Question of the day.

What is the worst book to movie adaptation you’ve ever seen and which movie was much better than the book?

My answer:

Don’t have much to say here really, at least not about movie to book adaptations. But as for book to movie, I’ll pick “Emily From New Moon”, because the movie is gross. There are some weird sexual scenes or allusions, which you WON’t find in the book at all, and generally, being a huge fan of both “Emily…” and Lucy Maud Montgomery’s other works, I felt like this movie was pretty much ripped of that moving beauty the book has. Just very crappy.

Which book and movie would you pick?

The LiebsTER Award.

The great Bee of The Bee Writes

nominated me for the Liebster award. Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

So the rules are:

Acknowledge the blog who nominated you.
Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.
Nominate 11 other bloggers.
Ask them 11 questions.

My answers for Bee’s questions:

1. Where do you blog from?

Always from my room.

2. What is your motto (for life, your blog, your work… whichever you choose)?
Honestly, never really thought more about it before, but… I guess logically it should be something like adapt for the worst, so you’ll appreciate the best even more, if it comes. πŸ˜€ Would have to think more to make up or find something more creative.

3. What is your favourite blog post (yes please choose your own πŸ™‚ )?
Hm, I guess my all time favourite post from all I’ve written until now is Reasons why I’m learning Welsh4. Coffee or tea?
Depends on which kind of coffee or tea. I love strong, black coffee and I can’t exist without it because my blood pressure is chronically low as long as I can remember, so that when someone measures it they look like they doubt I’m actually alive lol. I also like things like latte or cappucino though, but not too sweet as it tastes a bit yucky then, but I know for some people it must be very sugary to be good. Oh and I love ice coffee. I love raspberry tea and drink a lot of it, black tea is also good.

5. What is your favourite foreign recipe?
I can’t say much about recipes as I don’t cook much for myself, but as for foreign food, I LOOOVE falafel! I generally adore Mediterranean, Mexican and Moroccan food, as for food I really do like lots of exotic things.

6. What is your favourite animation (sorry I have a thing for animations at the moment and need some input πŸ˜‰ )
Don’t have any.

7. And as we are on it: What is your favourite movie?
I think “RΓ€nnstensungar”, it’s a Swedish film in which one of my musical crushes, who was occasionally also an actor, Cornelis Vreeswijk, played, and he was soo good and expressive, and the plot in general is so very interesting.

8. If you had the power to change the world, what would you change?
I’d do my best to make people in general more open-minded, less stereotypically thinking. I mean, there will always be some stereotypes, but I’d like people to get it that not everything can be labelled and pigeonholed. I’d like if we all would be able to think not only in black and white, but in many colours, as the world around us is so different it’s just impossible to classify people/situations/phenomena into just one of two categories.

9. Tell us three of your strengths!
Oh gosh I suck at doing it. πŸ˜€ But I’ll try and I’ll try to be objective.

  1. My language skills, or at least the ability to familiarise a language’s sounds pretty quickly.
  2. Listening. Or anyway, so I can assume from how many people tell me lots of their private things or just things that matter to them. I actually like doing it, although not like all the time, as it can be overwhelming.
  3. “Feeling” other people. I think I have the ability to quite quickly “feel” someone’s personality, their character, I get others’ emotions and impressions easily too. Not always, but very often. My grandad often calls me X-ray or clairvoyant because of that. πŸ˜€ But it also means that sometimes I can be judgmental, because my evaluation might not always be true and I rather tend to trust my instinct.

10. Tell us your preferred way of pampering yourself!
Snuggling with Misha, listening to music, reading books, eating yummy food and dreaming, dreaming and dreaming. πŸ˜€

11. Tell us 11 places you would like to go to!

1. Sweden, once again, and Swedish Lapland.

2. Cornwall.

3. England.

4. Wales.

5. Scotland.

6. Isle Of Man.

7. Northern Ireland.

8. Ireland.

9. Finland and Finnish Lapland.

10. Faroe Islands.

11. Netherlands in general and Friesland in particular.

My nominees are:

Maybe It Is Daijiro (Max)

My Thoughts About Life

Saumya of

Randomness Inked

Squimple

Eve of

Revenge Of Eve

Carol Anne et. al. of

Therapy Bits

and anyone else who’d like to participate, do feel awarded and join in. Also, I strongly recommend you to see all the blogs mentioned above, as, obviously, they’re absolutely gorgeous, each one in their own, speciffic way. Otherwise I wouldn’t nominate them, right? πŸ˜€

And here are the questions for my nominees:

  1. Any plans for the Easter time?
  2. What do you do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed to help yourself?
  3. Do you have any all time favourite book(s)? Or any that you feel are “about you” or “especially for you”?
  4. Name at least one thing for which you are proud of yourself.
  5. What is your favourite sweet thing with chocolate?
  6. Do you have your favourite word in English/other language(s) you speak? List as many as you have on your mind.
  7. What is your favourite feminine name?
  8. How about masculine?
  9. What are some of your pet peeves?
  10. What one thing about yourself do you like the most and what do you dislike the most?
  11. If you spend an evening alone, what do you usually do?

