Cornelis Vreeswijk – “Cecilia Lind”.

Hey people! 🙂

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you might remember that I have been sharing some music about this Cecilia Lind girl, also by Cornelis Vreeswijk. And I have, only that time it was in Swedish, and this time, it will be in Dutch. If I know a few versions of a song in different languages, especially if it’s by the same artist or I like both of them almost equally, or even if there are two different interpretations of the same song in one language that I like equally, I like to share them both together. But I guess I must have forgotten to include the other version of this song in the post I made years ago.

Swedish “Balladen Om Herr Fredrik Åkare Och Den Söta Fröken Cecilia Lind” (The Ballad About Fredrik Åkare and The Sweet Miss Cecilia Lind) is a classic, has been covered by many artists, and it seems like pretty much every Swede knows it. In The Netherlands – not quite so. – But generally, despite Cornelis Vreeswijk was Dutch, he seems quite a lot less popular in his home country than in Sweden where he created most of his songs and poems and lived a large part of his life.

I don’t know how different the Dutch version is from the Swedish, I only have a very foggy idea of the Dutch language so far and most of what I understand of it is via my vocab from other Germanic languages, as it has a lot of common ground in terms of vocabulary both with English and with Swedish. I am sure the overall context is the same, and that some minor details have been changed, but overall I don’t really know how much they differ from each other. Given that Cornelis had written both version, and he appears to often be rather lax with translations because they were supposed to be more poetic and musical rather than literal, there could be a lot of small and maybe some not so small differences.

You can see my post about the Swedish version with the English translation of the Swedish lyrics

here.

I don’t have a translation of the Dutch version though, but at least from the post above you can get the idea of what the song is about, if you haven’t read it before. .

I will share the link to this song on Spotify, because I’m not sure it is on YouTube at all, and below the Spotify link there will be a link to Songwhip where you can find this song on some other streaming services in case you don’t use Spotify, there is also a link to YouTube but the version in the YouTube link is actually in Swedish, so I guess there must be some mishap with tags or whatever.

Cornelis Vreeswijk – Cecilia Lind

Song of the day (12th November) – Cornelis Vreeswijk ft. Made In Sweden – “Ett Gammalt Bergtroll” (An Old Mountain Troll) & Sofia Karlsson – “Ett Gammalt Bergtroll”.

Hi people! 🙂

So I’m quite behind with this series, which is quite a pity, because on 12 November was one of my main fazas – Cornelis Vreeswijk’s – death anniversary. It’s been 37 years since he passed away!… As I always say, way too many! And I originally wanted to commemorate him exactly on that day but oh well… at least I can do it now.

I’ve been feeling kinda crappy lately so I chose a poem which, deep down, between the lines – but it’s quite easily readable – is also about feeling shitty with and about yourself, which generally is very different from how I am experiencing it yet at the same time very similar because essentially it’s all about having an overactive and spiteful self-critic and hating yourself as a result, just the ways this hatred manifests are different between different people I think.

The author of the poem, however, is not Cornelis, although as you may remember from my blog he himself was also a poet in addition to being a singer. This poem was written by an early 20th century Swedish poet Gustav Fröding, who is really loved in Sweden, although, just like Vreeswijk he was also quite controversial in his time and if I remember correctly even had an episode where he faced a trial for obscenity because of one poem he wrote. Also, again just like Vreeswijk, he had a life-long problem with alcohol as well as intimate relationships with women. Interestingly, in my Dad’s dictionary, a troll means someone who drinks heavily and chronically. Fröding spent a large part of his life in all sorts of mental health institutions though it’s not clear what diagnosis he had exactly, it sounds like some sort of psychotic disorder and depression, the latter ran in his family. More exactly it was his mother who suffered from it when he was a child, and as a result wasn’t able to parent him properly and so he had a rather difficult childhood. Years ago when I was learning a lot about Fröding and reading his poems simply because I knew Vreeswijk appreciated him and they appeared to have so freaking much in common (and if you’ve got any idea about fazas you know that for someone who has a faza anything even remotely related to their faza object is interesting and worth digging into), I’ve come across an opinion that this early separation from his mother was the main factor contributing to his later problems with relationships and pretty much all the other emotional and mental health related difficulties that he was experiencing, including the self-hatred thing that we’re focusing on since that’s what the poem focuses on.

Cornelis Vreeswijk, as you may know since I’ve written about that a few times earlier when writing about him in more detail, also struggled with similar emotional issues (though he did not have any official mental health diagnosis as far as I am aware, though he did suffer from extreme paranoia and stuff). He had terrible problems with intimacy and closeness and often wrote about craving it, and had relationships with many women in his life, but when things started to get more deep, it scared him, or something else made the relationship impossible to be stable for longer and things were constantly stormy and messy from what you can observe when having a closer look at his life. He was always very shy though it may be hard to believe just when hearing him live a few times, I had a problem with that anyway because he is so eloquent and has a sort of jovial, kinda boisterous air about him. But when you observe things for longer, listen to many more live recordings, read some more and listen to some interviews like I did, it does show a lot, plus obviously it is there in his poems and lyrics. It often amazes me how he could mask it so well but from what I understand he saw his outside personality as some sort of a role he was supposed to play in life, or something. Must have been so freakishly exhausting, would surely be for me anyway haha. And of course there’s that whole self-loathing and self-destruction thing which is just so sad. I remember when watching the 2010 Amir Hamdin’s film “Cornelis” (which was a real struggle since I didn’t really have any audiodescription or anything and with my less than perfect Swedish skills didn’t always understand everything fully but still I think I understood a lot on that first watching, I did have English subtitles to help myself with though when need be but back then my Swedish was actually better than my English) that was what affected me the most when I saw the level of his self-destructivity, perhaps because, while I am not an addict in the classical understanding of this word, I struggle with other self-destructive behaviours like self-harm and can deeply relate to what it’s like feeling awful about yourself, so I guess it must have struck a chord or something.    So it seems quite natural that Cornelis would feel some affinity with Fröding as they shared so much, and I am actually a bit surprised that he didn’t interpret more of his poems because apparently a lot of Swedish singers did that.

He released his interpretation of it, with a very jazzy/bluesy feel on his 1970 album “Poem, Ballader Och Lite Blues” (Poems, Ballads And A Bit Of Blues). It’s not as very prone to setting to music as many other Frödings poems are, so probably for that reason, rather than an actual song, it’s more like sing-speak, which is something Vreeswijk used a lot in his music and I think it often makes it more expressive than just singing and is very characteristic of his style.

But a couple years ago, quite some time later after I acquainted myself with Cornelis’ discography, I came across his live performance of this song on YouTube, in collaboration with a 70’s jazzrock band Made In Sweden. I like the album version a lot and it’s not much different at all, despite the instrumentalists are different, but I slightly prefer the rocky live version rather than the jazzy album version as it just speaks to me more, so that is why I chose to share the live one with you.

For contrast, there is another artist from Sweden called Sofia Karlsson whom I absolutely love (I shared her cover of Vreeswijk’s Grimasch Om Morgonen in the very beginnings of this blog), who also interpreted this poem in 2009, but in such a starkly different way! While Cornelis’ version is so raw and jaggy, intense and frenzied, raving and just so very directly conveying the feeling of this poem, Sofia’s version, while no less expressive, is so much subtler, sophisticated and I’d say more from an observer’s point of view, if you get what I mean. For some people it might make it more bearable. 😀 I love both!

In Cornelis’ live version, he makes a brief introduction just like on the album and says that: “Gustav Fröding was a hip poet. He tried to drown his sorrows. But they could swim”. I think it’s such an interesting and Vreeswijkish way to put it lol. Below is a (free, not literal) translation of this poem, so that you know what it’s all about. I took it from

here.

It’s a pity though that most of you probably can’t understand the Swedish version and there are so many cool words that I’ve never heard anywhere else, my favourite is klumpkloss, which in the translation below is interpreted as “object of fright”, I’m not exactly sure how to translate it to English but I suppose it would be something like a lump. I find this word really funny but sadly never had an occasion to use it in a real conversation, I don’t even know if people actually use it. 😀

 

The evening draws on apace now

The night will be dark and drear;

I ought to go up to my place now,

But ’tis pleasanter far down here.

Mid the peaks where the storm is yelling

‘Tis lonely and empty and cold;

But ’tis merry where people are dwelling,

In the beautiful dale’s green fold.

