Share Your World.

It’s been centuries since I last participated in

Share Your World

at Melanie’s. I guess the last time was around… Christmas? That’s what I can remember, which is a shame because I used to participate in SYW pretty regularly and it’s fun. The questions this week are really cool so here goes, and if you’d like to participate too head over to her blog. πŸ™‚

 

  1. Was the last thing you read digital or print? – Digital, pretty much anything I read is digital, because I am blind, and Braille books are quite pricey, clunky, and limited in terms of availability of what you can choose from.
  2. Are you more an extrovert or introvert? – Introvert all the way! Introverts rule! Yay for introverts! 😊 But actually, I read some of the fellow participants’ posts already earlier this week and quite a couple people stated that they are more extroverted on the Internet, and so am I, though it also depends on the circumstances and where on the Internet, the Internet itself doesn’t make me extroverted haha.
  3. How is your life different from what you imagined as a younger person? – Hard to say, because as a child and teen I didn’t have a stable view of what I’d like to be or could be. As a very little child I wanted to be a singer, musician and dancer, and I didn’t want to have children “Because when women don’t want to have children they don’t have to have them, and when they want, they can” (that’s what I said in a film about my nursery where they asked me whom I’d like to be and my family laugh at it on every possible occasion). Indeed, I never really wanted to have children, and still don’t want, even if I wanted it seems pretty unlikely for multiple reasons. But as I grew older I never wanted to do anything with music professionally. I wanted to be a psychologist, writer, sound engineer, translator, quack (like my grandad sort of :D) and lots of other things. But when I was a very little girl, five-year-old or a little bit older, I once had a weird kind of dream…? I don’t know if it was a dream, an imagining, just a thought, or whatever, but I was lying in bed so I think it could be a dream, it was just one small scene but very clear to me. I saw myself in it as an adult, standing in the middle of a huge kitchen, as if I was about to prepare a meal or something, and there were kids all around me, a lot of children, mostly toddlers, all clinging to me. But what I remember the best from that little scene was some weird sense of despair, or helplessness that I felt. I felt lost and confused and like I don’t know what to do in this adult world. What am I supposed to do with these children? What am I expected to do? And it was so clear and powerful that since then, whenever I heard the word “adult”, I had that weird vision coming up, and in a way I still do. I don’t have a huge kitchen, or children, I don’t even make meals for myself, and my life right now feels pretty stable, yet sometimes I do feel like that adult me from my dream, which probably reveals my immaturity or something, but I don’t claim I am a mature person, I don’t claim that I’m immature either, I guess I just don’t know. πŸ˜€ Anyway, other than that weird dream thing, I don’t think my life resembles what I thought it could be like when I was a child.
  4. Do you think about dying?Β Β  Does death scare you?Β  Why or why not? – As a person with mental illness, I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts so yes, I do think about dying, sometimes more often, sometimes less. I’m happy to say that nowadays, I rarely have active suicidal thoughts and ideations, but I do have passive ones a lot of the time. Also I am a Christian, so when you’re a religious/spiritual person I believe you have to think about that sometimes. My own death doesn’t scare me, although I’m a little bit anxious of what it will be like afterwards, what world we’ll end up in, if any. I’m also not scared of death as a concept, like my sis Zofijka is for example. SHe’s scared of dead people, murders and such. Of course it’s difficult and can make anyone uneasy, but I normally don’t feel scared by that without any context. What I’m really really scared of about death is those whom I love dying. Particularly my Mum and Misha. Some say my attachment to Misha is unhealthy because of that, and because of how attached I am to him even though he is a pet, but I really don’t know how I could cope with Misha’s death. If I had to, I probably would, life is like that, but I’ve never been attached to anyone in such a way as I am to Misha.

Additional Gratitude Bonus Question:Β  Who has been the kindest to you in your life? – The kindest? Like throughout my whole life? My Mum I think. Dunno where I’d be without her, but I’ve written about that many times before.

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Karolina Czarnecka – “Hera, Koka, Hasz, LSD” (Heroine, Cocaine, Hash, LSD).

Hey hey people. πŸ™‚

Why do I post such weird stuff on here?… I’m very curious if someone will be wondering, even seeing the title… I actually wouldn’t be overly surprised. πŸ˜€

This is a Polish song, as you can probably guess, haven’t shared anything in Polish with you for ages, well as I wrote a few times before I don’t really listen to that very much Polish music nowadays and if I do, the lyrics play very important part and without them it’s often just a piece of weird music so there’s no point in sharing it with you.

