What Day Is It Anyway? #WDIIA.

With many of us being in self-isolation right now, days of the week can become very similar to each other and we may get confused. Therefore, Linda has started the

What Day Is It Anyway? (#WDIIA)

series on her blog, so that we can keep track of what we are doing each day and just be in touch with each other within the blogging community during this strange time.

For me, and most of my family, this time hasn’t been really very different from our usual lives, because I am spending most of my time at home and am happy with it, so does my Mum as she is a homemaker, or a home manager as she prefers to put it, and my Dad and Olek have to work anyway. The only person for whom life has become quite significantly different right now is Zofijka, because she doesn’t go to school since about the beginning of March and has recently started to learn online. This is not easy for her, first because it’s such a quick and stressful transition for all students and teachers, and second because she is not a very disciplined child and now there’s no one really to make sure she’s doing what she is supposed to do most of the time, so if she has something to catch up on that she hasn’t caught up on in time, isn’t up to date with something, didn’t do something on time or isn’t informed, there’s no one to blame other than herself, and she has to be more responsible. Also she is such a sociable kid and now there is no one to play, she can only Skype her best friend from her old school, and play with Jocky of course but that only helps so much. Misha has been incredibly supportive of her in this time, as if he could empathise with her. He spends loads of time with her in her room, assisting her in her learning, even during her live video lessons, watching movies with her and sleeping for hours in her armchair. He is just so sweet. Still, despite the social isolation effects not having much of a direct influence on my life, I decided to jump in anyway.

The only area in which I do feel affected by the pandemic is that we cannot go to church as we used to. We are a Catholic family as you may know and we normally go to church every Sunday and on holidays or important feasts as well. Now, here in Poland, there can be only 5 people during Mass, so in practice that means you are only supposed to come if you have ordered it, or you are a relative of someone in whose intention the Mass is celebrated, or something like that. This sucks big time, and we are not impressed, but I’ve found that it has it’s advantages too. Now there are more religious services being broadcasted in the media, or live streamed online, I don’t think it was as much of a thing here before the coronavirus outbreak, not to such an extend. While it is of course the best when you can go to church and receive Sacraments, I’ve noticed that now, when we are praying more at home, it is easier for me to focus on prayer. I wrote on that a while ago that for me it can be really difficult to focus on just one thing at a time for an extended period of time, and that can be extremely difficult when praying or meditating. It seems easier now that I am not surrounded by a lot of people, a lot of stimuli and all that, I’m less prone to distractions and feel more relaxed and focused, and I don’t have to worry that my blood pressure will drop below what’s my “normal” because of a lot of standing in one place or feeling hot and that I will faint, which of course doesn’t help with focusing, staying engaged and present. That has been an interesting experience. I mean, I’ve often listened to Mass from home when I wasn’t able to go to church, due to migraines or something, but it’s a completely different thing when you’re lying in bed and participating very passively so this whole thing now is quite new to me. It’s Lent, and both me and my Mum have decided to take advantage of this time and use it for our spiritual development. We all, as a family, have been praying more now, together and on our own, since the start of self-isolation. I had decided to do my Lent retreat online. Mum has managed to complete her retreat in the church at the beginning of Lent before the COVID-19 situation has become more serious in Europe, but the rest of us wasn’t able to complete it fully, so I decided to make it sort of more personalised this year, make use of all the resources online, and that was not only very interesting and enjoyable and very new to me, but also, because of being more personalised, I think it enriched me more in a way, and I was able to delve in some religious topics that I’d always wanted to. My Mum wakes up early every day and listens to the Mass in Latin on YouTube. If my brain is in the right timezone and I can wake up on time without being a zombie, I try to accompany her. So in fact I guess we’re praying more than we would otherwise, even during Lent, but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

I was talking about all that because today, I did wake up in line with the timezone we have here, or maybe even earlier than that, as it was just a little before 6 AM, which I didn’t expect because my sleep had been all over the place most days over the last couple of weeks, and I’d been in a phase of sleeping in late even like until 1 PM and generally sleeping a lot, I’d had to put a lot of effort into it if I wanted to wake up at a more decent hour or sleep less and a lot of the time I’d fail at that anyway because I was too groggy. I don’t like to sleep in late too often, though that happens a lot of the time to me, I mean certainly more than to a normal person with normal circadian rhythm anyway, so I’d be happy if my early awakening today would mean that my internal timezone is going to change to something less lousy, for however long that may be.