And I think that when I was last here

A princess wondrously fair,

Soft gold on her head, went past here;

She’d make a sweet morsel, I swear!

The rest fled, for none dared linger,

But they turned when far off to cry,

While each of them pointed a finger:

“What a great, nasty troll! oh, fie!”

But the princess, friendly and mild-eyed,

Gazed up at me, object of fright,

Though I must have looked evil and wild-eyed,

And all fair things from us take flight.

Next time I will kiss her and hold her,

Though ugly of mouth am I,

And cradle and lull on my shoulder,

Saying: “Bye, little sweet-snout, bye!”

And into a sack I’ll get her,

And take her home with me straight,

And then at Yule I will eat her

Served up on a fine gold plate.

But hum, a-hum! I am mighty dumb,–

Who’d look at me then so kindly?

I’m a silly dullard–a-hum, a-hum!

To think the thing out so blindly.

Let the Christian child go in peace, then;

As for us, we’re but trolls, are we.

She’d make such a savory mess, then,

It is hard to let her be.

But such things too easily move us,

When we’re lonely and wicked and dumb,

Some teaching would surely improve us.

Well, I’ll go home to sleep-a-hum!!

Jack Vreeswijk – “Lilla Regn” (Little Rain) and Georg Riedel & Sarah Riedel – “Lilla Regn”.

Hi people! 🙂

Today, I will share with you another poem-song written by Cornelis Vreeswijk. With this one, I am sure it was written by him and as it seems originally was intended as a poem and not as a song as it didn’t seem to have a melody. The interesting thing about this poem which later became a song though, that I want to show you, is what came out of that it didn’t have a melody in the first place. Namely now people who cover Vreeswijk have all the freedom in the world to create their own, and here we have almost two different songs, very different in style yet with the same (only slightly varying) lyrics.

The poem – maybe a little surprisingly for someone who would know about Cornelis and roughly about what kinds of things he wrote – is not political, not a protest, not about people/society, not about love, not about Ann-Katrin Rosenblad (his muse) and not even about drinking. It’s, as you can guess from the title, about rain. Little rain. He addresses it in a way that makes you think this rain is a child. It’s a gentle encouragement for it to fall. “Of course the Earth is heavy and cold, but rain anyway”. And when it finally has fallen, the birds are hesitantly starting to sing more and more.

I think it’s very nice, and the two totally different musical versions take two totally differing looks at it.

Jack’s version comes from the same album from which is his last song that I shared with you – “Till Den Det Vederbör” – also written by Cornelis. Jack composed the music to it (or so I assume it was Jack) and it feels very deep but also minimalistic.

And then there’s another version of it composed by Georg Riedel, who is a Swedish jazz musician, and sung by his very talented and sensitive daughter Sarah on their album Cornelis vs Riedel. I’ve already shared a song from this album much earlier that was also sung by Sarah – “Se Här Dansar Fredrik Åkare”. – This is a very carefully made, heartfelt and refined album and both Sarah Riedel and Nikolai Dunger (who is another singer on this album) do a great job, in my opinion, of conveying the feel of each of these songs, as if they really took a lot of time to truly feel them and could relate to them personally. It is a very jazzy album as both Georg and Sarah Riedel are jazz people, which is normally something that would discourage me more or less as I usually don’t have a strong connection with jazz music, but here it doesn’t bother me at all and is great since Cornelis himself also drew from and was inspired by jazz among other genres, and it was his more jazzy songs that convinced me that jazz doesn’t always have to be awful and incomprehensive.

And so I seriously don’t know which version I like more. I wonder which one would be Cornelis’ favourite. And how about you guys? Do you like one of these more than the other?

 

Jack Vreeswijk – “Till Den Det Vederbör” (To The Concerned).

I’ve decided to share this song with you quite spontaneously, as I didn’t have any other ideas planned. And I have sort of mixed feelings about it because I feel I didn’t research it quite as well as I should, or perhaps there’s just not enough info on this. Usually if I post a song for you guys – and especially if it’s in another language – I try to put it in a context so even if, as it often happens, there is no translation, and I am unable to provide it myself, you can have a basic idea of what it’s about and what was the background of it. Here, I know very, very little.

I was listening to Jack Vreeswijk a while back, as I hadn’t in a long time and wanted to refresh some of his music for myself. And when listening to this song and trying to understand its lyrics (which I always prefer to do when having them written especially if I’m not sure of something and that was the case here) I learned that this was written by Cornelis Vreeswijk (which is actually no surprise when you look at them more closely) and Jack Vreeswijk. In case someone feels confused, Jack is the son of Cornelis. I’ve written a lot about Cornelis Vreeswijk on my blog before as he’s been one of my major fazas but to sum up quickly, he was a Swedish singer, songwriter, poet, guitarist and actor born in Netherlands, he passed away in 1987 (way too early) but his son, Jack, is still alive and also sings as well as composes music, often drawing from his father’s huge legacy and covering his songs not too badly at all (only when you compare him with Cornelis he just… ahem… lacks that charisma a little bit, so this is a clear example why we should not compare people to each other and why following your parent’s career isn’t always the best choice if you do not want to be compared. But don’t get me wrong, I do like Jack. A lot. I just see a lot that people compare him, and I do too, and I’ve heard how on his concerts people are far more enthusiastic about hearing his covers of his dad’s music rather than his own songs. Although maybe it’s just how I interpret or maybe it’s just me who would feel awful about myself and my music if I were in his shoes). I wonder whether this piece was originally a poem to which Jack composed music later on (it does musically sound more Jack-esque) or a poem late enough that Cornelis could somehow write it in collaboration with Jack (I’ve never heard about them ever having such collaborations but who knows, right?…) or a song that was unpublished or somehow very obscure or something. And if it was a poem, was it actually published in any of Cornelis’ poetry books or not? I can’t find any info or hint anywhere about it in another context than it being a song by Jack, but thenn I don’t have Cornelis’ poetry books as such so it’s possible it is there somewhere.

Moreover, I don’t really know the context of the lyrics. I can understand them quite well – although because neither Swedish nor English is my native language I don’t think it would be a good idea if I tried translating something I don’t have much of an idea what it’s more broadly about, also there are some single words I am not sure what they mean in here – and I couldn’t find a translation either.

But I just found this song interesting because the lyrics made me think, they’re intriguing, murky, weird and haunting. I’m not sure I like them as such but I don’t necessarily always love Cornelis’ lyrics, I doon’t have to agree with them and I often don’t, I don’t have to relate, there’s just something else that is not about plain liking. And I’m always excited to see something new from Cornelis (see how some people are so prolific that even after their death it feels like their creativity is a whole endless well), though I’d like to have more of an understanding of it, perhaps I will over time. Also I feel like I haven’t shared anything by Jack in a very, very long time. So basically these are the reasons why I decided to share with you guys a song about which I know next to nothing, and perhaps you’ll like something about it too. 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people! 🙂

If you could spend the day with a celebrity, who would you choose?

My answer:

I’m not particularly oriented nor interested in celebrities overall. I have my fazas but you could hardly call any of them a celebrity. Enya is well-known around the world but she’s way too private to suit that term and you don’t really hear much about her as herself, and Cornelis was a bit like a Swedish celebrity in that all sorts of more or less trashy magazines would tattle about his private life, and he became very well-known shortly before his death, but I’m not sure this term suits him that well either, plus he’s no longer alive. But if that would count, and if he’d be alive I think I’d choose him. If not, I quite like Helena Bonham Carter lately, and although I’m not crazy about her, perhaps it would be really nice to meet her.

You? 🙂

Cornelis Vreeswijk – “Een Paleis Van Zand” (A Palace Of Sand).

Hi guys! 🙂

Today is the 32nd anniversary of one of my musical crushes – Cornelis Vreeswijk’s – death. I wasn’t even alive yet when he died, yet, in some respect, of all my music crushes I feel the closest to him, despite he is no longer my dominant crush since a couple of years. I just think our brains have a lot in common, despite you really wouldn’t think so at a first glance. 😀

I have no idea if I’ve ever posted any of his Dutch language music, but if not, the time has come today. As you may know from my earlier posts on him, he was Dutch but spent most of his life in Sweden, and most of his songs and poems are written in Swedish. But there are some Dutch ones too, and not only the translations of his Swedish works. The song I want to show you exists only in Dutch and is beautiful! Well, at least that’s my feeling. I don’t speak Dutch yet, although I am planning to and hoping for it very much, and I know lyrics are usually much more important, and the more so more interesting, in his music than the actual music, they never leave a neutral impression on me when I understand them, I always either love them or hate them (the latter is usually about the political and often the more strongly socially themed ones). This song I only understand in pieces, from what I know from Dutch, and from what sounds similar to English and Swedish. But I’m sure it must be really beautiful and it sounds so. So I hope you enjoy it too.

