Mystery Blogger Award.

Hi people! ๐Ÿ™‚

I was nominated by the fantastic Astrid of

A Multitude Of Musings

for the Mystery Blogger Award! Thank you so very much, Astrid! ๐Ÿ˜ Also thanks to

Okoto Enigma

for creating this award. Unfortunately I’m not going to put the award logo with this post as I have completely no idea how to do it.

ย ย  Rules:

 

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  5. Answer the 5 questions you were asked.
  6. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  7. You have to nominate 10-20 people.
  8. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  9. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
  10. Share a link to your best post(s).

My answers to Astrid’s questions:

  1. What is your favorite color? – I can’t tell just one. Well I guess I love black the most, but I also love white, blue, green, grey, and some shades of silver, pretty equally.
  2. What is the biggest challenge you face right now? – I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and rumination that I feel has worsened quite a bit over the last few months, especially the rumination part, and some changes in different areas of my life, not big, as in very much life-changing, but still significant, and with my fear of changes.
  3. Do you have any pets? – I have a 3.6-year-old Russian blue cat called Misha, who is the most mine. We also have a mixed-breed 1-year-old dog called Jocky who is particularly Zofijka’s, and we have some fish as well, which are mostly my Dad’s.
  4. (Weird/Funny) Would you want to be the opposite gender for a while if you could? – Meh, not really… Without any offense to the guys (it’s not my intend at all) I don’t think it could be particularly interesting or fun (for me) to be a guy.I think I’m happy being a woman, even though it has its fair share of downsides. That’s why I find it quite hard to personally relate to the issues transgender people face, and I feel it must be horribly daunting not to feel like you are the right gender. Haha, actually, thinking about this question reminded me about the time when I was a little girl, perhaps 6 or 7, and wanted to be a boy just because I wanted to be like my Dad and be named Jacek. ๐Ÿ˜€ I still love the name Jacek and will probably always will, but I wouldn’t like to be a Jacek myself. That just shows that while I’ve never seriously struggled with my gender identity, I had had real name issue since very early on, until I’ve become an Emilia to the world, and I’m glad that now it’s over. One true advantage of being an adult – you can legally change your name. ๐Ÿ˜€ Well, OK, perhaps I could be the opposite gender just for a little while, just to see what it’s like, sort of get a broader outlook on the world, understand men a little bit better, just like a kind of experience to learn something from it, that could be something interesting. But nothing that I’d genuinely want very much.
  5. What was your major in college? – I’m always sort of confused about the education system in the English-speaking countries. If we’re talking college as in the UK, like sixth form, after secondary school, I was doing a college for adults, on weekends. I was two years behind my peers, first year because that was just some sort of practice at the school for the blind where I was going to that people were starting a year later and were having a sort of preparation year the previous year, and the second time because of some sort of mishmash with my transition from the integration school back to the school for the blind, long and complicated and boring and irrelevant story. So by the time I was about to start college, I was already an adult and made a decision that it will be easier for me in an adult college. And there weren’t really any subjects we were supposed to choose to study more in depth, as majors, as it works in standard schools like that in Poland. We were all having the same classes from general subjects. However, in my last year, I sort of accidentally learnt that our majors formally were geography and history. But that was just a formality, apparently, and didn’t mean anything in practice. As for college as in America, so like almost a university, I didn’t go to college in that sense. After I did my finals at that school – which as my regular and loyal readers know was a painful process because of many things, but primarily emotionally, it turned out, quite as I expected, that I didn’t pass the math exam. Here, if you don’t pass one subject, in practical terms you don’t pass anything (even if you have 100% from two other exams as I did, haha). And, for reasons that I’ve previously written about on here, I decided not to rewrite that exam, perhaps just for now, perhaps not at all, we shall see.