OK, that’s all from me. Really looking forward to seeing your posts. And thanks again, Bee. πŸ™‚

 

Question of the day.

Here’s the last question from the series about reading:

Did you like reading as a kid, love it or detest it?

My answer:

as I wrote a few posts ago, I had a period very early on, when I didn’t like reading, but it was very short and passed quickly, and then I started to absolutely love reading. Books were my main source of knowledge about the world, about the people etc. as well as one of my forms of escape from the reality and I’ve always found it very therapeutic. as far as I can remember, words were always very important to me, I could feel them in so many ways, since I guess I have some kind of synesthesia related to words, I’ll probably post about it in future, I liked to play with them in different ways, learn new ones, I just loved the language in general, so reading even increased it. I loved the fact how it extended my vocabulary and still does and I loved it when I noticed it how flexible the language can really be. So I definitely loved and still love reading a lot.

How about you? Did the situation changed since your childhood? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Did you learn [to read] through phonics or memorisation?

My answer:

Completely through memorisation. How it started for me was that we were getting a text to read, as easy as possible, but not only with the letters we’ve learnt, and before we even started to analyse it as for which letters ae which and stuff, we had to memorise (at least partly) the text, and then we read it multiple times without even recognising many letters consciously. it was a bit weird, and I think pretty boring, but apparently that had to help us accustom to reading in general. There was such a funny situation when I came home for holidays and had my book with readings with me. And we had some guests – grandparents, some aunts and uncles, mostly family – and my Dad wanted to show off with me and that I am starting to read. So I opened the book on one of the readings that we had to practice, and followed the text, but just was saying what I memorised and remembered. And they all were like WOOOOW! You can read such a complicated thing! In fact, it wasn’t complicated at all, I guess, but just much more than you’d expect from a child in first grade lol. My Dad was astonished too. and I was very proud of myself, because I didn’t really differentiate between memorising and reading yet, I was also sure I am reading, just like them. πŸ˜€ The only conscious person in that chaos was my Mum.

You? πŸ™‚

TMI Tuesday.

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?

What am I going to do in future? Where does it all actually go… well, pretty abstractive thing, but I just ask it myself so often. Also, I’d like to know why do I have such strange, weird, just soooo hideous and frightening dreams every time I get sleep paralysis? I just had such a “blissful” night last night, which left me very anxious and wondering what actually causes such weird dreams, and that is why I’m still up at 2 AM, I’m just too scared to go to sleep and I think I’ll go when I feel really sleepy, because then I’ll be too tired to have dreams. Actually I’m scared of staying up as well, but that’s better of both these options and I can always distract. Another thing I would like to know is something more about my past, like, why do so many things cause me so much anxiety like I had some awful memories with them or something, but in fact can’t recall anything? I think that actually there are more things that I don’t know about myself and my life than those I know, and even if I know something, I am very often not sure about it when I start to think about it more. Sounds a bit weird, but true. But that’s another thing, overthinking. πŸ˜€

2. What do you value most in your sex life?

I didn’t start my sex life yet and don’t think I’ll have any opportunity soon, but anyway I know what I would value in my sex life. I’d definitely value if my husband had some imagination as for sex. I think I’d have, so it would be even better if we both would. I always value creativeness, no matter in which area of life. I would value if we had the same values as for sex, or would be able to accept each other values. Like I am a practitioning Christian and I surely wouldn’t have to have a boyfriend or a fiancee who would desperately want to have sex before anything else. First I need to get to know you more before you start to finger me, second if you respect me, we should marry first. I would also appreciate if he’d be understanding because I have often issues with people touching me and sometimes intimate situations just scare the hell out of me, but if we got each other’s perspective, I think I would get over it with time.

3. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

I feel like there are different kinds of jokes and while humour is generally a good thing, in some areas we should definitely use it carefully and use milder jokes, that wouldn’t be hurtful for others. But I don’t think there are such things that are completely FORBIDDEN to be joked about. Or maybe they are, but I just can’t think of such right now. I think things like death, or very serious illnesses, should be treated with a lot of carefulness. But sometimes a mild joke may discharge the uncomfortable situation. The thing is just to be careful and had a healthy distance to things and to yourself, and be perceptive if others do have it or not.

4. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one in which you currently live, where would you move and why?

I have many favourite countries which I like equally and I’d visit eagerly, but I think I wouldn’t like to move to just any of them. I think I could most eagerly move t the UK, but somewhere to the countryside rather than to cities like London. This country just somehow resonates with me. I think it would be the best if I could move to North Wales, it is so beautiful there, people have such a lovely accent and I could practice my Welsh. I think Finland would be also absolutely great to live in.

