How to help someone with emetophobia.

A couple months ago, I wrote a mini series of posts about calming down emetophobia, where I shared

my own story,

and different

coping strategies.

I’m seeing that these posts are getting a steady trickle of traffic from Google, but I’ve also noticed that people have come across these posts asking Google questions more along the lines of: “How to support someone with emetophobia” or “How do I help someone with emetophobia” etc. As I often say, I like to know that when people come here looking for something, they can find it, as long as it is realistic and also in line with what I want my blog to be. And I thought this would be a very important topic to talk about as well, because despite it is a pretty common phobia, it is not very well understood and must be particularly difficult to understand for people who haven’t experienced any specific phobia.

In this post, I’m just going to do some brainstorming and list all sorts of things that come to my mind that you can do, or that you should not do, to help and support your a friend or your child or your partner or anyone else in your life with emetophobia. If you have any other ideas, strategies that you have used and that work well in your relationship with an emetophobic, or if you’re an emetophobic yourself and have something to add, feel free to share.

  •    Ask the person directly. This is a very obvious one, but I think it’s very important. While there are a lot of people with emetophobia and their experiences have a lot in common, we’re all different people, and if you’re helping a specific person, it’s always a good idea to ask them how you can help, especially if you have a strong and close relationship and can have a very honest, open discussion. Sometimes though, answering such a question can be very difficult, for example if the person in question is currently in a panic mode, has difficulty opening up, or is confused and unsure of what she would find most helpful, or if it’s a small child. In such cases, additional questions might help, for example: “Would you like to talk about your fear?” “Would you like to go out and do something fun?” “Would it be helpful if I gave you a hug?” etc.
  • Educate yourself. Sometimes, for people with a phobia, even talking about it may be difficult and/or triggering. Therefore, while it is important that you know the nature of your loved one’s fear if you want to help effectively and are serious about it, it is not always the best idea to throw dozens of questions at them like what exactly they’re afraid of in vomiting and why. Yes, it is important to ask questions if and when the other person is comfortable with it, and talk about the problem, but this needs to be done in the right circumstances and both you and your loved one will find it a lot easier if you as the supporter do your homework and read possibly indepth about this phobia. Since you’re reading this, you’re clearly on the right track. 🙂 Learn about how and why phobias develop, what are the symptoms of emetophobia, what are possible therapies, common triggers for people with this fear, read personal accounts of people who have this condition etc. This way, once you start seriously talking about the problem with your loved one, you’ll be better equipped to help and have a much clearer idea of what you’re dealing with.
  • Listen and ask questions. If a person themself wants to talk about their fear with you, it will surely mean a lot to them and show how much you care if you’ll listen carefully, ask questions and try not to judge. If the person doesn’t initiate such conversations themself, you could try doing it yourself at the right moment. By the right moment I mean that it would be best that you try to raise the topic while the person is doing reasonably well, so not necessarily right after their fear has been triggered by something. That will make it more likely that they’ll share more and be able to think a little more rationally about their fear than what they would be capable of in the midst of panic, I feel especially when it comes to children. Don’t press them too much if they’re reluctant, but gently try again after some time. If you’ll continue to show them care and patience, it’s very likely that at some point they will open up, because dealing with something like this alone is difficult, and they’ll see that they can trust you. Ask questions like when did the problem start for them, how does it affect them or how does it make them feel, so you can get a clear picture of their specific case of this phobia.
  • Distract. Talking about our fears is a good thing, but because a phobic’s brain tends to spin around their fear all the time anyway, sometimes all that they need is the exact opposite. Often, when someone is being very anxious due to emetophobia, it’ll be more beneficial to talk to them about something that they find interesting or try to make them laugh or occupy them with something or get out of the house, rather than focus on the emetophobia together with them. With children and teenagers, make sure that they have things to do with their free time – interests they can develop, extracurricular activities to go to, friends to hang out with, things to look forward to each week. –
  • Don’t minimise. If your loved one shares with you about their fear of vomit, take it seriously. If it’s a kid, don’t try to tell them or yourself that they’ll grow out of it or that it’s just a phase. Yes, it may well be the case, as emetophobia often gets better with age, but for now, it’s still there, causing the child a lot of suffering, and it needs to be taken care of appropriately. Children don’t have the same idea about the future that adults do, so telling them that at some point they won’t have emetophobia anymore (which you cannot know for sure anyway) doesn’t do much. Don’t try to make it seem normal, like: “Well, everyone is a little afraid of vomit, it’s not pleasant for anyone”. There’s a difference between being a little afraid or not liking something and having a phobia.
  • Don’t make jokes about it. It sounds like an obvious thing that would only require some basic empathy and emotional maturity to figure out, but that’s something that surprisingly many people that I have come across with all sorts of phobias have to deal with from those who have no phobias and consider it funny how trivial some people’s fears are. Do not make pretend gagging noises around an emetophobic, joke that you have poisoned their food, say the words of which you know that freak them out on purpose, show them videos featuring vomit, vomiting or vomiting sounds, joke that you’re going to vomit etc. etc. etc. to see their reactions. Imagine such a thing: you’re abducted by aliens, and they find you particularly interesting because you have the ability to feel pain, which they do not. So they test all sorts of things on you whether they’ll cause you pain and how much, which obviously causes you a lot of pain and fear and torture, but they don’t really know what pain is like so they don’t know how much suffering the things they’re doing are causing you. That’s very similar to what’s going on when you’re making fun of someone who has a phobia that you don’t have.
  • Help them learn various coping skills they could use. This is particularly relevant if you’re helping a child/teenager. I’m talking about both coping skills specifically for emetophobia, as well as anxiety in general. For example you could help them learn to observe their body and differentiate between what might be anxiety vs. physical sickness, or give them a comfort item like a blanket or a stuffed animal that they could snuggle into when feeling anxious. Make sure that they know they’re not aloone, that this is a common fear, that it has a name and that there are known ways to overcome it.
  • Don’t draw too much unnecessary attention to the fear. When you see that the person is very anxious and you know or suspect it might be due to emetophobia, don’t ask things like “Do you think you’re going to be sick?” “Do you have nausea?” “Did you vomit?!” Don’t share stories with them about people you know who vomited in such and such circumstances. I am absolutely sure your intentions are the best, but things like this really aren’t helpful. For many emetophobics, the mere word vomit is a huge trigger and it scares them when they hear it, and when someone asks something like “Are you going to be sick?” it might feel like after this it’s inevitable for them to be sick. It’s irrational, but that’s the nature of phobias, after all. If you ask: “Do you have nausea?” that’s pretty much bound to make an emetophobic nauseated right this very minute if they weren’t before. Also, despite it may seem like a paradox, there are a lot of emetophobics who very rarely, if ever, vomit, so it’s not like they’re scared of it because they’re so unlucky that they do it ultra frequently, therefore you don’t really need to worry all the time that they will, because they worry about it more than enough.
  • Respect their quirks, even if they don’t make sense. Like I just said, people with emetophobia might have a fear not only around vomiting alone, but also some or all words relating to it. They might be very reluctant to use it themselves and use acronyms like v* or n* or some code words. They may also feel very anxious if those words are used around them by others. They may also have a lot of foods that they don’t eat for fear that they will make them vomit, wash their hands gazillion times a day, have some compulsions that they believe will prevent them from vomiting, avoid you when you’ve had a stomach bug etc. All this may seem very silly and strange to you, but I’m sure it will affect your relationship very well if you try to be accepting of this, rather than making comments about how irrational and nonsensical this is or purposefully using their trigger words around them or serving them food that you know they do not eat. Of course what they’re doing isn’t healthy, but it will have to be their choice to decide when they want to face their fears and start healing, rather than yours or anyone else’s, and it’s definitely not an easy one, so it might take a LOT of time sometimes until they make this decision.