3 things about me:

1. When I was a child, I wrote a book, consisting of quite a few smaller books, about creatures I made up that were called Parpills. They were black and red and fluffy, and the main character of my book, the Parpill called Parpillo, had loads of adventures. I still have my Parpill books, and the illustrations that one of my teachers made for me, and they’re so fun. I still love reading them sometimes, and so does Zofijka, because it’s all written both in Braille and in normal print, though she always laughs and says they’re freaky! ๐Ÿ˜ญ I wonder why… ๐Ÿ˜‰

2. Apart from my languages, that I am talking all the time on my blog, I was learning German and Italian at some point as well. German was at school, and I do like it, just not love it as my languages, andI was decent at it but nothing more, and then I courageously tried to do something with it on my own too because I sort of felt I should, but lacked motivation terribly. I have to many languages for now, maybe later, but I’ll have to live a really long life to learn all my languages and then have time and space for some others. Italian was my generous attempt to help out Mum who wanted to learn this language, but she doesn’t speak English so doesn’t have that many resources as she would have learning through the medium of English, and she said she needed some help. It was one big shit and a failure for both of us! But oh well, I am just not a fan of Italian, too many people love it. I also speak some Kashubian and i am half Kashubian, but it’s not much and, perhaps it’s hypocritical of me, but I don’t feel much of a connection with this language, I don’t even truly like it, I definitely love Polish way more, even though Kashubian is an extincting language and I’m all for saving extincting languages.

I am an auditory-tactile and auditory-taste synaesthete, which I love, and have some other sensory quirks, and some that are a bit resembling of some kind of synaesthesia as well, but aren’t that exactly. I love my brain for that.

I nominate:

This time, anyone who feels like participating and would like to feel awarded. Feel free to join in, and let me know if you do. ๐Ÿ™‚

ย ย  My questions for you:

1. If you could choose any material thing in the world to have, but only one, what would you like to get?

2. What trait do you most dislike about yourself and do you think other people dislike it to, or is it just your opinion?

3. When was the last time you laughed really hard?

4. What typ(es) of situations are the most distressing for you?

5. Weird/funny, inspired by Astrid’s question and my Jacek quirk, if you were born the opposite gender and were given a chance to pick a name for yourself, how would you name yourself?

ย ย  The best post:

No idea if it’s really my “best post”, or if it’s objectively very good, guess it’s average, but I think, as for my debut short story in English, it was pretty good. But you’d have to judge, if you haven’t read it yet.

The Power Of Food And Music

If We Were Having Coffee… a midweek coffee share.

Anyone up for a cuppa coffee at 9 PM? Or probably it will be even later by the time I finish this post. But perhaps it’s earlier where you are so if you want a coffee, grab a cup of it and join in. Or drink whatever you feel like. I can offer you a coffee, or an iced coffee, green tea, black tea, some herbal teas, or raspberry tea, kefir, Pepsi, or water. Or you can bring something yourself so that it’ll be more diverse.

I have a lot of snacks this time that I can share with you, I’ve made a big big shopping last week, thinking I’ll be alone for a week so will need a lot of yummy stuff to munch on. A lot of sweets, like biscuits, chocolate, some hard candy, gummybears, lots of stuff that it’ll probably take me weeks or months to deal with myself so I’ll need people to help me out! But you can still bring in your own food. We don’t have much serious food here right now, no yummy dishes or anything like that, as Mum is the one who cooks those and she’s just come back from my uncle’s funeral, but I’ve also stocked the house with instant soups, pasta sauces and all sorts of cereal and yoghurts and such.

I won’t be eating anything this time, actually I only ate a little today, a late breakfast and some cookies with Zofijka, I feel kinda weird physically and don’t even have an idea why, I’m tired and a bit nauseous and lousy and I felt like not doing this coffee share today, but I need to catch up with you and tell you about an idea I had, so I don’t want to delay it all the time.

So, grab something you feel like drinking and eating, find yourself a cosy and comfy place to sit, and let’s start our coffee share properly.

If we were having coffee I’d ask all of you how are you doing and how has the last week and this week so far been for you?… ๐Ÿ™‚

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I was on a very unexpected trip to Masuria last week. my Dad just got kind of a suden idea that he’d like to go to Masuria because he’s on holidays for over two weeks now. Masuria is a sort of go-to, traditional place for some longer holidays for us. My Mum has family there, and my Dad is very much into WWII stuff so there’s a lot to explore for him. The food is heavenly there, and so are the views and just the general atmosphere. We didn’t have much time to spend there, as they were supposed to go on another trip with my Mum’s family to the Bieszczady mountains, so we left on… Thursday, I guess, and were meant to go back home on Saturday if not earlier. We didn’t do much there though, because the plans regarding their other trip were changing constantly, and my Dad got cross about it, so in the end we were home on Friday early evening. Still, I mostly liked the trip, despite my Dad’s constant irritability getting on my nerves and my own moods shifting quite a bit which was difficult to contain but I think I succeeded at it very much. It helped me to sort of get away from my anxieties, clear my mind a little, and, while the depression was still echoing somewhere in the background, my anxiety and rumination had significantly lessened while I was away, which was actually surprising, normally I’m one big nervous wreck when travelling for longer than a day and sleeping in a stranger place and all.

We went to one small town called Mikoล‚ajki and were just wandering aimlessly around it, I bought myself a cat figurine made of porcelain, it’s blue, as in the Russian blue Misha. ๐Ÿ˜€ Oh yeah and I mised Misha terribly! I guess I’ll always have that messed up in my brain, when longing for someone, it feels like I’m never going to see them anymore or will have to lose them again very soon, it feels much more of a loss than it is, no matter what I tell myself, no matter that I know I’ll see Misha in 2 days, which is ridiculously short, it’s so stupid and shitty, I hate it. My Dad really wanted to take a ship there, around the lake in Mikoล‚ajki, but I flat out refused because it was very windy and I was afraid my vestibular system won’t cooperate, so he was enraged, but couldn’t have any discussion with me. The next day Mum wanted to go somewhere by ship, and it wasn’t that windy so I gritted my teeth and said OK, but to my surprise Dad said we don’t have to and he doesn’t want to force me. Not quite like him, but while I would deal with that, after all we’ve sailed to Sweden and such and I dealt with it, I was happy I didn’t have to go through it again without a sound reason. ๐Ÿ˜€

After we’ve seen almost the entire Mikoล‚ajki, we went to Eล‚k where we very supposed to sleep, but my Dad – always planning ahead and even a bit stiff – went all wild and spontaneous this time and hadn’t booked us a place anywhere. He doesn’t have a debit/credit card, I left mine at home and Mum was almost skint so couldn’t pay for us, while all the online booking stuff only accepts cards obviously. So he was all raging, until we finally found a hotel that he could plain phone and pay them directly with cash. ๐Ÿ˜€ I was starting to think that we might end up going back home at night, so fumin he was.

I had really weird, like really weird and rather creepy dreams, some in a cool creepy way and very creative, one was gloomy-creepy and even more odd, and involved me having ECT. Only that if ECT really looked like that… it was even worse than in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”. I don’t know what I had that for, was it depression or whatever, I just know I was seeing a very authoritarian doctor there who said something is definitely very wrong with my brain and I need ECT to get it working properly, he was the kind of person who knows everything about you before you even get a chance to say anything. It was a really gloomy and awfully depressing hospital, I felt sick just being there, and I guess it was quite a long distance from my home, because when he announced to me that I’d have to come there I guess every month me and my Mum were very unsatisfied. He first wanted me to sit there and wait for my turn while there were like a dozen of odd, metal beds with people on them, who had all something wrong with their brains, they had some stuff connected to their brains, I don’t know, wires or electrodes or whatever it was, something was beeping all the time like in a trashy medical thriller movie, the doctors were doing something to their brains, like manipulating with them with their hands, they were bound to their beds, and they had awful, like horrible, horrifying seizures, it looked gross, heart-wrenching and creepy and their dignity was taken away from them. I guess they weren’t unconscious but in some altered state of consciousness. And then I had all that stuff too, only that I didn’t have the seizures, instead I felt awful and woke up with no memory. And I know I talked with some of those people who were there, one of them was very much like my friend Jacek from Helsinki, and he told me he’s been having that for 5 years every month and he feels less and less like himself and that I should run away from there. I came back home and my whole extended family came to me to wish me speedy recovery but I didn’t even care about anything and it felt really strenuous to think. And then slowly, life would just go back to normal, and as soon as I’d start regaining my colourful brain, feeling OK, getting back my memories and was less scared of what happened, it was time to go back to that prick. It was weird that I couldn’t even just refuse, everyone was saying I have to, they were very sad about it but were saying it will help me in the end. I often have dreams when people force me to do things and no matter how hard I refuse or fight, or how diplomatically I’d try to persuade them out of it, they have to have it their way. I wonder does that mean something? ๐Ÿ˜€ So yeah, that was my dream, in a nutshell, I was going back and forth from there and seeing all those people and having it done to myself and recovering, until finally when I came there and he put me on the bed I just woke up. First I was creeped out and wondered why the hell I had such a gross dream, and it haunted me for a while, but then I started laughing at how creative my brain is. Guess I really could write thrillers based on my dreams, only I don’t like thrillers! ๐Ÿ˜€ Would like to have a talk with my brain and ask it where it got it from, during your average jolly family trip. Maybe something was wrong with that hotel! ๐Ÿ˜€

