Golden Bough – “Rain and Thunder”.

   Hi guys! 🙂 

 

For today, I chose this folksy children’s song from the AMerican Celtic group Golden Bough. I’ve already shared a couple instrumental pieces by them, and some music by one of their members Margie Butler, for whose music I have a strong sentiment because my Mum bought me a tape of her music back when my Celtic interests were just starting to grow. This song was written by Golden Bough’s Paul Espinoza. I really like how this whole garden thing is a metaphor for your own garden of dreams, being a daydreamer with a fairly fecund Brainlife it really appeals to me. 

 

Anne Crosby Gaudet – “The Land of Dreams”.

   Hi guys! 🙂 

 

For today, I have this pensive, dreamy piece by the Canadian harpist, composer and harp teacher Anne Crosby Gaudet. This is her original piece. As Anne writes herself in the description of the video, it represents a journey, one that is difficult, yet beautiful, and also hopeful in the end. 

 

Question of the day.

   Have you ever had a dream in which you started to cry, only to wake up crying in real life? 

   My answer: 

   Actually, oddly enough, this happens to me quite regularly. I generally have a lot of really emotional and intense dreams, which I wouldn’t call nightmares (although I do get a lot of nightmares too), but they’re just really emotional and the sheer intensity of them sometimes makes me wonder whether it isn’t my brain’s weird way at trying to deal with stuff that I have bottled up, some form of autotherapy or something, though I have no idea where it’s leading or what good it’s doing in the end because it keeps happening over and over again so it must be a rather fruitless effort. They usually have something to do with things I find difficult and emotional at the time except it’s all glaringly exaggerated, or other times it’s something from the past, or sometimes my brain just makes stuff up. Anyways, most often when I have those dreams, I only have a vague recollection of the actual plot line of the dream, just more or less what it was about but no details, yet on the other hand I remember all the emotions from it very vividly, and often when I still have one foot in the dream world and the other in the waking world, I am actually crying and only realise that when I wake up for good and have no idea what I’m even crying about in the first place. 😀  It’s really weird and quite confusing, but yeah, I think that’s a side effect of being overly emotionally inhibited in the waking world. On the other hand, there have been times when I’ve woken up laughing, because I’ve had such hilarious dreams. That’s probably even more weird, but it’s fun and I love it when it happens. 

   You? 🙂 

Question of the day.

   What made you smile or cry today? 

   My answer: 

   I don’t remember when was the last time I cried, but something did already make me smile today, namely a super crazy but fun dream I had. I had actually pretty rotten sleep last night. Perhaps it was because I decided I’d try to sleep with my Apple Watch out of curiosity and perhaps the novelty of it made my sleep shallow or something. I fell asleep a bit after midnight so not too bad, but I didn’t really feel like I was sleeping at all, just at some point realised that it’s almost 3 AM and that someone is taking a shower (you can hear basically everything that’s going on in the bathroom from my room and in particular when the water’s running in the shower). I was really surprised because everyone was at home sleeping when I went to bed so I thought it was a bit odd that someone decided to get up in the middle of the night and have a shower. My brain started running 1000 miles a minute as I was thinking what might have happened, and then when the person got out of the shower, I realised it was my Dad, ‘cause I heard him sneezing. In fact once he started sneezing, he kept sneezing for ages, and then sniffling and making other weird noises, including such that actually made the alarms in my brain go off ‘cause it sounded kind of like vomit. So obviously I could sleep no more. Then I heard him go downstairs so I texted him if he’s okay and what’s up, but he wouldn’t respond. After a while I heard him go out and start up the lorry so obviously I figured he was going to work, but that still didn’t explain the middle-of-the-night shower as he usually doesn’t do that if he has to get up at night for work. Usually when he has work early in the morning and late at night and I’m not sleeping, I text him to wish him a nice journey or something, as he usually sits in the lorry for some time before driving off to fill out paperwork and stuff, and he says he likes that and it makes his day better, so I texted him again wishing him a pleasant day, and this time he did reply «Thanks Bibiel» but didn’t reply to the first message. Eventually I figured that perhaps he got a bit of a cold or something and tried my best to convince myself that what I heard wasn’t gagging or vomit, and was successful, but was already too wide awake to fall asleep. 

   Instead, I decided to go to my Brainworld and spent there the whole morning, pretty much until eight. That was the first thing that made me smile, I often smile when I’m in my Brainworld, and last night I mostly really enjoyed myself in there.

   But then when my alarm went off I actually realised I had totally no energy and didn’t feel like getting up at all, and felt a migraine coming. Sleep felt like a dangerous idea as well, because after such a break in between sleeps I would be running a huge risk of getting into the sleep paralysis world. But I felt so tired that I gave into it, took some pain killers, set another alarm for 10, and drifted off to sleep. I indeed did end up landing right in front of «Ian» from my sleep paralysis world, and the first fifteen or so minutes of my sleep were very unpleasant, but this time it was more just because of all the unpleasant physical sensations I get from sleep paralysis and a general sense of fear and discomfort rather than because of any particularly scary content of those dreams. Even though I set another alarm to wake me up, I forgot to turn on Do Not Disturb on my Apple Watch, which in this case turned out to be a great thing, because after some time of being in sleep paralysis, I got an email, so my Apple Watch vibrated and I woke up. I was even more tired now from sleep paralysis and promptly fell asleep again but this time in a proper way. 

   I totally ignored the alarm and kept sleeping past ten, even though it wasn’t really the best quality sleep I guess, sleep after sleep paralysis is usually not, but something’s better than nothing. I also had lots of weird dreams, but it’s only the last one, the one that made me smile when I recalled it after waking up, that deserves attention and that I really remember vividly and so can describe in detail. 

   I dreamt that I lived in some sort of collective dwelling  place for lots of people, like a kind of institution, I have no idea what it might have been but perhaps some sort of long-term lodging place. It had loads of single rooms and it had a reception and if someone wanted to see you in there, there was a whole procedure for them to go through of filling out lots of papers and stuff. So perhaps it was more like a prison? 😀 I was staying in my room and then the receptionist called me and told me excitedly that I had very special visitors, that I’m supposed to be measured for a dress that I’m going to be wearing for a very special occasion. Almost as soon as she said that, the door to my room opened and in came a middle-aged lady and a teenage boy. And it was the lady that was most interesting and that I remember the most vividly. She introduced herself to me as Helenor (my favourite name of the year now probably 😁 ) and was very warm and open, though also very eccentric. But what I found particularly striking about her was her way of speaking. She spoke to me in English, and she had an accent that was the quirkiest possible mix of ridiculously hardcore exaggerated BBC English with an unmistakable hint of North Welsh accent, with rolled «r’s» and strong plosives and the characteristic u’s so it sounded kind of  rough in combination really, but she was also extremely sing-songy and had a sort of inflection that is more South Welsh rather than a North Welsh thing, which added some mildness, and she had a very rich contralto and went up and down in pitch a lot as she spoke. She enunciated all her words extremely clearly and had some really peculiar style of speaking as well, using kind of weird vocab and expressing herself in a funny way, like she kept referring to me as «Bibielle sweeting» all the time. I also had Misha in that place with me and when they came in, he was laying on the bed and she came over to stroke him at some point and was something like: «Misha, oh Misha, such a lavish fur. What a splendid colour! Unrivalled thickness! These gleaming eyes of yours! Verily bewitching!» And  stuff like that and she could talk all the time. In hindsight, I wonder if her awe regarding Misha’s fur was because she thought it would be great for a coat.