So, there you have it! I hope you’ll find this list helpful and that it gave you some ideas as for what to do.

What else do you think should be on it? 🙂

Question of the day.

What is your favourite dessert that is not baked?

My answer:

I don’t think I have a one go-to dessert that I’ll always choose over others, it typically depends on what I feel like eating so it’s not something fixed. I can say I really like good ice cream though. The word good, however, is important here, as I have a strong feeling that, where ice cream is concerned, there’s a real imbalance between quantity and quality. Well, I don’t know about other countries, but it’s definitely the case over here imo. You can get tons of different ice cream particularly in summer but most is just meh. So if you want good ice cream it’s better to avoid the multitude of cheap meh ones and then you’re more likely to find something that’s actually worth all the calories and other stuff it has. I am a huge quality person regarding most things and also a fair bit of a hedonist, so I’d rather pay a bit more for some better ice cream than have whatever ice cream for the sake of eating ice cream. 😀 It’s not something I eat regularly, so at the moment I can’t think of a single type of ice cream that I’d just love so very much that it’d be on the top of the list, also it changes quite a bit over time.

What’s your favourite? 🙂

Jacob Elwy – “Pan Fyddai’n 80 Oed” (When I Will Be 80).

Hey all you people! 🙂

Time for what currently Bibiels like best in terms of music – something from Jacob Elwy! – Yayy!

If you still don’t know who Jacob Elwy is – he is my new faza subject or faza peep, and if you don’t know what is faza either you can find out



So, over the last few months since the start of my faza on Jacob, I’ve shared with you some music from Y Trŵbz, (the band where he’s been the vocalist) and also a piece sung by Jacob together with Mared Williams for Cân i Gymru (Song For Wales) 2019. But I’ve never shared with you any of his solo music yet. Admittedly, there’s not much of it so far, just some singles, but they’re all really worth listening to (or otherwise I wouldn’t have the faza).

Interestingly, Jacob took part in Cân i Gymru twice in a row -first together with Mared, and the second time with Rhydian Meilir accompanying him on piano. – Rhydian Meilir is also the one who composed and wrote the lyrics to both his Cân i Gymru songs as well as most of his other solo songs that have been released.

