Question of the day.

Where did your family come from, originally? Do they still live in that country, or did they emigrate somewhere?

My answer:

My Dad’s family has some far Germanic descent, most probably German. My Dad is quite interested in his ancestry and a few years ago we sat down for a while just to see how far we’ll be able to trace back our ancestry. While we didn’t get to know much more relevant info that what my gramma had, and she knows a lot, we found that it’s very likely that our far ancestors originated from Saxony. Also our surname seems to be German. I wanted to get to know what it means, but the only thing I got to know, is that besides our region of Poland, this surname is also found in Germany. My cousin’s husband though is sure we must have Norwegian origins, even though he’s not genetically a part of our family as he married my cousin. He says that for him our surname sounds Norwegian and not Polish at all and many of us look “quite Nordic-like” which is actually true, as for the latter. But I’m afraid that Norwegians or any other Scandinavians would have a little bit of a trouble even reading our surname correctly. It begins with Z and Z is not used in Norwegian. It is in the alphabet, but they have it only in loanwords and often pronounce as “s”. There are Norwegian surnames with z in them, but they aren’t of fully Norwegian origin. Plus then there is ch, a sound also a bit unfamiliar in Scandinavian languages. So no, even if we might have some Nordic roots, ’cause my Dad really looks like a Viking apparently and I often call him so and me and my sister look quite Scandinavian too in some people’s opinion, I don’t think our Norwegian ancestry could be prooved on our surname. Also my Dad’s family is Kashubian. It’s an ethnic minority, not a separate nation or anything, but thought it’s maybe worth mentioning. I though don’t feel very Kashubian myself. I don’t feel like I am one of them and I don’t find their culture familiar or like I’d resonate with it in any way. I could even say that as much as I feel Polish, I don’t feel kashubian.

My Mum’s heritage is very diverse. My maternal gramma was born in Russia. My great grandmother was partly Polish, Ukrainian and Belarussian, and my great grandfather had some Russian roots, although was mostly Polish. They migrated to Poland a few years after my gramma was born, but she and some of her siblings still have that soft, Russian accent with prolonging vowels, which some people laugh at and some say is cute. My grandad in turn was born cquite close to the Lithuanian border and has some Lithuanian descent as well as Russian.

From what I know, some people of my Dad’s family live in Germany these days, but as far as I can remember they migrated there from Poland, they weren’t there all the time.

Some of my relatives from Mum’s side live in Belarus and I met them when I was younger, we don’t have much contact with them though.

How about your family’s origins? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Today, my question for you is:

are there any sayings or words that your family uses, a lot? Do you know how they originated?

My answer:

Both my Mum and me are lovers of words and are rather creative in inventing new words. So yes, there surely are such words or sayings. There are many of them, although I can’t recall very many in this very moment. The Polish phrase “bez sensu” means pointless, no sense or meaningless, something like this. Somehow it happened that actually my entire immediate family, me included, or maybe me the most, started to use this phrase excessively, almost so that it had no sense. We wouldn’t like something – and it immediately was bez sensu, the weather would be crappy – bez sensu, something would fail – bez sensu, something would be funny – bez sensu, we wouldn’t know how to comment something – bez sensu. and so on and so on. And some day my Mum suddenly said: It’s bez sera”. What does this mean? Bez sera means without cheese! πŸ˜€ Pretty pointless, isn’t it? But as it sounded close to bez sensu, and we used bez sensu so much, she thought it’d be less boring and more enigmatic if she’d start saying that something is without cheese, when it’s pointless/meaningless. πŸ˜€ At first we didn’t even know what she’s on about, Dad doesn’t know to this day. But the rest of us picked it up quickly and now when something doesn’t make sense, it means it’s without cheese. Honestly, I got so accustomed to saying bez sera that I happened to forget other people in this country don’t rather use it, unless my Mum stole it, but I don’t thing so. So one day I was talking with my school friend on the phone and she was telling me about some absurd situation in which she got and people were rude to her and at a certain moment I got so involved I just screamed “Gosh, those guys are completely without cheese!”. And she was llike… very confused. Me too. πŸ˜€

Unfortunately, nothing else comes to my mind right now, but we have quite a bunch of our own words. Also, some are a bit of a mix between Polish and Kashubian, as my Dad is Kashubian and we live in Kashubia.

How about your family’s own words and sayings? I love to hear different new words and sayings, so I’m just all ears now. πŸ˜€

Currently, March 2018.

Currently is hosted by Anne In Residence

and Foxy’s Domestic Side

. This is my first time participating in Currently.

The prompts are planning, seeing, making, pretending and wearing.

Planning: an appt with a therapist specialising in personality disorders regarding whether or not I may have AVPD. We’ll see what will be next afterwards. As it seems very likely that I do have it, probably will see a psychiatrist to diagnose me then or something. Very, veryΒ  anxious, but equally, or even more, curious about what will come out. Don’t know what to expect really.

Seeing: Nothing, ha! πŸ˜€ At least not literally. Being totally blind since birth, there aren’t many things I could see, although I say I see something almost constantly. Or look at something. Like I think most blind people do, even when they just touch or hear things which sighted people can see. That’s just easier, although shocking for some. And no, I don’t see the dark/black. Just nothing, though I know it’s hard to imagine and different blind people see different things, depending on the cause of their sight loss, apparently. I’ll never forget one of my distant, older aunts’Β  shock when she heard me talking to someone on the phone and saying “See ya”. She was all indignant and like how could you say it, you can’t see! πŸ˜€

Making: progress in my languages. Although not so much in Swedish recently.