   The boy that accompanied her was Polish and I remember that his name was something like Dawid or Dominik though I have no idea where I know it from because she never referred to him by name and he seemed awfully shy and hardly spoke. This Helenor lady turned out to be some kind of seamstress, and she went to the trouble of making several different dresses for me and decided to check if any of them actually suits me only after she was done with making them. And the Dawid/Dominik boy was like her assistant or something, carrying stuff after her, picking up her needles and reminding her things that she forgot to do which seemed to be a very regular occurrence. Like I said he was extremely shy and seemed to be even afraid to speak louder, but at the same Time he didn’t seem to like his job at all and as he stood in the corner and Waited for Helenor to be done with me I heard him sighing theatrically all the time as if this was the most boring day of his life. She, meanwhile, was super enthusiastic about her job, to the point that I guess it must have been a bit infectious, because while I normally hate things like trying on clothes and stuff like that, but this time round I totally didn’t mind. All the dresses that she brought me were in a bit different styles, but they were all extremely elegant and fancy and old-fashioned, like ball gowns, one actually had something that I suppose must have been a crinoline. 

   At some point it finally dawned on me that I had no clue why I’d even need such a ball dress, so I asked Helenor if she knew what all that was about. And she happily explained to me that, basically, the whole idea was hers, and that she herself picked me as the most suitable to attend the ball, and that it was a ball of the fairies and trolls and elves «And you shall be away with the fairies, Bibielle sweeting» – she giggled. – 

   Eventually Helenor decided on a dress that suited me best, and I liked it a lot too. It was long but very airy and light and frilly and made of muslin and Helenor said it was purple. But then she got concerned and said that it’s probably too light and that I’d need to have some warmer outer garment as well and she went on and on how otherwise I might freeze and then she’ll be the one held accountable by the fairies so I assumed it was very likely that I could actually freeze there and she blamed herself in a very dramatic way and despaired over how she hadn’t thought about making me a coat as well. So she ordered Dawid Dominik to fetch all the spare coats that she’d made, I don’t know from where he fetched them and if he really had to carry all the clothes that Helenor has made just in case they could end up being useful. So then Helenor wanted me to try all the coats, and eventually settled on one made of rabbit fur. It was really cute and so soft and fluffy and even had a hood and huge deep pockets, and then she generously offered me her very own rabbit muff, though I didn’t really need it with such huge pockets in the coat.

   She kept oohing and aching about that rabbit coat and how well it looked on me, and went on and on and on about all kinds of things very chaotically in that peculiar accent of hers, and then was suddenly interrupted by the Dawid Dominik boy, who uttered a very loud moan. She turned to him, and he seemed to show her something and point at it and whispered something very agitatedly but I couldn’t understand a word. But Helenor seemed to do, because she got really alarmed or anxious. She quickly grabbed my arm and dragged me into the corner of the room where the boy stood, she switched a light on and they both seemed to inspect something very closely, but I was not sure what it was, which made me feel anxious too. At first I thought they were assessing me up-close like that, and wondered whether perhaps something happened to me suddenly if it caused so much agitation, like, dunno, perhaps I myself suddenly changed into a troll or grown another head or whatever. But the more they looked and debated between themselves in hushed voices and pointed at something the more I started to think that perhaps it’s something in my room. Is there a pile of shit lying somewhere or is it infested by mice or what? I felt more and more uncomfortable not knowing what was going on. And then suddenly Helenor shrieked on what I would assume must have been the top of her lungs: «Jesus Christ help me!» and just disappeared, and Dawid Dominik, dresses, coats and the muff with her. I was speechless and wondered wtf happened, all the more anxiously that I felt I was waking up and I might never know what was the deal with Helenor. Then, as I was already one food in the waking world, someone opened the door of the dream room. It was someone who worked in that place I lived in. She sat on the bed and was like: «So, how did lady Helenor’s visit go? Did she find the right dress for you?» I thought perhaps she’d be able to explain the mystery to me so I told her everything, but she just said something like: «Oh, that’s a pity. But in this case she probably won’t ever come back». I wanted to know why and everything but then I woke up for good and it was 1 PM. 

   I was really amused by that dream once I was able to think clearly, I love it when my brain creates vivid characters like that and then when I wake up I wish they were real. I often try to imagine them again consciously and get them into my Brainworld and I definitely want to do that with Helenor, she’ll be making clothes for Magnus, Nerissa and his children (Magnus and Nerissa are my imaginary sea people who help real people feel happy, and Helenor will fit in their castle perfectly). And where the flip does my brain get such random plot scenarios? It also occurred to me that, while Helenor was so concerned with my not having a coat, she was seemingly oblivious to the fact that I had no appropriate ball shoes. But perhaps fairies dance bare-footed. 😀 

   So, how about you? What made you smile today? Or what made you cry? 🙂 

Question of the day.

   You wake up and realise you’ve just dreamt your entire life and you’re actually only thirteen. What do you do? 

   My answer: 

   Oh flip no, please! That would be awful! I feel relatively really good at this point in my life overall whenn you look at my life as a whole, and I certainly couldn’t say that about the time when I was thirteen. I’m not sure really what I would do though. Perhaps I’d think it’s some sort of false awakening and I’m going to wake up properly soon and realise that me waking up back at thirteen was actually a dream, because I’d be unable to face the reality. I’d keep on living all over again from age thirteen but constantly hoping to wake up properly. 😀 Otherwise, perhaps I’d be so sad and frustrated about it that I’d start crying. For whatever weird reason, I often wake up realising that I’d just been crying in my sleep, or feel like crying because of somethhing that happened in my dream that I often can’t even recall properly but just feel the emotion, so for once I’d have ann actual reason to cry, haha. Or maybe I’d frantically try to remember as much out of it as I only could, so I’d probably at least attempt to write it down, as much as I’d still recall, to be able to look back on it, or perhaps even replicate those bits of it in my life that depended only on my actions, but I guess it would be really difficult to remember such a long, huge dream. Or perhaps I’d just roll over and try my best to fall asleep again and have an episode two of the dream. What’s for sure is that I would probably miss misha most. Lol that would be taking the word hiraeth to the next level – missing a cat who has never existed. – 😀 

   How about you? 🙂 

Jackie Oates – “Dream Angus”.