I really regret that: a. I didn’t follow Cân i Gymru during those two years and b. that I didn’t know about Jacob back then. As it happened, this year it was Jacob’s younger brother – Morgan – who took part in Cân i Gymru and won it with his reggae tune “Bach O Bach O Hwne” (A Bit A Bit Of That). He has quite a few siblings, and they’re a very strongly musically inclined, and I’m curious if all of them will now take part in Cân i Gymru, that would be really interesting! 😀 I have no doubt that it’s mostly due to my zealous crossing fingers (out of pure loyalty which I always have for my faza peeps and which also extends to other people connected with them), following Cân i Gymru at the time while it was happening and putting all my energy into it that made his song win. 😀 To be totally honest, I didn’t love Morgan’s song all that much, although I didn’t dislike it either, it just didn’t speak to me quite as much as Jacob’s both Cân i Gymru songs did (they both won the 2nd place), but that’s just me and my style and I can see beyond it, especially as someone who used to be quite keen on reggae once upon a time, that objectively it was a really cool song and very much a breath of fresh air for the Welsh music scene, which doesn’t have a lot of reggae music enthusiasts like him, or at least I don’t know many.

I don’t always love the lyrics like these, which I call half-ironically “inspirational”, because they can sound quite cliche and as someone who is picky and likes quirky lyrics, I can’t possibly like cliche lyrics at the same time. These, unfortunately, are a little bit on the cliche side, but I don’t care. Probably because it took me some time to actually understand them fully, not just the gist, and over that time I’ve already grown to like this song because it’s really really good musically in my opinion. The first time I heard it was on BBC Radio Cymru (or was it Cymru FM?) half-asleep, when I was having a migraine, and I remember vaguely thinking that I really like it. I only much later learned who sings it and that some small part of why I like it is because, in this song, Jacob’s voice sounds particularly similar to my late friend Jacek from Helsinki’s singing voice, which I believe was why I originally got this faza.

And, regarding these lyrics, yes, they may be slightly cliche, but they’re true. I often hear this song in my brain when I feel depressed and unmotivated and have no energy for my Welsh learning, and then I often find the motivation, because it makes me think – gosh, I still have so much to learn, it would be so frustrating if I were 80 and suddenly realised that I could have learnt many more languages, or learnt the one I know a lot better than I do, but didn’t, just because I gave in too often when I wasn’t doing well mentally or my linguistic progress wasn’t going quite as smoothly as I’d ideally like. On a different note, I dearly hope I won’t have to live this long. So, yes, it actually is kind of inspirational and motivating for me.

I’m also super happy because I managed to translate these lyrics, as they are quite easy! I’m sure my translation is not perfect, a bit unpolished in places and sometimes I didn’t know what some little words literally meant in English but overall I’m quite proud of the result.


When I will be 80

I want to look back and smile

At the foolish things I did

When I was young

When I will be 80

I don’t want to be overwhelmed by the pain

Of regretting the things I didn’t do

When I could

And when I will be 80

I want to hold you

Knowing that our love

Has overcome everything

But don’t hold back

You have nothing to lose

Life is too short to

Keep turning around

And when I will be 80

Grateful for having a family

Who are always there for me, still

And are like a strong rock

Don’t hold back

You have nothing to lose

Remember that it is yourself

who limits you

And don’t say „There’s always tomorrow”

Raise and go for it

Before it’s too late

Raise and go for it

Before you will be 80

Question of the day.

When was the last time you did something you really didn’t want to do?

My answer:

Today early in the morning. Misha slept with me, which has been less often than usual the last few months, he prefers to sleep in here during the day, and I guess I really fell out of the habit of waking up quite early – like 4-5 AM, sometimes even 3, occasionally a bit later than that – to his “Hhrrru?”-ing because he wants to be let out. I would just get up almost on autopilot and open the door for him so he could go out when he wasn’t sleepy anymore. I’m generally a pretty heavy sleeper once I fall asleep properly, but my brain got so used to Misha’s hhrru?s that this was the sound which would wake me up right away. I guess kind of like when you have a baby and you hear it crying, after some time you automatically wake up when you hear this sound. Of course, I could just not have the problem at all and always leave the door to my room open so he could go in and out as he pleased, but I really dislike sleeping with the door open, it’s not enough privacy for me, and, really, I never minded him waking me up like that. It was really pleasant to hear and see him first thing in the morning, cuddle him a little if he was up to it and I wasn’t too sleepy, and I love this little “Hhrrru?” sound, it’s a perfect start to the day. After all, I can just let him out and fall right back to sleep again, it’s such a short time that it doesn’t throw me out of my sleep completely.

But, now that like I said he’s been sleeping less regularly here and not very frequently, my brain is no longer so used to it I guess and it really takes him time to get through to me, and it feels a lot more unpleasant than previously to actually get out of bed and do it, even though I know I can go right back to it afterwards. And also today I’ve been feeling kind of low, as my mood appears to be slowly going down after being really good for such a long time, as you may recall. I’m not what I would call properly depressed, but just a bit low for no apparent reason, and I guess that made it more difficult for me too, to actually get going.

How about you? 🙂

[category Diary<misha]

[tags question of the day,q&a,about me,get to know me,readers,cat,cats,Russian blue,pet,pets,sleep,mental illness,depression]

Hector Zazou ft. Katie McMahon (?) – “Seacht NDólás Na Maighdine Muire” (The Seven Sorrows of The Virgin Mary).

Hi guys! 🙂

So it’s Good Friday, and today I am so extremely happy to finally be able to share with you a piece of music that I’ve always wanted to share on a Good Friday, ever since I’ve had this blog. But first I forgot, and then I couldn’t find the album from which it came anywhere online. I got an mp3 version of it from a friend ages ago and I loved it, even though back then I wasn’t close to God, I just loved it for its aesthetic value and a slightly Gothic feel, and the Irish Gaelic language. Then I lost it somewhere and this particular song stuck with me the most, and then later on when I re-converted to Christianity I could always hear it in my brain during Lent or on the feast of the Sorrowful Mother (15th September).

