Some things in brackets are from me, not from Misha.
A very Mish welcome for all of you. I always say hhrrru? when I greet someone.
I am Misha, but I guess everybody already has noticed it. Actually, I think I should introduce myself, but dunno how to do it on the Internet. And I’ve never written anything in English before. Emilia always talks to me in different languages so that I’m often confused which is which. Usually, if you came to me, I’d come close to you, if I would feel like it and maybe, maybe would let you stroke me. Sometimes, if I like someone very much, I greet them verbally as well, saying hhrrru?, but I need to trust them a bit.
I hope I can introduce myself well. I am almost two, will have birthday on Tuesday, Mila says that for humans it will be like 30 years or more, so yes, I’m adult. I’m not a baby, but everyone treats me like a baby and this is very, very, veeery tiring. And unfair. But sometimes good. I am a Russian blue cat, I am thoroughbred, but I’ve no idea why or if it matters. For some people it seems to have a huge meaning. I cost a pile of brass – so says Zofijka. If I were a human, apparently I’d be a tsar of All Russia – so says my human mum. I don’t know neither what is brass nor what is the tsar of All Russia, but I do know, that it’s probably a compliment. They always tell me compliments. “Misha, you are so pretty”. “Misha, you’re so soft”. “Misha, you smell so nice”. Sometimes it’s fine, but sometimes boring. Most often it is boring. I am rather small. I eat very much, but you can see most of my bones and I don’t grow at all. I’ll probably stay this way, pity, but Zofijka and Mila say, that this is very good. My fur is grey, but glitters a bit blu-like, so that’s why I’m kind of blue. My eyes are green. I am very smooth and soft, some people lay on me because of this and won’t even think that maybe it bothers me and I can barely breathe. Am I a pillow or what? But you can’t talk to people. I have really big ears. Well I guess not so very big, but my head is small, so it looks like they were big. I like to look at myself in the mirror. Or on the photos. I love to drink water, from wherever I can, only not from my own bowl, it’s so boring. It’s better to drink water from the flowerpot. I like to look at birds, catch and eat flies, mosquitoes and spiders. My human mum is deadly afraid of spiders and always calls me very shrilly, when any comes to visit me.
I very, very, very dislike noisy sounds. I had to get used to them a bit, because Zofijka makes always very loud sounds, but I dislike when someone yells at me, screams “Misha!” so loudly, or when something is playing loudly, or when Zofijka tells me something to the ear. I will hear her anyway, won’t I? I always slap her face with my ears then. They mistreat me very much, don’t you think so? I am very poor.And I can’t get chicken breasts everyday, as I’d like, and there arent’ as many cartboard in our house as I’d like and I often can’t do what I want.
But the worst is that I can’t go outside on the backyard. OK, sometimes I can, on the terrace, but really rarely, and what do I have of it? It isn’t a pleasure. Some cats run allover their backyard, we have such wild cats on our backyard and they still call me and then I meow loudly as well. Other cats run, but whenever I only get a bit away, everyone runs after me immediately and shout Misha. Mila says that’s because I am so pretty and someone would steal me at once. But I would come back quickly, really. I’d just look around the whole world and I would come back. And my human mum says, that if I want to lounge on all the beds and lie in the bedsheets, especially at Mila’s, ’cause she is allergic to me, I surely won’t go outside, because if I don’t go out, she isn’t allergic almost at all. And I can catch some illness, because they haven’t vaccinated me. I don’t get these people. But other than that I think I’m happy. Cuz I can do many things, I don’t have to eat only my food, like apparently many cats have to, I get chicken and rabbit and lots of snacks and fish yummmm and kabanosy, mine and for humans and sausage. Today I didn’t get anything besides cat food and some usual snacks which Mila gives me everyday.
I have very sensitive tummy and sometimes when I eat something unhealthy or too much of food it happens that I throw up. It rarely happens, but when it does, I am always very surprised and everyone yells at me and calls me names. Mum says to me what have you done you blockhead (well, sheep, not blockhead literally, it’s ridiculous, I’m not a sheep, don’t you see?). Sometimes she also says that’s because I gnaw away sausage like a Russian hick and then she says I have some diet. I don’t know what is diet and where I have it, but I don’t wanna know, I don’t like it anyway. But I always get something the next day and they share with me if they eat any meat. But when they eat meat and I can’t, I am always very sad and sit alone somewhere. It’s especially sad when I’ve never eaten something they’re eating without me and it smells nicely. Why can’t they ever guess that maybe I wanna eat it too?
I don’t know any animals, only from a distance.
I know only one dog, who was with us before for a few days. Her name was Peppa and she liked me very much, like everyone does, I liked her too. We played together. And then she ran away and I was a bit sad. I like people, but I’d like to get to know some animals, because I’m bored sometimes, when nobody’s at home. One of my younger brothers was supposed to be with us before, Mila wanted to call him Sasha, but he was born ill so didn’t come to us.
My real mum’s name is Hansa Luft and apparently she is very pretty. ZOfijka saw her. But nobody have ever seen my dad, ’cause he lives abroad. He’s Czech and his name is Jupiter. Did I mention, that I like cartonboards very much?
If I didn’t, I do now. I like cartonboards very much. As every cat, but I am exceptional anyway and I know it. I had one cartonboard on Mila’s table for a very long time, but it picked dust and lots of my fur was inside so mum had to take it away and throw out. I slept there very often during the day. I have also one at Zofijka’s, one in my human parents’ room and many cartonboards are downstairs in the laundry and in the cellar and in the garrage, but they rarely let me in there, because they always close the door there, I don’t know why and then it bothers them when I groan that I want out. And then I have dirty paws when I go in there.