That allowed me to listen to the Mass with Mum, so that was a nice start of the day for us. Then Mum went out to get some groceries for ourselves and other family members who have it more difficult right now, and both of us plus Zofijka who also woke up by the time had a very yummy breakfast after she came back, and we drank cocoa. We drink a lot of cocoa lately, and especially so do I. I guess from being a coffee addict, I went on to being a cocoa addict lol. I still miss coffee though, nothing’s gonna change it, and I’ve lost hope that there is an equally good alternative that is good for me in the sense that it wouldn’t make me as anxious as coffee did, that I’d like the taste of, and that would make me as energised as coffee did. But cocoa at least tastes delicious, and I like to have mine very strong just as I did coffee.

Although no one in our house is particularly scared of the coronavirus and getting sick, and even my Dad stopped watching TV now that COVID-19 news are everywhere, Mum says that going out of the house is starting to make her feel a bit anxious when she sees all those people in masks, and when they tell everyone to put gloves on in grocery stores etc. She said that when she got home she felt a bit paranoid for quite a while, feeling like her hands are very dirty all the time, no matter how intensely she would wash them, and that all objects and surfaces around her are dirty and full of germs as well. ๐Ÿ˜€ I can understand that, I think I would feel similarly, even though in general as I said I don’t feel particularly scared or stressed out by the pandemic. The only thing I’m anxious about is if my family catch it, as I would be devastated if someone from my immediate family would get serious complications or die from it, but then it’s not very likely as no one in my immediate family has any underlying conditions other than my Mum has episodic asthma which is generally mild when it does flare up and is now in remission.

I spent a lot of the day trying to help Sofi with her school work and encourage her to think independently. I’m not the most patient person with kids, not even with Sofi, and neither am I particularly tolerant to ignorance or good at teaching others, so that was difficult for both of us. Misha was in her room though, so he was making the atmosphere calmer. ๐Ÿ˜€ Then we were watching a movie, eating crisps and bouncing on those big, exercise balls, I don’t know how they’re exactly called in English, and so did Misha with us. I don’t remember anything from the movie itself as I always struggle with following movie plotlines and it wasn’t anything I was into, just some teenage-y kind of movie, and we were talking meanwhile so I don’t think Sofi registered much either.

I’ve also bought some new English books for myself, and an audiobook for my Dad (in Polish of course) so he can listen to it at work.

It’s evening already, and I think I’ll soon be going to sleep, since I’ve had such an early start. As you can see, there hasn’t been much going on, but overall things are going well. I’ve noticed that I am actually having somewhat lower anxiety levels since the world has began self-isolating, which makes sense as a lot of my anxiety triggers are temporarily gone or have decreased to the bare minimum. So, subjectively, so far, I can’t say I feel the toll of this whole situation.

How are you doing today? How has the coronavirus outbreak and its consequences affected you so far? Are you feeling very worried or anxious? Or maybe bored? Let me know. ๐Ÿ™‚ Or write your own #WDIIA post.

 

Share Your World.

I know I’m quite late to the game, but I am still going to participate in Melanie’s

Share Your World

this week. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here are the questions and my answers.

 

What do fish do all day?ย ย  What thoughts do you think they have?ย  (Credit to the awesome Teresa and her Fibbinโ€™ Fridays for this one)

Play hide and seek, try to survive and not let other fish/water creatures/fishers catch them, tell each other stories and fairytales about life on the land.I don’t know what they think about but their minds must be really busy since they can’t speak. If they are sea fish, maybe they enjoy people watching during the summer when people come to the seaside?

What celebrity would you have as a SPOUSE, if you HAD to choose?

Oh that’s a tough one as I’m rather ignorant about celebrities, I mean there is hardly anyone that I would know well enough to be able to consider as a spouse. I have my music crushes, but aside from Enya and Cornelis Vreeswijk they aren’t really celebrities and even Vreeswijk is a celeb only in Sweden, and Enya probably wouldn’t be too glad being called a celebrity, she’s just famous. Besides, Enya can’t be my spouse because I am straight, and even if I wasn’t, I’ve always regarded her kind of more like my secret second mummy, someone I’ve always admired, especially as a teen, not in a way you admire someone you love in a romantic way. Cornelis has been long dead before I was born, and, as much as I admire his artistic skills, great mind and all and feel a lot of connection to him in a crush-y way, I really don’t think a romantic relationship between us would be a good idea, it would be a grotesque! We have too much and too little in common at the same time, if you can understand what I mean. ๐Ÿ˜€ and I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a relationship with someone who has so different beliefs and views and had already had three spectacularly failed marriages and dozens of other romantic relationships that didn’t work out, even if we have a lot in common intellectually/emotionally and on some other levels. Also he was terribly paranoid, is that called Othello’s syndrome? And was addicted to… well, almost everything. And goodness he could be my grandad unless I could time travel, I am not a gerontophile. But then again, I doubt many celebs would be on the same page with me in terms of views and beliefs, and I find it essential in a long term romantic relationship. My two other crushes – Declan Galbraith and Gwilym Bowen Rhys – would be more doable as my potential spouses, though I don’t feel like I have as much in common with Declan as I used to, or as I used to feel, so I guess Gwilym would be the best fit (ethe moreย  that I would love to live in north Wales and we have quite a few common interests, but we are very different in terms of personalities though that’s actually cool here), but then as I said he’s not really a celebrity, not how people usually imagine celebrities, unless we could call him a local celebrity. ๐Ÿ˜€ Other than that, I guess it would require much more thinking and research for me to come up with an answer. ๐Ÿ˜€ Oh I kinda like Alexander Rybak (the guy who won the Eurovision in 2009), and he seems very cool and pleasant, but I’m not crazy about him enough to be his spouse, and Zofijka would kill me, because she likes him much more than me, so much so that she would probably accuse me of stealing. So no, no idea. ๐Ÿ˜€

