Question of the day (17th April).

Hi hi hi people. πŸ™‚

I hope you’re having a wonderful Easter. πŸ™‚ Let’s start with our overdue questions of the day, shall we? I might not manage to catch up on them all today as I’ve been up for ages and it’s late now so I’ll be soon going to sleep but maybe we can do the few of them. πŸ™‚

A bit of a philosophical one now, which I find very difficult, especially at the moment, even thought about changing it but decided that it can be interesting anyway so here goes.

Who do you think you are?

My answer:

That’s very difficult one for me. I think for all of us it can be difficult to figure it out, more or less. Recently, I guess I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis, not a rare thing at my age I guess or any age when some things are changing for you. Although my identity was always a complex topic for me. First, because I am a complicated person and don’t even really fully get myself, I often feel very confused about things regarding myself even though I am a fairly introspective person and theoretically have a lot of knowledge about myself and other people around me, or so I guess. I know well what I like, what I dislike, I know what I feel most of the time unless I’m overloaded, yet most of the time I don’t feel like I truly know who I am. Other people don’t get me either because well how can they if I can’t figure out things myself, and most of those that I’m relatively close with seem to agree with me that I am pretty weird and complex, be it positive or negative, depends really, or as my Mum once put it very interestingly: “I guess God was trying out some new type of clay when He was making your brain”. πŸ˜€ In a way that sounds brutal, and explains why I feel inadequate a lot of the time or some other alien syndrome stuff, even though Mum meant it as something positive because she thinks I’m “remarkable” and somehow very outstanding etc. but in a way I indeed do like my different brain and, although I generally don’t like myself, I guess I wouldn’t change my quirkiness andcomplexity if I had a choice, or not much of it, perhaps just the more troublesome stuff. That’s also why, even though I am not autistic or anything like that that I’d know of, in some way I relate to that whole neurodiversity thing even though I’m not sure if I even can hahaha but that really speaks to me and explains the way I feel about myself, because I seem to think in a different way than most people do, and perceive things differently (in which also my blindness plays a huge role obviously so that changes a lot of things too and I wonder whether blindness itself, plus that other stuff like synaesthesia for example that I have, doesn’t make you neurodivergent in a way). As those of you who have stuck around here for some time probably already know, one of the mental illnesses I have is AVPD which stands for avoidant personality disorder, which also adds to the mess regarding my identity, as it makes me feel inadequate as well as having low self-esteem, bordering on self-loathing a lot of the time especially if I’m very depressed or something like that, even though I feel like with a change of environment and help of other people I’m already in a much better place than I was say 3-4 years ago or earlier. That prevents me, I suppose, from having a clearly objective and rational idea about who I am, even though I like to be objective about things as much as I can so I do try to be. There are things that I do like about myself more or less, and my self-esteem shifts slightly, as I guess it does for everyone, depending on what is going on and my mood and anxiety levels and some other things, but from what I can observe in other people, I have an impression that even what for me is feeling good/neutral with and about myself is different from how it is for others, ’cause I always have that Maggie the Inner Critic (you know I call her Maggie don’t you? I guess I wrote about it one day but can’t remember for sure, so, in any case, my inner critic’s English name is Maggie πŸ˜€ ) very active in the background. So if I’m feeling neutral/good about myself, for me it means that I’m not hating myself or am able to be more kind for myself in a more genuine way, or at least can pretend to be self-caring a bit more than it’s necessary to survive and appear normal and not too scary for other people to be around. πŸ˜€ If I do something real great I can be proud of myself, like recently I was all ecstatic because I finished my Welsh course, and since I can develop my languages I am feeling much better with myself, but Maggie is still there and even when I’m all happy with myself she won’t let me forget about herself, or will jump at me after a while. I hope it all makes some sense for you, I don’t really know how to explain my brain to someone else so that they can get it. I know I’m sort of walking around this topic all the time now and not really answering the question but I want you to see how it is for me. I guess that there are so many things that I think I am, some even quite contrary, and a lot of them shitty, and I’m still figuring it out and am not sure if I ever will, I guess lots of people don’t ever come to that point in their lives where they know who they are and have some clear idea about it even if they are less of a mess than me hahaha, I’m not even sure if it’s really so necessary to know that, anyway it’s a difficult topic. Also, if I was to tell you who I think I am, it wouldn’t look too appealing at the moment. I’ve had some yucky depressive mood lurking somewhere in the back of my brain for a couple of days and have been feeling it coming, guess without any specific external factor, and today, although I’ve had a very nice day, I’m feeling rather low and not getting along with my brain, so I don’t think you’d like to hear what I’m thinking at the moment. πŸ™ƒ I guess when you’re depressed you can’t be too happy with yourself anyway, AVPD or no AVPD. I’ll tell you what I think after I finish my advanced Welsh course that I’m doing right now, and will move on to Cornish, OK? πŸ˜‰ I actually rarely talk about such stuff with people because, well, that’s a very sensitive and a rather vulnerable topic, and I never talk about it in details because honestly I feel like many people could perceive it as not only overwhelming, but also attention-seeking, you know, like I want them to deny it and say that it’s not true what I think, some people are like that, that they self-deprecate in front of others just to hear how great they are. I don’t want to be like that because that would make me feel even more shitty. I just wanted to show you a little bit about what it’s like for me, as me and as a person with mental illnesses, and if you have a mental illness yourself I’m curious whether it has also impacted your self-image.