   Hi people! 🙂 

   Last night I couldn’t fall asleep till like 3 AM or so, and one of the songs that played on my Spotify was this one. I’ve always really liked it, because I generally really like Jackie Oates’ music – she’s been one of the first English folk singers that I started listening to when introducing myself to English folk and not just Irish and Scottish – and because I love lullabies and anything to do with dreams and folklore, but also because this song and especially its chorus reminds me so much of Emily of New Moon, and specifically her first novel A Seller of Dreams. I can’t think of this song without thinking of Emily and her novel, and I can’t think of Emily and her novel without hearing this tune in my brain. But yesterday, as I couldn’t sleep and heard this song, I thought how I’d really, seriously appreciate it if Angus was actually a thing. As you may know, practically the whole summer was really difficult for me sleep- and anxiety-wise, with loads of crappy sleep paralysis and scary dreams and stuff like that. So I thought how comforting it would be if you could just buy yourself a dream or two or five for the night ahead, so that you’d know in advance what dreams you’d be having and could fall asleep happily and peacefully. 

   I mentioned to you guys recently how my Mum is possibly getting herself an Apple Watch, and recently when WatchOS 9 came out I looked up its features for her as she was curious. I told her that there is some improvement to how you can track your sleep and she was like: “Oh, cool, it’ll be nice to look back at my dreams”. Obviously she was joking, but I thought that wow, I’d like it if one day we’d be able to do that, if Apple Watch had such a feature it would actually convince me to get it as well. 😀 I’m a very vivid dreamer, but sometimes when you have a lovely dream, the only thing you really remember upon waking is some sort of pleasant emotion, and it would have been nice to just open some app and have a look at what it was exactly what you dreamt about and always have it with you. Or if you wake up with heebiejeebies and don’t know what they’re about, you could also look back and see what the scary thing you dreamt of was and if it feels equally scary while you’re awake or perhaps just totally ridiculous and not worth fretting over. And even if they were scary in the waking world as well, I think that in many situations, looking back through your dream while being able to think rationally and clearly and being more in control of it could be a good way to desensitise yourself to it and make it feel less scary anyway, so it could even be a good therapeutic method perhaps. And so last night when I was listening to Dream Angus, I was suddenly all like: “What if one day we could have a virtual version of Angus?” Like, if you’d have a possibility to look back on your dreams, why not be able to buy dreams somehow, through App Store, Google Play or something? 😀 You’d have like a HUGE collections of dreams to choose from or could even design your very own dreams. I wonder though how these dreams would actually end up in our brains, any ideas, anyone? 

   As for Jackie Oates, I’ve already shared one song by her in the past – The Worthy Wood Carol on Christmas Eve one year – but I don’t think I’d introduced her properly then. Jackie is a singer and fiddle player who was born in Congleton in Cheshire, raised in Staffordshire, and now as far as I’m aware lives in Wallingford in Oxfordshire. This song comes from her 2013 album Lullabies, which s probably my favourite album by her. “Dream Angus” is a traditional Scottish tune, based on the myth of Angus or Aengus, Celtic god of love, dreams and poetic inspiration. Angus was son of Dagda and Boan who could shapeshift, and, just like in this song, he gave lovely, calm dreams to people. He is the equivalent of Mabon from Welsh mythology. In this song we can hear Jackie playing the viola, and she is accompanied by Belinda O’Hooley from O’Hooley and Tidow on piano and by a string section from Iceland. 

Slowgold – “Drömmar” (Dreams).

   Hiya people! 🙂 

    Today I’d like to share with you a song from a very successful and quite versatile Swedish artist, who I think is quite underrated if known at all everywhere else. Slowgold is the stage name of Amanda Werne, who is based in Göteborg, although it’s also the name under which her band is known collectively. This is my favourite song by her and below is my translation of the lyrics. 

    I have Dreams, Dreams to remember
Dreams that must be allowed to exist
In my dreams there are blue skies
There am I in your arms and the hatred turns away
After sleep my back is weak
Want to make up for all the old days
I have Dreams, Dreams to remember
That tomorrow is my day
I have Dreams, dreams to remember
That tomorrow is my day, my day
In my dreams there are cheerful headlines
In my dreams no one is disappointed
In my dreams we have another go
And my back is not weak anymore
I have dreams, dreams to remember
That tomorrow is my day
I have dreams, dreams to remember
That tomorrow is my day, my day. 

Question of the day.

What was the greatest pleasure you ever felt?

My answer:

It’s really hard to pick just one thing, since there were several experiences in my life that I felt great pleasure from, and now after some time has passed it’s difficult to say which one was actually the strongest. But I often have a whole lot of pleasure from hearing “my” languages. Sometimes it’s to the point where it goes beyond just being aesthetically pleasing or even synaesthetically pleasing and I feel it like on a physical level, especially right before I fall asleep or when I wake up but haven’t yet woken up fully, and when I hadn’t heard the language in question in a long time and the speaker has an interesting accent or uses some word that I like the sound of and that is new to me or something like that, it’s absolute bliss when it happens. The same thing can sometimes happen to me when listening to music when something really really really really really resonates with me on, like, a sensory level, I don’t know how to put it. Just like there is music which can give me sensory heebiejeebies, so there can be music which works in the opposite way, except the latter phenomenon is sadly less frequent. It’s kinda like frisson except more intense because I get frisson a lot and it’s not quite the same.

Another thing that stands out to me is the intense relief I felt after my final exams were over. I guess it was only then that I fully realised how much of a strain on my brain the whole year has been, especially with all the preparations for the math part. At that point I didn’t have the results yet, except for oral exams and I got 100% from both oral Polish and oral English (with oral Polish it was mostly just a stroke of luck that I got the best question I possibly could), and while from the beginning I knew that it’s entirely possible that I won’t pass the math (and I didn’t, as you may know) for the time being between passing all the exams and getting the results I decided not to think about it at all. And I can still quite clearly remember the feeling I got after all the exams were over and when I came back home (I wasn’t taking them in my actual school but a special school for the blind a few hours’ drive away, but a different one to the one I used to attend earlier, which from perspective I can say wasn’t a good idea because it only ended up being way more stressful and didn’t give me any benefit over taking them in my actual, local mainstream school). I came into my room and it was like I got hit by a wave of euphoria and relief and like my brain was flying, it felt so good not having anything to do with the screwed education system anymore haha, and not having to deal with all the math stuff or travelling to that fricken school anymore. It was like all the stress I’d been feeling for the past year suddenly left me all at once.

Also when I have some real cool dreams, the first seconds after waking up feel priceless. It feels a bit sad because you know the dream is over, but you’re still stuck in the dream with one foot and you can still experience the great feel of it while being almost awake, I just totally love it.

