you wish. 🙂 

Question of the day.

Who cuts your hair? Do you do it yourself, or do you go to a salon/barber shop?

My answer:

I used to go to salons for a long time, and the ones I’d go to would change quite regularly. That was the case at least for something beyond just a fringe trim which my Mum felt confident doing. But now, about since the pandemic has started, Sofi always cuts my hair, and it’ll stay this way indefinitely because she’s quite content with that because she used to have a little bit of practice at a salon because her older friend is a hairdresser, and she wants, or at least used to want, to be a hairdresser herself, and for me it’s less hassle this way, and I don’t consider a haircut to be something very hassle-worthy, and Sofi does it just as well as an average hairdresser.

How is it with you? 🙂

Question of the day.

Do you ever use dry shampoo?

My answer:

I’ve started using it more often perhaps a year ago, and I believe it was after Niki from Take A Ride on my Moodswing commented on one of my questions where I was asking people something about their hair washing routine, and she mentioned that she finds it difficult due to her mental illness and often uses dry shampoo instead. I only used it before occasionally when travelling or something, but though it was a good way to make life easier sometimes, so the next time I saw it somewhere I got it. These days, most of the time I’m doing well enough that I can do basic self-care stuff and I try to wash my hair twice a week, luckily it doesn’t need more at this point. But when there are times when, either because of feeling very depressed, or being in an AVPD black hole where Maggie – my inner critic – takes things over and I feel a lot of self-loathing and stuff, the last thing I’ll think of is self-care, even as basic as that, ’cause why would I care? The only reason I can think of then is other people and so that it doesn’t feel quite so awful for them to be around me, so I’ll just use the dry shampoo as a bit of a substitute for a proper hair wash. Also when I have a migraine but my hair is really greasy, I find washing my hair a really obnoxious thing, so I’d rather use dry shampoo instead then as well.

How about you? In what circumstances do you use it, if you do? 🙂

Question of the day.

Okay, we’ve had quite a lot of more or less family focused questions. For now, let’s focus on our hair.

If you had to choose a hair colour other than your natural colour, what would it be?

My answer:

Definitely black. Dyed black hair don’t look as good as natural but oh well… Or if not raven black, then very dark brown. Otherwise, red. Yes, yes, I hate red, but as a hair colour it’s quite cool, the kind of orange red at least. In fact, I used to dye my hair all these colours, but I no longer do as it’s quite a hassle and I lack the patience for such things, plus I can’t do that independently, and with black/dark brown, it’s hard to find a dye that doesn’t have a shade of red, and then I dislike it, and it doesn’t look good on me either.

You. 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people! 🙂

My question for you today is:

Who taught you to style your hair, or take care of your hair?

My answer:

I am pretty sure it must have been my Mum who taught me the basic things, like brushing and washing my hair, using the conditioners and such. But I can’t really style my hair. Also, my current hairstyle doesn’t really require much styling. Which I am happy about, as I myself am not into that and find a waste of time, and hate when people are playing around with my hair, I don’t understand how some people can even love it! 😀

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

Are there any hairstyles you love but would never have?

My answer:

I am pretty happy with my current hairstyle, although I think I would like to have longer hair, even as long as our Zofijka’s used to be not so long ago, so about waist-length, but I’d never have my hair that long because it’s really uncomfortable and just not practical at all for me, a shorter haircut is much easier.

You? 🙂

Question of the day (24th April).

What do you do with your hair? Do you ever style it? Do you get it cut at a salon? How often do you wash your hair, and what type of shampoo/conditioner do you use?

My answer:

What do I do with my hair? As little as possible. 😀 I liked it when I had long, very long hair but it’s awfully impractical and uncomfortable. Now I have a short, light hairstyle, a bit of a bob I’d say…? so I just brush it in the morning and all is cool. I have very thick hair though so I need to cut it regularly. I do it at a salon. I hate it, as it’s soooooo boring, and you have to smalltalk with people, and I hate people touching me, but oh well, not much can I do. Maybe at some point I’ll become a pro hermit and then I’ll be able to stop caring about that, but as long as I live with people I have to bear such inconveniences. I rarely style my hair, if I do, my Mum styles it for me for some family gathering. Grrrrrrrr I hate it, it’s… yes you guessed it it’s boring! 😀 I used to dye my hair and liked it, I don’t like my natural colour, it’s kind of mousey (is that how you call it?). One guy I liked once told me that I’d look terrific in black hair because apparently the combo of blue eyes and black hair is so rare and intriguing etc. and I bought this idea, and dyed my hair black for a good while. I did look well in this colour, everyone said so except for my grandma and I felt good in it, but the problem was that many black dyes actually have red in them apparently. While on some people that looks cool, my Mum says I am closest to a winter in that seasons classification or whatever it is so warm colours apparently don’t go too well with me or at least some of them don’t, for me that red glimpse would destroy the effect and I disliked it. And other than that I didn’t have the patience and discipline for that dying thing, my Mum didn’t either, and when I’d be at the boarding school I’d have to dye it ideally every week because of how quickly my hair was growing, but of course I couldn’t, so by the time I was back home my natural hair was showing very clearly. Then I tried with very dark browns but there was often a reddish glimpse too. And finally someone else, in a bit of a sarcastic way suggested to me, that if I’m so much into everything Celtic I should dye my hair red so I would look more Celtic. I decided that I’ll take it seriously and I did have fiery red hair for a while and Mum and some other people said I looked very cool albeit original. I who am apparently a winter and hate the colour red. But when it comes to the hair colour, red is definitely fine with me, unless it’s not some weird kind of reddish that doesn’t fit me at all. But that didn’t last long either. So now I’m back to my normal mousey hair, which, surprisingly, has sort of darkened apparently over the course of that time when I was experimenting with the colours.

My hair isn’t too oily, so typically I wash it twice a week. Right now I don’t use one shampoo continuously, we have one shampoo together with Zofijka at the moment and I don’t even remember what it exactly is right now. I’d used very different conditioners throughout my life, I used to have a bad tendency for dandruff as a kid because of hypothyroidism and then I used some other stuff as a teen just to keep it healthy, but as I can remember it wasn’t really working. Now the only conditioner I use from time to time is vinegar.

You? 🙂

Question of the day.

Would you ever tell your hairstylist to do whatever they felt like doing to your hair?

My answer:

Nope. Never. Very many hairstylists don’t do what you ask them to do even if it’s very speciffic, so, in my opinion it’s way too risky.

Would you?

Question of the day.

What kind of hairstyle do you have? What kind of hair type do you have?

My answer:

I have fringe since my early teens and I’ve had pretty short hair for quite a while already, like four years I guess, because it’s just easier for me. But I had a haircut last week and now they’re even shorter, I aim to a bob. As for my hair type, my hair is very very thick, everyone on my Mum’s side has extremely thick and strong hair. I had black hair for a long time, or in other very dark tones, there also was a while when I had it red like carrot red, but now I’m back to my natural colour, not because I like it, I don’t, but because it’s much less hassle around it and it’s more pragmatic. My natural hair is something in between dark blonde and very light brown, kind of mousey I guess.

How about yours? 🙂