Pretending: oh, all the time. I know it may sound horrible, double-dealing and such, but that’s how it is and I don’t do it because of my whim. You know, there are situations you just need to pretend, or there are others when it’s hard to just be yourself.

Wearing – a dress, almost as always.

 

Question of the day.

Do you have any heirlooms or antiques?

My answer:

They’re not very old and not with much history to them, but yes, we do have some. We have a china closet that was made by my grandad. He made it particularly for us, Mum asked him to do it to have a heirloom after him, something that will be just hers and will always remind her about him. He was always good at making furniture, although he’s not a professional carpenter or anything. I actually admire this combination in him that although he’s a very cerebral sort of guy, he is also very manually talented and can almost make anything from nothing. THen we have, also from my grandad, his collection of coins and medals and banknotes and other numismatic stuff and OMG it’s soo huge! My grandparents were wondering what to leave all their children and decided they want to give Mum the whole grandad’s collection as legacy. We all think it’s a very big honour, since this collection matters a lot to my grandad. Mum isn’t a numismatist and doesn’t have much interest in such things, but she feels honoured and she decided that because this collection is already so enormous, and also because of her respect to her dad, she will try to expand it. Also we have a big antique clock in the living room that was previously my grandparents’. And we have some jewellery that goes from generation to generation, but I don’t know much about it.

You? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Do you have any favourite recipes/dishes that have been passed down in your family?

My answer:

Yeah we have lots of cakes that my gramma started to bake and then my Mum started too. Or even so that my Mum was making something regularly for different holidays and people from my family stole it. Like her fabulous meringue dessert or orange juice cake. I love my Mum’s meringue, especially when it’s with blueberries. It is a meringue with whipping cream and different fruit. It’s very sweet so the fruit should be rather fresh and juicy, not very sweet like bananas for example. Most often we eat it with strawberries and blueberries, or raspberries, sometimes with cherries, billberries… It’s just sooo yummy everytime you eat it you regret you can’t eat more of it, but like I said it’s very sweet so you get stuffed rather quickly. It’s my Mum’s spectacular dessert. Everyone likes it and it’s easy to make, so any failure is impossible. Also my Mum’s chicken breasts in almond flakes are widely known in our family, as well as her podpiwek. Podpiwek is a Polish non-alcoholic beverage, but apparently before my Mum started doing it, most of our family didn’t even know how it tastes. It’s soooo yummy. And there are also my Mum’s pierogi, with cabbage and mushrooms. I mean, this kind of pierogi is very common in Poland at Christmas time, but people obviously have very varying recipes, plus, most people as far as I know make them with sour cabbage, which in my opinion is worse. All those foods I mentioned are my favourites, but there are many more.

Your turn now. πŸ™‚

Share Your World – March 12, 2018.

If a distant uncle dies and you were always his favorite and leaves you $50,000 (any currency) in his will, what would you do?
I think I would share with my family and friends, buy another Russian blue cat for Misha, not as much because I want another one but because Misha seems to desperately crave other cat’s company, I would buy myself a house in the rural North Wales and would live there with my Mum. The rest I’d spend for my linguistic development and just for everyday life. That are ideas that came to me instantly.

What sound or sounds do you love?
First of all I am one of those lucky individuals who can experience ASMR so there are SOOOO MANY of such sounds, btw that’s a great idea for a separate post because I’m more than sure I won’t be able to write about all of them right now, they’re just too many. My favourite is the sound of Celtic harp, I generally like string instruments from Celtic harp to bouzouki to medieval lute to electric guitar, and many other instruments not only stringed of course too. I love all the sounds inside of Misha, his purrs, breath, heartbeat, his “Hhrrru?”, his meows, his sneezing, gurgling in his tummy, his steps, how he eats and drinks… I only don’t like the sound of him puking but I’m emetophobic so that’s not a surprise. πŸ˜€ I love the sound of my languages, various accents, particular words, I love the sound of typing, stilettoes, old doors, rain, my musical crushes’ voices, sounds of the kitchen… Just so many sounds of very different kinds.

What’s your middle name? Why?
Anna, after my Mum. My second middle name is Luiza. Actually it’s my confirmation name and people often say confirmation name doesn’t count, but I feel like it does, firstly because it still IS my name in some way, secondly because it’s beautiful so… hm, why not? πŸ˜€ and thirdly because I use it in various situations and in some places online. I’ve loved it all the time even before my confirmation, but I slightly regret that I didn’t choose a name speciffically after a saint, not just because I like it, as it should be for confirmation. But back then I was just so much in love with Luiza and couldn’t see myself with other confirmation name. And I think it fits me. Plus there is servant of God Luisa Piccarreta, amazing figure, so I think about her as my patron. And doesn’t Emilia Anna Luiza flow well? πŸ˜€ Yeah, since I’ve changed my name legally a few years ago, I am really glad of it.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha, blogging, progress in my language, my mood’s elevation, relatively low anxiety. I really appreciated the fact I’ve come closer to getting my actual psychiatric diagnosis, although it was also very hard – finding out that I’m AVPD almost for sure, my Mum’s support and help mean a lot to me. I feel like our relationship become somehow closer over last week. We talked through a lot of important things, I opened up to her more than I’ve done recently and she was honest with me as for her feelings. Lots of nice moments with Zofijka as well. And quite good sleep, at least after that one night during which I didn’t sleep at all. I appreciated the support and kind words of my online friends and my pen pals who were supporting me at the beginning of last week when I wasn’t in the best place emotionally. I am glad I’ve done my geography assignment, this is just one o many assignments I need to write for this term, but it’s always something, I’m glad I don’t need to worry about it any longer and can get it out of my head. On Sunday I had a very nice evening with my Mum, we went for a long walk and then had a drink. Ah, and my leg, on which I had an infection or something, a rather chronic thing, has finally healed almost completely, it doesn’t hurt anymore at all, although I know I’ll have a scar from it, ug. But actually I was afraid it’ll linger for for a longer time.Quite a lot, isn’t it?