5. Are you too nice?

It happens. Usually when I don’t like someone, or don’t feel comfortable around them. It also depends in what we mean by “too nice”. Sometimes I could say I’m maybe too nice for someone I like and want to for example do something nice for them and then it turns out my efforts were actually pointless, as they either don’t care or want to take advantage of me being nice to them in future. So usually now, if I like someone, I’m rather distant towards them, just to not lose them immediately, but it also depends on the case of course.

Bonus: Falling in love is… (one word only) a rollercoaster.

https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/26/tmi-tuesday-march-27-2018/

Share Your World.

It’s time for Share Your World. Thanks to Ceefor holding this challenge.

 

What is your favorite color of hair? You can name your hair color or a color that you just like.

Black. I used to have my hair dyed black all the time, I loved it. I wanted to look Gothic, which was easy because I have a very pale skin. I still love black, anything black, but I stopped dying my hair sometime ago. It’s laborious and time consuming, and I’m not this kind of girl who has the patience for embellishing herself for hours, especially that now I spend most of my time alone or with closest family, and I’d need someone’s help with it. I didn’t like though if my hair colour had some red glimmers and apparently it didn’t even look well with me overall. Though, despite I don’t like red colour in general, sometimes I used to dye my hair all red, kind of red orange, because it also fit me and I liked it, although not all the time. Some people were saying I look Celtic. πŸ˜€

List at least 5 things that you are good at.

Hm, let’s think… Languages, well I like learning them and my family constantly says I’m sooo very good. Listening to other people, or at least so I can think because lots of people in my family and others have been telling me lots of important stuff for them, and I like to listen to other people’s stories and learn about them. “Feeling other people, I mean I can easily know things about their personality, what they are feeling, what they like or not. Because of that, my grandad often calls me X-ray. πŸ˜€ He says I can read minds, but that’s obviously not true lol. Hm, what else… some people say I have a god sense of humour, actually that was my specialty at school – making others laugh, ’cause it helped me too. Some say my sense of humour is a bit dark/sarcastic. Actually I have this thing after my Dad that I find it possible to laugh off actually anything, like I have that kinda “inner voice” commenting things and making them look ridiculous, but because at the same time I know when to stay serious, I always try to suppress it, although I got into trouble a few times because of this thing. πŸ˜€ And the last thing… hm, I have huge, free and absolutely undaunted imagination. Sometimes I just wish I wouldn’t have it, but overall, I wouldn’t be able to exist without it at all. So it’s like my best friend and archenemy at the same time.

What is your favorite animal or type of animal? (pets, dolphins, stuffed, wild cats, etc)

Cats, especially Russian blue (obviously) and horses.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Β Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha, blogging, writing, an appt with the therapist specialising in personality disorder, which helped me clear up many things about me and my life and the world in general, and maybe will lead me to getting a diagnosis finally, which in turn, as I hope, will help me to get myself better and get appropriate help. I didn’t have Maths this past week at all yaay! well, I’m sorry for my Maths tutor, she’s ill so often, but was just happy for myself, it’s so overwhelming and brain draining. Passed two of my term exams at school, and although wasn’t able to prepare much, they seemed to go relatively well. And wrote another control assignment for school, so now have only two to make. Was making a birthday present for my friend Carol Anne

which was a lot of fun and we spend a lot of time with Mum doing i. Overall it was a rather tough week, but also some very positive things happened, as you see.

Friendly Fill-ins.

This week I’m also participating in Friendly Fill-ins, held by 15 And Meowing

and

MCGuffy’s Reader

.

1. I am the… listener in my family. I don’t know why, my family really likes to talk to me about their issues or secrets or just complain about the world and people’s dogs pooing on the streets etc. Especially my Mum, she says no one else here would understand her issues, but everyone else does it too, well maybe besides Olek. I think I like it ’cause it probably has to mean they trust me or something.

2. I have… 2 sibling(s). 19-year-old brother Olek (nickname of Aleksander) and 10-year-old sis Zofijka (Zofia). I have a very good relationship with Zofijka.

3. I am looking forward to… finally passing all my school exams, especially the final exams, this spring. I am incredibly anxious about it, but also I want it to happen quickly, now, just to get through it finally. But my final exams will take place in May.

4. The first sign of spring this year was… cranes whooping near my window.

 

Question of the day.

Was it easy for you to learn to read, or was it difficult?

My answer:

Apparently, when one of the staff at my nursery showed Mum how I’m going to read and write, she felt it’s impossible for me to achieve it. She already knew I have issues with coordination and sensory integration and she thought it would be just impossible for me to manage it. However, that turned out not being true at all. Although my coordination and sensory integration still is poor, and I mean actually very poor, it went relatively easy. At the beginning, I had a period when I didn’t like to read, it was just very exhausting for me and boring and all. But it changed very quickly and suddenly when I started to make some real progress, I started to love reading. And I learnt it very quickly. I remember my class teacher was making some additional readings for me, I know they were about a boy named Jacek and a girl named Fifi (I asked her to write about them for me, I don’t know why I came up with Fifi though). And I remember that one of them was about Jacek breaking his leg and walking with crutches, the scenario was also mine. πŸ˜€ I loved these readings so much and they were much better than what we had in our text books. Back then I was able to only read in Braille, I wasnn’t very familiar with technologies in early primary school as I had to teach myself about them, so I didn’t have anything to read at home and that was the only thing I really disliked about being at home, because I quickly realised that life without books is quite boring. So my poor Mum was desperately looking for some libraries or other stuff around our voivodeship (voivodeship is like a Polish province), but it didn’t help that much, so finally she signed me up for the Central Library for the blind and they always sent me just literally packages of books. It was quite an interesting view for our neighbours πŸ˜€ (keep in mind that Braille books are always larger than standard ones) and they were wondering why we get such an extensive mail all the time. Sometimes Mum sent me some books to the boarding school, but it didn’t work out practically. I also used to steal some old books from the attic. πŸ˜€ Things got more severe when I left the boarding school for two years for the integration school, I couldn’t cope emotionally at the boarding as you probably already know, so we thought maybe integration school will work out for me. At this time I had a legs surgery and I was rather immobile for months afterwards and, besides it being awful overall, it was also just so incredibly boring, so the only constructive thing I actually could do and enjoy was reading. I was literally able to devour anything readable, now I’m much more fastidious. πŸ˜€

How about your experiences? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Today, my question for you is:

When did you start learning to read?

My answer:

I was prepared to it long before I actually started to learn to read, it started sometime when I was in the nursery. They basically prepared us how to read Braille, using different things that imited how it works and we were taught how to use, but not to write yet, different Braillers, it was more of a play than actual learning though, we didn’t actually know why are we doing this. Well I was actually interested why because it seemed boring for me and a bit pointless when I was 6 yeas old or so. And there even is a film about us, I mean our nursery and I was going to it when it was filmed, and they filmed me doing all that stuff with one of the staff’s assistance and all of the sudden I asked her “Why am I doing this?” Everyone who was around then or watched it found it very funny, but actually, I think it’s very important to have some sense behind what you’re doing, isn’t it? πŸ˜€ And she answered that it is because it’ll help me to read in future and that I will read lots of fairytales and all and she thinks I will love to read books and maybe write my own lol. And it all came true more or less and my family is making laugh of her that she was a prophetess, I even read fairytales pretty often to this day. πŸ˜€ So yeah, that was about my reading preparations and then I went to the reception and it was then I started to read. I really liked to learn it and truly always looked forward to learn new letters, I considered it a lot of fun. That was when I was 7-8, I know normally reception is earlier, but I went to the nursery when I was five, I don’t think it would do me much better if I went earlier, plus most of children there were even older than me. SO it was rather late on. I remember that we went to the library with our class teacher and were drawing books for ourselves and the one I drew and that was my first longer read was “God And Mouse” by Angela Toigo. It was rather boring, at least so I thought then, but I think my opinion wouldn’t change that much if I’d read it now, although I read it in one afternoon.

When did it all start for you? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Recently, I asked you guys quite a few questions about your families. Now I guess I’m going to focus on questions regarding reading. So the question for today is:

Do you remember your parents/relatives reading to you?

My answer:

Yes, I do. Being blind, obviously you have a bit limited choice of books you can read. Anyway so was with me when I was a child, as I weren’t familiar with that much of techy stuff, for some reason it wasn’t an important thing for our school to teach us about things that can help us read in this or that way. So when I was a little kid, even when was technically able to read and when I was at home, my Mum often read books for me. I think the first one she read to me was “The Six Bullerby Children” and so my fascination with Sweden started. I wanted her to read it to me again and again and again. And again. And then once again. And then I read it on my own, but actually could as well recite parts of it lol. Then I remember books like “KrΓ³lestwo Bajek” (The kingdom of fairytales) by Ewa Szelburg-Zarembina, “Anne Of Green Gables” and even popular science books like “Czy Wiesz Co Jesz?” (Do you know what you eat?), although being less than 5 I don’t think I understood much of it and I can’t recall more than just the plain fact she read it to me. So before I went to nursery she read to me A LOT, then not that much because I was at the boarding school almost constantly and of course Olek was little and she hadn’t much time for such things. But she still read to me from time to time. I think the last whole book we read was “SprΔ™ΕΌyna” (Spring, but not spring as the season, but the object spring) by MaΕ‚gorzata Musierowicz. I’ve read all Musierowicz’s books on my own as a teenager and “SprΔ™ΕΌyna” was the first to come out after I’ve read all of them and although it was released, it still wasn’t added to the catalogue in our library for the blind, so my Mum bought this book for me and read it to me. It took very long to go through it, but we did it. Oh and one summer a few years ago she read to me Lucy Maud Montgomery’s diaries, that was cool too! Now Musierowicz has released another book which I haven’t read as it’s not accessible yet, so maybe she’ll read this one for me too. She also read “Moomins” for me and my brother when we were kids. It happens that she reads a fairytale for Zofijka and I always listen to it too, I love fairytales from all around the world and my Mum is good at reading them. Recently we read a Russian one in which the main character was called Misha. πŸ˜€ I have the same book with fairytales as my Mum, moreover, I have many other books with fairytales, but I just like when she reads to me or to us. And it was me who picked that fairytale about Misha as I knew it was there. πŸ˜€ Sometimes Mum also reads to me some religious books, or about medicine, sometimes some newspapers and books to school if I can’t access them. . And sometimes I read to Mum as well, I’ve read to her for instance “Blue Castle” by Montgomery and “Outsider” by Colin Wilson, a book that made me thinking a lot and I thought she should know it too, but she couldn’t find it in bookshops.