What was such a thing for you? 🙂

If We Were Having Coffee… #WeekendCoffeeShare

Welcome to another

#WeekendCoffeeShare! 🙂

Our host is Natalie, so if you’d like to join in with your own coffee share, you can go over to her blog. 🙂

We’ve just had our lunch, and there’s still a lot of chicken breast left, so help yourself if you fancy, or if you’d rather have a lighter snack I can give you some salted peanuts, or feel free to bring something with yourself and share with other peeps if you want. Help yourself to coffee or tea or cocoa or or my Mum’s homemade black lilac juice, or I think we’ve got some kefir as well if you’d prefer that, or perhaps water. So, if you’re all sitting comfortably and have something to drink or munch on, let’s get started.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask each of you how you’ve been doing lately…? 🙂

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, actually, this week hasn’t been very eventful, so I probably won’t have all that much to share with y’all, but I just wanted to have a coffee share, even if for a brief check-in, as I guess the last one we had was over a month ago.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that we’ve been having a fair bit of spring-like weather, interspersed with really chilly, windy and often rainy days. It was even hailing quite heavily earlier this week. Today is one of those chillier days and it’s raining all the time. As you may perhaps remember, we live by the river, it flows through our backyard, so we are at quite a high flood risk. We’ve already had a few minor floodings since we moved here which were scary, and now my Dad has been really stressed out that this year it will be more hardcore with the amount of rain we’re getting and are still supposed to get.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m really pleased with my linguistic development over the last few weeks, mainly when it comes to Welsh, as currently this is the language I’m learning most actively because I’m not fluent in it yet, but also Swedish to a lesser extend, because I’ve been reading a lot in the latter. Concerning the former, I catch myself more and more often on having random bits of thoughts in Welsh, and not right after learning or when I’m sleepy or tired, which is most often when my languages mix up, but just randomly. My subjective feeling is also that my listening comprehension must have improved a bit lately. That’s all very motivating.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, despite the usual ups and downs and myy anxiety being a bit up this weekend due to having quite an interesting and lengthy sleep paralysis session on Friday, mood-wise I’m still doing really well, most of the time with my mood being around what I consider my baseline, sometimes lower but not very low or not for long and usually in clear connection to something situational. Even Maggie, aka my inner self-critic, has been strangely quiet lately, not totally quiet but noticeably less active, she mostly just wakes up when I engage more with people or especially afterwards, but if she wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t be alive. It has been like this for over three months now and it’s quite surprising. Yes, my amazing

faza peak

is still there, which certainly contributes to it, but despite being a really long peak compared with my previous experiences, it’s not an extremely intense one at all at this point, I’ve had much more intense faza peaks before, but I’m not sure the peak is solely responsible for this, especially not for Maggie’s unusual behaviour. Whatever the cause might be though, I’m quite happy with the results, I’m just a bit worried that after being up for so long, at least for my standards, at some point I will have a spectacular slide downhill, lower than I’ve had in a long time. I guess kind of like when there’s a draught for long, then you’ll have a storm and the longer it was dry, the stronger the storm will be.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, while I do still get migraines like once or twice weekly, they have really gotten better in terms of intensity, regardless of what medicine I take, or even if I don’t take anything. They are shorter and not so incapacitating, and often will go away or lessen very significantly when I just have a nap or will totally go away after a solid night’s sleep, so it’s really not such a problem anymore. In case you don’t know, I’ve had migraines on and off for years, but for most of that time, they really weren’t very problematic, and I considered myself lucky compared with a lot of other migraine folks. Then the year before last, in November, I suddenly started getting them a lot more often, and they were a lot more painful and difficult to get rid of, and extremely easily triggered by just about any stressful situation or anything that could possibly trigger a migraine. Admittedly, I did have quite a stressful time then and my brain was going bonkers with rumination and anxiety so my main theory was that it really must be the stress doing this. Then things got better again in January, last year which coincided with my stress levels going a bit down overall, until September when, again, I started having yucky migraines. This time, I wasn’t in a lot of stress or anxiety really, just my normal anxious brain but nothing beyond that and nothing turbulent going on in my life at that specific time of the year, so I couldn’t blame the stress anymore. That lasted again until about January this year. So, considering this, I’m fairly sure there must be some seasonal pattern, like a lot of people seem to have, and for a lot of people their migraines also seem to get worse around autumn-winter. I’m very curious why. That could perhaps also be responsible for why I always had more severe migraines right at the start of a school year, which everyone was thinking must be to do with stress – which surely was also an important factor but as it seems not the only one. – Well, I used to have recurrent allergic bronchitis almost every autumn-winter season, and now that it seems to be mostly cured finally, I’ll have seasonal migraines instead. Life’s never boring. 😀

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, with the exception of sleep paralysis I had on Friday, I’ve been having absolutely hilarious dreams lately, and extremely vivid. I love having vivid dreams after which, when you wake up, you just have to laugh out loud at the absurdity of them. And I met some interesting folks in Dreamland that I wish could exist in real life.

What would you share if we were having coffee? 🙂

 

Question of the day.

When was the last time you cried, and why?

My answer:

Can’t remember for the life of me. I’ve often been getting those weird dreams for the last half a year or so, from which I can often hardly remember anythiing, but when I wake up I either feel like crying for a little while before I feel fully awake and realise there’s no need for that, or my eyes are wet as if I was crying not long ago. Other than that I really can’t remember.

How about you? 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people! 🙂

What was the last thing you cried about?

My answer:

Can’t recall anything I’d cry about recently, except for that I had a weird dream a few nights before and woke up crying a bit but once I woke up for good I could not remember what it was about, other than it was a bit upsetting but couldn’t recall any details at all. Such strange dreams have been happening weirdly often to me for a year or so. Not like super frequently but it almost never happened to me before and now it’s every few months or more often. But since I normally don’t remember the dreams in much detail afterwards, or if I do, they’re no longer that very upsetting after I wake up, it’s not a big deal, just kind of strange. Perhaps my brain compensates for my crying inhibition during daytime or something.

You? 🙂

Question of the day.

Hey guys! 🙂

If you could choose a job that’s impossible for you to have (because of a disability/condition you have, lack of some necessary traits/qualities, your location, because it doesn’t exist anymore, because you’re too old etc. etc.), which one would it be?