 

Cornelis Vreeswijk – “Ann-Katrin, Farväl” (Farewell, Ann-Katrin) & Marie Fredriksson – “Ann-Katrin, Farväl”.

Hi guys! 🙂

So why not have a listen to another song by Cornelis Vreeswijk, plus a cover by Marie Fredriksson?

Again, we have a female character here, which comes up even more often in Vreeswijk’s songs and poems. The character of Ann-Kat(a)rin Rosenblad is based on his muse and friend who was Ann-Christin Wennerström. And, the portrayal of her that we get from all the songs with her in them is quite interesting and ambiguous. I like Ann-Katrin a lot and hearing this song always makes me sad. First, because it comes from Cornelis’ very last album, (Till Fatumeh – Rapport Från De Osaligas Ängder”) which was recorded about a month or so before his premature death (he died from liver cancer at 50). Secondly, because the song indicates that Ann-Katrin was a drug addict, amphetamine more exactly as in the case of Vreeswijk, though he was taking loads of other stuff as well. The lyrics have a kind of raw but at the same time rather elusive feel and I really regret that I’m not good enough in neither Swedish nor English to write an adequate English translation for you without risking a major linguistic catastrophe and a great prophanity, the more that there are none available online. The only thing that bugs me is the music style of it. Like, seriously, the lyrics on that last album are really captivating, you don’t have to agree with what he wrote and I most often don’t but his lyrics always have that captivating quality, but the musical arrangement of this album is mostly screwed. He maybe wasnät the greatest composer, but was such a great blues singer, and even managed to convince me to appreciate jazz a tiny little bit, and he was great at incorporating folk themes and motives in his music. And that last album is very much like classic 80’s pop, and this track is a great representation of it. I don’t like that at all and it clashes with the lyrics and generally with Cornelis’ actual musical style unbelievably! That turn to pop was motivated by that, after some years of relative fame, he had become forgotten and the way I understand it from what Iäve read he wanted to get the attention of people by doing something more… ahem, timely, or whatever, especially he wanted to attract younger people. It didn’t work, that is, he did get a lot of fame and largely from young people in Sweden after his death but not because those last two pop-ish albums did that, it was thanks to the Roskilde Festival where he played shortly before his death and, well, it looks like for artists it’s a common situation that they only get appreciated after they die. Perhaps that was better for him.

I like the expression of Marie Fredriksson’s interpretation of this song. I think in case of music, like, generally the arrangement, it’s her who wins here! But she’d never write as good lyrics as Vreeswijk did, haha. Marie Fredriksson’s cover again comes from the tribute album “Den Flyggande Holländaren”.

Cornelis Vreeswijk – “Felicia Adjö” (Goodbye, Felicia) & Marie Fredriksson – “Felicia Adjö”.

Hi guys! 🙂

I’m feeling a bit in a crush limbo right now. I have a gut feeling that my crush on Gwilym is fading slightly and it’s worrying me that there’s no one on the horizon that could become my dominant crush. Is this the end of crushes for me? Was my aunt seriously right that this is something all people grow out of, or am I getting more depressed or something? I can’t imagine not having a crush, it’s like driving a car that has no fuel, I’m getting a bit panicky. It’s either that I need to save my crush on Gwilym or I need someone new very very soon.

In the meantime, I’ve been looking back on all my delightful crushes lately. Reading all my elaborate diary entries about them and laughing my brain out – not that it was so funny but for some reason reading all that made me laugh, despite they’re still all my crushes, just faded more or less. – And I thought I’d share something from one of my crushes on my blog as well. So why not Cornelis? Also, because I find it really interesting to listen to people’s covers and interpretations of his songs, whether good or bad, just out of curiosity, it will be both the original version of a song by Cornelis Vreeswijk, and a cover by Marie Fredriksson. Yes, Marie Fredriksson from Roxette. She’s had a rich solo career as well, I guess mostly in Swedish. I am not a big fan of her at all, but she did this song in an interesting way, in her own style, and I used to like Roxette as a very, very little child. This was one of the first symptoms of my developing Swedish obsession, I just didn’t know many things Swedish apart from Roxette and Astrid Lindgren and I liked one song by them very very much, but generally Roxette and Marie Fredriksson are not my style, not anymore.

The song I want to share with you is called “Felicia Adjö”, and I guess is one of more popular songs of Vreeswijk. Felicia is a recurring character in his songs and poems, there is one whole album “Felicias Svenska Suite” in which Felicia is present in pretty much every song I guess. I wonder if she was based on someone in real life, like some of his other characters were but we’ll probably never know. The title translates as “Goodbye, Felicia”, but it has nothing to do with the “bye, Felicia” expression haha. The song is some 30 years older than the movie. Though I know that Vreeswijk’s Felicia was an inspiration for some Swedish writers, I guess there is a crime novel called “Felicia Försvann” (Felicia Disappeared) which is the beginning of this song.

And the song is about the fact that Felicia disappeared “As the bird from its nest. As the ice when the spring comes. As love when it’s hurt. As luck with no return”. She is dead like all of us will be some day, and with her, his last hope died, whoever the lyrical subject is.

The song had been re-recorded multiple times plus he played it live very often, but the first recording comes from the album called “Tio Vackra Visor Och Personliga Persson”, and I will share this one with you as is is the original. If I remember correctly, the album was recorded around the time when Cornelis played in the film “Svarta Palmkronor” (Black Palm Trees) in Brazil, and spent quite some time in South America, so this album is very much influenced by Brazilian music which you can hear in this song as well.

Marie Fredriksson recorded this song – as well as three others written by Vreeswijk – for the tribute album “Den Flygande Holländaren” (The Flying Dutchman).

So, there you have it, here is Felicia.

Song of the day (16th May) – Ida Redig – “I Min Lilla Värld Av Blommor” (In My Little World Of Flowers).

Hi guys! 🙂

I have such a lovely cute song for you. It was originally written for one of my favourite films “Rännstensungar” (Guttersnipes), only not for the version that I love so much, but the earlier one, from 1944. It was sung by one of the main characters, Ninni. You might know from my earlier posts why I love this film so much and why I love it in the later version from 1974, in particular, but chances are that you might not know, so I’ll tell you again. 😀 I love it so much because in the 1974 version, one of the main characters – the painter Johan Fahlen –  is played by one of my music crushes Cornelis Vreeswijk, who apart from being a very fertile and well-known musician, a lesser known but no less expressive poet, had also fantastic acting skills and was an actor in a couple films. I absolutely loved him in this role, it was amazing! Besides, the plot of the film is very interesting and moving too. When I discovered this film and that it is on Youtube, I watched it on my own for the first time, but then got frustrated because I had huge gaps because of course I couldn’t see, plus my Swedish wasn’t that very good. So then the next time I watched it I did it with Zofijka, who also loved it, and she still begs me quite regularly and wants to watch “the film about Ninni”. So when I watched it with Zofijka, we both were telling each other what we can figure out so we could understand much more, me with her vision and she with my Swedish. That’s why collaborating can be really useful at times. And since that day, we got really crazy on “Rännstensungar” and watched them pretty much every day for a while. It’s definitely not typical for me to get so crazy about a film. Now I hadn’t watched it in ages so I did it today, without Zofijka and hope she won’t kill me for that when I tell her.

As I said, the film is about a girl called Ninni. Ninni can’t walk, and at the beginning of the film we learn that her mum has died. A friend of the family called Johan Fahlen, who is a poor and not well known painter takes care of her. Ninni’s biggest passion are flowers, and as she says herself, flowers are the most beautiful thing she knows. Both Ninni and Fahlen, whom she regards as her daddy, are hoping that someday she will be able to walk, and he is particularly determined, though it doesn’t seem like it could be possible. Ninni’s biggest dream is that she’d like to live in the countryside and live there, and see all the flowers in the world. Again, this doesn’t seem possible, because she lives in the city and they don’t have enough funds to make it true. But the ending is very very happy. 🙂

I think the film is gorgeous, so you can watch it

here

if you wish, although I don’t know if it’s going to be as enjoyable for you as it was for me because there are no subtitles as far as I am aware so you’d have to speak Swedish. You can have Zofijka’s perspective then. 😀 And there is of course this song sung by the girl who plays Ninni in this version, it was Karin Falk.