Zofijka reads to me too, but more because she wants than because I do. She reads to me her obligatory readings. I always wonder why obligatory readings are so boring, or at least the vast majority of them, but they are anyway. I think it helps her if she reads them to someone.

When I was at the boarding school, my God mother came to me for a weekend and she read “Emily Of New Moon” to me. She told me we’ll continue when I’ll be back home, but it never happened. I was so curious that I just borrowed the book and ended up reading the whole series on my own. And I love it and find it my favourite series to this day. I just love Emily so much and generally Montgomery’s books, they’re about me lol, well most of them anyway. πŸ˜€

And I recall one time when my gramma read to me during one summer holidays when I was very small. SHe read to me some kids poems. Nothing fascinating, but I was happy and amazed she’s reading to me, as she has always been a very busy person. πŸ˜€

How about your experiences? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Any goals/plans/things you’re excited about for the rest of March? My answer:
Nothing spectacular. Maybe I’ll be able to pass at least most of my school term exams until Easter, although that’s highly doubtful. As always I hope to develop all my languages, I try to not miss any opportunity to it, although I think I should work more on my Swedish, it’s been my most neglected child lately in all that storm of blogging and writing in English and learning Welsh. And that’s it, I suppose. You?

Question of the day.

When you are with your family, immediate, or extended, do you feel like you belong?

My answer:

That’s a hard one. I’ve always had issues with that sense of belonging thing, for two reasons I think. First is related to my being far from my family for most of my childhood. I am actually just starting to understand these things about myself and didn’t fully realise it all even a year ago. When I was at the boarding school, I felt like I don’t belong there at all, but that if I belong anywhere, I belong only to my family. I think I had a strong sense of… hm, distinctiveness? individuality, don’t really know how to call it best in English, anyway my Dad has it very strong in his character and looks like we all, his children, have too, and my Mum has it as well. I’ve always felt like I’m an individualist and was glad with it and I always needed to have some private, just my own territory where no one else would interfere, which was almost impossible at that boarding school, especially at the beginning when we all (girls from my group) lived together in one room. Our staff always wanted us to talk about everything (including our feelings) with everyone and wanted us to feel the sense of unity with the others, share as much common as possible, they kept saying we’re “like a family”. I think it was with good intentions, but then it only was making me more and more rebellious and the more I’ve heard about all that unity, commonness and “togetherness” the more I hated everything about these words and the more I felt like vomiting whenever I heard them. I liked most of the girls in my group, but, no, thanks, I already have my family and I don’t need another one, I don’t feel close enough with them, that was more or less how I thought about it. So yeah the only community that I felt like I belong to was my family. But then when I was coming home, I was treated like a guest by everyone, and felt like one in some way, it was usually like a big holiday for all of us and I didn’t get that much of normal, everyday family life, besides longer holidays or stuff like that, and the two years in between my stay at the boarding school when I was experimenting going to integration school which didn’t work out in my a bit complex case. It was impossible to catch up on everything that happened during my absence so I didn’t know about many things and in some way felt like a stranger and had an impression that some people in my family perceive me a bit this way too, not in a bad sense like that I wasn’t welcome, but my life was just so different from theirs, you know. And then I was going back to school and had obviously very idealised picture of my family and of family in general and experienced a lot of this hiraeth feeling I described like a month ago or so. So as I grew up I gradually realised that actually I don’t feel anywhere like I’m at home. I mean, I loved coming home obviously and always was willing anything possible to stay longer here, but quite a bit of the sense of belonging to my family has disappeared with time. Btw I suppose that’s one of the reasons why I like Cornelis Vreeswijk so much, one of my musical crushes whom I mentioned already a few times. He was Dutch, but emigrated to Sweden at 12 with his family and lived and created his music and poetry there for most of his life and became famous in Sweden. When he was in the Netherlands, Nederlenders called him a Swede, while in Sweden he was Dutch, hence in one of his poems he called himself “a man (…) without motherland”. You know, birds of a feather flock together, right? Just my a bit detached reflection. I think there are many people who experience such feelings for their entire lives though, due to various situations.

And the second reason is that for almost all my life I’ve felt more or less inadequate to other people, or like I couldn’t connect with them, which can be at times quite frustrating and can make you feel like you belong hardly anywhere. My anxiety in social situations also gets in the way so it makes for quite an interesting mix.