Whatโ€™s the most expensive thing youโ€™ve ever broken?

Don’t ever leave your expensive things with me, especially tech stuff. ๐Ÿ˜€ My most spectacular achievement was spilling kefir al over my Braille-Sense (yes, the current one, and yes, it’s still alive somehow) about five years ago I suppose, I was in a state of euphoria (yeah ultrarare for me, but I had a sound reason), and as far as I can remember didn’t exactly know what I was doing, but I somehow had to move my arm very suddenly and quickly and there was a glass of kefir standing quite close to the Braille-Sense so before I could react in any way it was all soaked. All euphoria gone in a second. It was scary! Not only because it’s just awful when you break something expensive but I had to go to the boarding school the next day, and it meant that I’d be going without most of my music and books and it was going to be a very difficult time for me because of that, and not only because of that.I was determined and desperate and took it to school with me anyway as I couldn’t face it otherwise, I tried drying it with a hairdryer to make it work at least a bit and I did manage, but still the Braille display was screwed up and something inside of it under the keys was all soaked up in kefir so when I was using the keys they were actually doing whatever they wanted, not at all what I wanted them to do, and working on it was terribly slow. Also, I didn’t take one very important thing into account when taking it with me to school, it soon became very characteristically smelly and the smell was extending itself further so I freaked out that our whole room is soon going to smell with kefir and I had to do something about it, so I sent it to get it fixed. I remember feeling very concerned what they will think of me there seeing that it’s all soaked up in kefir. ๐Ÿ˜€ It’s funny now, but I was stressed out like hell. Mind you that Braille-Sense is a specialised device so the servicing was also that bit pricier than your average laptop or phone. I have quite a history of breaking tech stuff in this or that way, however I haven’t spilled kefir over anything else thankfully, I’m extra sensitive about such stuff now. ๐Ÿ˜€

When was the last time you slept more than 9 hours in a stretch?ย  Why?

On Wednesday, the night from Tuesday to Wednesday that is. It is not a rare occurrence for me. I am blind, without light perception so my circadian rhythm is not particularly steady and gets dysregulated very easily, but also I seem to have very varying need for sleep, and I don’t really know if that’s as normal for the blind. It’s like sometimes I can sleep 2 hours and wake up feeling rested and energised, or I can sleep for 4 hours and feel as if I had no sleep at all and am a zombie for the whole day, or I need 12 hours of sleep suddenly for no apparent reason. Sometimes when I don’t sleep at all at night I feel crappy afterwards, very anxious or zoning out all the time or can’t wait until the evening, even if it’s just 7 PM, because I want to sleep, or sometimesย  don’t even feel any difference with how I feel after a sleepless night vs 9 hours of sleep and am perfectly OK and wouldn’t even mind staying up late sometimes. It seems to go for me in cycles though I haven’t yet figured out how exactly it works and what – other than messing up with sleep routine or something external that changes my sleep patterns in an obvious way – causes the change. Anyway, that night I am talking about I slept for 11 hours, from 11 PM to 11 AM, and I suppose it was the anti-anxiety medication that I took in the evening that knocked me out, perhaps together with feeling a bit tired after a lot of social interaction – a lot for my standards. – I actually wrote about that night very recently because of the series of Scotland-themed dreams I had then, that I absolutely loved. I normally hate sleeping late or very long for no apparent reason but I loved the dreams. Oh and my record so far is 19 hours, and I wouldn’t like to beat it, it was quite an odd and a little bit creepy thing, actually more so for my family than fr me. ๐Ÿ˜€

Share something you were really grateful for this year (so far):

Misha, Misha and Misha first of all. I sometimes really wonder how I coped before I had him. He makes loads of difference for me in different aspects of my life. My family and all my online friends definitely. Also that I am finally on disability allowance, that always helps and I feel more secure financially.