Karolina Czarnecka has become somewhat famous in 2014 when she sang this particular song I’m going to share with you, on one of the Polish music festivals. It is an interpretation of a song made by The Tiger Lilies “Heroine And Cocaine”. The festival was rather marginal but quite surprisingly the song became popular on Youtube and then actually nationwide, and at the same time became hugely controversial. I know people who were saying that it is absolute trash and how can such a controversial song, PROMOTING DRUGS (!!! 😱 ) and encouraging to share them, be so fussed about and even still exist on Youtube, that it is odd and just inappropriate and obscene. I thought so too, for quite a long time.

About a year ago, after the boom has washed away, I stumbled on a then newest album of Karolina Czarnecka, very accidentally, and I felt some sort of liking to her rather characteristic, original, versatile style, her strong voice, slightly odd lyrics and music that seemed to just somewhat click with my brain, as a blend of electronica, folk, and lots of stuff in between.

So it made me wonder, what’s up with this “Hera, Koka…” thing, maybe it’s some misunderstanding, maybe the point of it is different? And after I really listened to it carefully, I came to the conclusion that the point of this song is entirely different! THe opposite actually. It is said that the character in the song – Jimmy – has died because of drugs, and his friends did too! – Now it makes much more sense and was a lesson for me to not judge a book by its cover because all the others do so, but rather analyse it more closely.

Recently I also listened to the original song by The Tiger Lilies, and there it is even clearer that poor Jimmy has died, I can’t remember the exact lyrics but there was a mention that he went to heaven. In Karolina’s interpretation there is a mention of “paradise”, which could be understood differently, that he simply got so very high, and seems like most people understand it this way. I know this song can feel very dubious and challenging, and it certainly is provoking, but rather to increased use of our brains, than drugs. After all, there had to be some reason behind it when God equipped us with such powerful devices, so let’s use them and try to think independently, don’t you think so? πŸ˜‰ I like how ironic and sarcastic it is, rather than saying straight forward: “DRUGS ARE EVIL!!!”. Well I guess I’ve gotten used to such irony or even a little obscenity, having a crush on Vreeswijk. However, I still felt somewhat cautious when the thought came to my mind that maybe I’d share this little piece of music with you. Is it really what I think it is? So of course I did some research and I managed to find an interview with Karolina Czarnecka on Youtube, where she is asked what was her message behind her interpretation of this song, and whether she was aware of the reaction of people to it. She said that yes she was, and that her message was just the opposite and clear to find in the lyrics, that drugs cause death. Don’t know whether there is a point in linking to that interview as it is in Polish and the vast majority of my blog readers aren’t Polish, and I’m too lazy haha, if you’re Polish it’s rather easy to find but if you really can’t and are curious I can include it later on for some further reference, just let me know. πŸ™‚

I am also not including THe Tiger Lilies’ version, because Karolina’s version is not a direct translation of it, and because I just much prefer the Polish version. First because in my opinion it’s much more interesting musically, much more creative and the lyrics are sort of more imaginative and detailed too, with more character, hence probably being more provocative.

I don’t feel competent enough to translate the Polish lyricsΒ  to English, and if you happen to know The Tiger Lilies’ original song you know the basic sense, I’ll say that the song tells the story of Jimmy, a good, shy kid, going to school as he was supposed to, to whom the drug dealer sold three fixes of drugs and gave him one for free. At school, the “wise” headmaster got cross with him and told him not to be selfish and share it all fairly with all the students. And then as I’ve already mentioned, Jimmy, together with his friends ended up in paradise, where “all saints started to drug with him”.

OK, so here it is. πŸ™‚ I’m curious of your impressions. πŸ™‚

Janice – “Answer”.

Hi guys. πŸ™‚

The song I have for you today is from Swedish singer Janice Kamya Kavander, known simply as Janice. She’s becoming very popular in Sweden, and there is something powerful in her voice. I am generally not like a big fan of very soul-like sounding voices, except for Amy Winehouse and maybe a couple other people, but I do like Janice and her expressiveness. And I must say this particular song really moved me when I heard it.