And so some time ago, I was pleasantly surprised seeing the song “I Min Lilla Värld Av Blommor” on Spotify, in quite an interesting version, by Ida Redig. I really like her arrangement of it, although it’s in a way quite different from how it sounded in both films from 1944 and 1974. I think her version is really beautiful. And I like the lyrics of this song, it’s basically about Ninni’s passion for flowers and her imaginary world that is full of flowers, where there is a place for everyone and children are playing, and she is dancing among the flowers. And there is no sorrow or pain, no one screams at you and people are always happy. Quite an escapist and idealist she is, ain’t she? 🙂 So here’s the Ida Redig’s version, unfortunately only on Spotify.

Music Monday Care & Love – Cornelis Vreeswijk – “Vaggvisa För Bim, Cornelis Och Alla Andra Människor På Jorden” (Lullaby For Bim, Cornelis And All Other People On Earth).

It’s definitely not a beginning of the week now, but despite it I decided that nevertheless I’m gonna participate in Music Monday Care & Love

at Bee’s.

I haven’t participated in it for a while due to my laptop being fixed and now I’m happy to get back to celebrating my achievements and doing some self care together with Bee and all other participants, though I was afraid I may not do it this week too as I’ve been a little disorganised lately, mostly due to feeling a bit unwell physically. But now I hope I’m back on track and things will be getting better.

So here’s my very rambly post.

This week, Bee suggests us to go back to basics and simply celebrate ourselves with a mug of our favourite beverage, and she also encourages us to journaling.

As journaling is a part of my routine and helps me a lot with figuring out my feelings and other things, it wasn’t difficult to do this. And hopefully I’ll be having one of my favourite beverages tomorrow.

Recently, my Mum is crazy about protein shakes – she has some natural protein supplements and she makes drinks of almond milk, lots of fruit, a little honey and coconut oil and melts that protein in it. I also tried it, and it’s cool, but it made me think of shakes at KFC. 😀

I had a shake from KFC only once in my life, I guess I was in my early teens, I was at the boarding school at the time, and I was in touch with a girl who was studying typhlopedagogy and writing a dissertation on the blind in integration schools, basing it on my case. So we were seeing each other every now and then and talked about my experiences but also other unrelated stuff and one day she suggested to me that we could go out to the city and have a real treat. She was a big eater – herself working in a fastfood restaurant, and she told me we could go to a few of such places and eat whatever we wanted. That sounded cool and of course I was always happy to leave the boarding school with someone I liked and do something nice, so we did it, and I can remember that we visited really quite a few fastfood locals, and I was quite amazed at how much she can eat, while I felt stuffed already after we left the first one haha. At the end of our fast food trip, we went to KFC and I remember that I had a shake, and it was soooo yummy, but so terribly sweet and as I said I was way too stuffed, so I wasn’t able to drink much of it. I really regretted though haha.

Overall I am not a big fast food eater, I do like a lot of junk foods, but I can’t remember when was the last time I was at MCDonald’s or KFC, it’s not a regular thing for me. And although after that big fast food trip I remember I even had dreams involving vanilla and chocolate shakes, I never actually thought about that whenever I was at KFC after that.

But now my Mum’s shakes reminded me of that and I thought to myself that finally I have to get myself a shake at KFC. And tomorrow Zofijka wil be getting a takeaway for us all, because when I mentioned shakes she said she got very hungry and wants to KFC now, so finally we decided we can wait one day longer. 😀

I’m curious to see whether I’ll stil be so impressed with this shake and whether there was really something to regret or was I just idealising it because I was happy to be free from the boarding school atmosphere for a while and simply have nice memories of that time. 😀

So yeah, that’s gonna be my very healthy self activity of the week, lol – drinking a chocolate shake from KFC.

Oh, and there was another self-care activity that was very important to me this week, and much more healthy.

I finally went horse riding! I was a bit hesitant, because of that skin infection on my leg I’m having and about which I was writing earlier, how I was frustrated with it and that it won’t let me ride. I’m still dealing with it, though it’s not as painful now, I’ve been having also quite low blood pressure this week for some reason which makes me feel a bit crappy and groggy, so I was worried whether it would actually make sense to go riding in such state, but I just couldn’t resist and say my instructor that again I can’t go. I told her about my issues and so she told me that we will cut it to only half an hour for now, the more that I wasn’t riding in months, so we should have an easy start.

I didn’t regret that I went, even though it was rather intense and we were repeating all we’ve done before. It wasn’t only a big restart for me, but also for my instructor, as she wasn’t riding or doing anything at the stud for months as well, due to her other duties and issues.

The ride was great. I was happy to see Rudy – my horse, and my instructor too. I was doing very well despite my leg not being in the best condition and was feeling great at the time I was riding though.

Afterwards though, I felt yucky again and like my bp was dropping, but luckily my Mum already was there so we left quickly. I was a bit scared by that episode as I felt really shitty and weak for some time and whenever I was standing I felt like I was going to pass out or something, which luckily didn’t happen, I was afraid I maybe did too much or that it wasn’t wise to go riding when I wasn’t feeling too good.

I went to bed for a while and then I felt much better after some rest, so I guess it wasn’t that bad in the end, though my Mum was rather worried too. We both think now that it was just that I did too much at the start.

I hope next week is gonna be much better for me and I can’t wait for Friday to go ride again. 🙂

OK< so that would be about my self care, now let’s get to the music.

Bee asks us to share some music that reminds us about our successes. That also wasn’t hard for me to think about such piece of music.

One of the successes I treasure the most in my life, is thatI translated some of Cornelis Vreeswijk’s poems and songs.

This one I’m going to show you, is particularly important to me because it was the first one I translated, and funnily enough, with not very big knowledge about Swedish language. I started to learn Swedish when I was 10 and was learning it for about two years, at the time when I was in the integration school, but then had to leave both the integration school and Swedish  for a long time, there was no possibility for me to learn it at the school for the blind. When I translated this song, I guess I was about 16, still going to the school for the blind, my crush on Vreeswijk was very fresh and I was even more determined than before that I am going  to learn Swedish again, whatever it takes. But all that I had at that time was some bits and pieces of Swedish that I learned as a child and still remembered, some other bits and pieces that I forgot but that came back to my memory with Cornelis’ music, and some new vocabulary that I tried to learn just of curiosity of Cornelis and his songs and poems. So that wasn’t much.

When I first heard this song, the little bits of its lyrics that I understood made me very curious what it’s all about. So when I came home next time I tried to deciffer the lyrics, not without a difficulty. Finally I understood them more or less though and was in awe, because it is a really beautiful song!

I scrolled through the lyrics over and over and over again, and at some point I started to a bit unconsciously translate it to Polish so that the lines would be equally long as those in the original. How surprised I was to see that that little mishmash of words in my brain was actually becoming a logical construction that was even rhyming! I was so excited and very spontaneously decided to write a translation of it. Just for fun, but I wanted it to have the same rhythm as the original.

In all that excitement I felt, it went really quickly once I started, or so it felt. HOnestly it felt kinda as I was on drugs or something, I never felt that way before hahaha. When I was reviewing it years after writing it, I always saw some shortcomings, some pretty significant, and I still feel like I could improve a few lines but just don’t know how. Though, as such an early thing, with such a low level of Swedish I had at that time, I think it was great! And I am so extremely proud of it. I was elated for weeks after I did it. And my Mum hung it over her bed in our previous house. 😀

OK, but I guess I should now tell you a bit about the song itself. I tried to translate it to English, at least very literally, or find a translation, but there doesn’t seem to be any and I found it a bit too difficult to translate such a thing to a language that I’m not completely fluent in. So I’ll just tell you a bit aboutit.