I’ve found other versions of it, but none spoke to me quite as much as the one I’m about to share with you today. And today, I finally found this piece! It comes from Hector Zazou’s 1996 album called Lights In The Dark, where there are a lot of Irish Catholic hymns, all in Gaelic I believe and all or almost all devoted to Our Lady. Because I haven’t been able to find the entire album, I can’t confirm it, but I believe the vocalist is called Katie MCMahon.

I haven’t ever listened to any other music by Hector Zazou, but I’ve heard that he is, or have been, actually involved in new age music circles as well. Like I said though, I have never heard it, and I don’t know if it’s from before his new age activity, or afterwards, or maybe some project he was involved in in-between, so I don’t feel like I’m the right person to judge it or whether his rendition of this piece is one that Christians can safely listen to, but, I dunno, it is really beautiful, I’d be really surprised to learn if the lyrics were any different than in the original, and even if it wasn’t exactly performed with the intent of glorifying God, I believe that if we’ll listen to it with the right mindset, it will make a difference and be pleasant to God. If there will ever be any Catholic, or even any other Christian people reading this, let me know what your stance is on this, I’d be curious to know.

The song is about the Seven Sorrows of The Virgin Mary which she suffered during Her life on Earth, which were:

  •    The Prophecy of Simeon (during the Presentation of Jesus in the temple, when he told Mary that a sword would pierce Her Soul due to Her Son’s Death),
  • The flight of the Sacred Family to Egypt (to avoid killing of the Child Jesus by Herod),
  • Loss of the Child Jesus for three days (during the pilgrimage to Jerusalem),
  • Meeting Jesus on His way to Calvary,
  • Crucifiction and Death of Jesus,
  • The Body of Jesus being takenn from the Cross,
  • The burial of Jesus.

Reading Wrap-Up (January 4, 2021) #IMWAYR

And the first MIMRA is with its winner now!
I’m thrilled that Astrid received her readership award today, which she mentions in this post.
It’s her reading wrap-up post, so go check it out to find out what she’s been reading lately, and is planning to read next. Maybe you can find some books here that you’d also like to read. 🙂

UPDATE! WordPress Owners: Please Read

As a visually impaired blogger who blogs solely for the fun of it, at least for the time being and for the foreseeable future, as well as someone who is not extremely techy, I really dislike the block editor, and seems like there are lots of us who think similarly of it, so if you’re my follower, don’t like the idea either and haven’t seen or shared this post before, please do, and maybe it’ll help change the WP people’s minds on this so we will still have a choice in which editor we want to use, as they were initially saying we would.
I haven’t yet been transitioned to the block editor, which I’m very happy about, but apparently a lot of people have had such a change executed against their will already so it seems like the rest of us can expect it to happen.
I realise that WordPress people have put effort into making block editor accessible for screen readers, and I appreciate that it can be more useful and attractive for some people with specific blogging needs and requirements than the old WordPress editor, but, as I commented on Cyranny’s blog a little while ago, there’s quite a difference between accessibility and plain usability/user-friendliness. In my opinion, the block editor, despite not inaccessible, is not blind-user-friendly, and, given how many sighted bloggers complain about it as well, the problem is definitely not limited to blind people.
Of course we could all get used to block editor – or such is my big hope anyway – but it seems kind of counter-productive that people, instead of coming up with new ideas for blog posts and focusing on their writing, would have to focus primarily on the minute (or not so minute) technical details of creating a blog post and getting used to a new way of doing it when there’s no reason for change, from their perspective. – This could discourage a lot of people from blogging on here, and while most likely would not totally discourage myself, the result would probably be that I would post alll my posts via email, and such posts don’t look particularly visually-pleasing, as far as I’m aware.
My blog is on the free plan since I’ve started blogging on here, as so far I haven’t felt a pressuring need for upgrading yet, but if a fee could indeed make WordPress reconsider their decision and keep them from delighting us with forced changes like this, I’d be very happy to pay this fee, as blogging is something very important to me and has made a lot of positive changes in my life and mental well-being, and I haven’t seen a more accessible blogging platform than WordPress so far. Somehow though, I doubt that the fee could really solve this problem. Hopefully I’m wrong, or there’s some other solution to this to make everyone involved possibly happy.
So, people, if you think similarly to Pete, me, and lots of other bloggers and haven’t yet done it, please share Pete’s post with your readers as well so Happiness Engineers can see how many of us are there not liking this new editor. 🙂



Patty has just posted an email address for someone at WP who is actually working on ‘accessibility’ for bloggers. Let him know your gripes about the Block Editor, and tell him why you hate it and want to keep the old one.

Enrique Sánchez <

If anyone who reads this is not happy with the new Block Editor, if you don’t want to use it, wish it had never happened, and quite literally hate the thing, then please reblog this post, share it constantly on social media, and let’s see if we can get WordPress to take notice of us.

Dear WordPress, you have started to force the Block Editor on your blogging community. You must have your reasons for this, and I supect they are commerical ones. After all, you have to make a profit, and you continue to provide a basic blogging platform free of charge to…

View original post 239 more words

And more testing.