Thanks to Cee for hosting. πŸ™‚

https://ceenphotography.com/2018/03/12/share-your-world-march-12-2018/

Question of the day.

What would you like to get for your birthday?

My answer:

Hm, me and presents, that’s always a little problematic. Usually, when I would like to have something I buy it for myself, or my Mum buys it for me. I know the best what I want and very often they are very speciffic things. My extended family or other people that don’t know me really well they’d probably have to search for some of these things for really long. Plus as often they are some specialised things, they can be a bit expensive. But, if I had to choose something anyone could give me I’d like to get if it was my birthday soon, I really wouldn’t mind a Spotify gift card, πŸ˜€ definitely I’d be very happy, I use Spotify all the time so there’s no way it wouldn’t be useful. ALso I’d appreciate money so I could use them how I want without engaging people too much with buying a present for me. And sweets like Toffifee, I love them. These are things that came to my mind as first.

How about your present ideas for yourselves? What’s something you’d like to get the most for your birthday?

Question of the day.

Are you still friends with your childhood friends? Did you have many friends in childhood?

My answer:

No, definitely not. I was rather liked I suppose and had some people that I called friends deluded myself they were, but truly nothing strong enough could connect us so that we could be real friends. So although I was rather liked, I didn’t have any true friends I think, I considered my Mum as my best friend when I was a little girl and actually I still think so more or less. One of the girls I considered my friend in childhood and who also considered me one of her friends wanted to stay friends after I left the school and wanted to contact me online or on the phone as often as possible, I’d say she desperately wanted. I felt bad for that for some time, but I had to quit this relationship, which happened pretty recently. I was rather overwhelmed by the amounts of her messages, her egocentrism (I don’t know why I didn’t notice how high it is before) and how she still wanted something from me and took everything people did for her pretty much for granted. Maybe if I really felt connected to her and had some sense of common ground with her, maybe then I wouldn’t mind so frequent contact with her and wouldn’t feel like she doesn’t respect my privacy, also it’s not like I don’t like to help people, I do, but relationship with her was simply exhausting and I didn’t feel any advantages iofit for me, and I think if we are talking about friendship, both sides should have some benefits from it, even if for one or both sides it’s only simply satisfaction of being with that other person and helping her. I didn’t feel satisfied. And so I quit it. A bit radically maybe. But I don’t regret it. IN fact I feel much freer. I hope she didn’t suffer too much, I don’t wish her it definitely, but somehow I don’t think so.

How about your childhood friends? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Are you a night owl or an early bird?
My answer:
My sleep patterns seem to change very quickly and I can easily fall out of my normal sleep cycle, but overall I am definitely a night owl. It is not a big problem for me to stay up very late and I often do it just because I want. I find night time a particularly good time fr writing anything so I often stay up late if I need or want to write something. Usually I am the last person in our house to go to bed, unless Misha is particularly full of beans or slept a lot during the day, or unless my brother goes out for the party or something. I like to get up early, but usually don’t wake up very early unless I just woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall asleep again. Getting up early is generally harder for me than staying up late and my brain functions definitely better in the evening than early morning. You? πŸ™‚

Question of the day (10th March).

What is one thing in your personal life that concerns you? Can you change it?

My answer:

As it is for most people I suppose, there are lots of things that concern me and it’s hard to pick the one that concerns me the most. I think the one that I’m thinking a lot about, that is very stressful and affecting my mental health are my final exams coming pretty soon, not even full two months. I think stuff like exams is always stressing for people, so I’m anxious about how it’ll go. But what I’m even more anxious about and what is strictly related to it, is what should I do afterwards. You know, usually people after finishing school find it challenging to start something new and don’t know what to do with themselves and it’s even more complex with disability and mental issues on top of that. I find it all very anxiety provoking, overwhelmingly depressing and worsening my anxiety in other areas of my llife.

Also there is a very recent thing that ocupies a lot of space in my thoughts recently, but is more or less concerning for me since almost 4 years already. My psychiatric diagnosis. Having my depression worsened since a few months I was thinking a lot of that what is this I’m struggling with. Is it so scary/rare/weird/complex that specialists can’t find a name for it? I was thinking whether I really want to know what it is but although realised it won’t change things itself, I just felt like it would help me feel less inadequate at least. Labelling isn’t a good thing in many ways and isn’t constructive on its own, but it can help us to find more appropriate support, to feel less alone in what we struggle with.

And since a few days it is occupying my mind even more often. And due to that, some important things have taken place in my life very very lately. I hope to tell you more about them in a separate post, but to put it basically for now, a few days ago I’ve made a little (or maybe not so little) research myself on what could be going on with me and then had a long talk with my ex therapist on the phone about very many things and at the end she told me she’ll look around for a psychiatrist who could assess me. I think that now I’m suddenly much much closer to getting a diagnosis.