It is a beautiful lullaby, one of Vreeswijk’s lighter poems and in my opinion one of more beautiful ones. It is dedicated for Bim – this nickname belongs to Birgitta Gunvor Linnea Warne who was his second wife, I love this nickname by the way  – Cornelis – yeah, how cool is that, to dedicate your own works to yourself 😀 – and, how thoughtfully, all other people on Earth (I feel so honoured to be included! 😀 )

In each verse, we can see different people and other beings sleeping.

In the first verse, we see Staffan and Stina asleep. I’ve always imagined this couple as bee-keepers, because straight after that we get to know that the hive is asleep, and the bees in it. The dachshund is sleeping in its basket, and even the joy and sadness are asleep. Only darkness is awake, painting the roof black.

In the second verse Kenneth and Marit are sleeping, who, as I understand it, are factory workers, and during their sleep are away from the stress and the economy, rent and hysteria, away from worries about children…

Then we see Lasse and Pia, who are free, because the sleep, or dreams, are free. And then Greta and Ellis are mentioned, though we only know that they are dreaming, and finally Bim and Cornelis, also dreaming…

The refrain says, as I understand it, because it is hard to translate literally for me, that although we have many troubles and limitations of all kinds, we sleep in freedom, “so sleep, sleep”.

That’s an interesting point of view in my opinion, that only during sleep we can be fully free.

I could argue now, and talk in length about my sleep paralysis and other rubbish, but overall it’s so true! Plus it’s Cornelis, so I feel like I shouldn’t argue with him, even if my views are often dramatically different than his were, hahahaha.

OK, so I’ll leave you with this song, and… sleep well, at leastif you’re in my time zone or similar, and I wish you peaceful dreams full of freedom.

Lisa Ekdahl- Papillas Samba (Papilla’s Samba).

This song was originally written by one of my music crushes, Cornelis Vreeswijk, and appeared in the film “Svarta Palmkronor” (Black Palm Crowns in Swedish), where Cornelis also played. I, however, want to share with you another version of this song, sang by Lisa Ekdahl, a quite known Swedish artist, mainly jazz artist. I can’t say I like her music, quite frankly I don’t like most of it, but I do like this song in her version a lot. The song in her version appeared on a compillation in tribute to Cornelis Vreeswijk called “Den Flygande Holländaren” (The Flying Dutchman”, the title is in referrence to his Dutch origin.

Sarah Riedel – Se Här Dansar Fredrik Åkare (Look Fredrik Åkare Is Dancing Here).

Hi. 🙂

Do you know, lovely people, what a nice holiday we have today? Ha! You surely don’t know. Unless you’re Swedish, or a freak like me, or maybe if you’re Dutch, or maybe, maybe if you’re from any Scandinavian country other than Sweden, perhaps you may know too. So I’m here to enlighten you!

Today, 8th August, is my previous crush’s – Cornelis Vreeswijk – birthday. But because as you probably already know, when I move on from one music crush to the next, I don’t leave the previous one, it only sort of fades, being dominated by a new crush, therefore technically you can say I’m still somewhat crushing on him. And, if by any chance you, my reader, are Swedish, I know it may be slightly or not so slightly weird to you, the more that he’s passed away quite a while before I was born, but… what can I do about it? Assuming that I’d really want to do something with it, but honestly I don’t.

So yeah, Cornelis would be 81 if he’d still be between us. I  hope he’s having a great birthday wherever he is now…

You’d think that if it’s his birthday, and I happen to be so fascinated by his music and poetry that I even want to try to translate it to Polish, then I should choose a song of the day by him, but I decided to do it a bit differently this time.

You see, despite Vreeswijk was Dutch, he’s been actually more known in Sweden than Netherlands, because he and his family emigrated there when he was 12. And he seems to be very liked there. Or anyway, very famous. I guess he’s to controversial to be very liked, people there seem to either love him or hate him.

And if you’re a famous musician, especially if you’ve left this mundane world, you can expect many other, famous and not famous, and maybe even infamous, musicians to be inspired by your music in any way. And so is also with Cornelis.

There are a lot of Swedish artists covering his songs, or who are inspired with his style, making tribute songs, or trying to caricature his style or something.

A few years ago, when I started to explore Spotify, I also started to explore all kinds of covers of his songs, beautiful and cringy ones, and I’ve found a few that are still my huge favourites.

Including an album, called “Cornelis vs. Riedel”. It’s pretty jazzy, I’m not very big on jazz, but because of Vreeswijk I’ve got a very tiny little bit more liking and understanding of it, as it’s one of the genres he liked to incorporate in his music.

“Cornelis Vs. Riedel” is a compillation of Cornelis’s poems, with melodies composed by a Swedish jaz musician of Czechoslovakian descent – Georg Riedel, and sung by Sarah Riedel – Georg Riedel’s daughter – and Nikolai Dunger. With a few exceptions, these poems have never been sung by Cornelis, and the two ones that have been got completely new melodies from Riedel. With all his genius and versatility, I don’t think Vreeswijk had a particular talent for composing, so I found this very interesting.

And oh what I particularly love about this album is the expressivity, and all the emotions. I just love the vocalists for how they feel these lyrics, how they really involve in what they are singing about.

The song I want to show you is called “Se Här Dansar Fredrik Åkare”, very roughly translated Look Here Fredrik Åkare Is Dancing. Now who is this guy, Fredrik Åkare?

I must tell you, I wondered about it for quite a while since I got to know Cornelis’ music. He is often mentioned in his songs. I guess we need to just look at him as a fictional or half-fictional character, one of a few that we can meet in Cornelis’s songs and poems. However people say that his real life equivalent was Nisse Gustafsson – one of his sisters’ friend or boyfriend, or something like this. – Though I’ve also heard that Cornelis himself might be Fredrik Åkare, and I pretty much lean to it because it just looks like it could be him. Even in this song, for me it seems to be just about Cornelis.

Do you remember the song I once shared with you, also by Cornelis – “Balladen Om Herr Fredrik Åkare Och Den Söta Fröken Cecilia Lind” (The Ballad About MR Fredrik Åkare And The Sweet Miss Cecilia Lind)?

I look at this song I’m sharing with you today, as a sort of continuation to that one. Because in that song, as you might remember I wrote, there is a sort of party, people are dancing in the barn in the village, he – is meeting the nearly 17-year-old girl, much younger than himself, called Cecilia Lind, they fall in love with each other, are dancing together, people are indignant because it’s a shame that two people with such a difference in their age are dancing and lookk as they’re very cllose to each other, they say Cecilia’s too young for him. He accompanies her t her house and kisses her on their way home, and the story doesn’t have any speciffic or definite ending.

And then we have this song. We know that  the full moon is shining (why is there so much full moon in Vreeswijk’s lyrics? :O Swedes love sun, he seems to be much more inclined to the moon), just like at that rural party or whatever it was and however such things are called in English, and Fredrik is dancing on empty streets (so it’s the night time, right?) and we also get to know he’s dancing aimlessly and not going anywhere in particular. He is also tipsy and is hurting emotionally, or so I understand from the lyrics, though I’m not sure if that’s exact.

From  the second verse we also know he’s singing – about the stars, and about Cecilia Lind, and about all that he wants to forget and drown in a bottle of wine – pretty classic theme as for Vreeswijk.

Then the third verse is from the author’s perspective, saying that he has made a little song because then it’s easier to dance [when you have the music]. And that this song is about that you’ll never get what you want the most. And what you’ll get instead, you will be always disappointed with.

Reminds me strongly about Cornelis’ life, his struggles, and about what I know about his relationships with other people.

When I first heard this song, I actually cried – and as I told you a few times before it’s not that easy nowadays to move me this strongly, but I was very moved, also Sarah’s vocals themselves are very moving.

But what else spoke to me, was that in some more metaphorical way I felt like it’s also about me. I’ve told you before that paradoxically I feel like in some aspects my personality is pretty similar to Cornelis’, and that’s maybe why I like him and understand his music, and why it often speaks to me (excluding all the left-wing extremist ones, but even those are often quite true in a way 😀 ). I can’t find any other explanation, because objectively he’s not what I would call “my style”. OMG that’s all so weird! 😀

OK, so maybe, finally, after all that chit chat, time for the song? I guess so, I wrote way too much, but I wanted to give you some context, it’s stupid to listen to the song without its context if it’s deeper, and since there’s no language barrier here for me, if I can give you that context, then why not. Let me know what you think about it and how do you perceive it.

Unfortunately I’m forced to get the song from Spotify, I could’ve sworn I saw it like a year ago on Youtube, but now I can’t find it, so I don’t have much choice here.