Hiya people!
So I continue to play around with my iPhone, and today is the time to try using it with a Braille display! The last time I wrote a blog post using my iPhone with my standard Bluetooth keyboard I found editing and writing a real pain and had to rewrite the whole thing again and had trouble with the cursor all the time. I thought I.d give it a go with my Braille-Sense (because you can connect it to another device that is compatible and use it as a Braille display, and at the same time on iPhone it can (workas a keyboard) . It is indeed easier from what I can already see – though editing stuff on iPhone still feels very new and weird to me – and it’s probably easier for me simply because I already know my Braille-Sense pretty well so it‘s easier for me to use the iPhone with it as I can deduce it easier how to do some things, and it’s always easier to write for me when I can actually see what I.m writing. Still, so far I can.t imagine it being my primary way of writing anything other than texts or similar, unless I decide that I need some proper patience training, lol. Don.t know if it’s just me being weird and not able to adapt to the era or what but this is just how it is.
But it’s always an easier option in case I have to type something on the iPhone. So now I.m going to send this and see how it goes.

(category Diary,General)

(tags iPhone,Braille,Braille display,technology,test,blindness,disability)

Nina June – “We Watched It All Come Down”.

Hi people!

As I’ve already told you, I’ve been discovering some Dutch music – mainly in English so far – lately, and my search is continuing, so I may show you some more Dutch music in the near future. Today I have for you a piece from an Amsterdam-based artist called Nina June. This was the first song by her I’ve heard, so far I’ve heard a few more but still I think I’ll need to familiarise myself better with her music to get a proper feel of it. This one is the one that I like the most so far though, so thought I’d share it with you as well.

Let’s write letters

What a fun idea! Thought I’d share this with you guys in case you haven’t seen this and are lacking inspiration or are bored. I am certainly not bored, but thought it could be a fun way to extend my diary, and I may post at least some of those letters on my blog as well if I feel like it and if I decide to write them in English, or will feel like translating.
Have fun if you join in too. 🙂

Blogger Community

It has been quite some time since I wrote a letter. Oh! I am that kid who was taught how to write letters and postcards in school but never got a chance to post it, everybody was nearby and then social media came.

I have written a couple of letters on my blog. The last I wrote was to the decade of 2010s, about three months ago. With everybody panicking around, I thought it would be a good idea to write letters. Right now, I am thinking of having this as a 10-day activity.

Join me in! Below is a list of all the people/things I am planning to write letters to. You can write letters to them or anyone else you wish to.

Mar 22 (Sunday)– to your younger self (you can go back to any time you like)
Mar 23 (Monday)- to your older self (you to…

View original post 169 more words

Saturday Share-Is It Just The Blues or Do You Need Mental Health Help? (edited)

This is such a very relatable post to me, and I think could be for many others, so I’m sharing it with you guys.
Morgueticia shares her experience with mental health conditions that she lives with, what they feel like, and explains in a very relatable way the differences between the normal blues, and a mood disorder.

Take a Ride on My Mood Swing

Today is Saturday Share on the blogger community and I want to share this post again. It has been edited and shortened to make it a less long and winded read so if you skipped it the first time around,please take a look and visit the community.

I could bore everyone with the standard issue list of mental health symptoms that indicate something may be very wrong but anyone with internet access can Google that stuff. If you would prefer an actual website, I trust web MD and the information can be found there I’d like to put my own personal spin on this as a person with multiple mental health diagnose and a treatment file so thick it could be a collegiate dictionary. Only those who have walked in your shoes can truly know what it is like, right?

First, let’s cover what entails a case of ‘the blues’…

View original post 1,262 more words

Brain, what do you want from me?

I’m seriously starting to wonder what’s up with those flippin’ Sundays! I’m recently getting Zombie days exclusively on Sundays, and this month I’ve hit a record. Three Zombie days in a month, all Sundays, including this one. If you don’t know what a Zombie day is, it’s the day after a sleepless night. I call it this way at least. Mondays used to be most often my Zombie days back when I was at school, and I guess that was even worse. To not be able to sleep for the whole night and then having to start a week in the Zombie mode, grrrrr yuck!

Another thing that I’ve been wondering a lot today is what does my brain want. I never know that during a Zombie day. I never know what I want. A Zombie day probably means something slightly different for everyone. For me, it’s a weird, floaty, dream-like, hazy, unreal feeling in my brain and my whole body. I often catch myself wondering “Is all this even real?”. I often get deja vus when I’m a Zombie, and my sense of time is changed. It’s like there is almost no time passing if I don’t look at the clock. I’m often a bit hyper in the morning, and then go into apathetic and zoning out, but I won’t go take a nap because my sleep cycle needs to reset. Sometimes I even mix languages like today. I feel like I’m losing control, and I’m often very anxious, jittery and even very panicky, but I can’t take my med ’cause in such a state of mind it’ll make me fall asleep while walking, as was the case with my horse Łoś, instead of muffling the anxiety. I am cold and weak and obviously lack the energy, am dizzy, and towards the end of the day if I’m really worn out I sometimes get little creepy hallucinations that make me want to scream with fear but I’m too scared to do that. Is that even normal when you have just one Zombie day? I’m more creative and coming up with bizarre, completely out of the box, apparently illogical but very logical ideas and solutions and theories, and the cool part about them is that I still love them the next day and often listen to my Zombie brain and take what it came up with into account. Perhaps it works like for people who apparently get the solutions for their problems from dreams? I can be a bit impulsive so I try not to do important things or such that need a cooled down perspective on a Zombie day, and I can easily go from something even quite close to euphoria to the darkest depression and an emotional overload, and when something is not going right, I can easily slip into hopelessness, it just feels like things are always going to be this way.

