Do you like doing anything artistic?
Anything artistic… I have an impression that when most people use the term art or arts, or artistic, they mean visual arts. If so, sure not. Or maybe not that I don’t like it, but I’m not good at it, not rather able to do much arts stuff on my own, so… nothing exciting, I’d say.
But if we include other kinds of art, I may say that yes, because I really love writing. It helps me with self-expressing, with which I usually have issues and writing seems to be the most successful and most enjoyable way of doing it for me. I’ve been blogging on and off since I was 13, gaining “fame” in my blogging environment for writing unacceptably lengthy posts, have started multiple diaries, written in them loads of things and then destroyed them after some period of time for one reason or another. 😀 Now I think I’m more stable with this and really wouldn’t like to delete my current diary. Also I like to write short stories (which actually almost always come out very long and detailed 😀 ) or novellas from time to time. The problem with my short stories is such, that when I’m writing it, I usually think it’s great, that my idea is great etc. but soon after I’m finished with it and I reread it, I’m doubtful about its quality at very best and usually get rid of it. And I don’t have the habit of storaging what I’ve written as for the short stories. I might keep something if I think it’s fair, but I don’t usually feel very attached to it and sooner or later I don’t even know where I put it on my computer lol. Sometimes I’m talking to someone and mention I’ve just written something and they seem very interested and ask me to show it to them and are very surprised that I already deleted it. 😀 “Why on Earth? Why did you delete something you’ve been working on for so long and that you created on your own?” 😀 But that’s just how it is with me and my crazy brain, I don’t really care about what I write and honestly usually hate to reread it as I’m afraid I won’t be so proud of it as I was while writing it and straight afterwards.
But I’m also writing a novel, which I’m really attached to and I’ve mentioned it before. It’s called “Jack Hamilton” and it has helped me to survive in various awful situations. I am really attached to its main character Jack Hamilton, consider him my best friend and find this book very private as well as my relationship with Jack, therefore I finally decided never to release it. I am working on this book for years now, I started it in my early teens and now Jack is unfortunately a really aged man, but I can’t force myself to quit writing, or to kill him. My Mum says soon he’ll be so tired of life he’ll kill himself if I’ll be still unable to do it. I have also a draft and some pieces written from another novel I’ve wanted to write. It is a harlequin! Really. 😀 I started to think about writing a harlequin a few years ago some time after I started to be very seriously concerned about my future and what I really want and am able to do. I’ve heard somewhere that people earn quite a lot on writing harlequins as they’re so popular everywhere. At that time I didn’t even know what a harlequin was, but became familiar quickly and thought it seems so boring and easy to write I can at least try to do it too. I thought I’d do a historical romance, firstly because it seemed more interesting and more ambitious to me, secondly because we don’t seem to have many of them in Polish, I mean there are tons of translated romances, but I’ve never seen a historical romance written originally in Polish. So I’ve come up with the plot and wrote a bit of it but since my life got a bit stormy soon I left it and have only a bit written. At the moment I definitely don’t think like writing it but I may come back and probably will in future. But of course I will publish it under a pseudonyme haha don’t want to ruin my reputation. 😀 Also I have some bits and snippets written for another novel, this one is a fantasy novel about Nordic mythology and I think it might be very interesting, but also hard to write, and as recently I am not the most motivated, it waits for better times.
Sometimes I also try to write poetry, but it’s rather miserable, in my opinion. I was writing some occassional little poems for school when they discovered I have some writing skills, like for Teacher’s Day or before holidays etc. but I didn’t like it and don’t think they were good, they were just OK and just what they wanted. At times, I wrote some sometimes even maybe a bit obscene, sarcastic poems in my free time, just to have fun and my friends had fun of them. Sometimes they were a bit gallows-humoured. I really enjoyed them and still have some of them, although most of them I now consider a bit childish. Sometimes I still write stuff like that, when I’m either extremely frustrated or upset or really significantly high. However I’ve always regretted I can’t seem to express myself more in poems or write some more valuable poetry as I saw quite many people just letting out their feelings in poetry. I don’t seem to be good at that, or maybe I didn’t try enough, or as my Dad suggests maybe I’m not sentimental enough, 😀 although I don’t think it’s the case of sentimentality, the more that actually I think I am a bit sentimental.
My big dream is to translate written texts in future, even at least as a hobby, and my actually biggest dream is to translate my crush’s Cornelis Vreeswijk’s works into Polish. He was a poet among others. And am very happy I’ve translated a few of his poems already. They aren’t great translations, but good, and what I think is most important now is that I just did it. I wouldn’t believe it would happen so quickly, I thought I would have to have a degree in Swedish or something. 😀 It’s hard to translate him, it’s damn hard, but I prooved myself it’s manageable. And although I haven’t translated anyting new in years now, I’m still glad I did those his poems which I did then. I think it could be also considered as something artistic.
At school they always expected from me to be involved in music, but I know it since many years that I feel much better as a recipient/listener of music, than a performer. It’s too exhausting. But although now you’ll never force me to sing in public or even in front of more than three people, I like to sing in the shower or when I’m alone at home with Misha. By the way I’ve noticed recently that sometimes when he’s upset and someone starts to sing, he relaxes more and it seems to catch his attention, unless you don’t sing too loud like Zofijka does. So maybe he’s musical lol. But that’s just a recent observation, maybe that’s not true at all. Anyway if singing in the shower can be considered something artistic, I surely like it. 😀
When I was younger I was terribly fascinated by sound engineering and I tried to make some music on my computer with different apps. And actually as for my abilities in that field back then it really wasn’t that bad. 😀 I enjoyed it very much and I think I could still like it, but there are too many things I like more and that are more important for me to do.
Which kinds of arts do you like to do, if any? 🙂 Very curious.