Question of the day (23rd July).

Who is a celebrity you enjoy watching in movies/TV?

My answer:

Celebrity, hm, I’d say my previous crush – well, he’s still my crush but he just got dominated as it is always with my crushes after some time – Cornelis Vreeswijk, but I don’t really know if I can cal him a celebrity, because first, he’s not living any longer since the late 80’s, and second, he definitely could be called a celebrity in his time, but only a local celebrity, in Sweden, so, does it count? Anyway, he was mostly singer/songwriter, also an outstanding poet, but he also played in a few movies including my favourite one – “Rännstensungar” (Guttersnipes), I love this film mainly because of him and his play and his role, he’s just so so expressive. And generally whenever I can see any of my more or less famous crushes anywhere on the TV I am over the moon and all the possible galaxies.

But I guess that’s boring and rather predictable of me to say it, so, other than that, recently, like a few months ago, me and my Mum were watching “The King’s Speech”, well I actually watched it before and it was fascinating but it was ages ago and I liked it so I wanted to watch it again and sort of refresh it, this time without any subtitles or anything to challenge my English a little bit, and I thought my Mum would like it too. And, the person who for some reason has reeally drawn my attention and interest was Helena Bonham Carter – playing Queen Elizabeth in this film. – I don’t know, just something in her play spoke to me, I liked her in that role, and I don’t often care that much about acting in movies, if I care about movies at all. but there was something special to me about her play. And after that I wanted to get to know Helena more and I did, I read a lot about her, which got me to the conclusion that in a way she’s just my type of person, and then I watched some other movies with her, so far only two – “Henry VIII and Great Expectations – and I particularly liked her in the latter as miss Havisham, she was awesome, I only regret I didn’t have anyone to audiodescribe it for me, but anyway. So yeah I think if I had to choose someone more widely known it would be Helena.

Oh and another actress I like, she’s certainly not a celebrity, but I had a time when I watched or listened anything with her I could is Catherine Lundell. She’s Swedish, she’s a very niche actress and doesn’t seem to play a lot nowadays, she has some sort of chronic illness and she is also a quite dynamic activist in that field. I like the roles she always get, how unique they are, and I like her voice, which is quite husky, it’s I guess the effect of her illness but it really fits many of her roles I think. She’s cool.

So how about you? 🙂

If We Were Having Coffee… #WeekendCoffeeShare

Weekend Coffee Share at Eclectic Alli’s

So it’s another weekend and let’s have some coffee guys, although I’d rather suggest ice coffee, it’s incredibly hot here, 30 degrees C. or something like this. 🙂

If we were having coffee, I’d ask each of you how you’re doing…

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I am really looking forward to some cooler temps. I’m not the best at tolerating the heat so not feeling the best physically this week. I’ve suspended the Tibetan exercises until it will cool down and did them only on Monday. My room is the hottest in the whole house, it always warms up in the afternoon, luckily I have an air conditioner now and it’s on from like 3 PM until the morning. I am glad the weather is nice but a bit exhausted with the temps above 30 C in the end of May and the beginning of June. What pisses me off is that always when it’s so hot my blood pressure seems to go even more down than it’s normally and so my energy is almost non existent. Misha’s sleeping most of the time and my Mum who also has constantly low blood pressure and low tolerance to the heat feels crappy too. We’d be really glad to have a little storm and some rain.

If we were having coffee I would tell you I had an awful migraine on Wednesday. I think it was because of the heat. I spent almost the whole day in Mum’s room which seems to be the coldest one and either sleeping or just existing. I actually didn’t think it would be a full migraine, I just felt some little headache in the morning, but it got much stronger very quickly. What I hate about migraines other than just having it and being in pain and stuff is that usually when I get it I also have some scary dreams. And this time wasn’t an exception, although luckily I didn’t slip into the sleep paralysis and those very very dark dreams, they were just exhausting and weird and definitely not good. I felt better in the afternoon though and was completely free of pain in the evening. I decided to do some creative stuff, despite my brain melting successively and worked on one of Vreeswijk’s poems, which I started translating to Polish months ago. It is so frustrating, so far I have only a few of them done, I started a couple of them already but can’t finish any. I haven’t finished ANYTHING this year, guess I was too low most of the time even when I had some more time for it hypothetically. It drives me crazy that it seems that when I translate his poems, I can get through some part smoothly and then I always get stuck somewhere. But with this one – “Balladen Om Bonden Och Djävulen” (The Ballad About The Peasant And The Devil) I’m very near the end now. Despite I find it rather hard – masculine rhymes, which are so common in Swedish, but not as much in Polish, but since this poem is also his song I thought I should leave the original structure of verses, and his very unique style which was kinda hard for me to transfer into Polish in case of this poem, but at least no word games this time. This is a funny, folkloristic ballad about the peasant who is visited by the devil and he complains to the devil that he has gotten old and unappealing, while his wife is young and beautiful and he’s jealous of young men’s youth and he asks the devil to help him keep his wife by his side, so that she’d love and desire only him and the devil helps him, supposedly. I really miss those times when I translated more of him, and was very productive with doing it. So I really really hope that I’ll be able to finish this one soon and the final effect won’t be too rubbish. Then I’d like start to work with his “Veronica”, although this one is a real masterpiece so I’m not sure how it’ll go and I think it would take me a lot of time. I’m a little anxious about it, because what if I foozle it completely… but at the same time I really want to try because I know no one else would do it in Polish, and I’m curious whether I can manage it. Or if not “Veronica” I might go with a short but powerful poem called “Hemställan” which is about death and really speaks to me, but looks lke there is a word in it that is hardly translatable into Polish. I think I could go much further with translating his works if I wouldn’t be so intimidated that I may fuck it up or that translating his poems to Polish is pointless and that my dream just can’t come true. But I still am, maybe because I can’t judge my translations objectively. I tried to show them to my Swedish teacher back when he was teaching  me but I feel like he can’t be objective too, well I was his best student and he wasn’t really used to having students translating Swedish poetry, so any time I showed something to him he was shocked and wondered how I do it which I can’t explain because it’s usually very spontaneously. And I feel like he never saw any flaws to my translations, other than some very glaring ones, which was always a bit confusing for me. There was my friend Jacek – the one with whom we made up the novel about Ragnarok and the viking gods – and he spoke Swedish, but sadly I can no longer ask him for any advices… Although back then he was very constructive whenever I showed him something I’ve translated. But I actually don’t know whether it’s really the problem that no one can be objective or just my AVPD goes in the way and makes me think that there’s no way at all I can do it right, which, I suppose, might also be possible. So anyway guys, please wish me luck with that ballad, it’s really short, but I’ve been dilly-dallying with it for so long that now when I finally got a bit forward I’d love to get through it and do it well.

On Thursday morning I had a blood test planned to check how my thyroid hormones are doing and had to get up at 6:30 to have it done, but because I slept so much during the day because of the migraine, I had a sleepless night, then I finally fell asleep at 5 AM so Mum decided I shouldn’t go anywhere and be a Zombie and she rescheduled it. after the blood test we planned to go to the church because it was Corpus Christi holiday and we wanted to do it possibly early because of the heat, but finally they went without me and I just listened to the Mass in the radio later on. Then they went out again to take part in the procession, but me and Mum stayed home because it was really hot and we didn’t want to risk fainting in public, that would be scary. 😀 In the evening some of Dad’s family came and we were barbecuing, although I wasn’t with them for a long time because it was just so boring so I helped Mum out in the kitchen a bit.