My answer:

I think I could come up with more, as I like to dream of having all sorts of lives, both such that I would seriously like to live or not necessarily, just so that my perspective is richer and life is more interesting, but a job that I’ve always wanted to have and it’s highly unlikely I’d ever be able to have is to be a neurosurgeon. As many of you may know, I’m very much into human brain and a lot of things that have to do with it, and have been since many years. What first made me think of that I would really like to be a neurosurgeon were conversations with my horse riding instructor – who is also a neurologist and anaesthesiologist by profession at the same time – that I’ve had about all things brain related since about when I was 11. Also around that time, but I guess coincidentally and without the connection to my conversations with the horse riding instructor, I started to read books on human brain, and one that I remember particularly vividly from that time was a book by Jurgen Thorwald, its original is in German, I read it in Polish of course but I can’t find the English title, the Polish title would translate to “The Fragile House of the Soul” and it was about the history of brain surgery. It was a bit scary for me back then, but despite that, incredibly fascinating. While neurobiology and neuroscience are also fascinating, I think I’d enjoy it more to be a neurosurgeon than just neuroscientist as it would be less dry, though I guess I could as well be both. As I said though, naturally, it’s quite unlikely I’d be able to become a neurosurgeon in this life, first and foremost because I am blind, so that would be quite a disaster if I started to play around with people’s brains and people who already have some problems with their brains to begin with. 😀 Theoretically, my optic nerve could suddenly get stimulated or something and develop, though chances for that aren’t high and these days I’d probably not learn to actually see properly even if it would be fully developed, and I’m not quite sure I’d seriously like that to happen to me, even though a lot of people think it’s my biggest dream to be able to see even a little bit. I think that would be hugely shocking for a congenitally blind person, if not traumatising. But even if that happened to me and I would be able to learn how to use my sight properly, I’m still not sure I’d be the right fit for a neurosurgeon realistically, as my fine motor skills and coordination are both quite messed up, and while it could be influenced more or less by blindness, it’s not wholly caused by it as such so that would not go away miraculously. Oh, and obviously I’d have to redo my math finals to be able to study medicine, and being able to see would probably not make my math issues go away. 😀 But I was never frustrated that I can’t be a neurosurgeon or anything like that. It was always a bit of a pity for me, but not like I would feel really awful or imbittered about it, because I knew from the beginning it would have to stay in the sphere of my dreams.

What would that job be for you? 🙂

Question of the day (21st September).

What frivolous thing do you really want, but couldn’t possibly have? My answer:
I understand frivolous as something you want, but don’t need at all, just a whim.
In my case, that would be a harp. I mean my own harp. Preferably a Celtic harp, though there are still lots of kinds of Celtic harps, but I don’t know which one I like the most. And if you don’t know me well enough, no, I don’t play harp. And even if I wouldn’t ever learn to play it, I would take great pleasure in just having it. I consider people who are privileged to have (not rent) their own harp very lucky in life. What would it be for you? 🙂

If We Were Having Coffee… a midweek coffee share.

Anyone up for a cuppa coffee at 9 PM? Or probably it will be even later by the time I finish this post. But perhaps it’s earlier where you are so if you want a coffee, grab a cup of it and join in. Or drink whatever you feel like. I can offer you a coffee, or an iced coffee, green tea, black tea, some herbal teas, or raspberry tea, kefir, Pepsi, or water. Or you can bring something yourself so that it’ll be more diverse.

I have a lot of snacks this time that I can share with you, I’ve made a big big shopping last week, thinking I’ll be alone for a week so will need a lot of yummy stuff to munch on. A lot of sweets, like biscuits, chocolate, some hard candy, gummybears, lots of stuff that it’ll probably take me weeks or months to deal with myself so I’ll need people to help me out! But you can still bring in your own food. We don’t have much serious food here right now, no yummy dishes or anything like that, as Mum is the one who cooks those and she’s just come back from my uncle’s funeral, but I’ve also stocked the house with instant soups, pasta sauces and all sorts of cereal and yoghurts and such.

I won’t be eating anything this time, actually I only ate a little today, a late breakfast and some cookies with Zofijka, I feel kinda weird physically and don’t even have an idea why, I’m tired and a bit nauseous and lousy and I felt like not doing this coffee share today, but I need to catch up with you and tell you about an idea I had, so I don’t want to delay it all the time.

So, grab something you feel like drinking and eating, find yourself a cosy and comfy place to sit, and let’s start our coffee share properly.

If we were having coffee I’d ask all of you how are you doing and how has the last week and this week so far been for you?… 🙂

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I was on a very unexpected trip to Masuria last week. my Dad just got kind of a suden idea that he’d like to go to Masuria because he’s on holidays for over two weeks now. Masuria is a sort of go-to, traditional place for some longer holidays for us. My Mum has family there, and my Dad is very much into WWII stuff so there’s a lot to explore for him. The food is heavenly there, and so are the views and just the general atmosphere. We didn’t have much time to spend there, as they were supposed to go on another trip with my Mum’s family to the Bieszczady mountains, so we left on… Thursday, I guess, and were meant to go back home on Saturday if not earlier. We didn’t do much there though, because the plans regarding their other trip were changing constantly, and my Dad got cross about it, so in the end we were home on Friday early evening. Still, I mostly liked the trip, despite my Dad’s constant irritability getting on my nerves and my own moods shifting quite a bit which was difficult to contain but I think I succeeded at it very much. It helped me to sort of get away from my anxieties, clear my mind a little, and, while the depression was still echoing somewhere in the background, my anxiety and rumination had significantly lessened while I was away, which was actually surprising, normally I’m one big nervous wreck when travelling for longer than a day and sleeping in a stranger place and all.

We went to one small town called Mikołajki and were just wandering aimlessly around it, I bought myself a cat figurine made of porcelain, it’s blue, as in the Russian blue Misha. 😀 Oh yeah and I mised Misha terribly! I guess I’ll always have that messed up in my brain, when longing for someone, it feels like I’m never going to see them anymore or will have to lose them again very soon, it feels much more of a loss than it is, no matter what I tell myself, no matter that I know I’ll see Misha in 2 days, which is ridiculously short, it’s so stupid and shitty, I hate it. My Dad really wanted to take a ship there, around the lake in Mikołajki, but I flat out refused because it was very windy and I was afraid my vestibular system won’t cooperate, so he was enraged, but couldn’t have any discussion with me. The next day Mum wanted to go somewhere by ship, and it wasn’t that windy so I gritted my teeth and said OK, but to my surprise Dad said we don’t have to and he doesn’t want to force me. Not quite like him, but while I would deal with that, after all we’ve sailed to Sweden and such and I dealt with it, I was happy I didn’t have to go through it again without a sound reason. 😀

After we’ve seen almost the entire Mikołajki, we went to Ełk where we very supposed to sleep, but my Dad – always planning ahead and even a bit stiff – went all wild and spontaneous this time and hadn’t booked us a place anywhere. He doesn’t have a debit/credit card, I left mine at home and Mum was almost skint so couldn’t pay for us, while all the online booking stuff only accepts cards obviously. So he was all raging, until we finally found a hotel that he could plain phone and pay them directly with cash. 😀 I was starting to think that we might end up going back home at night, so fumin he was.