These feelings have lessened in regard to my family as I am enjoying my life with them since more than three years now, although they are still present somewhere in my mind.

Like I’ve never developed a normal sibling relationship with my brother and we have hardly anything in common to talk about, which is so weird and uncomfortable for me, because he is only younger two years than me while with Zofijka who is ten years younger, I have plenty of things to talk about and we have a very close relationship, though also very dynamic, as we are so different and getting on each other’s nerves, as siblings usually do. I still have these feelings of not belonging sometimes when we all are together, but overall I think now I feel much more in place in my immediate family.

It’s worse with my extended. It’s hard for me to open up to them, there are so many of them and I know they all like me and I like them, but… all the holidays and stuff when we gather as a whole family are quite overwhelming for me, especially with my Dad’s family. I get on better with my Mum’s family, probably because we lived very close to them before we moved a year ago to where we live now, so I was seeing them much more often, and I just have more things in common with them, I feel. But it’s also improving and when my family and I are somewhere where there are more people who aren’t my family members, I feel like I belong and am a part of my family. And I am always proud of my family as a whole and of all the people of my immediate family as individuals and I think I’m very lucky for having the family I have. I am also gradually learning that although you’ll be always alone in some way as my Mum says, this is a really good thing if you belong somewhere because of your own choice, or because you’re emotionally attached to the community you’re a part of. and I am a part, and I feel like I’m one, of some other communities than my family, and I am very glad I belong to them and now I know it is so great to have something in common with other people.

How about your sense of belonging? I must say I’m interested about how it is with other people and do they always feel like they belong even if they didn’t have such or similar experiences to mine. πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Who is the oldest living person in your family?

My answer:

My family is quite big, all of my grandparents have a lot of siblings, cousins and all, so I also have a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins, many of whom I’ve never seen or only a few times and wouldn’t recognise them on the street, I’m in awe of my Dad who can remember all his aunts, uncles and cousins names, well maybe except for his cousins children as there are more and more of them and many of them have already their own children so it’s a bit hard to be up to date with everyone. πŸ˜€ But as for my immediate family, the oldest person is my paternal gramma, she’ll be 83 this December. Actually, you wouldn’t guess it, I think. She is quite a lively person for her age. She attends various meetings for seniors, leads pilgrimages, knows lots of jokes and stories and her jokes are very long, so she has to have quite an excellent memory, I think. My maternal gramma is much more of an intellectual type and much better educated, but now as the years passed I think my paternal gramma has more bright memory and mind, although she’s older. She’s very sociable and likes going shopping. My maternal gramma is younger than her, but although personally I’m more attached to her and like her slightly more, honestly I must say she looks older. She was always very sentimental and melancholic and now it is even exacerbated to the point I could call her depressive and hypersensitive, which doesn’t help your overall health and she doesn’t have that zest for life my gramma on Dad’s side has, for which people are always in awe. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me my dysthymic tendencies are the heritage after my gramma, I think she’d also fit to the cryteria od dysthymic disorder. So yeah I think if I wouldn’t know how old my grammas are, I wouldn’t know which of them is older.

How about your family? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

How far back can you trace your ancestry?

My answer:

Not very far, especially on Mum’s side. My grandpa knows names of his grandparents and their siblings, while my gramma only knows first names of her grandparents on her mum’s side and says she isn’t even sure if she remembers them correctly. I think it’s highly likely they aren’t correct, because she says they were named Teofil and Teofila. I don’t think it happens often that a couple has such similar names, though of course I don’t claim it’s not likely at all, just doubtful. And that’s all for my Mum’s side. On my Dad’s side my gramma knows a lot both about her own family and my grandpa’s and she always has a new story to tell. I remember when I was in primary and making my family tree for school she has told me about my great great great grandfather, not in details, but she was able to recall some things about him from what she was told. So I think she knows a lot and if someone would work really hard on putting it all together, we could get quite far back.

How about your ancestry? πŸ™‚

Share Your World – March 19, 2018.

What is your earliest memory?

Many people with whom I’ve shared this memory say it’s impossible to have such early memories, as I was 2 years old then, but anyway I remember it and it is too vivid and subjective to be just something I remember from what others told me, in my opinion, also when I talked to my parents about it they told me they never knew that I perceived that situation this way.

This memory is about my brother’s birth, or rather a bit afterwards. I only remember that me and Dad went to Mum to the hospital, after he was born. I remember being in the lift for the first time and being a little bit afraid, I was often afraid of such kind of motion, something moving up and down, because of my balance issues. Then we came in to the room where Mum lied, she was rather weak and didn’t talk much as she probably still was under the influence of anesthetics (we were all born through caesaeran section). She let me touch her tummy and the impresson of this moment has stayed with me for very long. I felt her stitches and it somehow moved me very deeply. I know I felt like it is my brother’s fault and it has to be very painful for Mum. I told them he had to be terrible if she now looks like this and my Dad was laughing he surely is an absolute monster. Then I remember us leaving and being n the lift again and going out of the hospital and nothing more about it. But I’ve often thought this situation had to have some significant influence on me. My parents told me, and I remember some bits and pieces myself, that I was often pretty rude for Olek, yelling at him or punching him all of the sudden and not letting him touch me, although it wasn’t a long period of time, but I guess we never had a proper/normal sibling relationship, mainly because of our limited contact as I spent most of my childhood away from home.