Yesterday I had an awful morning. I woke up around 9, but didn’t feel like getting up, didn’t have anything necessary to do and not much energy and there was no one else at home except my Mum and Misha who were also napping, so I stayed in bed and I did one challenge of my Welsh course, well I didn’t finish it because suddenly I felt somehow very tired and exhausted, definitely not as if I just woke up. Soon I fell asleep again, or rather in a sort of lethargy, with some very weird and enigmatic dreams. But I know that even in those dreams I felt incredibly weak and tired and wondered why. Then I woke up around noon and was really concerned. I just felt so… faint, wiped out, weak, dunno… like I just ran a marathon, haven’t eaten for weeks and was very sick, all together. Even turning in bed was a bit of a challenge. I was dizzy, shaky, sweating and unable to do anything. my pulse was racing And my mind felt lethargic and a bit foggy. After some time, don’t know how much really, Mum came in to my room and told me it’s noon and that we slept really long and that maybe I”d get up already. Hmmmmmm, good sugestion, but… easier said than done. I just couldn’t imagine how I could make such a heroic effort as getting up. But maybe if I got up, ate something, drank a coffee, things would get better? I motivated myself, prepared for the effort for like 15 minutes, then finally managed to sit on the bed. I thought maybe it would be wise if I drank something first, well it’s hot, and we had a lot of salty and spicy stuff in the evening at the barbecue, and I hadn’t drank much then, maybe I’m a bit dehydrated, well I doubted that I can be so very dehydrated to feel this way, apart from the evening I was drinking something almost all the time, but who knows… That thought made my fucking emetophobia kick in. But I wasn’t even strong enough to feel very anxious. I made another considerable effort to reach the glass of water I had on my bedside table. My hands were shaky as if I was a drunkard in intense delirium or something, the part of my mind that was working more efficiently was very concerned that I may soon pour everything over my bed and my precious PlexTalk. It all was taking me ridiculous amounts of time and deep down I felt kinda scared. I even thought about calling my Mum to help me out somehow, but thought that when I’ll call her, she’ll freak out and I’ll freak out too, ’cause it will feel like it’s too bad to manage it on my own so something really concerning is going on, plus I thought I have too little energy to waste it on screaming. As I was drinking the water very slowly, stopping every now and then, I just remembered my Finnish pen pal named Sohvi. Sohvi’s biggest passion is painting, she’s sent me some of her paintings’ photos and my Mum saw them and described them to me and said they seem really good. She could be a professional painter, but can’t, because she has M.E and POTS and I remembered how she wrote me that on her significantly bad days she’s actually unable to do anything and just lies in bed because even sitting can make her dizzy and is too exhausting. So the only times when she can paint or do anything else around the house are when she has her better days. It always seemed so sad for me that she can’t fulfill herself being such a wise and sensitive person as she is. I am quite an empathetic person and my imagination is very fertile so I could imagine how she has to feel on her bad days, but now it felt like a horrifically similar experience, for me personally, not like I know exactly how it is to struggle with these conditions. My imagination started to work. So what? Am I going to end up as Sohvi so suddenly? And what then? I will never translate Vreeswijk’s poems for Polish people, I will never write that novel about the viking gods, my blog will be just hanging in the blogosphere, waiting for the day when I’ll be able to write anything, and my languages… Well that seemed rather saddening. Actually I had similar things happening to me before a few times that I woke up so faint and exhausted but never as intense. It was usually due to too low blood pressure or when I was sick or at some point at the boarding school when my brain was completely screwed up from all the anxiety, stress etc. and I ate very little because of my emetophobia and because I cared very little about and for myself in general. When I drank the water I still had enough ambition to get up, but my body was stronger than me and I just fell on the bed again. Finally I found the strength to get up, didn’t even  get dressed, although was incredibly dizzy, but managed to get downstairs by some miracle, and then find Mum in the cellar. I told Mum I think something’s wrong with me like I have low blood pressure or sugar or maybe something is going on with me because of the heat, and that I am completely wiped out and actually feel like I’m gonna faint anytime. Mum helped me, or rather dragged me to the kitchen and made me breakfast and then I felt more manageable. I showered, had a black coffee, then two big glasses of Mum’s orange juice and felt almost OK and definitely functional. Although when Mum measured my blood pressure it was still very low and for the whole day I felt dizzy and faint while standing and if I stood for longer it felt really unpleasant. My Mum also wasn’t feeling the best though. I think it’s all because of this heat. Anyway, I’m glad I’m OK now, but it was a bit scary, to just wake up and not be able to do anything, some part of me was really so anxious that almost sure that from now on I’m gonna share Sohvi’s fate although it was ridiculous to think so cos I guess such things don’t happen during one night.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you today Zofijka went to the Jump City with her cousin. It’s because it was Children’s Day yesterday. Zofijka is a kind of kid who always seeks for more adrenaline and likes when a lot of stuff happens around her, and she seemed happy. What I am kind of disappointed about is that those skunk slippers I bought her for her birthday still haven’t come. I hoped maybe I’ll be able to give them to her on Friday, but seems like their road is very long. Tomorrow I’m gonna be home alone for most of the day, Dad is going to work somewhere further and Mum is going with him – he’s a tank driver for those of you who don’t remember and sometimes he takes someone of us with him – and Zofijka is going on the beach with our cousins, and Olek is working. Don’t really know what I will be doing though.

OK, so that would be all from me.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee? 🙂

 

Music Monday Blog Party at the Bee’s.

So today Bee over at The Bee Writes

is making a blog party and encouraging us to celebrate our life and work, as well as the life and work of those musicians we love and who passed away too quickly.

I’ve had a busy day today, doing some preparations to my finals and having two hours long lesson with my maths tutor which brain drained me completely or so I felt, but I did carve out some time to celebrate my life.

I had two cups of strong black coffee (primarily to get rid of an awful headache I was having and raise my blood pressure, but also just because I love coffee so so much) and I’ve also had a brownie. Yummmm. Then I was listening to some music, about which I’ll write more in the next paragraphs. Then I had a quick shower, but although it had to be quick I was singing in the shower all the time, not the music I was listening to before though, but some Sandy Dennyäs songs. As I said before I felt pretty much brain drained in the morning, but now I feel really cheered up and relaxed, and I agree with Bee that we do need to celebrate our lives, and that we – as people, but particularly in my opinion, we as people struggling with all kinds of mental illnesses, should think about celebrating more often – we think so often about how we hate our lives so that I feel like we often just forget to think about how much is there to celebrate.

Now on to the musicians. I was wondering and wondering and wondering who to choose for this post. There are so many musicians I love, and so many of great musicians have passed away too early, too young. It’s always striking and shocking when it happens. To name a few of those whom I love, respect and listen to very often – Amy Winehouse, Sandy Denny, John Lennon or, very recently, Dolores Oriordan, they all could live much longer than they did. But finally I realised that my choice should be clear and obvious. Cornelis Vreeswijk.

Cornelis Vreeswijk lived 1937-1987, definitely too short. He’s been my previous music crush. When I say previous, I definitely don’t mean I no longer have a crush on him. When I get a music crush, it lasts long, and even if someone new appears, they aren’t replaced, just kind of suppressed by this newer crush, but still there, still alive in my brain. And when I say crush, I don’t mean what most people would probably mean by saying they have a crush on someone, or not only this. My crushes, besides being my crushes, are my deep fascinations, my inspirations, my motivators, and, as someone put it in a raw and beautiful way, my “antidote for pain” of any kind. And much much more.

Cornelis was Dutch, but he emigrated to Sweden at the age of 12 with his family, because of the war, and most of his artistic work was in Swedish and in Sweden. He was a singer, songwriter and guitarist, sometimes a composer too, but also a poet and, occasionally, an actor. He was my big inspiration ever since I heard his music for the first time and got to know him more. It was so impressive for me when I read how quickly he learned Swedish and became fluent in it, I wanted it for myself too, so started to see him a bit like my rival, in a positive sense, which, as I see it now, has really helped me to become good and confident at Swedish quickly. Well he had it easier, because Dutch is a Germanic language like Swedish and he lived in Sweden, and he was younger than me, and thatäs why Iäm the more proud of my results, being only once in Stockholm and having so many people complimenting me on my accent and how natural my Swedish seems to be. 😀 Well I don’t think it’s natural, but maybe Swedish people aren’t used to talk to foreigners that are as fluent as me. Also very early on in the development of my crush, I started to see how much in common he must have with me. Seemingly it could be even the opposite, he was a rebel, a drunkard, an extreme socialist – while I am a definite rightist, – famous for his countless sexual affairs and three very stormy marriages and other stuff of this kind, just you wouldn’t think we could have shared anything. But, as I was learning Swedish and learning about him, I was discovering there is a lot of things we share, from pretty small, odd coincidences like both our dads are professional drivers and both of us were constantly moving places as children 😀 to how we perceive the world, to how our personalities are like. I read about how much he didn’t feel safe anywhere, how, being so rebellious and controversial on the outside, inside he was very shy and struggled with incredibly low self-esteem and was very vulnerable and doubting his own possibilities all the time. He was constantly craving for a relationship with someone and for love, but when he finally was close to starting and building it, he was runing away desperately and in fear of closeness and intimacy. That all, and lots of other things, just sound so familiar, he, he, he. Maybe he also had AVPD? Thinking now… Well from some things I’d rather assume BPD, but I guess it’s not my thing to diagnose people, especially people that I didn’t know and that died years ago. 😀 Didn’t actually think about him having any PD’s before. But well anyway, I love his a bit cynical and untoward, perverse or pawky sense of humour, don’t really know how it’s exactly called in English. 😀 I love how he always noticed funny or weird details about people and situations and could read between the lines and describe it all in an interesting way. I love his approach to hard situations, complaining about them, but laughing them off at the same time. I love how he was able to play with the language.