I had really weird, like really weird and rather creepy dreams, some in a cool creepy way and very creative, one was gloomy-creepy and even more odd, and involved me having ECT. Only that if ECT really looked like that… it was even worse than in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”. I don’t know what I had that for, was it depression or whatever, I just know I was seeing a very authoritarian doctor there who said something is definitely very wrong with my brain and I need ECT to get it working properly, he was the kind of person who knows everything about you before you even get a chance to say anything. It was a really gloomy and awfully depressing hospital, I felt sick just being there, and I guess it was quite a long distance from my home, because when he announced to me that I’d have to come there I guess every month me and my Mum were very unsatisfied. He first wanted me to sit there and wait for my turn while there were like a dozen of odd, metal beds with people on them, who had all something wrong with their brains, they had some stuff connected to their brains, I don’t know, wires or electrodes or whatever it was, something was beeping all the time like in a trashy medical thriller movie, the doctors were doing something to their brains, like manipulating with them with their hands, they were bound to their beds, and they had awful, like horrible, horrifying seizures, it looked gross, heart-wrenching and creepy and their dignity was taken away from them. I guess they weren’t unconscious but in some altered state of consciousness. And then I had all that stuff too, only that I didn’t have the seizures, instead I felt awful and woke up with no memory. And I know I talked with some of those people who were there, one of them was very much like my friend Jacek from Helsinki, and he told me he’s been having that for 5 years every month and he feels less and less like himself and that I should run away from there. I came back home and my whole extended family came to me to wish me speedy recovery but I didn’t even care about anything and it felt really strenuous to think. And then slowly, life would just go back to normal, and as soon as I’d start regaining my colourful brain, feeling OK, getting back my memories and was less scared of what happened, it was time to go back to that prick. It was weird that I couldn’t even just refuse, everyone was saying I have to, they were very sad about it but were saying it will help me in the end. I often have dreams when people force me to do things and no matter how hard I refuse or fight, or how diplomatically I’d try to persuade them out of it, they have to have it their way. I wonder does that mean something? 😀 So yeah, that was my dream, in a nutshell, I was going back and forth from there and seeing all those people and having it done to myself and recovering, until finally when I came there and he put me on the bed I just woke up. First I was creeped out and wondered why the hell I had such a gross dream, and it haunted me for a while, but then I started laughing at how creative my brain is. Guess I really could write thrillers based on my dreams, only I don’t like thrillers! 😀 Would like to have a talk with my brain and ask it where it got it from, during your average jolly family trip. Maybe something was wrong with that hotel! 😀

Anyway, as I told you, the next day we had to go back home, but before we did that, we visited Augustów and I had the yummiest iced latte there. And both on our way to Masuria and back home we stopped for a dinner in a lovely restaurant where I had absolutely scrumptious pierogi. Apart from my Mum’s and perhaps my grandma’s, I don’t think I’ve eaten better. Not in a restaurant for sure, and most often we eat frozen which are rather dull, so it was a great surprise! But pierogi in Masuria usually tend to be very good. So as I said my parents were supposed to go for another trip on Sunday, and they did, but had to go back, because my uncle died that same day from cancer. They normally probably wouldn’t go back, but grandma was going with them and she wanted to take part in the funeral. Coincidentally, my uncle lived in Masuria, so yesterday in the morning my family were heading back there and have just come back. I was at home with Zofijka and Misha, and Olek, but Olek’s mostly at work. For those of you who read my “Some Random Questions” post, if you’re curious, no, our house didn’t catch fire, Misha didn’t choke and Zofijka didn’t bring a norovirus home from her swimming camp, although I’m feeling really interestingly today so actually who knows… (no, brain, don’t think about that now!), instead, Zofijka came home sobbing hysterically, but didn’t want to talk so I asked Mum as for how I should handle it and Mum said I should ignore it and that means she really enjoyed the camp… Yeah, I see… No, seriously, I get it. There’s a whole long school year until another camp. I hated camps but still, I know the feeling. She’s better now, and has been out with her mates for most of the day. But my parents are going for another trip yet (my Dad’s determination to challenge the  fate is pretty admirable) only not to Bieszczady but somewhere nearer, so hopefully the smaller distance will help in making it a success finally. 😀

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Misha is being really sweet to me lately, which helps me a lot every day. I suspect it’s my little secret bottle of Mish ice cream (his favourite thick sauce) that I’ve got that made him feel so amicably towards me. Those sauces come in little tubes, so you squeeze them out and if we want to have fun Misha can lick it like ice-cream, but it gets messy and I don’t wfind those tubes very user-friendly. So Mum came up with an idea that for the time when they’ll be away she’ll put a few sauces into a bottle so I’ll have it easier to give it to him and dose properly, it’s like an oil bottle. The thing is you of course have to store those sauces in the fridge, or at least in a dark place, so I had to use up that bottle quick. I used up most of it, but sadly, some of the sauce had turned sour, I was afraid not to overfeed him. I still have his normal snacks, but the sauce effect hasn’t worn out yet and Misha graciously spends most of his very precious time with me and sleeps in his bed next to me at night, as well as has his longest day nap always here. It’s really so lovely! 🙂

If we were having coffee, I’d share my idea with you, which I think is great, but I need your feedback, as it has to do with my blog and with you as my readers! I’ve been thinking about it loads and it’s not a very new idea, but, as is most often the case with me, I needed to thoroughly think it through. The idea is such – I’ve been thinking about doing something like a yearly My Inner MishMash reader award – don’t know what its actual name could be yet but that’s a secondary thing. – There are tons of awards in the blogosphere, some people like them and find them nice, for some they’re annoying, so I wasn’t thinking a blog award, like write a post and nominate people etc. Especially that, as far as I am aware, those awards tend to be connected with badges, or other banners or pics, as a way to emphasise and show that someone’s blog has been awarded and I have no idea about that. My idea is more about expressing my gratitude to my readers, having fun blogging, and just connecting with people in a fun way, and also it’d be like a small giveaway. Every year, I would pick three readers of My Inner MishMash that I think have been most involved, that come here regularly, comment etc. and that I feel particularly grateful for having them around. That would be based on my own judgment and feelings, but also on the comments stats. Then I would send out small packages to those folks, with mini things like some typically Polish yummies, T-Shirts with Misha, Mish-themed Christmas cards (as that would be sometime around Christmas and New Year) and such, I’m open for suggestions here. I’d also make an official post announcing the “winners” (although it’s not about winning and losing, obviously I’m grateful for all my engaged/reglar readers who enjoy being here at My Inner MishMash, whether you comment a lot or just read my posts, but I can’t send gratitude packages to all of you every year 😀 ). Or maybe that post would go before I’d send the packages, and it could have a bit of an award form, that part needs deeper thinking. But what I need most at the moment is for you to say what you think, if you like the idea, are you up for it? Any ideas for a name for this invention? Right now I’m considering My Inner Mishmash Involvement Award (MIMIA) or My Inner MishMash Readership Award (MIMRA), it’s not really an award but it looks better in the acronyms than giveaway, but that feels a little stiff, or maybe it’s just me. My other idea is just simple EMisha’s Christmas Mini Care Package. Yeah, could use some feedback… I love baby names, but titles and such aren’t my ground as much.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m getting lots of new equipment soon! I’m happy not happy. I’ve got the maximum funding for my new Braille-Sense and Plextalk, so I really don’t have to pay much myself compared with the original price especially of Braille-Sense, which is good. I also decided to get a new computer, the one I have right now is about 5 and just seems to feel like retiring soon. My current computer is a laptop, but the one I’m going to get is a desktop, simply because it seems more logical for me, I almost only use my laptop in my room anyway. I’m happy because the change is really needed, especially re Braille-Sense, which is a geriatric, but I’m not happy and all anxious and fidgety because I hate hate hate changes and seem to have some internal problem with tech stuff and changing it, arrrghhhh. It’s not because of the sentiment, I just hate change, I’m afraid something will go wrong, or I won’t be able to transition and adjust, I won’t learn to handle the different things, which is quite unlikely. I guess I’d never had that strong anxiety with tech related transitions before, I guess before most of them I was very happy most of all, I don’t like the intensity of it at all. I’m gonna have my new stuff in the end of August.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, although I’m not sleepy, because I woke up at about 11:30 AM today, I feel very tired for some reason and kind of weird so I’m going to bed soon.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee? 🙂