Anyway, as I told you, the next day we had to go back home, but before we did that, we visited Augustรณw and I had the yummiest iced latte there. And both on our way to Masuria and back home we stopped for a dinner in a lovely restaurant where I had absolutely scrumptious pierogi. Apart from my Mum’s and perhaps my grandma’s, I don’t think I’ve eaten better. Not in a restaurant for sure, and most often we eat frozen which are rather dull, so it was a great surprise! But pierogi in Masuria usually tend to be very good. So as I said my parents were supposed to go for another trip on Sunday, and they did, but had to go back, because my uncle died that same day from cancer. They normally probably wouldn’t go back, but grandma was going with them and she wanted to take part in the funeral. Coincidentally, my uncle lived in Masuria, so yesterday in the morning my family were heading back there and have just come back. I was at home with Zofijka and Misha, and Olek, but Olek’s mostly at work. For those of you who read my “Some Random Questions” post, if you’re curious, no, our house didn’t catch fire, Misha didn’t choke and Zofijka didn’t bring a norovirus home from her swimming camp, although I’m feeling really interestingly today so actually who knows… (no, brain, don’t think about that now!), instead, Zofijka came home sobbing hysterically, but didn’t want to talk so I asked Mum as for how I should handle it and Mum said I should ignore it and that means she really enjoyed the camp… Yeah, I see… No, seriously, I get it. There’s a whole long school year until another camp. I hated camps but still, I know the feeling. She’s better now, and has been out with her mates for most of the day. But my parents are going for another trip yet (my Dad’s determination to challenge theย  fate is pretty admirable) only not to Bieszczady but somewhere nearer, so hopefully the smaller distance will help in making it a success finally. ๐Ÿ˜€

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Misha is being really sweet to me lately, which helps me a lot every day. I suspect it’s my little secret bottle of Mish ice cream (his favourite thick sauce) that I’ve got that made him feel so amicably towards me. Those sauces come in little tubes, so you squeeze them out and if we want to have fun Misha can lick it like ice-cream, but it gets messy and I don’t wfind those tubes very user-friendly. So Mum came up with an idea that for the time when they’ll be away she’ll put a few sauces into a bottle so I’ll have it easier to give it to him and dose properly, it’s like an oil bottle. The thing is you of course have to store those sauces in the fridge, or at least in a dark place, so I had to use up that bottle quick. I used up most of it, but sadly, some of the sauce had turned sour, I was afraid not to overfeed him. I still have his normal snacks, but the sauce effect hasn’t worn out yet and Misha graciously spends most of his very precious time with me and sleeps in his bed next to me at night, as well as has his longest day nap always here. It’s really so lovely! ๐Ÿ™‚