But still feel somehow concerned. SOme stuff I’ve got to know lately shocked me a lot, shocked my Mum… So yeah, these are things that concern me the most lately.

Your turn. πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Do you like doing anything artistic?

My answer:

Anything artistic… I have an impression that when most people use the term art or arts, or artistic, they mean visual arts. If so, sure not. Or maybe not that I don’t like it, but I’m not good at it, not rather able to do much arts stuff on my own, so… nothing exciting, I’d say.

But if we include other kinds of art, I may say that yes, because I really love writing. It helps me with self-expressing, with which I usually have issues and writing seems to be the most successful and most enjoyable way of doing it for me. I’ve been blogging on and off since I was 13, gaining “fame” in my blogging environment for writing unacceptably lengthy posts, have started multiple diaries, written in them loads of things and then destroyed them after some period of time for one reason or another. πŸ˜€ Now I think I’m more stable with this and really wouldn’t like to delete my current diary. Also I like to write short stories (which actually almost always come out very long and detailed πŸ˜€ ) or novellas from time to time. The problem with my short stories is such, that when I’m writing it, I usually think it’s great, that my idea is great etc. but soon after I’m finished with it and I reread it, I’m doubtful about its quality at very best and usually get rid of it. And I don’t have the habit of storaging what I’ve written as for the short stories. I might keep something if I think it’s fair, but I don’t usually feel very attached to it and sooner or later I don’t even know where I put it on my computer lol. Sometimes I’m talking to someone and mention I’ve just written something and they seem very interested and ask me to show it to them and are very surprised that I already deleted it. πŸ˜€ “Why on Earth? Why did you delete something you’ve been working on for so long and that you created on your own?” πŸ˜€ But that’s just how it is with me and my crazy brain, I don’t really care about what I write and honestly usually hate to reread it as I’m afraid I won’t be so proud of it as I was while writing it and straight afterwards.

But I’m also writing a novel, which I’m really attached to and I’ve mentioned it before. It’s called “Jack Hamilton” and it has helped me to survive in various awful situations. I am really attached to its main character Jack Hamilton, consider him my best friend and find this book very private as well as my relationship with Jack, therefore I finally decided never to release it. I am working on this book for years now, I started it in my early teens and now Jack is unfortunately a really aged man, but I can’t force myself to quit writing, or to kill him. My Mum says soon he’ll be so tired of life he’ll kill himself if I’ll be still unable to do it. I have also a draft and some pieces written from another novel I’ve wanted to write. It is a harlequin! Really. πŸ˜€ I started to think about writing a harlequin a few years ago some time after I started to be very seriously concerned about my future and what I really want and am able to do. I’ve heard somewhere that people earn quite a lot on writing harlequins as they’re so popular everywhere. At that time I didn’t even know what a harlequin was, but became familiar quickly and thought it seems so boring and easy to write I can at least try to do it too. I thought I’d do a historical romance, firstly because it seemed more interesting and more ambitious to me, secondly because we don’t seem to have many of them in Polish, I mean there are tons of translated romances, but I’ve never seen a historical romance written originally in Polish. So I’ve come up with the plot and wrote a bit of it but since my life got a bit stormy soon I left it and have only a bit written. At the moment I definitely don’t think like writing it but I may come back and probably will in future. But of course I will publish it under a pseudonyme haha don’t want to ruin my reputation. πŸ˜€ Also I have some bits and snippets written for another novel, this one is a fantasy novel about Nordic mythology and I think it might be very interesting, but also hard to write, and as recently I am not the most motivated, it waits for better times.

Sometimes I also try to write poetry, but it’s rather miserable, in my opinion. I was writing some occassional little poems for school when they discovered I have some writing skills, like for Teacher’s Day or before holidays etc. but I didn’t like it and don’t think they were good, they were just OK and just what they wanted. At times, I wrote some sometimes even maybe a bit obscene, sarcastic poems in my free time, just to have fun and my friends had fun of them. Sometimes they were a bit gallows-humoured. I really enjoyed them and still have some of them, although most of them I now consider a bit childish. Sometimes I still write stuff like that, when I’m either extremely frustrated or upset or really significantly high. However I’ve always regretted I can’t seem to express myself more in poems or write some more valuable poetry as I saw quite many people just letting out their feelings in poetry. I don’t seem to be good at that, or maybe I didn’t try enough, or as my Dad suggests maybe I’m not sentimental enough, πŸ˜€ although I don’t think it’s the case of sentimentality, the more that actually I think I am a bit sentimental.

My big dream is to translate written texts in future, even at least as a hobby, and my actually biggest dream is to translate my crush’s Cornelis Vreeswijk’s works into Polish. He was a poet among others. And am very happy I’ve translated a few of his poems already. They aren’t great translations, but good, and what I think is most important now is that I just did it. I wouldn’t believe it would happen so quickly, I thought I would have to have a degree in Swedish or something. πŸ˜€ It’s hard to translate him, it’s damn hard, but I prooved myself it’s manageable. And although I haven’t translated anyting new in years now, I’m still glad I did those his poems which I did then. I think it could be also considered as something artistic.