I have many others beds too. At night, most often I sleep in the basket, which stands on Mila’s bed, or I loll with someone on the bedsheets, but I don’t like to loll on the bedsheets for the entire night, ’cause people toss and turn awfully lot and sometimes for example while they sleep, they lay on my tail. It doesn’t hurt, but pisses off, cuz you can’t move and when you move, they wake up immediately and mumble Misha don’t go, you are so warm. That is my destiny. I also have a bed on Mila’s or Zofijka’s wardrobe. Mila doesn’t like, when I lay down on her wardrobe in the basket that stands there, if I lie on Zofijka’s wardrobe, it’s because I don’t want anyone to bother me.
I also like sometimes to sleep in another, smaller room that Zofijka has, on the sofa or wherever else. And I like to sleep on the suitcases in mum’s dressing room, or inside of them. I like to go into the bags, even to strangers’ bags, when they come to us and I check how it smells like in there. Honestly, I prefer their bags from themselves, if someone comes without one, I almost don’t pay any attention to them. Once I squeezed in one lady’s bag and she took a picture of me and sent to Facebook, and everyone chattered about it all day long. I can pose to photos very well. The only thing that pisses me off are these flashes in cameras and when someone wants me to pose for a long time, no, I don’t agree. One photo and I go away. I don’t like and I can’t play with cat toys. I prefer feathers, especially those which smell like forest and birds, sticks, rubbers, hair-bands, and the most – Zofijka.
Zofijka has her disatvantages, but you can play with her hide and seek, jump on her back – on everyone’s you can, jump over her, pounce on her, roll with her on the floor… But does she really have to scream all the time, and carry me in baby carriage? And catch me, when I have other plans? When I was younger, I was very afraid of Zofijka. But now I know what to do to not be bothered by her so much and where to hide. And when I hide from her, mum says Misha you are not that stupid. Thanks. But who said I am?
I like to bite plants. Mila says I have a chloro-something defficiency and they’ll need to buy me some vitamins. Once I’ve bitten Christmas tree and then puked. I like oils as well.
Our mummy has very many bottles with oils, once she greased me just for fun with coconut oil, so I could smell nicely and I liked it a lot.
I also like to lick people’s fingers when they have oil on them, or when they smell with meat. I like to smell freshly used socks, especially Olek’s. I don’t drink milk. It’s not healthy for me and it’s not healthy for all cats, which don’t drink their mums’ milk. So says my present mum.
Well, it has to be so. If I drink milk, i need to rush to the loo and I sometimes need to run there a few times. Luckily I run very fast. But instead sometimes, very rarely, I get some yoghurt, kefir or buttermilk or whey, Zofijka once shared with me some of her vanilla pudding. Ahhhh! How delicious it was. I still dream about it sometimes.
Apparently sometimes I mutter something while sleeping. Not purr like cats normally do, I talk something in my Mishy language. Mila says so. Most often I have very serene and calm dreams, but sometimes I dream that I run away from someone and my muscles are jumping in all my paws and I wake up a bit frightened, but I stop thinking about it quickly and fall asleep again. I like different smelly things. Not all, but many. I won’t tell you which, cuz people really don’t like many of these things. I can growl almost like a dog, when something really hurts me. It isn’t funny at all. Ah, and people often laugh at me. I hate when Olek annoys me and plays meowing cats on his phone, then I don’t know, where they are and am very afraid and I feel like running very far away. I like to wallow in carrier bags, it’s the best when someone puts me into a carrier bag and walks with me like with groceries.
I can’t stand when they call me “she”.
Zofijka’s friends often do so. Not only that they scream, but also: “Oh, Mishka, awwww, you’re so pretty. Why did she run away?” Other people say so too, even though often finally either mum or Mila can’t stand this too and says that I am a guy. But they pretend they don’t hear it, like me, anyway they often do so. (Misha ends with an A, like almost all Polish feminine names, that’s why people get confused).
Also I hate when Zofijka calls me Michelle, or woman. She says so when I’m afraid of something or cry a lot. Mila comforts me that Michelle is also a French name for guys, but I don’t care, I am Misha, not Michelle. That I can’t have children, it doesn’t mean I’m a woman.
It is me who watches over it all here and if not me, this house would turn upside down.
They call me names very often.
All of them.
I have many nicknames.
Putin, Sakashvili (Sakashvili’s name is Mikheil, so Misha), Mysza (it literally can mean big mouse in Polish), Miska (bowl in Polish), Misa and Micha (big bowl), Miseczka (small bowl), Mishołów (a word game on the word “myszołów” which means buzzard), Mishmasz or Mishmash, Misha klisza, Mishka kiszka, The Grey Brother, Clochard, Sackful of Potatoes… And my terrible human father always calls me either skunk or duffer. Or Sakashvili sometimes. And I totally don’t know what it all means.
I don’t like to be lonely. I always cry a lot then until I fall asleep and I am very sad and when everyone comes back, I lay down at the door and wait for someone to snuggle me and roll me on the floor.
Everybody says then that I fainted, because I lay down on the floor so suddenly. The best it would be if everyone would always be at home, but if I could have some only mine, Mishy place, where noone could bother me and I’d take care of myself there and if I’d like, I’d come out for food, play or cuddles.
I hope I didn’t bore you. I know, my life is very boring. I even don’t know any animals closer, any cats, and I’ve never eaten a bee, but I’d really like to, cuz one day I saw such a big, pretty bee and almost chased it. Sometimes though something happens in my life and if you’d like, I can talk to you about it.
If I will feel like it.
Mishest regards to all.