If we were having coffee, I’d share my idea with you, which I think is great, but I need your feedback, as it has to do with my blog and with you as my readers! I’ve been thinking about it loads and it’s not a very new idea, but, as is most often the case with me, I needed to thoroughly think it through. The idea is such – I’ve been thinking about doing something like a yearly My Inner MishMash reader award – don’t know what its actual name could be yet but that’s a secondary thing. – There are tons of awards in the blogosphere, some people like them and find them nice, for some they’re annoying, so I wasn’t thinking a blog award, like write a post and nominate people etc. Especially that, as far as I am aware, those awards tend to be connected with badges, or other banners or pics, as a way to emphasise and show that someone’s blog has been awarded and I have no idea about that. My idea is more about expressing my gratitude to my readers, having fun blogging, and just connecting with people in a fun way, and also it’d be like a small giveaway. Every year, I would pick three readers of My Inner MishMash that I think have been most involved, that come here regularly, comment etc. and that I feel particularly grateful for having them around. That would be based on my own judgment and feelings, but also on the comments stats. Then I would send out small packages to those folks, with mini things like some typically Polish yummies, T-Shirts with Misha, Mish-themed Christmas cards (as that would be sometime around Christmas and New Year) and such, I’m open for suggestions here. I’d also make an official post announcing the “winners” (although it’s not about winning and losing, obviously I’m grateful for all my engaged/reglar readers who enjoy being here at My Inner MishMash, whether you comment a lot or just read my posts, but I can’t send gratitude packages to all of you every year ๐Ÿ˜€ ). Or maybe that post would go before I’d send the packages, and it could have a bit of an award form, that part needs deeper thinking. But what I need most at the moment is for you to say what you think, if you like the idea, are you up for it? Any ideas for a name for this invention? Right now I’m considering My Inner Mishmash Involvement Award (MIMIA) or My Inner MishMash Readership Award (MIMRA), it’s not really an award but it looks better in the acronyms than giveaway, but that feels a little stiff, or maybe it’s just me. My other idea is just simple EMisha’s Christmas Mini Care Package. Yeah, could use some feedback… I love baby names, but titles and such aren’t my ground as much.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m getting lots of new equipment soon! I’m happy not happy. I’ve got the maximum funding for my new Braille-Sense and Plextalk, so I really don’t have to pay much myself compared with the original price especially of Braille-Sense, which is good. I also decided to get a new computer, the one I have right now is about 5 and just seems to feel like retiring soon. My current computer is a laptop, but the one I’m going to get is a desktop, simply because it seems more logical for me, I almost only use my laptop in my room anyway. I’m happy because the change is really needed, especially re Braille-Sense, which is a geriatric, but I’m not happy and all anxious and fidgety because I hate hate hate changes and seem to have some internal problem with tech stuff and changing it, arrrghhhh. It’s not because of the sentiment, I just hate change, I’m afraid something will go wrong, or I won’t be able to transition and adjust, I won’t learn to handle the different things, which is quite unlikely. I guess I’d never had that strong anxiety with tech related transitions before, I guess before most of them I was very happy most of all, I don’t like the intensity of it at all. I’m gonna have my new stuff in the end of August.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, although I’m not sleepy, because I woke up at about 11:30 AM today, I feel very tired for some reason and kind of weird so I’m going to bed soon.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee? ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Spook and Morgue need our help.

Hi guys! ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m sharing the video made by Spook, daughter of Morgueticia from Take A Ride On My Moodswing

. They are in a very difficult life and financial situation, and as a result, Spook has never been on a vacation, which I think is a real shame that it has to be so! So she has created a fundraiser, and is asking people for donations, so that, with our help, she can finally make this little dream – that so many of us so often take for granted – come true.

I know there are all great people reading my mishmashy scribbles, (you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t great), so I also know they can count on your help. If you can’t donate anything at all, please share the video so that more people know, on social media or on your blog or where you can. Here’s Spook:

The LiebsTER Award.

The great Bee of The Bee Writes

nominated me for the Liebster award. Thank you so much! ๐Ÿ™‚

So the rules are:

Acknowledge the blog who nominated you.
Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.
Nominate 11 other bloggers.
Ask them 11 questions.

My answers for Bee’s questions:

1. Where do you blog from?

Always from my room.

2. What is your motto (for life, your blog, your workโ€ฆ whichever you choose)?
Honestly, never really thought more about it before, but… I guess logically it should be something like adapt for the worst, so you’ll appreciate the best even more, if it comes. ๐Ÿ˜€ Would have to think more to make up or find something more creative.