 

Question of the day.

What are five things you’re grateful for this week so far?

My answer:

1. A very nice meeting we had on Tuesday that was organised by Zofijka’s friend’s mum, I wrote about it in the coffee share post, would give the link but I’m posting via email so don’t have it at hand. It was a very interesting meeting and a very nice one.

2. My anti-anxiety medication. The meeting wouldn’t be quite as good for me without it, and even with it it was still a bit of a challenge socially.

3. My exquisitely Scottish dreams that I had the night before the last. I just don’t know what happened, but I assume it’s also my anti-anxiety med that I should thank for that, to some degree at least, that it made me sleep so deeply and for so long. When we came back from the meeting, I felt a bit tired, like sleepy, and I thought it was because of the med, as it sometimes works like that for me. So I went to bed really quickly and early and was knocked out in a minute, or not much longer really. And then, I had one absolutely crazy, gloomy, sad and awful dream to do more or less with my past, but then I had loads and loads of Scottish-themed dreams, it was incredible! As if I had some calling from Scotland or whatever! Like I had one dream about being on holidays in Edinburgh, then another about a gig I went to with my Dad, of a harpist and I even remember her name – she was Aileen or Eileen MACHamish – beautiful name (especially that Hamish is one of my recent fastest rising personal boy name favourites, how did my brain know that?!), and she was also a fabulous harpist. But sadly it doesn’t seem like Aileen/Eileen MACHamish even exists! Then I had a dream involving Julie Fowlis (a Scottish singer who sings in Scottish Gaelic, and whose songs I’ve shared here some time ago and am certainly going to share more over time). I remember that there was a BBQ at my gran’s, we were all sitting in her garden, my family that is, and I was sitting on a swing that my gran has in there, with Julie Fowlis, and I remember we were chatting about something and both very absorbed in it and laughing a lot and hugging each other, and we had both crazily heavy Scottish accents, even Julie doesn’t normally have an accent like that, not to mention me! 😀 It was a bit comical. I also watched “Brave” with Zofijka, you know, that Disney movie about Merida and her mum who was transformed into a bear, the only Disney movie I actually care about at all. We did watch it with Zofijka loads of times and by the way Julie Fowlis sang in there. And I even dreamt about my potential boss, or the one I hoped would be my boss. You might remember that I was looking into another job opportunity about two months ago. So that company I so wanted to work with was Scottish, and I dreamt about the guy who’d be my boss there if I’d get that job. 😀 But while in our email exchange he was reasonably nice, in my dream he was very grumpy and not at all likeable. And I had other Scottish-themed dreams too but I don’t remember enough of them to have any very specific recollections. Anyway, that was cool, and funny and I really enjoyed all those dreams. I guess that must be some sort of a sign that I seriously should do Scots as my next language! 😀

4. The fan in my room. And that even though it’s really hot this week again, and I’ve had a lot of headaches thanks to this, I didn’t get another migraine.

5. Audible, Audible credits, and interesting books in ENglish.

What would be your five things? 🙂

Naomi Pilgrim – “House Of Dreams”.

And here is the second song from Naomi Pilgrim that I want to show you. I LOVE the lyrics, that’s the main reason I like this song so much. I’ve heard it for the first time only yesterday yet it’s still in my mind and I feel like listening to it over, and over, and over again. If I’m honest with you, at the beginning, when I listened to it for the very first time, it didn’t sit right with me really. I’ve said that I appreciate Naomi’s way with harmonies, the way she creates her music, the way it is produced. And I could see that the harmonies in this song were also really interesting to hear, very captivating, but I have that sensory thing with some sounds, not only with sounds, with harmonies too. Sometimes I just hear a song and it may be even beautiful, interesting, cool, but… ick, at some point there is something in the harmonies, that I guess other people don’t perceive the same, I’ve asked dozens of people believe me, that gives me a quick adrenalin shot, the dose depends on how bothering it is, and it just makes me feel kind of anxious… uncomfortable… I don’t know how to explain it… I guess as if it was incompatible with my brain. 😀 It’s not about disharmony, just certain types of sounds and harmonies, or maybe sequences of sounds I should say, I don’t know if there is any objective rule or a specific kind of things that can make me feel this way. It’s a weird feeling. But that’s just one of my sensory quirks. Usually, if I get that, it’s not passable, and I know I should avoid the thing that triggered this feeling in me, especially if it’s strong because it can get worse and make me feel just more generally anxious and unsettled. But I kept on listening to this song, because I was curious, and it felt like with time it actually stopped bothering me so much. Maybe because I focused on these great lyrics. And at this point, I can ignore the stuff that doesn’t agree with my brain, and now as it doesn’t bother me so much, it feels like it makes the song more intriguing. I wish I could do that with everything and with much more intense stuff. 😀 Weirdly, soul seems to be the kind of music that very often contains such harmonies and sequences that make me feel unsettled more or less. I do love this song  overall, and I do love the dream-like feel of it and Naomi’s vocals and, as I said, the lyrics above all. Dreamers unite. 😀

Song of the day (16th May) – Ida Redig – “I Min Lilla Värld Av Blommor” (In My Little World Of Flowers).