But most of all, I don’t know what I want! It’s so frustrating. I mean, I often don’t know that anyway, but in my Zombie mode, that affects even the most basic things. I’m faint and starving, and badly nauseous at the same time and I don’t know what to do with that. I think for like 15 minutes, “Am I hungry?…”. I decide I am, and then I can barely eat anything. Do I want to write a post, or take a shower? Does it matter? Perhaps not, but I have to do one thing first. But first I’ll rather just sit for the next 15 minutes with my Brain in the Zombie zone.Do I critically need a nap, or can I stay awake until the evening? Yes, I give up, I need a nap! I lay on the bed, and although my mind is swirling between the real world and Dreamland, it can’t quite decide on any of those. Do I want to drink green tea or cocoa? Do I actually want to drink anything? Is it better to be around people and be scared of people or alone and scared of my own brain? How can I know all those overwhelming things if even my brain doesn’t care to decide? Zombie days are weird.

But at some point, there comes a moment when all the controls in your brain go bright red, and suddenly you realise: “YAY! It’s time for sleep! That’s what I want! Sleep, sleep, sleep and sleep!”.

And now I’ve come to that place. I know that what I want is to


uptightly in all the possible blankets in my room, wrap Misha up cosily and snugly in his bed, and float away into Dreamland. Switch off my brain finally, in desperate hope that when I’ll wake up, it will reset, change the layouts and show me different worlds, both the outer and inner one. Perhaps the Zombie day was what my brain needed. It has been cluttered with unimaginable for me amounts of worries and ruminations over the last week, and a Zombie way is quite a smart way to do a reset. Only, will it really work this time? I am desperately hopeful and deeply sceptical at the same time.

But I guess the time is flying by, my precious seconds of potential sleep are flying away, so, for now I’ll leave you to it, and hope that, whatever is the time where you are, the next time you’ll be sleeping, it will be a really healing, powerfully regenerative sleep.

Do you often get Zombie days? How do they feel like for you?


Song of the day (15th July) – Lisa Hannigan ft. Damien Rice – “9 Crimes”.

Hi guys! 🙂

Sorry for my very long absence on here! Lots of catching up ahead! Firstly, I have a song for you. I believe it’s got some popularity some time ago in Poland, I at least have heard it around much earlier than I started to be really interested in Irish music, Celtic or not Celtic, and before I learnt that this song is by Lisa Hannigan, who is one of my most favourite Irish non-folk singers. I always kinda liked this song. I guess what I like the most about it is the melody. It’s also very emotive, as I’m sure you’d agree with me.

Working On Us.

It’s week #4 of Working On Us at

Beckie’s Mental Mess

and I’m very happy to participate in this prompts series for the second time. Last week, I was answering the questions for prompt #1, but this time, I found prompt #2 really relatable. It’s a photo prompt, so I couldn’t actually see it, but Beckie described it and the image of a brain inside of a bird cage really spoke to me. I suppose I should include the photo in my post somehow, but since I have no clue how to do it, and am blind, so don’t need to have a clue about pics haha, I’ll just leave it as it is.

I was thinking about that prompt a lot last evening and thought I would make some piece of creative writing but since I don’t feel very creative at the moment it’ll just be a bit of a ramble.

I’ve been fascinated by brain for years, and it’s one of my main interests. But it’s not only that why I found this prompt so relatable. I could say I often feel as if my brain was locked in a bird cage, and unable to get out, just never thought about such a metaphor before. What does it feel like when your brain is locked in a brain cage? For me, among other things, it means difficulty in releasing emotions, there’s no way to get them out, whether you want it or not. Your brain fills up until it’s all full and all the feelings are one big mishmash, so that sometimes you don’t even know what you feel any longer. Things get mixed up, until finally the brain can’t contain anymore, and things start to leak out. But instead of leaking outside in a proper way, instead of being expressed, they spill all over the cage. It’s flooded with stuff that can’t be released otherwise, and the brain is swimming in all the intense feelings. That’s when overload happens, and I start feeling a lot of intense anger that gets turned inwards, so I feel like self-harming. Sometimes, when the flood is really strong, something will spill outside through the grating, but the cage is tall and thick so it’s really hard. The only way for me to get my brain out of that cage is writing. Then, the bird cage opens and it can fly out and feel more free.