Which way does the toilet paper roll go? Over or under?

Over.

What makes you feel grounded?

Having my feet on the ground, warmth, but not heat, touching Misha and his purr, soft, relaxing music, deep breathing, and for some reason which I don’t really get – the scent and taste of mint.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Β Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha

, progress in my languages, blogging, strengthening relationship with my Mum. I was doing a lot of self care stuff this week, much more than usual. On Monday I had a very nice morning. Dad needed to do something in the port, he delivers fuel, often to ports, and has other things to do there related to his work as well. He offered my Mum to go with him and as she agreed, I decided to go with them too. While Dad was in the port, we were at the Sea

and it was very nice and beautiful and we had a great time together, we also spent a lot of time together after we got back home. Yesterday we all were in a restaurant and had a big dinner, very yummy. It was anxiety provoking, it is always very anxiety provoking for me to go out and there was a lot of people, I also find it rather stressful to eat among many people, but despite all that anxiety it was very nice, I can’t remember when was the last time before yesterday that I was in a restaurant. πŸ˜€ I guess more than a year ago. and although overall my week was rather uneventful, it was mostly good.

This challenge is hosted by Cee

. Thanks so much. πŸ™‚

 

Question of the day.

Where did your family come from, originally? Do they still live in that country, or did they emigrate somewhere?

My answer:

My Dad’s family has some far Germanic descent, most probably German. My Dad is quite interested in his ancestry and a few years ago we sat down for a while just to see how far we’ll be able to trace back our ancestry. While we didn’t get to know much more relevant info that what my gramma had, and she knows a lot, we found that it’s very likely that our far ancestors originated from Saxony. Also our surname seems to be German. I wanted to get to know what it means, but the only thing I got to know, is that besides our region of Poland, this surname is also found in Germany. My cousin’s husband though is sure we must have Norwegian origins, even though he’s not genetically a part of our family as he married my cousin. He says that for him our surname sounds Norwegian and not Polish at all and many of us look “quite Nordic-like” which is actually true, as for the latter. But I’m afraid that Norwegians or any other Scandinavians would have a little bit of a trouble even reading our surname correctly. It begins with Z and Z is not used in Norwegian. It is in the alphabet, but they have it only in loanwords and often pronounce as “s”. There are Norwegian surnames with z in them, but they aren’t of fully Norwegian origin. Plus then there is ch, a sound also a bit unfamiliar in Scandinavian languages. So no, even if we might have some Nordic roots, ’cause my Dad really looks like a Viking apparently and I often call him so and me and my sister look quite Scandinavian too in some people’s opinion, I don’t think our Norwegian ancestry could be prooved on our surname. Also my Dad’s family is Kashubian. It’s an ethnic minority, not a separate nation or anything, but thought it’s maybe worth mentioning. I though don’t feel very Kashubian myself. I don’t feel like I am one of them and I don’t find their culture familiar or like I’d resonate with it in any way. I could even say that as much as I feel Polish, I don’t feel kashubian.

My Mum’s heritage is very diverse. My maternal gramma was born in Russia. My great grandmother was partly Polish, Ukrainian and Belarussian, and my great grandfather had some Russian roots, although was mostly Polish. They migrated to Poland a few years after my gramma was born, but she and some of her siblings still have that soft, Russian accent with prolonging vowels, which some people laugh at and some say is cute. My grandad in turn was born cquite close to the Lithuanian border and has some Lithuanian descent as well as Russian.

From what I know, some people of my Dad’s family live in Germany these days, but as far as I can remember they migrated there from Poland, they weren’t there all the time.

Some of my relatives from Mum’s side live in Belarus and I met them when I was younger, we don’t have much contact with them though.

How about your family’s origins? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Today, my question for you is:

are there any sayings or words that your family uses, a lot? Do you know how they originated?