3. What is your favourite blog post (yes please choose your own ๐Ÿ™‚ )?
Hm, I guess my all time favourite post from all I’ve written until now is Reasons why I’m learning Welsh4. Coffee or tea?
Depends on which kind of coffee or tea. I love strong, black coffee and I can’t exist without it because my blood pressure is chronically low as long as I can remember, so that when someone measures it they look like they doubt I’m actually alive lol. I also like things like latte or cappucino though, but not too sweet as it tastes a bit yucky then, but I know for some people it must be very sugary to be good. Oh and I love ice coffee. I love raspberry tea and drink a lot of it, black tea is also good.

5. What is your favourite foreign recipe?
I can’t say much about recipes as I don’t cook much for myself, but as for foreign food, I LOOOVE falafel! I generally adore Mediterranean, Mexican and Moroccan food, as for food I really do like lots of exotic things.

6. What is your favourite animation (sorry I have a thing for animations at the moment and need some input ๐Ÿ˜‰ )
Don’t have any.

7. And as we are on it: What is your favourite movie?
I think “Rรคnnstensungar”, it’s a Swedish film in which one of my musical crushes, who was occasionally also an actor, Cornelis Vreeswijk, played, and he was soo good and expressive, and the plot in general is so very interesting.

8. If you had the power to change the world, what would you change?
I’d do my best to make people in general more open-minded, less stereotypically thinking. I mean, there will always be some stereotypes, but I’d like people to get it that not everything can be labelled and pigeonholed. I’d like if we all would be able to think not only in black and white, but in many colours, as the world around us is so different it’s just impossible to classify people/situations/phenomena into just one of two categories.

9. Tell us three of your strengths!
Oh gosh I suck at doing it. ๐Ÿ˜€ But I’ll try and I’ll try to be objective.

  1. My language skills, or at least the ability to familiarise a language’s sounds pretty quickly.
  2. Listening. Or anyway, so I can assume from how many people tell me lots of their private things or just things that matter to them. I actually like doing it, although not like all the time, as it can be overwhelming.
  3. “Feeling” other people. I think I have the ability to quite quickly “feel” someone’s personality, their character, I get others’ emotions and impressions easily too. Not always, but very often. My grandad often calls me X-ray or clairvoyant because of that. ๐Ÿ˜€ But it also means that sometimes I can be judgmental, because my evaluation might not always be true and I rather tend to trust my instinct.

10. Tell us your preferred way of pampering yourself!
Snuggling with Misha, listening to music, reading books, eating yummy food and dreaming, dreaming and dreaming. ๐Ÿ˜€

11. Tell us 11 places you would like to go to!

1. Sweden, once again, and Swedish Lapland.

2. Cornwall.

3. England.

4. Wales.

5. Scotland.

6. Isle Of Man.

7. Northern Ireland.

8. Ireland.

9. Finland and Finnish Lapland.

10. Faroe Islands.

11. Netherlands in general and Friesland in particular.

My nominees are:

Maybe It Is Daijiro (Max)

My Thoughts About Life

Saumya of

Randomness Inked

Squimple

Eve of

Revenge Of Eve

Carol Anne et. al. of

Therapy Bits

and anyone else who’d like to participate, do feel awarded and join in. Also, I strongly recommend you to see all the blogs mentioned above, as, obviously, they’re absolutely gorgeous, each one in their own, speciffic way. Otherwise I wouldn’t nominate them, right? ๐Ÿ˜€

And here are the questions for my nominees:

  1. Any plans for the Easter time?
  2. What do you do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed to help yourself?
  3. Do you have any all time favourite book(s)? Or any that you feel are “about you” or “especially for you”?
  4. Name at least one thing for which you are proud of yourself.
  5. What is your favourite sweet thing with chocolate?
  6. Do you have your favourite word in English/other language(s) you speak? List as many as you have on your mind.
  7. What is your favourite feminine name?
  8. How about masculine?
  9. What are some of your pet peeves?
  10. What one thing about yourself do you like the most and what do you dislike the most?
  11. If you spend an evening alone, what do you usually do?

OK, that’s all from me. Really looking forward to seeing your posts. And thanks again, Bee. ๐Ÿ™‚