Another thing that a bird cage makes me think of in the context of my brain, is the feeling of alienation, or feeling disconnected, or loneliness in the crowd, inadequacy, or however you want to call it. I like being different, and individualistic, and I like being on my own more than around other people most of the time and feel more comfy with it. But when it becomes a bird cage for my brain is when I do need to be with someone, but for whatever reason can’t make a connection with people. Sometimes it’s like you can see other people from there, but there’s no way of communicating effectively. You can only bang on the cage and hope that they will hear you, but even if they will, they usually won’t be able to help you out, or open the cage, or get close enough that you could communicate, or feel the way you feel. Even if they do get to you, you’ve been living in this cage for so long that you can’t even explain to them what it’s like, and what you need, and they won’t understand, because they live out there in the world which is so very different. So after a couple trials, you just sit in the corner of your cage and look out, watching people come and go. Sometimes they’ll glance in your direction in confusion, not understanding why you are the way you are and live in a bird cage, what’s wrong with your brain that you constantly keep it in there. As if it was your choice. Sometimes you might feel desperate, and try to jump over the cage, but that hardly ever ends up well and is risky, you can easily get hurt. Even if you do get out of there in one piece, you quickly realise that you don’t fit in, and lots of consequences come with it. And after so many years of living in a cage your brain just doesn’t know otherwise and has it hard to adjust and be just like any other brain living in the outside world. So after all, you put your brain back into the cage, voluntarily this time, ’cause a familiar enemy is worse than the one you don’t know anything about and don’t know how to deal with.

That’s the way my brain feels sometimes. Well, regularly. Again, writing, for myself or with/to others, is something that helps, to some degree, especially blogging and penpalling is what I’m thinking of.

Also, I think the bird cage analogy works very well in regards to my sleep paralysis experiences too. It feels like my brain and me are locked up in a bird cage with all my dream monsters. I can see the outside world but they don’t see me, and I can’t run away because my dream “friends” are all over me. The only thing I can do is wait for the dream cage to open and flee as soon as possible.

What’s a bird cage of your brain? How does it look like and what does it represent? 🙂

If We Were Having Coffee… or whatever else you fancy. #WeekendCoffeeShare

#WeekendCoffeeShare at Eclectic Alli’s.

Welcome to another coffee share, quite an early one, especially as for me, but I haven’t been too regular with posting lately and I might not be for a few more days so I thought we’d have another coffee share as some longer, catch-up post.

I’ve had my green tea already in the morning as I woke up early and needed it badly so I’m now having sparkling water with lemon, and very yummy Polish biscuits called Delicje – they are round sponge biscuits covered in chocolate with a jelly filling, mine are with orange jelly and as much as I love Delicje, the orange-flavoured ones are the only ones I find acceptable, OK, raspberry ones are OK, but just OK. – Help yourselves! I’ve also made a cake earlier today – a sponge cake with jelly and raspberries – (wow I’m kinda monotematic today with sponge, fruit and jelly, perhaps someone has an idea why? :D). It’s my name day on Sunday, hence I made it. And Mum made yummilicious croquettes (I don’t even know if that’s exactly the same thing in English, but oh well) with rice and mushrooms. I love them, and so does Olek, so if you’d like to sample, you need to hurry as he’ll soon be back from work and there will be nothing left. 😀 And I guess that’s all really yummy food (in my opinion) we have today, and you can bring something you have to our coffee share to make it more diverse than just sponge with jelly. 😀 Get yourself a comfortable place to chill and let’s start our chat, shall we? 🙂

If we were having coffee, or not coffee, I’d ask you how things have been going for you and what has happened in your life this week…?

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m feeling like rubbish today. Not the most optimistic note to start a coffee share and a weekend in general but what can I do. I don’t even know why. I woke up feeling OK, like near the baseline, but things have started spiraling down since early afternoon. I can’t get to why that is really. I feel depressed, and even a bit anhedonic, which is not my usual definitely, even if I am badly depressed I can often still feel the pleasure from things I love to some degree but I just feel kind of apathetic and sort of disconnected and don’t care about things too much, I also feel lonely because I feel disconnected, and don’t know what’s going on with my brain. Not like it would change a lot if I knew, and like it matters to me at the moment very much, but it’s always nice to be able to have a clue at least about your brain. I’ve also been having extremely sad and emotional dreams for a couple days which I don’t get either. I mean, scary dreams – yes, – intense, in whatever way – definitely, – strange – all the time, – but I don’t normally have plain sad dreams in which I’d feel all emotional and vulnerable, and yesterday I actually woke up crying. Today I had a sad dream too but it wasn’t quite as unsettling and I mostly remember the emotions of it, not the plot, so I didn’t think much about it, but the phenomenon of such an abundance of sad dreams is interesting. I get emotional dreams like this sometimes around the periods of time that used to be difficult for me in the past but now it’s not the case. Sometimes I wish my brain could speak, or write, or something. I’m so used to bottling up stuff that now I often don’t understand what it’s trying to tell me, ’cause I suppose it must want something from me if there’s no straightforward explanation.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you we’ve had another hot week here, but thankfully today it’s very nicely fresh and chilly, apparently only for a while, Dad says we’ll have another hot day on Sunday. But it’s a relief for all the people I think that at least now it’s cooler.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that at the beginning of this week, my router died. I had to get a new one and installing it and configuring was quite a pain, and I had a whole long boring day and a half with no Internet and not much to do, but now things are back to normal.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Misha has a new hiding place, and this time, it’s a really good one, ’cause we still can’t figure out where it is, after over a week. He just disappears every day for a good few hours and then suddenly comes back out of nowhere. It’s amazing how after 3 years of living here, he still hasn’t ran out of ideas! 😀

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I’m going to another meeting – like the one I went to earlier this month, in that sort of foundation or association that Zofijka’s friend’s mum works in – this time with a woman who used to live in Ireland, she’s Polish. That’s going to be very interesting for me for sure, since I love Ireland! I’m quite anxious again, even though I’ve already been there and it went well. It’s going to be on Monday.