It is about, or to, Janice’s dad, who died five years ago. For me, when I first heard her, she sounded rather mature, as her voice is so strong and expressive, but turns out she’s only 24, so she was 19 when her dad died. That’s very early and no wonder it affected her even more than it would affect someone later on in life. And this song is so full of expression, I think it’s hard to not feel even just a little bit moved. There are lots of versions on Youtube, but I like it particularly in the acoustic version, which is only on Spotify, so, again, I have to only give you the link to Spotify.

Fflur Dafydd – Rachel Myra.

Hi guys! πŸ™‚

yesterday’s song was perfectly matched with the time and the weather we have here, but today’s one is more wintery, though I don’t think it should matter that much.

It’s a beautiful song written and composed by Fflur Dafydd in Welsh. Fflur Dafydd is a very versatile artist, she’s not only a singer/songwriter, but she has also written a few books, and I guess also some poems.

She wrote this song for her grandmother – Rachel Myra. By the way, I think Rachel Myra is a very interesting and vintage name combo. There is a line in this song “Rachel Myra, Ei henw’n gynnes yn y gaeaf” (Rachel Myra, your name so warm in the winter) and it kinda speaks to me because this name sounds so homely (I mean homely homey, comfy perhaps), kinda warm, like I usually have different sensory associations with words and names too and when I first saw the title of this song I thought that it smells like ginger, or like ginger tea with lemon and honey or something… so I was a bit shocked when I finally was good enough at Welsh to roughly figure out that this song has quite a wintery feel and then that there is this verse in it. πŸ˜€ That’s another reason to my theory that names do have some universal code, or something like this. Rachel itself, or Myra on its own, don’t give such a strong feel, althugh they’re also warm names on their own.

I really like this song, it’s melody is beautiful and it’s beautiful overall.

The translation that is in the video was apparently by Fflur Dafydd herself.

Catrin Finch – Lisa LΓ’n (Fair Lisa).

Hi! πŸ™‚

Another tune from Catrin Finch I want to share with you. It’s just so stunningly beautiful. Not so long ago, I showed you the same song performed by the band Alaw and my current music crush, Gwilym Bowen Rhys. That one was a song, not an instrumental, so if you haven’t seen it before, you can check out, as well as the lyrics

here

Catrin Finch’s version is a harp solo arrangement of this traditional Welsh love song and it’s very creative and beautiful and relaxing and just so sooo beautiful it makes my brain melting and falling to pieces almost as much as Gwilym’s version.

Here it is:

Question of the day.

If you could know the absolute and total truth to one question, what question would you ask?

My answer:

First thought I had – is there really any afterlife after we die? This may seem strange since I’m a practicing Christian so should be sure that there is, and I believe in it, but I suppose everyone of us, no matter what we believe in or if we don’t believe in the existence of any God, ask it sometimes, ’cause many of us would like to be sure. Is it all true or is it just a bullshit and we will just die and nothing will happen afterwards? That’s interesting. DO you guys ask yourselves this question sometimes too? But then I had another thought and I think I would prefer to get answer for this one, as I wonder really often about that and sometimes get quite frustrated about it:

Why actually was it so hard for me to go through that long period of time when I was at the boarding school? Or maybe not why it was so hard, but why did it affect me, my emotions and my mental health so much? Why I felt like it was so challenging if I wasn’t abused there, besides one year when I was emotionally abused by some of the staff, but then it finished. Why did I have such big issues with adapting there and why was it so overwhelming in so many different ways, for so many different reasons? Did other kids feel it too, but they were such great actors that I didn’t notice anything? They had to be really great, because I think I’m pretty good at “feeling” other people and I always thought they are happy there, well as happy as kids may be when they aren’t with their families. I know only one girl who I know that reacted to being there like me and ended up with generaised anxiety. Luckily she was much younger than me when people started to see what’s going on and it was my Mum who told her mum that she should take her home. Her issues looked very familiar for me. Is it the matter of high sensitivity? Coincidence of too many hard things put together? Emotional weakness? My Mum thinks so, but then why do a few other people said they think I’m strong? Is actually such thing like emotional strength a thing that can be objectively measured? Or maybe I was already freaky when I got there? Would I struggle less nowadays with my mental health if I wouldn’t go there? Or maybe I wouldn’t struggle at all? Why I am so afraid of processing my emotions and reacting so weirdly, emotionally and physically, to different, apparently normal stuff that all the other people are indifferent about and don’t think much about?

Well it is certainly more than one question. πŸ˜€ But it’s all swirling around one thing, so I look at it as one, big question. It all really makes me wonder.

What would be your questions. πŸ™‚