So, who do you think you are? Is it easy/possible for you to define it and if you have a mental illness how does it affect your self-image? πŸ™‚

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Happy Easter, peeps and pets! πŸ˜πŸ˜»

Hiya people and hhrrru? to all of you.

It’s just a quick, collaborative post of me and Misha who is too sleepy to write on his own, and we’d like to wish all of you a very happy happy happy Easter. I hope it will be a blessed time for all of you and that you will feel the presence of Jesus in your lives, that it will be just a happy, peaceful time for all of you. And Misha wishes you loads of yummy food and some nice presents, but also don’t forget about your pets, Misha loves getting presents and his point of view is that everyone else does too. Or if you’re not celebrating Easter, have a beautiful, fun-filled weekend and enjoy yourselves whatever you’re going to do. πŸ™‚ I’m sorry I’ve been quite behind on blogging, I hope I can catch up over Easter, I’ve been having a lot of time with my family and had been completely absorbed by a work possibility that I thought I found in front of me, which didn’t work out but I lost sight of everything else for the time being hahahaha and got completely immersed in that.

Fundraiser Update:

Morgueticia and her daughter are in a difficult life situation and really need our help. If you can, please donate to her fundraiser, or share this post so that others can help too.

Take a Ride on My Mood Swing

You can read about it here.

Bottom line, we need about $300 by next Tuesday to keep service, the another $270 by April 2nd. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS is the only thing keeping us from our goal which is to not lose electricity right now.

I AM BEGGING AND PLEADING EVERYONE TO HELP ME OUT HERE. I KNOW PEOPLE USE SOCIAL MEDIA, I KNOW SOME CAN DONATE FIVE BUCKS, I KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE SOCIAL MEDIA GENIUSES WHO COULD HELP SPOOK AND I GET THIS DONE.

The only reason I’ve linked to paypal here is because receiving funds through gofundme can take up to 5 business days and this disconnect notice’s shelf life will expire before that.

Please help us.

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TIME TO RANT

I could sign under this with both my hands and feet, it’s So, so, SO true! I was in mainstream schools for only a couple of years, but it was enough for me to experience all that. Thank you for expressing it so powerfully. πŸ™‚

Sightlessmusings.wordpress.com

Yesterday I was watching a graduation video of a disabled person and boy did the crowd go wild. Then I remembered my own and other disabled people’s graduations and it’s always the same thing! Standing ovations, cheering audiences, everyone is just overjoyed celebrating your accomplishments. An entire community sharing in the joy of a person who has a disability and I can’t help but wonder where that community was when I was tripping and stumbling my way to class… Where were they when I was refused entry into buildings and kicked out of campus residence because guide dogs weren’t allowed. Where were they when I was begging and bargaining for textbooks in accessible formats to be delivered to me at least before I had to write exams. When I was knocking on doors trying to raise enough money to cover my studies and the equipment I needed to make my…

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Laura Gibson – “All THe Pretty Horses”.