At school they always expected from me to be involved in music, but I know it since many years that I feel much better as a recipient/listener of music, than a performer. It’s too exhausting. But although now you’ll never force me to sing in public or even in front of more than three people, I like to sing in the shower or when I’m alone at home with Misha. By the way I’ve noticed recently that sometimes when he’s upset and someone starts to sing, he relaxes more and it seems to catch his attention, unless you don’t sing too loud like Zofijka does. So maybe he’s musical lol. But that’s just a recent observation, maybe that’s not true at all. Anyway if singing in the shower can be considered something artistic, I surely like it. πŸ˜€

When I was younger I was terribly fascinated by sound engineering and I tried to make some music on my computer with different apps. And actually as for my abilities in that field back then it really wasn’t that bad. πŸ˜€ I enjoyed it very much and I think I could still like it, but there are too many things I like more and that are more important for me to do.

Which kinds of arts do you like to do, if any? πŸ™‚ Very curious.

Question of the day.

Do you like being outdoors?

My answer: It really depends on what I am supposed to do outdoors or where to go. Generally I am kind of a homebody and often feel pretty much insecure when I’m outdoors on my own, especially if there are many people or if it is a very large, open space, but it doesn’t happen often nowadays, as generally my spacial orientation is rubbish and I have trouble orientating even on my own backyard. Also if going outdoors means challenging any of my anxieties, obviously it’s nothing I could enjoy. But I like being out in nature or playing with Zofijka on our backyard or taking long walks with my Mum.

How about you?

Share your world, March 5, 2018.

What did you or did not like about the first place you lived without your parents?

The first place I lived without my parents was the boarding school for the blind where I went when I was 5 and stayed there until I was 17. Since it was about 380 km from my home, I didn’t see my parents very often, which I think is quite essential for a child’s well-being, although they tried to visit me or take me home as often as possible. Because I got there so early, I don’t think now it had a good influence on me overall and I suppose I could be more traumatised by living there than I’ve ever thought, although I still often wonder why as other kids didn’t seem to experience so many difficulties around that so it all still feels a bit odd to me. So, generally I’d say I didn’t like that place at all. But I can’t say there were only negatives about that. I had some nice moments in there, although I didn’t have any close friends I was rather liked and had often fun with other girls, and also I have learnt some things there that I suppose would be hard for me to learn at home.

What is your most favorite smell/scent?
Hmm, hard to say, I think I’ve never had very good sense of smell, sometimes I can’t quite feel a smell that everyone around is feeling even if they say it’s rather intensive, but it’s not like I can’t feel scents at all, I think it’s a bit random, so… I think I’ll pick jasmine. I like it and I like jasmine perfumes and I think they fit me.

Would you prefer snowy winters, or not, and why?
I like snow, but am not as excited about it as many people seem to be, also I don’t really feel like it’s making the atmosphere around very different or “Christmasy” as many people seem to think. I think there should be at least some snow in winter, otherwise we wouldn’t notice it’s winter, but not too much, as on a longer term basis it can be rather annoying and troublesome on the roads. and children would get used to it quickly so it wouldn’t be as much fun, I suppose.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Β Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Generally it was quite a hard week for me, but of course there were things like Misha, doing stuff with my languages and even somehow progressing with them and other small but nice things and I enjoyed them more or less as always. I am glad I listened to my therapist’s suggestion and went to my GP last Monday and asked him to put me on the anti-anxiety med I was on a few years ago and it worked well for me. Now it does too and I seem to have less anxiety since then.

Thanks a lot to Cee

for hosting this challenge.:)

Question of the day.

Can you whistle?

My answer:

Short answer – no, I can’t. A bit longer – I always wondered how people do it when I was a little child, I think it started from my grandad with whom I’ve had a very close relationship and we had a bit of a whistling code, well he had, but I understood it and was the only recipient of his communicates lol, like he whistled differently when he wanted to catch my attention or called me or if I did something well or surprised him or if he was very involved in conversation with me, even when he just listened to me, while some people say things like “mhm” to let you know they are listening and getting what you tell them, he has a speciffic whistling sequence lol. So it always wondered me how he does it as it seemed very simple, but I’ve never learnt it. I’ve never really wanted to, like it wasn’t something very important to me, but I had a time when I was very curious about that and tried to repeat him, but never really succeeded.

So how is it about you? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

What colour is your bedroom? Do you have wallpaper anywhere in your house? What architectural style is your house/apartment? Do you have any interior decor theme?

My answer:

Lol my Mum’s favourite topic. πŸ˜€ Well, maybe just a bit less favourite than lifestyle/wellness/health.

As for my room, I think I mentioned before that it is dominated by green and generally in rather calm colours. I’d say it’s pretty girly and dreamy. πŸ˜€

As for the wallpaper, yes, we do have wallpaper in our house, it’s actually covered almost entirely in wallpapers. My Mum loves wallpapers and no one here has anything against, so why not, I think. I have a green wallpaper with English flowers on it. My brother has some photowallpaper if that is how such thing should be called properly in English. Zofijka’s room is in her own style, which doesn’t mean her style is so unique, but is glaringly different from Mum’s. And she doesn’t have any wallpaper. Other than that, some wallpapers are all around the house, excluding the bathroom, both toilets and laundry.

I’d say my house is kind of retro. It is a very big house and when we bought it, it seemed very cold and… I’d say unfriendly. But my Mum changed it completely and now it is very cosy. There are lots of old-fashioned furniture and other retro or rustical stuff. There are some elements made of brick. Everything is in rather dark, but warm colours. It isn’t all old-fashioned, there are some modern items and I think it all makes an interesting combination. Usually people, even if they have their houses made in a totally different style, like our house and admire it and say it’s very unique. Every room is a bit different as we are different, but it goes rather harmoniously together, excepts for Zofijka’s room. But it was really important for her to make it all as she wants so her room is kind of Ikea style. Very modern and different from the rest, but typical in comparison to many other rooms in many other houses I think.

How about your houses? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

Today, my question for you guys is:

How often do you read? Where do you get your books? How do you decide what to read, next?

My answer:

I read ALL THE TIME. Well whenever it’s physically possible while doing other things. As I’m blind, I read (or some of you would probably prefer to say listen to) books usually on a specialised device called Plextalk Linio Pocket (I may post a picture of it just for fun sometime later as although it’s nothing very unusual, I’m sure not many of you could ever see it before πŸ˜€ ). It’s small and portable and I can either have audiobooks or talking books in a special format called Daisy on it or I can read ebooks or any other text files with speech synthesis and that’s how I do it most often. I also can read on another device called Braille-Sense which is basically a Braille notetaker with a Braille display, you can read and write in it and it has some APPS and if you write in it you can save it to a text file so it’s not like you have it only written in Braille. I like to read on my own, I don’t do it as often as I listen to books, but I like it even more ’cause I just simply prefer to read than listen usualy, especially if I read in another language, other than Polish I mean.

So when I have time, I read in bed in the morning before I get up, then I read from time to time throughout the day, I read when I’m waiting for something or someone or am bored and have PlexTalk with me and can do it. I always read before falling asleep in bed, very often in the car, and almost always when I can’t sleep at night. So there are lots of opportunities to read, I think.

As for where I get books, it can be problematic at times. Usually, the first place where I go to if I want to read a speciffic book is the website of the library for the blind that we have here, the main library, they have an option that you can simply download any book that is in their collection if you have sent them the proof of disability, speciffically blindness, and if you live in Poland. These are accessible books, but of course not all books are there, and books in other languages aren’t there, well only a few, and certainly not in Swedish or Welsh. πŸ˜€ So if something isn’t there and it is in Polish, I usually will need to either just buy it as an ebook if it is available in such form and if it’s in an accessible format, or would have to get a physical book and then scan it, which I just genuinely hate as it’s a bit of a sisyphean task, especially if you’re totally blind like I am, ’cause apparently people with some sight have it a bit easier. So I only scan books that I really really want to read. With English books, I use Audible and Bookshare and have just started with both this year. With Swedish books, an immense help was my Swedish teacher, who borrowed me a lot of books when he was teaching me and I have scanned them, but as I don’t know any blind Swedish people I don’t know how they really get books, well I know they have some organisation like NFB is in US or RNIB in the UK or PZN in Poland and they can have books from their library, but not people from outside the country, so, it sucks a bit. With Welsh books it’s just a pure luck if I get one and I always appreciate it even if it’s not my level yet. There’s so few Welsh books overall so I’m always extremely happy if I succeed to get something or if someone is so nice to help me. I recently got Mabinogion in Welsh, but I’m far behind with the vocabulary yet, so it’s waiting for me.

The way I decide what to read next, is very simple. I have quite a lot of books on SD cards, which I use with my devices, and usually I just read them in alphabetical order, unless I need or really want to read something speciffic at a certain time. And as I still get new books, I never run out of them. As for how I choose books I want to read, I use either our Polish site called BiblioNetka, which is basically like your GoodReads, or I use GoodReads and then check the original title in BiblioNetka whether it’s translated into Polish and if the book is available anywhere for me, then I get it. Also I regularly check new books in our library and get what sounds like I might like it or what I’ve been waiting for, and sometimes I’ll read what my friends or other people I know read if we have similar tastes.

How about you? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

So the actual question for today I have for you is:

What type of music do you listen to? What are some bands/artists you have liked for a long time? What are some bands/artists you would like to listen to? Who have you seen in concert?

My answer:

I think my music taste is quite wide. Most often I listen to either folk or rock or just folkrock, but I also like a lot of pop stuff, recently a lot of electro, Gothic music, metal, but as for Gothic music and all kinds of metal I will listen to it as long as it isn’t against my faith in any way as I am a practicing Christian. I listen to quite a lot of indie recently. Sometimes, when I’m in a special mood for it, I might listen to trance, like armin van Buuren, but rather his older tracks, or when I’m rather high I’ll listen to Polish reggae. I listen to a lot of alternative stuff. I love music in various languages which some may think is weird, it also happens that I listen to songs that have a bit odd topics. We have a radio programme in Polish public radio where there is a lot of weird music in all the languages you can imagine other than English and Polish, most often it’s rock, but really not only. I have lots of my favourite music from there. My favourite languages though occupy a special place in my music collection.

The band I’ve liked for a really long time, about 11 years I think, is Vavamuffin. It is a Polish reggae band. I’ll surely show it to you sometime later on. I had quite a weird music taste as for a kid, I started to listen to them when I was 10 and it was rather sad period in my life and their music kinda boosted my mood and this discovery led to finding many other Polish reggae bands. As I grew older I lost a lot of my enthusiasm for reggae, now I think this positive energy you can find in this kind of music is a bit too optimistic, it’s just superficial for me, but sometimes I still like to come back to Vavamuffin. But I don’t rather listen to any other reggae than Polish. My long time fascination is also Enya. I’ve loved her for years and she was my first musical crush. My other crushes I’ve had for some time are Declan Galbraith and Cornelis Vreeswijk. Ooh and Emilie Autumn, not my actual crush, but I really loved her as a teen when I loved everything Gothic, now not as much as I find lots of things in her music that are completely opposite to my views, but she still has some charm to me. And I have a lot of Celtic music which I discovered years ago and still love, so bands like Clannad, Celtic Woman, this kind of stuff.

Despite my love to music of various kinds, I haven’t been to that many concerts. I’ve never seen any of my really favourite musicians live. I’ve seen some Polish musicians when I was at boarding school and we had some outings as a group, but it wasn’t anything really exciting, I don’t even remember who they were now. πŸ˜€

How about your music taste? πŸ™‚ Would love to hear about it!

Question of the day (1st March).

Where do you buy groceries? What do you like to eat/drink? Do you collect coupons? Do you look for things on sale?

My answer:

I don’t rather buy groceries for myself, I live with my family and usually my Dad does groceries for us all, sometimes when I need or want something special I just give him money so he gets it for me. Most often we get our groceries in the Polish shop called Biedronka (literally “Ladybug” in English) it’s a network of supermarkets, or in Lidl, sometimes in other nearby shops or supermarkets.

as for what I eat and drink regularly, I eat a lot of vegetables, I mostly like them raw, I generally love Mediterranean, Mexican and Asian food, I love spicy things. I eat a lot of dairy, my favourite drink, or almost favourite is kefir, but I rarely drink milk on its own, there are many views as for whether milk is good or not for people older than toddlers and I am one of those who think it isn’t. I love fruits as well. Meat, with some exceptions, might as well not exist for me, I eat it just because my Dad and brother are very carnivorous so the rest has to adjust at least for dinners. But I like some white meat from time to time. Sometimes I’ll eat bacon too, and my favourite way of preparing meat is baked meat. And I like some of my Dad’s smoked meat, and our Polish kabanosy, and sometimes Polish sausage, but only when it’s well drained, if drained is actually a proper word in this context. I am not a big fan of fish or eggs but it’s not like I don’t like them at all, just not an enthusiast. And I love salty things, and sweet things too. And all kinds of nuts I know of. Oh, and all kinds of pasta, and all kinds of our Polish dumplings and pierogi, but especially Silesian dumplings. And some junk food is great as well, especially chips and spicy chicken wings from KFC. I am not so addicted to potatoes as so many people here are so that they must have them every time for dinner, I rather prefer pasta or rice or groats. Other than kefir, I drink quite a lot of water nowadays and can’t imagine it otherwise, I love black coffee, without any sugar, and recently I’ve discovered raspberry tea, Pepsi is great as well, and Pepsi with some whisky. And recently me and my Mum are in love in almond milk, it tastes just heavenly. And there are much more things I love to eat and drink.

I don’t really care about coupons, mostly just because as for now I don’t have much experience with doing lots of groceries completely on my own, I personally don’t collect any. My Mum does sometimes.

As for sales, we don’t look for things on sale speciffically, but my Mum has an app for Biedronka so she always knows when there’s anything on sale and if it’s something we really like or need currently, we can even go on purpose just there to get that speciffic thing, but it rarely happens. We don’t buy things just because they’re on sale, as so many people over here do, like they are fighting for a piece of carp before Christmas Eve just because it’s cheap lol.

Now it’s your turn. I’m curious what are your preferences and habits as for these things.

The Versatile Blogger Award.

Thanks again to Carol Anne from Therapy Bits

for nominating me, this time for The Versatile Blogger Award. πŸ™‚ It means a lot to me.

The rules are as follows:

Thank the person who gave you this award and include a link to their blog.

Nominate blogs that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.

Share 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

My nominees:

Astrid from Blogging Astrid

, Realities from

Journey With DID

and Michelle from

Musings Of Meandering Spirits

. The 7 facts about me:

I love olives.

I had a cat before Misha named Kiki. He wasn’t officially mine as Misha is because my parents bought him, I don’t remember him very well as I was at the boarding school most of the time then, but I wasn’t very emotionally close to him.

3. I don’t like cosmetics smelling like food.

4. I have about 15 km to the seaside.

5. When I was born, there was a massive storm or other weather phenomenon, anyway our house was out of electricity, hence my Dad says I got used to the darkness and hence I can’t see. πŸ˜€

6. I don’t want to have children, but because I love names I like naming or helping with naming other people’s kids or playing baby name games.

7. I am a night owl.

 

The TMI tag.

Today I was tagged by absolutely great Carol Anne who blogs at Therapy Bits

to do the TMI tag. Here goes:

What are you currently wearing?

I got out of the shower a few minutes ago and now I’m in my pj’s and dressing gown.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yes, multiple times.

DID YOU EVER HAD A TERRIBLE BREAKUP?

No.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

21.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

168 cm, or 5 feet 6 inches.

HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?

45 kg, 7,09 stone.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?

NoNe.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS?

None, I’d like to have one, but don’t have any creative ideas as for now.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

Mm, I like many things, but let’s pick kefir. I love kefir.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

Again, very many, but currently I’ve listened a lot to “Olivia” by Canyon City and it has somehow stuck in my head.

WHATS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

Aquarius.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO SHOWER?

Now, as I know I have skin issues and they get worse when I take longer showers, it is very quickly, like three minutes, max five, but I used to take pretty long showers before, even like 20 minutes. Although I’ve never measured the time precisely. πŸ˜€

whats favorite show?

I don’t watch a lot of TV so don’t really have any very favourite shows.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?

As for now, Plu, I think, is my most favourite, but I have many bands I love.

SOMETHING YOU REALLY MISS?

My best friend, well now I don’t know if he still is my best friend as he suddenly stopped writing back to me or contacting me and it lasts this way for quite a long time but I still miss him, but stopped trying to contact him as whatever is the reason, he certainly doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and being optrusive is what I dislike the most in people and wouldn’t like in myself as I know how pissing off it can be.

WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN YOURE SAD?

To my room.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET READY IN THE MORNING?

Depends on my mood and what I have to do. When I’m going somewhere or someone is coming to me, it’s no more than 20 minutes I think, but if I don’t have any plans, it can be even half an hour or if I’m very depressed then even more.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?

Many times with my siblings. πŸ˜€ But nothing too serious.

WHAT TURNS YOU ON?

Sense of humour, intelligence, people named Jack or Jacek, people speaking my favourite languages, many things, too many maybe. πŸ˜€

WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?

Thoughtlessness, shallowness, optrusiveness, ignorance.

QUALITY YOU LOOK FOR IN A PARtner?

Caring, with similar values, intelligent, with a good sense of humour, passionate, versatile, emotional, enthusiastic, introverted.

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Black, white, grey, blue, green. And silver.

LOUD MUSIC OR SOFT?

When I’m low, I usually listen to loud music, some rock or metal or Gothic stuff sometimes, I also like to listen to loud music when I’m very happy. But when I’m not toolow I mostly listen to soft music, or when I’m anxious.

FAVOURITE QUOTE?

“If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends. If you cannot, friends you’ll never be and you need not waste time in trying” L. M. Montgomery “Blue Castle”.

Favorite actor?

My previous musical crush Cornelis Vreeswijk played also in a few films, so I choose him, or a Swedish actress Catrine Lundell whom I really admire because she’s an actress despite suffering from chronic and rare disease and in my opinion she plays really well.

DO YOUΒ  HAVE ANY FEARS? WHAT THEY ARE?

I could make a whole list of fears, and I might, just to see how many pages it will have. πŸ˜€ To mention a few: anything related to vomiting, interactions with people, heights, wasps, crowds, very large, open spaces, some speciffic sounds and (in some circumstances) silence.

WHATS THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU CRY?

Being simply overloaded by difficult emotions on my birthday, so a month ago.

MEANING BEHIND YOUR BLOG NAME?

My Inner MishMash relates to my cat’s name Misha and also to the fact that I always have a total mishmash of thoughts, ideas and emotions in my head, but this mishmash is my inner so usually you can feel more or less awarded if you get access to it πŸ˜€ and I like the word mishmash. As for “what plays in my brain” it’s a paraphrase of a Polish idiom which literally goes like “what plays in ones soul”. If someone asks you to tell them what plays in your soul, they encourage you to confide in them. I am very interested in human brain and all about it, hence “brain”, plus this blog is a place for me where I can write down my thoughts and feelings, and also share with you my favourite music, as music “plays in my brain” almost constantly.

LAST TIME YOU SAID YOU LOVED SOMEONE?

To Misha, about ten minutes ago.

LAST BOOK YOU READ?

“War Of Love” by Aleksander Fredro, my obligatory reading for school.

THE BOOK YOURE CURRENTLY READING?

“Treasures Of The Snow” by Patricia St. John.

LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?

Mmm too long ago to remember. πŸ˜€

LAST PLACE YOU WERE?

Zofijka’s room.

LAST SPORT YOU PLAYED?

Horse riding two months ago.

WHOS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

Zofijka.

LAST SONG YOU SANG?

Agnes Obel’s “River Side”.

aFAVORITE CHAT UP LINE?

Don’t have one. πŸ˜€

DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH.

I’ve had lots of very intensive crushes and so called musical crushes, as for now I don’t have any crush that I know in real life, but I have a musical crush called Gwilym Bowen Rhys and it is also a very intensive crush.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON YOU LAST TEXTED?

My Mum.

FAVORITE FOOD?

Anything spicy.

PLACE YOU WANT TO VISIT?

Sweden once again, UK, Ireland, Finland, Netherlands, Faroe Islands.

WHATS THE LAST TIME YOU KISSED SOMEONe?

Misha about 15 minutes ago.

LAST TIME YOU WERE INSULTED?

Can’t remember really. πŸ˜€

FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SWEET?

Chocolate I think. But it really depends what kind of sweet stuff it is.

WHAT INSTRUMENT DO YOU PLAY?

I’ve played piano at school and learned guitar for a while but didn’t play for ages and don’t think I remember anything from that. I feel much better as a listener than creator of music and I didn’t like the pressure on music we had at school but now I think it wasn’t that bad because I know something more about music than an average person can know which helps me in understanding and valuing it. I don’t know as much as fully musically educated person as I didn’t finish music school, but was attending to it for a couple years which gave me some understanding of things.

FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY?

My ring made of agate.

LAST TIME YOU HUNG OUT WITH ANYONE?

IRL it had to be very long ago, as I can’t remember. πŸ˜€

I tag just anyone who’d like to participate. :