If we were having coffee I’d also tell you that Zofijka’s friend’s mum was supposed to visit us yesterday, and then today, or on Sunday, but it seems like nothing will come out of it. While I’m happy for her to come over, I’m also secretly relieved that she won’t be coming today, as I’m definitely not in the mood for socialising whatsoever and wouldn’t be able to do it right the way I’m feeling now, just normal smalltalk feels so depressing and exhausting at the moment. As if I ever was good at smalltalk hahaha.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that we’re most likely going to the beach on Sunday, which I’m quite glad about, the sea usually makes me feel very good and I feel a strong connection with it, and I love being by the sea. We have our very special beach that is quite far away from us, it’s situated in a village in Słowiński National Park, and it’s really clean and tranquil there, there are few beaches that are that quiet and clean. And we had a plan of going there, but because it’s apparently going to be rather hot, and the ride is long there, and then you have to walk 2 km through a nature reserve back and forth it would be quite tiring and time consuming compared to how much time we’d actually spend on the beach, so we probably won’t be going there and somewhere much closer and filled with people. 😀 In any case, I hope it’ll be cool and I’ll feel less depressed by then. Also as I said it’s my name day on Sunday so that’s going to be a nice way of spending it I hope.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee? 🙂


Song of the day (27th June) Cornelia Jakobs – “Late Night Stories”.

Here’s one of my more interesting discoveries of this year – Cornelia Jakobs. – I really love her strong, hoarse voice, and her expressiveness! She’s from Sweden, though all of her music so far has been in English, but I’d love to hear her singing in Swedish. And this is one of my favourite songs by her.

Feline interview with me Misha!

Hhrrru? to all pets and peeps! 😻

Just a short note to let you know that an interview with my Mishness has been  published by Scrappy Doodlepip over at

A Guy Called Bloke And K9 Doodlepip

I’m excited about it! One step closer for me to become a real Mish celeb. Hope you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. 🙂


Misha 💜💙 💚

My gratitude list. #TToT.

I recently wrote a gratitude list and I thought I’d do this again, but this time I’m linking up with

Ten Things Of Thankful.

So without further ado, here’s my list.


Eating my Mum’s meringue with whipped cream, raspberries, strawberries and peaches. We had a bonfire today, and while I didn’t took part in it, Mum left some yummy food for me, including the meringue. We all like it most with blueberries, but blueberries seem to be very expensive at the moment and Mum didn’t want to make it with blueberries for all the guests not knowing if they will actually eat it. But it was still very good. And as we are at it, I appreciated that I didn’t have to be there too, I could hear all the noise from my room well enough. 😀


Spending a lot of time with Misha. He wasn’t keen on sleeping with me every night, but still, we spent a lot of time together this week, and as especially the second part of it has been difficult for me, it’s greatly valued.


Green tea. Perhaps you recall my recent coffee dilemmas. It seems like I have the solution. I’ve been trying different kinds of green teas and other drinks like that that could get me going, but wasn’t particularly convinced as they either weren’t working much or I didn’t like the taste. Now I found the right green tea for me as it seems and I use xylitol with it to make it taste better.


(Slightly) cooler weather. It’s still rather hot, but it’s manageable and cooling down which I am very happy about and desperately hopeful that this tendency will keep for a while.


My family. Yesterday was the funeral of my Mum’s acquaintance’s daughter who died tragically in an accident. It was shocking, and made me feel grateful that I do have my whole family.


Long walks with Mum and Jocky. That always helps me to clear out the brain a bit.


Crisps. I’ve got a lot this week and liked them a lot.


Music. I’ve been listening to plenty of fabulous music this week, including right now. Music helps me greatly in so many aspects of life and I can’t imagine my life without it.


Eating pasta with broccoli sauce yesterday for dinner. This is such a ridiculously minimalistic meal we usually have it when there isn’t much time or not many things to eat at the moment or lack of creativity. But we all love it anyway.


Sleep. It hasn’t always been the best for me this week, but I did have some very restful sleep and I appreciated it very much, and I’m soon going off to sleep as it’s already past midnight and hope tonight I can also be grateful for good sleep.

What are you grateful for this week? 🙂

Question of the day.

Hi people. 🙂

My another book related question for you is:

What is a book you can always reread?

My answer:

I like rereading books I love. Those that mean a lot to me in this or that way, that are very pleasurable or that just evoke a lot of emotions. Or even just those books that maybe even don’t have that much of a power over me but I read them during some good time previously and want to refresh the memories while reading, that’s also a good motive for a reread for me. My most most most favourites I can reread even once a year. Like the Jeżycjada series by Małgorzata Musierowicz – I know all books in it and even remember fragments of some of them by heart, I’ve read them since I was maybe about Zofijka’s age, but still rereading them makes me laugh at the same things and I still love them no less. –
Or “Emily Of New Moon”. Or another author that I love rereading is Sigrid Undset, I don’t even know why, I love some of her books but not the way I love “Emily” for example. It’s also very true that each time you reread a book you’re very likely to look at it from a different perspective, which is an interesting experience for me to observe.

How is it with you? 🙂

{CATEGORY Diary,Books]