Hi guys. πŸ™‚

Have I ever told you before that I love lullabies, and so much so that I have a whole collection of them and love discovering new ones all the time, from all around the world? I really really love lullabies. Particularly very sad ones, or very sleepy ones (if there can be a not sleepy lullaby and can still be called a lullaby πŸ˜€ ). This one is special to me for one reason. It has horses in it. ANd I love horses as you know! So, well, I love the lyrics of it. I’d love to wake up one day and have “all the pretty little horses”, wouldn’t that be SO cool? But I only like this version of the song. Laura Gibson made it so, so sad. I feel tempted to say too sad, because actually the first time I heard it I couldn’t help but cry, and I’m normally that easily moved by any tear-jerkers, but it just touched something in my brain. But if I could change, I wouldn’t make it any less sad, I love it the way it is. No other version other than this acoustic one of Laura Gibson’s really speaks to me. And the story behind it is very moving, even if not fully credible. It is said to be of Afroamerican origin, and that it was first sung by an Afroamerican slave, who wasn’t able to take care of her own child because she had to take care of her master’s child, and she sang it to her master’s child. I know a fair bit about children being separated from their parents, though not in such a harsh context, so I find all such stories really sad. I think it is such a beautiful lullaby and so cute and sad!

They finally got it.

Hhrrru? 😻

Misha here. Guess what? My sluggish peeps are starting to think. After 3 years of me living with them. How do I know that? Because they’ve JUST started to come to terms with the fact that I understand more than tey think I do. What a truly shocking discovery, isn’t it?!

One evening I was doing my own business and suddenly heard Mila calling me. I could hear her well and was actually quite close to her but chose to ignore her until I’ll find out that it’s worth my effort to come to her. So she went to Mum’s room and asked Mum if I was there. Mum told her where I was and Mila was calling me all the time so I knew it was something big. And Mum also called me mish mish mish so I didn’t know where to go, but finally followed Mila as she was going downstairs and it looked like she wanted to show me something and I grew more and more interested. And Mum was like: “Wow, he understands that you call him, and where you want him to go!”. Like, wow, really, do I? Wasn’t that quite obvious? No one else in this house is called “mish mish mish”, and if she was going downstairs, obviously she wanted me to follow her and not go in the opposite direction, right? It’s disgracing that they think I am such a total blockhead! And then at the end of the stairs I could feel what was the reason for Mila calling me, I felt a very nice smell from the kitchen, it was yummy yummy fish. I love eating fish. And Dad was having some for supper and was keen to share with me. It was so so yummy. As I ate, I could hear Mila coming back to Mum’s and saying: “He probably understands even more than just that, far more than we realise”. What a spectacular discovery! My peeps are learning new things! Yay for the human race! 😻 No I am not sarcastic at all, I don’t even know how to be sarcastic, I am just a poor kitty who doesn’t even know what they want from me and the only word I understand inhuman language is “Miiiiishaaaaaaaa!!!”. I am 3 years old but have no wits and need to be treated like a 3-month-old baby, because I am just so helpless and feeble-minded, wonder how they’d even managed to toilet train me hahahaha.

But OK, let’s be serious. Of course I understand more than they think I do. I maybe don’t get all of their stupid things because I’m not into that and don’t care, but if something is about me, you can be sure I understand. I tell you that though only because you don’t live under the same roof as me, because – as many other cats probably do too – I find that pretending to be silly and ignoring what’s going on around can really pay off at times and it actually shows how clever you are because making a choice whether you want to hide something or let others know about it also requires some thinking and decision making skills, if not anything else. And they can’t blame me because they do just the same! Even today, I came to Mila’s room, and she picked me up (even though she certainly knows I hate it, but OK, sometimes you have to compromise), and then put me to sleep, but I got up again and stood on her knees and looked very emphatically at the drawer where she keeps my treats, and wagged my tail in its direction so that she could know what I mean. And I know that she got it, but didn’t do anything, just stroking me as if she didn’t notice anything, while I was starving! It’s the same with all of them, so they can’t blame me.

Do you, other pets out there, also prefer not to disclose how much you actually understand? And you peeps out there? Be honest! Honesty is so rare in this world.

Mishpurrs.

Misha πŸ’™ πŸ’š πŸ’œ

Question of the day.

Hi guys. πŸ™‚

Today’s question is:

How would you describe your day today with one word?

My answer:

Short. (I couldn’t sleep most of the night and when I finally did fall asleep I woke up very late)

You? πŸ™‚

[tags question of the day,qotd,q&a,about me,get to know me,readers,