My answer:

Both my Mum and me are lovers of words and are rather creative in inventing new words. So yes, there surely are such words or sayings. There are many of them, although I can’t recall very many in this very moment. The Polish phrase “bez sensu” means pointless, no sense or meaningless, something like this. Somehow it happened that actually my entire immediate family, me included, or maybe me the most, started to use this phrase excessively, almost so that it had no sense. We wouldn’t like something – and it immediately was bez sensu, the weather would be crappy – bez sensu, something would fail – bez sensu, something would be funny – bez sensu, we wouldn’t know how to comment something – bez sensu. and so on and so on. And some day my Mum suddenly said: It’s bez sera”. What does this mean? Bez sera means without cheese! πŸ˜€ Pretty pointless, isn’t it? But as it sounded close to bez sensu, and we used bez sensu so much, she thought it’d be less boring and more enigmatic if she’d start saying that something is without cheese, when it’s pointless/meaningless. πŸ˜€ At first we didn’t even know what she’s on about, Dad doesn’t know to this day. But the rest of us picked it up quickly and now when something doesn’t make sense, it means it’s without cheese. Honestly, I got so accustomed to saying bez sera that I happened to forget other people in this country don’t rather use it, unless my Mum stole it, but I don’t thing so. So one day I was talking with my school friend on the phone and she was telling me about some absurd situation in which she got and people were rude to her and at a certain moment I got so involved I just screamed “Gosh, those guys are completely without cheese!”. And she was llike… very confused. Me too. πŸ˜€

Unfortunately, nothing else comes to my mind right now, but we have quite a bunch of our own words. Also, some are a bit of a mix between Polish and Kashubian, as my Dad is Kashubian and we live in Kashubia.

How about your family’s own words and sayings? I love to hear different new words and sayings, so I’m just all ears now. πŸ˜€

Currently, March 2018.

Currently is hosted by Anne In Residence

and Foxy’s Domestic Side

. This is my first time participating in Currently.

The prompts are planning, seeing, making, pretending and wearing.

Planning: an appt with a therapist specialising in personality disorders regarding whether or not I may have AVPD. We’ll see what will be next afterwards. As it seems very likely that I do have it, probably will see a psychiatrist to diagnose me then or something. Very, veryΒ  anxious, but equally, or even more, curious about what will come out. Don’t know what to expect really.

Seeing: Nothing, ha! πŸ˜€ At least not literally. Being totally blind since birth, there aren’t many things I could see, although I say I see something almost constantly. Or look at something. Like I think most blind people do, even when they just touch or hear things which sighted people can see. That’s just easier, although shocking for some. And no, I don’t see the dark/black. Just nothing, though I know it’s hard to imagine and different blind people see different things, depending on the cause of their sight loss, apparently. I’ll never forget one of my distant, older aunts’Β  shock when she heard me talking to someone on the phone and saying “See ya”. She was all indignant and like how could you say it, you can’t see! πŸ˜€

Making: progress in my languages. Although not so much in Swedish recently.

Pretending: oh, all the time. I know it may sound horrible, double-dealing and such, but that’s how it is and I don’t do it because of my whim. You know, there are situations you just need to pretend, or there are others when it’s hard to just be yourself.

Wearing – a dress, almost as always.

 

Question of the day.

Do you have any heirlooms or antiques?

My answer:

They’re not very old and not with much history to them, but yes, we do have some. We have a china closet that was made by my grandad. He made it particularly for us, Mum asked him to do it to have a heirloom after him, something that will be just hers and will always remind her about him. He was always good at making furniture, although he’s not a professional carpenter or anything. I actually admire this combination in him that although he’s a very cerebral sort of guy, he is also very manually talented and can almost make anything from nothing. THen we have, also from my grandad, his collection of coins and medals and banknotes and other numismatic stuff and OMG it’s soo huge! My grandparents were wondering what to leave all their children and decided they want to give Mum the whole grandad’s collection as legacy. We all think it’s a very big honour, since this collection matters a lot to my grandad. Mum isn’t a numismatist and doesn’t have much interest in such things, but she feels honoured and she decided that because this collection is already so enormous, and also because of her respect to her dad, she will try to expand it. Also we have a big antique clock in the living room that was previously my grandparents’. And we have some jewellery that goes from generation to generation, but I don’t know much about it.

You? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Do you have any favourite recipes/dishes that have been passed down in your family?

My answer:

Yeah we have lots of cakes that my gramma started to bake and then my Mum started too. Or even so that my Mum was making something regularly for different holidays and people from my family stole it. Like her fabulous meringue dessert or orange juice cake. I love my Mum’s meringue, especially when it’s with blueberries. It is a meringue with whipping cream and different fruit. It’s very sweet so the fruit should be rather fresh and juicy, not very sweet like bananas for example. Most often we eat it with strawberries and blueberries, or raspberries, sometimes with cherries, billberries… It’s just sooo yummy everytime you eat it you regret you can’t eat more of it, but like I said it’s very sweet so you get stuffed rather quickly. It’s my Mum’s spectacular dessert. Everyone likes it and it’s easy to make, so any failure is impossible. Also my Mum’s chicken breasts in almond flakes are widely known in our family, as well as her podpiwek. Podpiwek is a Polish non-alcoholic beverage, but apparently before my Mum started doing it, most of our family didn’t even know how it tastes. It’s soooo yummy. And there are also my Mum’s pierogi, with cabbage and mushrooms. I mean, this kind of pierogi is very common in Poland at Christmas time, but people obviously have very varying recipes, plus, most people as far as I know make them with sour cabbage, which in my opinion is worse. All those foods I mentioned are my favourites, but there are many more.

Your turn now. πŸ™‚