Hi guys! 🙂

I have such a lovely cute song for you. It was originally written for one of my favourite films “Rännstensungar” (Guttersnipes), only not for the version that I love so much, but the earlier one, from 1944. It was sung by one of the main characters, Ninni. You might know from my earlier posts why I love this film so much and why I love it in the later version from 1974, in particular, but chances are that you might not know, so I’ll tell you again. 😀 I love it so much because in the 1974 version, one of the main characters – the painter Johan Fahlen –  is played by one of my music crushes Cornelis Vreeswijk, who apart from being a very fertile and well-known musician, a lesser known but no less expressive poet, had also fantastic acting skills and was an actor in a couple films. I absolutely loved him in this role, it was amazing! Besides, the plot of the film is very interesting and moving too. When I discovered this film and that it is on Youtube, I watched it on my own for the first time, but then got frustrated because I had huge gaps because of course I couldn’t see, plus my Swedish wasn’t that very good. So then the next time I watched it I did it with Zofijka, who also loved it, and she still begs me quite regularly and wants to watch “the film about Ninni”. So when I watched it with Zofijka, we both were telling each other what we can figure out so we could understand much more, me with her vision and she with my Swedish. That’s why collaborating can be really useful at times. And since that day, we got really crazy on “Rännstensungar” and watched them pretty much every day for a while. It’s definitely not typical for me to get so crazy about a film. Now I hadn’t watched it in ages so I did it today, without Zofijka and hope she won’t kill me for that when I tell her.

As I said, the film is about a girl called Ninni. Ninni can’t walk, and at the beginning of the film we learn that her mum has died. A friend of the family called Johan Fahlen, who is a poor and not well known painter takes care of her. Ninni’s biggest passion are flowers, and as she says herself, flowers are the most beautiful thing she knows. Both Ninni and Fahlen, whom she regards as her daddy, are hoping that someday she will be able to walk, and he is particularly determined, though it doesn’t seem like it could be possible. Ninni’s biggest dream is that she’d like to live in the countryside and live there, and see all the flowers in the world. Again, this doesn’t seem possible, because she lives in the city and they don’t have enough funds to make it true. But the ending is very very happy. 🙂

I think the film is gorgeous, so you can watch it

here

if you wish, although I don’t know if it’s going to be as enjoyable for you as it was for me because there are no subtitles as far as I am aware so you’d have to speak Swedish. You can have Zofijka’s perspective then. 😀 And there is of course this song sung by the girl who plays Ninni in this version, it was Karin Falk.

And so some time ago, I was pleasantly surprised seeing the song “I Min Lilla Värld Av Blommor” on Spotify, in quite an interesting version, by Ida Redig. I really like her arrangement of it, although it’s in a way quite different from how it sounded in both films from 1944 and 1974. I think her version is really beautiful. And I like the lyrics of this song, it’s basically about Ninni’s passion for flowers and her imaginary world that is full of flowers, where there is a place for everyone and children are playing, and she is dancing among the flowers. And there is no sorrow or pain, no one screams at you and people are always happy. Quite an escapist and idealist she is, ain’t she? 🙂 So here’s the Ida Redig’s version, unfortunately only on Spotify.

Question of the day (31st March).

Hi people. 🙂

I’ve been feeling fairly shitty physically the last couple of days, the reason of it is quite enigmatic for me, anyways I didn’t have energy for almost anything, so I’m sorry for neglecting you for another couple of days. I really hope I can start functioning normally again ’cause it’s annoying. OK, so my question for you is such:

What is something you day dream about?

My answer:

What I day dream about? Everything! Absolutely anything and everything. Even stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily like to happen in real life, but day dreaming about them is cool, even just because you can stop any minute, and switch to some other dream. Daydreaming is one of my absolutely favourite things to do, and to which I’m sort of addicted, as my brain likes to switch into the daydream mode whenever it likes nowadays, often without consulting it thoroughly with me. 😀 And then it’s too big a temptation for me to just give it up. I had one guy call me Dreammie years ago lol. I like that I can have the full control over my day dreams and do whatever I fancy in them. If I don’t have anything better to do or I’m feeling like rubbish and out of energy like I’ve been recently I’ll spend hours just day dreaming. Usually I prefer doing something else at the same time which doesn’t need focusing too much because naturally I tend to lose track of time when I’m daydreaming so it’s a pity to waste so much time if you can do something productive at the same time too, but sometimes I just lie on my bed with the headphones and some music and dream, and it just goes on its own, I don’t have to even think much about what I’d like to dream about, but if I’d rather dream about something different I can do it. That’s why daydreams are better than when you sleep because when you sleep you never know what’s waiting for you on the other side, do you? And you usually can’t be in control. So, no, I don’t think I can just tell you what I day dream about, because it can be simply everything.

So how about you? Any fellow dreamaholics out there? 😀

Question of the day.

Hi people. 🙂

My question for you today is:

What’s your dream holiday?

My answer:

Any of my favourite countries (Sweden, Finland, UK, Ireland, Netherlands, Faroe Islands), or just spent at home with Misha and all my favourite things, going to the beach sometimes.

Yours? 🙂

Question of the day.

You’re getting to build the house of your dreams, so…
Tell us about the housewarming?

My answer:

Well, is the housewarming really necessary? If I’m honest, I hate housewarmings. My experience in this matter isn’t very rich and I’m sure you can have a very nice one, but what bothers me about housewarmings is how obligatory they seem to be and more a duty than something you do for fun. You get a new house – you MUST make the housewarming, all the people you know expect you will invite them, and that you will make the housewarming. It’s so obvious for them that they don’t even ask whether you will do it but when. And if they’ve ever invited you to their housewarming, they will be deadly offended if you won’t return the favour, no matter what kind of relationship you have with them. So far all the housewarmings I’ve been to were just soooo boring and hopeless. So far I’ve moved houses twice in my life and when we first moved my parents did the housewarming, but it was a complete failure for various reasons, and my Mum said she’d never ever do it again so we didn’t in our current house.

But OK, as I said I am hopeful that not all housewarmings are so boring and awful. I’d make one if I had some nice people to invite about whom I’d know we’d all have fun together, whatever having fun would mean. It’s my house of dreams plus in such a nice area that I am sure there would be some cool people that I could invite. And I would invite you guys. And some of my pen pals with whom I’m coresponding for a while and know them well and get along. I would also invite some people from my Mum’s family maybe.

So actually chances are that it would be quite a big housewarming. Or no… I have another idea. It wouldn’t be too cool if I’d make one gathering for all the cool people I know from all the environments I’m a part of. It would be way too big, so no fun, and people from different environments maybe wouldn’t get along well enough to feel good. Like I can’t imagine for example C. and my gramma on one party. and not only because of the language bareer, which is another huge issue. So I’d made a few smaller housewarmings.

As I wrote earlier my house would be filled with harps, and I would often make some harp festivals and invite harpists and harpers, particularly Celtic, so maybe we’d have some harp music in the background, or any other kind of good music.

I’d ask my Mum to make some very Polish food like pierogi or her very healthy chicken soup full of colagen with noodles if it wouldn’t be too hot, her yummy homemade bread or other things like that, and all the cakes that she makes that people always devour immediately, so good they are. And I’d ask my Dad to make some smoked meat which people always like. Or my Mum would made just a few dishes that she’s always very good at and we’d hire a catering company to do the rest. I’d also like some Welsh food since the whole thing would take place in Wales.

That’s about some basic stuff.

How about your housewarming?