And it all just inspired me so much that one night a crazy idea popped in in my head. Why not to translate his poems and song lyrics into Polish? That felt really crazy, but I loved the idea. And you know what? So far, I managed to translate 6 of his songs. These aren’t very good translations, but they are decent imo and still they rhyme and their verses are as long as original, so, I guess I did a good job. 😀 I haven’t translated anything in months now, I just get stuck somewhere anytime I try to translate something fully and can’t get out in any way, but I have a whole folder of drafts and unfinished pseudotranslations.

I can’t say I like/agree/relate to all of his lyrics. His views on most things were completely different than mine, so even if I like some of his political songs, I usually don’t agree with them or just don’t know what they’re really about since I’m not very familiar with Swedish politics in 70’s-80’s. But still I think he deserves to be known more widely, even if it wasn’t directly his goal. ANother thing is that I’m worried that it might be like planting bananas in Lapland – you know, he just won’t be understood here by other people than “Swedophiles – and man I’ve had countless dreams about how I translated a ton of his poems and published them and it was a massive failure, but, I guess I won’t know how it’ll be if I won’t try. So I hope I’ll manage to do it some day and that I won’t bungle it.

So I’ve already told you that he was drinking and having many relationship issues, he was married three times, was in prison, had economic issues, was smoking all the time and addicted to drugs and sedatives and other “comforters”, as my Mum calls them, he had also chronically issues in other kinds of relationships, not only romantic. He quitted drinking and smoking and all in 1985 when he was diagnosed with diabetes, but it didn’t help that much. Soon after it he was also diagnosed with liver cancer which destroyed him completely and so he died in 1987 (before I was even born! THAT’S SO UNFAIR!!! 😥 ), being lonely and in a very bad economic situation, having a bunch of dedicated fans, but generally being condemned by Swedish very politically correct society, though soon they discovered him and now they love him and he’s very famous there, so famous that I heard people in Netherlands telling he’s a Swede, although he doesn’t even have Swedish citizenship as far as I know.

So I’ve been listening to Cornelis’ music for the whole evening and now I have a great trouble deciding what to show you…

Well OK, I guess I already know, after another 15 minutes.

The song I want to show you is the first song by Vreeswijk I’ve ever heard, my Swedish teacher showed it to me and I was immediately lost, though I didn’t realise it back then yet. It has stuck in my head and even though I then had to have a long long break from learning Swedish, for years, I still remembered this song and its almost whole lyrics and after I rediscovered it, my full blown crush started and helped me indirectly to start with Swedish again. It is probably his most popular song. It’s called “Balladen Om Herr Fredrik Åkare Och Den Söta Fröken Cecilia Lind” (The ballad about Mr. Fredrik Åkare (Åkare means actually a driver) and the sweet maiden Cecilia Lind). This is something I’m working on translating for a ridiculously long time but it’s terribly hard mainly because we don’t have enough words ending in -ind in Polish, that would rhyme with the heroine’s last name, and we generally have too few one-syllable words, I love Polish, but that sucks sooo much.

Below are the English lyrics I found on the Internet, this is a literal translation:

From Öckerö barn (on a farm) sounds of accordion and base are heard and the full moon’s shining as if it was made of glass.
There Fredrik Åkare dances cheek to cheek
with little miss Cecilia Lind
She dances with closed eyes near (to him)
She follows in the dance right where he wants.
He leads and she follows light as a breeze,
but tell (me) why is Cecilia Lind blushing?
Say, was it because of what Fredrik Åkare said:
“You smell so good and you dance so well.
Your waist is thin and your bosom is round
You’re so beautiful, Cecilia Lind
But the dance ended and where could they go?
They lived so close to each other anyway
Finally they ended up at Cecilias gate
Now I want to be kissed, said Cecilia Lind
[You should] Know shame, Frederik Åkare, be ashamed old man!
Cecilia Lind is only a child
Pure as a flower, shy as a doe
I will soon turn 17, said Cecilia Lind
And the stars wander and the hours pass
And Fredrik is old, but the moon is new
Yes, Fredrik is old, but love is blind
Oh, kiss me again, said Cecilia Lind

And here’s the song:

Song of the day – Pugh Rogefeldt – Grimasch om morgonen.

Hi! 🙂

Today I share with you another version of this fabulous song – “Grimasch Om Morgonen” – written and originally performed by Cornelis Vreeswijk. This is a cover made by Swedish singer Pugh Rogefeldt.

Song of the day – Sofia Karlsson – Grimasch Om Morgonen.

Hi! 🙂

A month or so ago I shared with you this song in its original version, performed by Cornelis Vreeswijk, my previous musical crush whose poetry I would love to translate into Polish sometime in future, it is my very big dream. Also I’ve made an attempt to translate that song into English, which you can see here

. But today I wantd to share with you this song in another stunning performance. Anything by SOfia Karlsson is stunning, but since I love Vreeswijk’s music and poetry so much, this is my favourite song I’ve heard by her. Hope you’ll like it too, She’s so expressive.

Song of the day (2nd February) – Cornelis Vreeswijk – Grimasch Om Morgonen.

So the song for Friday will be again quite exceptional. It is one of my favourite songs of a man whom I really admire for his poetic talents and generally for his artistic skills and who was my third musical crush. His name is Cornelis Vreeswijk, he comes from Netherlands, but lived and created in Sweden for most of his life, so spoke Swedish fluently. He was a singer, poet and actor and is beloved and famous in Sweden. He lived in 1937-1987. Was quite controversial, being an extreme left-winger, alcoholic etc. Honestly, being a rightist, I disagree with many of his views, but I love his sense of humour, intelligence and how he can describe the world, people, the life, feelings and stuff in an often very straight-away manner, but also with some melancholy at times. I have a whole file with all my favourite quotes of him. One of my big future dreams is to translate some of his works into Polish. Until now, I’ve translated a few of his poems, but the effects are rather miserable.

It’s hard to introduce Cornelis to people who don’t speak any Swedish, as the beauty of his music lies mainly in lyrics, his music is good too, but as he wasn’t a big composer it isn’t always as good as his lyrics, so people with no Swedish have it hard to understand what I actually see in him and his music. But I’ll try my best to show you. And besides his guitar skills were also very good and in this particular song you can hear it very well.

So as I said “Grimasch Om Morgonen” is my favourite song from Cornelis’ discography, I think it’s really beautiful, but also quite sad, bitter and even a bit cynical. Maybe that’s why I love it too.

So to lessen the language bareer at least a bit, I’ll do my best to translate it into English, however, keep in mind, that I am not a native speaker in neither of these languages, so it may not be a masterpiece and probably won’t be.

Now the dew is falling and the sun is rising

But you can’t hear it

You’re lying without blouse or skirt on

With your lips close to my ear

Be serious, you firmly ask

You’re laughing out songs and singing jokes

You can, but don’t want to write

a song about the fragile happiness

Now the sun is rising and the dew is falling

for the poor people and for the rich.

But Luck has a poisoned thorn

that you need to carefully avoid.

She (the Luck) happily lingers for a few days

but when you want to capture her

her eyes turn cold as ice

and you become as bitter as bile

Now the dew is falling without a sound

and grass and leaves become wet

And every morning, the sun is the bride

though no wedding hymns sound

Ann-Katarin, you should know that

there is a certain happiness which dies from laughter.

But it wants to be held at night

And then it becomes as quiet as water.

Get up from bed now, Ann-Katarin

and listen to something important.

There is a special kind of rare wine

that you should enjoy cautiously.

For if you drink it carelessly

it loses its former shine

And all you have got left is an empty bottle

of bitter tears and ashes.

 

Here’s the song: