Question of the day.

What was the last item you purchased?

My answer:

I pre-ordered my music crush’s – Gwilym Bowen Rhys – new album.

Btw an interesting and great thing happened because everyone was saying it’s going out on 1st September, and today, I was sitting at my computer, downloading some books and feeling kinda bored, and then I got an email, saying that the album has been just released and I can download it… I was absolutely shocked for a while, and I downloaded it instantly. Well looks like the digital version is out earlier than the CD, however I haven’t seen anyone mentioning it, neither on Twitter, nor in any Welsh media, anywhere. I even know one girl from Wales who is also crushing on him – rather mildly in comparison to me, if you can be objective comparing such things – and even she didn’t say anything to me. 😀

Anyway, I’m excited. Hahaha maybe Gwil has seen my previous post about how damn excited I am and showed me mercy, lol. Yes, I guess I wouldn’t survive until September. 😀 I hope it wasn’t so though. 😀

I have already listened to it, rather superficially as for now, but will go deeper into it later on today, and will write a review in my diary, I always write reviews of anything my music crushes do, just for myself, although you could say it’s rather pointless, as you can’t be objective towards your crush. But I take it a bit like a challenge, and try to be objective, plus it’s just fun to do it, and it helps me to dig deeper and deeper into the music, and listen as actively as possible. But what I already know is that this album is rather surprising for me, it’s different than his last solo album, like in a way it’s similar, because it’s still folk etc. but at the same time it has a completely different style. And OMG I love the songs with both Welsh and English mixed together, it sounds so beautiful and so funny at the same time haha particularly with Gwilym’s very Wenglish accent.

OK, so how about your purchases? 🙂

Y Bandana – Y Felan Las (The Blue Melancholy).

Let me give you some background to this post first. 🙂

In the last question of the day post where I asked you what’s on your mind, I forgot one incredibly important thing in my answer.

Oh, a great news I have for you! Um, well… maybe not so much for you, just for me hahahahaha. Despite of all my moodswings, overthinking, bla bla bla, I’m still incredibly hyper elated excited and I CAN”T WAAAAAAAIT!!! I just can’t figure out how could I forget about it in my last post. I guess the baby naming stuff is developing so dynamically. But generally, I’m thinking about this exciting thing ALL THE TIME. And although I got to know about it last week, still, while thinking of this, even while writing this post, I can’t help and I’m still smiling so widely, that I just hope my lips won’t crack and burst soon.

Guys, my crush, my music crush, Gwilym Bowen Rhys, is releasing a new album! On 1st September. I’ve already pre-ordered it and I heard one song from it and it sunds fabulous. HIs last album was very sophisticated, idyllic folk, he has shown us so many of his musical identities in the past few years, in different bands and solo, and this album is going to be folky as well, but I guess even more traditional, and more like lively, I’d say.

That led to me having a crush peak, you know, when you have a crush you have it all the time, but at least in my case there are peaks. If I already have a peak, what will be in September, hehehe. And that reminds me, it will be the first time I’ll be looking forward to 1st September. In all previous years it was a nightmare date to me. Because after long summer holidays I had to go back to Hell, which was the more difficult that a new year always brings changes, and in that place, it always meant sudden, unexpected, awful changes in which you don’t have anything to say, even if you’re the main person whom a change applies to. And even when I got out of the boarding school, there still were memories and I always tend to slip into nasty crises at the beginning of September. So I hope this year will be different thanks to Gwil and thanks to the fact I don’t have to go to any school next year, so maybe the memories won’t be triggered so badly.

OK, let’s go back to today’s song.

Y Bandana was one of the bands of which Gwilym was a part. It doesn’t exist any longer, but it consisted of two brothers, Sion and Tomos Owens, their cousin Gwilym and Gwilym’s friend Robin Llwyd Jones. And they were a sort of boys band, with catchy songs and humourous lyrics, in Welsh language. They were very liked. Gwilym was a vocalist and guitarist. So it’s another of his, as I said, musical identities – a more rocky, garrage one – which I really like. I generally like how musically diverse he is.

So I thought that because of this album coming out soon, I’d share something by Gwilym, and I decided on my favourite song from Y Bandana’s last album, the song is called “Y Felan Las”. I think it means something like the blue melancholy in ENglish, though the word las (or glas) has so many meanings in Welsh, including the fact that it even means a few different colours, that I find it a little confusing. But the piece and the lyrics are blue so I guess that’s it.

I don’t know what I like so much about this song, I just really like it, and I can listen to it over and over when I’m blue, but blue in a particular way, won’t go into details right now. I guess it could be Gwilym’s vocals that I like so much in this song, but I couldn’t precise what’s so special about it in thsi particular song, plus obviously I like hsi vocals everywhere.

The lyrics, I wish I could know more about them. I found a Welsh text somewhere lately and spend half a hour or so at it trying to deciffer. What I sure know it’s about growing up, I mean adolescence, loneliness, love, feeling blue, I guess being single and probably fitting in?… there seems to be more to it, but,a s I said, it just was hard to figure it out. I can’t wait for the day I’ll get more out of it.

For some stupid reason the link to Spotify doesn’t want to work here, so I’ll have to give you just the link to my Dropbox, which will expire after 30 days.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/90dtkaszzoj3l5k/02%20Y%20Felan%20Las.mp3?dl=0

Word of the week – gwyliau.

This week’s word is a Welsh one, and, like the last one which was Polish, it is also very summery, and, to me, sounds very cute.

This word is gwyliau, gwyliau means holidays. I don’t think there is a better word in any language to describe holidays.

The singular form of gwyliau is gwyl, which, in the accent I am learning – which is northern welsh – is pronounced: /ɡuːɨ̯l/ .

Why do I like this word so much?

First of all, because it sounds just like summer holidays. So idyllic and warm. And cute. It sounds different than the last week’s word, but it has so many similar associations for me.

When I hear the word gwyliau, my synesthetic associations that come to my mind are berry fruit, their shape and taste, lapping streams, shining sun, laughing children. Another association – rather unrelated to the holidays, but definitely sensory – are balls of a ball bearing, a rather small one. I was often playing with balls from bearings as a kid and there are words that I associate with them for some reason. 😀 I often associate words with things I touched often as a little child. Gwyliau, also similarly to the last week’s word lipiec, sounds quite “round” to me, and maybe that’s why I associate it with it. Also, when I think of gwyliau, I think of fresh peas, also quite summery thing.

But, there’s yet another reason to why I love the word gwyliau. It sounds quite similar to my crush’s name, Gwilym, or Gwil. There are lots of similar words in Welsh, that sound similar to the name Gwilym, like gwylio – to watch – for example. And I LOVE them all!!! They’re so cute, so beautiful, so… gwilicious! 😀

I also have an audiofile for you, with my Welsh speech synthesiser saying gwyliau, so that you know how it sounds exactly. Her accent is southern, if it makes any difference for you.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/uke5tkw8il3t1cw/Gwyliau.mp3?dl=0

What comes to your mind when you hear gwyliau? DO you like this word? Does it remind you of holidays, or rather something different?

G2K.

Time for G2K

which is a weekly series at Revenge Of Eve.

Here are this week’s questions and my answers.

 

Do you have a secret crush? Famous or not

I do, I’ve had many crushes for most of my life, famous, less famous or completely not famous. They were usually pretty intensive, I’d actually say it’s often more than a crush, not fully love, but yet not just crush. As for the famous ones, they have always been music crushes. My current music crush is Gwilym Bowen Rhys, who, actually, doesn’t seem to be very famous besides his home country, which is Wales, because his music is entirely in Welsh. When it comes to a not famous crush that I know in real life, at the moment, it’s Misha – my Russian blue cat.

What is their code name? (pet name)

I often refer to Gwilym as Gwil, since it’s his diminutive, or when I think about him or write about him in Polish and am in a particularly crushy mood I call him Gwiluś (-uś is a common masculine diminutive suffix in Polish). 😀 Sometimes he’s Gwillie. 😀 As for Misha, he has tones of pet names – Mishka, Mishunia, Teddy Bear, Miszmasz, Miska, Misa, The Grey Brother, Michelle, Saakashvili, Putin, Misha Pisha…

Are they aware of your crush or existence?

Existence – yes, in fact we’d been corresponding for quite a while in the past soon after my crush has started, that was I guess one of the craziest  and spontaneous things I’ve ever done in my life and don’t regret, I may write more about it in the future, but that’s a little complicated. Crush – don’t think so, and hope not, but he knows I like his music and admire him for his versatility. Misha, oh, sometimes, it feels like even if he is aware of my existence, he doesn’t care a bugger, or barely notices anyone’s existence. My crush on him, he either does see and is so cruel he doesn’t care about it either, or is completely unaware. 😦 ( 😀 )

How do you act or feel when they are around?

Well I haven’t ever been physically around Gwil, but at the time we were writing, I had experienced a severe episode of pseudo-OCD, checking my email every five minutes (at least). 😀 When I got the first email from him I could’ve swore I forgot how to actually breathe for a while. When I hear any of my music crushes’ – current or past – music, I feel just absolutely heavenly, I often call it that my brain is melting because it feels quite exact haha. I like to hear my crushes talking, or even more laughing, it works better for me than any ASMR triggers. Actually I am very sensitive to music and sounds, no matter if they’re crush related or not, which can be both good and bad to experience, I think I sometimes get that weird but fantastic feeling that people call eargasm. I am an incurable and most deviated of all the linguophiles on the Earth, or so I like to think, so the same that applies to Gwilym’s music, also applies to his accent in both languages, I am always obsessed about my crushes’ accents. As for Misha, I love his purrs, and all the humming, hhrrruing and gurgling sounds inside of him. I like to lie close beside him and listen to all his inner sounds. I like all his meows, even those most annoying, I like to immerse in his fur, feel his baby-like smell, even though I’m not that good at feeling smells as I am with sounds. I feel always at least a little bit more relaxed than when I’m without him.

Would you pursue a relationship if it were possible?  What holds you back?

Hmm, that’s interesting. Hard to say. With Gwil, if it were possible, I think I’d try, because then I’d feel like I missed out and even when my crush would become less intense, I would probably more or less regret. That could be a very interesting experience since he’s very interesting and, at least intellectually and as for our likes, we seem to have quite a lot in common, although we’re completely different characterologically. Yeah that could surely be interesting, even if it wouldn’t work out long term. As for Misha, we often joke with Zofijka that we three – Misha, her and me – are in a triangle relationship, lol, however silly and sick it sounds in reference to a cat. But seriously, no, I think our current level of the relationship is perfectly enough, although he could be a bit more emotional at times, but hey we’re both lacking in this sphere. But other than being more emotional I think our relationship should rather stay as it is, it’s fine, and I am not a zoophile. 😀 But, if Misha was a guy… gawd, I’d love to be with him!But Zofijka says he’d be an awful egoist, and would only need a girl to be his housewife and care for his food and clean socks, so, if so, no, thanks. 😀

 

Question of the day.

What was the last thing you listened to?
My answer:
The song I posted as a song of the day for today – “Fyddai’m Yn Ddiarth” by Plu, which apparently means I Won’t Be Strange, whihc is very strange. I absolutely love it because of my music crush Gwilym Bowen Rhys singing it. How about you?

Plu – Fyddai’m Yn Ddiarth (I Won’t Be Strange).

Hi. 🙂

Today I have a special song for you, and let me elaborate a bit more on my impressions related to it. Well it won’t be an elaborate, but a bit longer post than usual song of the day posts. 🙂

I like how it oftentimes happens that blogging, or more exactly, preparing to write a post, makes me actually think a bit more in depth.

I realised that I haven’t posted anything by my current music crush Gwilym Bowen Rhys in the song of the day series, neither by himself or one of the bands he has collaborated with, which is a terrible neglect given how important all my music crushes are to me, so that, as I often said it before, the word crush in reference to them feels a bit ridiculous but I suppose there’s nothing more adequate in English.

Anyway, I thought I’d share with you a song by the band Plu – which consists of the siblings Elan, Marged and Gwilym, and which I introduced to you before. I absolutely love their often very otherworldly sounds. Elan is the main vocalist in Plu but there are a few songs that Gwilym sings and this is one of them. I love both Elan and Marged’s voices but obviously since Gwilym is my crush I particularly love the songs he sings solo, and I love how he’s great on the instrumental side as well, with all the string instruments he plays in Plu, it’s brainmelting. 😀

But then, I started to wonder. What does actually the title of this song mean? You know, usually, when someone is your music crush, you want, and should, know everything possible about their music, their lyrics etc. and that’s just the minimum. But, things look slightly more complicated if your music crush sings in Cymraeg (Welsh), which is such an uncommon language that people rarely are aware it exists, not to mention music in this language, and you’re just a bit more than a beginner in this language. It’s certainly not a norm or even common things for Welsh language songs’ lyrics to be in the Internets, not to mention their English translations. And it’s not always that easy to figure out the lyrics without having them written down, particularly if you’re just a little bit more than a beginner, in any language, right?

I sometimes am able to figure out the lyrics or some big part of it, but that’s not a usual thing. So, if I have completely no idea, I usually just enjoy the music itself, and the sound of the language, and sometimes it enlightens me after the months of listening to a particular song as for what it is about. And I never particularly wondered what this one is about. Or rather, yes, I did, but it wasn’t something incredibly important for me.

And so now I had a dilemma and realised I can’t even figure out the title of this song. I felt my linguistic self-esteem dropping. Well actually there was just one word, I didn’t understand, but it seemed very significant. I knew what fyddai’m yn (I won’t) means, but what puzzled me was what the check does ddiarth (or actually diarth) means.

It took me a while to find out, its meaning and everything seemed to point that diarth means – yes, it means strange. Hmm, and that made me wonder even more. Does that mean “I Won’t Be Strange” then? That sounds, well, strange! And very enigmatic for a song title, doesn’t it?

So I started to wonder, what it can be about. What’s so bad about being strange? I actually like it (mostly), if I wouldn’t, it’s doubtful I would learn Welsh language or listen to Welsh music, not to mention all of my other quirks, be them linguistic or not. 😀 I always thought this song is more or less about love, so I started to make up with more or less crazy ideas how being strange can disturb one’s relationships with his loved ones, and how to change it. 😀 I was so intrigued what the meaning behind the title could be, that I listened to the song for a few times, focusing solely on the language and finding as many familiar words as possible. I’ve found quite a few of them, but not many really consistent phrases so it was still hard for me to figure out all the other words which meanings I didn’t know and fill in the gaps I had. However it was funny to come up with various ideas as for what it could be about, and why it is bad to be strange.

I don’t know, maybe in the case of this song the word diarth has some different, more sophisticated meaning, anyway, it all got me very fascinated. And also, I think the word diarth sounds fabulous. And soo strange, in a way. I love it for some reason.

As for the song itself as I said it’s one of my most favourites by Plu, but it’s also one of my most favourites of all the songs I know sung by Gwilym.

I hope you’ll enjoy it as well. 🙂 It’s a pity though it’s on Spotify and not somewhere else that would be fully accessible for more people to listen fully, but that’s life.

Question of the day.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where did you go?

My answer:

Oh, that was soo so brilliant! It was last year. Last summer, in July. I went to Stockholm. It was something that I dreamt of for years, and my Dad promised me many times that this time we’ll go to Sweden in summer for sure, and finally it came true last year. Sweden is among my favourite countries and I love Swedish language and Swedish people and so I’m always happy to speak Swedish to someone if I can practice, so I always wanted to go to Sweden. However, when it finally became a real and very close possibility, it started to feel also very scary. ‘Cause, you know, I’d have to be a translator for three people, in a way I’d have to be in charge of things ’cause I am the one in our family who speaks Swedish and English. And if you’re a sociophobic, it’s quite a scary prospect. Plus, I was also terrified about how we’re gonna get there. Because of my other anxieties, my labyrinthum not always working as it should and othere stuff, flying or sailing feels rather challenging, I get dizy and motion sickand stuff and it’s just tough. So, I think I was twice as scared as I was happy. What if it won’t go well? I wouldn’t like to have bad memories from one of my favourite places in the world. I felt like if my dreams are going to turn into a disappointment, if my anxieties will kick in, I’d better not go anywhere and just leave Sweden and all in the sphere of my dreams. But I still knew I’m gonna go there, because it felt even more awful if I missed on such a chance. And, yeah, it was tough. Very tough and exhausting. But it also was brilliant, as I said. And very, very rewarding. Sometimes as I think about it I wonder how I actually did it – all that talking and smalltalking to people, even very random people, but somehow I did. I’ve improved my Swedish, was able to use some English, and even my little rusty bits of Finnish, and get in some more Finnish, as I’ve met a woman from Finland. I’ve also fully realised something I’d only supposed before, that I’m that little bit more confident and comfortable talking to people when I do it in other languages, I guess because my willing to use it, to improve it and have contact with it is that little bit stronger than my anxiety. That’s weird, the more that Polish is also one of my favourite tongues obviously, but there’s nothing you can work on with your mother tongue, is there? And I’ve read somewhere recently that it’s common that people are more extroverted in their second, third, etc. language just because if they want to develop it, they need to communicate more.

I visited my crush Cornelis Vreeswijk’s grave, which was a very emotional event for me, we visited his park, we’d seen lots of beautiful views and historical places in the old town, ate yummy food, even tried salted caramel, which we didn’t like, but which was a funny experience. And man I’ve never eaten even half as yummy icecream as I did in the old town. I also visited a shop with minerals and extended my collection of gem stones with quite a few new ones from different countries around the world, and had a chat with the shop owner, even though he was from Scania, and I’m usually not that good at understanding the Scanian, but there’s always English, and somehow we got along. And I also have lots of other lovely souvenirs from Stockholm, like many books for children in Swedish – oh gosh I had so much scanning, I will think twice next time before I’ll ever again have a desire to buy a half of a bookshop. And the only thing I regret – well apart from those loads of scanning afterwards – is that we haven’t seen more of Sweden during that time, just Stockholm and nearby areas, and still not the whole Stockholm, we’d been there just for a week. I just enjoyed it so much. And, guess what? There is a slight chance I’ll go to Sweden this year too. There are always discounts on ferries to Sweden in summer so lots of people go even just for a little ferry trip to Karlskrona if nothing more. My feelings about that are very, very mixed, but deep down I know I’d love it.

How about your last vacation? Did you like it? 🙂

Song of the day (22nd June) – Enya – Sancta Maria.

Hi guys. 🙂

Here’s the song for yesterday. I had different plans previously but I decided it has been a while since I last posted anything from any of my music crushes, so, time to change it.

Here’s one of the songs from Enya’s newest album “Dark Sky Island”. OMG, guys, you don’t know how happy I was when that album came out. It’s been a few years since then, but I still remember that feeling, and it was a huge experience to me because it was the first Enya’s album to come since I got a crush on her years ago, she doesn’t release new material very often, so it waas a huge celebration for me.

This song is so Enyish, just the essence of Enya’s style for me, one of the better on the album. I love it about Enya’s music that it is so melancholic, but at the same time strangely just vibrating with some secret, but enormous joy and happiness. I think that’s what drew me to her at first. And this song is one of the best example. It’s melancholic, yet quite… yes, full of hope and happiness, but there’s something more to it… I’d say it’s festive, although it’s not exactly about festiveness. Anyway, it’s beautiful. Isn’t it?

If We Were Having Coffee… #WeekendCoffeeShare

Weekend Coffee Share at Eclectic Alli’s

So it’s another weekend and let’s have some coffee guys, although I’d rather suggest ice coffee, it’s incredibly hot here, 30 degrees C. or something like this. 🙂

If we were having coffee, I’d ask each of you how you’re doing…

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I am really looking forward to some cooler temps. I’m not the best at tolerating the heat so not feeling the best physically this week. I’ve suspended the Tibetan exercises until it will cool down and did them only on Monday. My room is the hottest in the whole house, it always warms up in the afternoon, luckily I have an air conditioner now and it’s on from like 3 PM until the morning. I am glad the weather is nice but a bit exhausted with the temps above 30 C in the end of May and the beginning of June. What pisses me off is that always when it’s so hot my blood pressure seems to go even more down than it’s normally and so my energy is almost non existent. Misha’s sleeping most of the time and my Mum who also has constantly low blood pressure and low tolerance to the heat feels crappy too. We’d be really glad to have a little storm and some rain.

If we were having coffee I would tell you I had an awful migraine on Wednesday. I think it was because of the heat. I spent almost the whole day in Mum’s room which seems to be the coldest one and either sleeping or just existing. I actually didn’t think it would be a full migraine, I just felt some little headache in the morning, but it got much stronger very quickly. What I hate about migraines other than just having it and being in pain and stuff is that usually when I get it I also have some scary dreams. And this time wasn’t an exception, although luckily I didn’t slip into the sleep paralysis and those very very dark dreams, they were just exhausting and weird and definitely not good. I felt better in the afternoon though and was completely free of pain in the evening. I decided to do some creative stuff, despite my brain melting successively and worked on one of Vreeswijk’s poems, which I started translating to Polish months ago. It is so frustrating, so far I have only a few of them done, I started a couple of them already but can’t finish any. I haven’t finished ANYTHING this year, guess I was too low most of the time even when I had some more time for it hypothetically. It drives me crazy that it seems that when I translate his poems, I can get through some part smoothly and then I always get stuck somewhere. But with this one – “Balladen Om Bonden Och Djävulen” (The Ballad About The Peasant And The Devil) I’m very near the end now. Despite I find it rather hard – masculine rhymes, which are so common in Swedish, but not as much in Polish, but since this poem is also his song I thought I should leave the original structure of verses, and his very unique style which was kinda hard for me to transfer into Polish in case of this poem, but at least no word games this time. This is a funny, folkloristic ballad about the peasant who is visited by the devil and he complains to the devil that he has gotten old and unappealing, while his wife is young and beautiful and he’s jealous of young men’s youth and he asks the devil to help him keep his wife by his side, so that she’d love and desire only him and the devil helps him, supposedly. I really miss those times when I translated more of him, and was very productive with doing it. So I really really hope that I’ll be able to finish this one soon and the final effect won’t be too rubbish. Then I’d like start to work with his “Veronica”, although this one is a real masterpiece so I’m not sure how it’ll go and I think it would take me a lot of time. I’m a little anxious about it, because what if I foozle it completely… but at the same time I really want to try because I know no one else would do it in Polish, and I’m curious whether I can manage it. Or if not “Veronica” I might go with a short but powerful poem called “Hemställan” which is about death and really speaks to me, but looks lke there is a word in it that is hardly translatable into Polish. I think I could go much further with translating his works if I wouldn’t be so intimidated that I may fuck it up or that translating his poems to Polish is pointless and that my dream just can’t come true. But I still am, maybe because I can’t judge my translations objectively. I tried to show them to my Swedish teacher back when he was teaching  me but I feel like he can’t be objective too, well I was his best student and he wasn’t really used to having students translating Swedish poetry, so any time I showed something to him he was shocked and wondered how I do it which I can’t explain because it’s usually very spontaneously. And I feel like he never saw any flaws to my translations, other than some very glaring ones, which was always a bit confusing for me. There was my friend Jacek – the one with whom we made up the novel about Ragnarok and the viking gods – and he spoke Swedish, but sadly I can no longer ask him for any advices… Although back then he was very constructive whenever I showed him something I’ve translated. But I actually don’t know whether it’s really the problem that no one can be objective or just my AVPD goes in the way and makes me think that there’s no way at all I can do it right, which, I suppose, might also be possible. So anyway guys, please wish me luck with that ballad, it’s really short, but I’ve been dilly-dallying with it for so long that now when I finally got a bit forward I’d love to get through it and do it well.

On Thursday morning I had a blood test planned to check how my thyroid hormones are doing and had to get up at 6:30 to have it done, but because I slept so much during the day because of the migraine, I had a sleepless night, then I finally fell asleep at 5 AM so Mum decided I shouldn’t go anywhere and be a Zombie and she rescheduled it. after the blood test we planned to go to the church because it was Corpus Christi holiday and we wanted to do it possibly early because of the heat, but finally they went without me and I just listened to the Mass in the radio later on. Then they went out again to take part in the procession, but me and Mum stayed home because it was really hot and we didn’t want to risk fainting in public, that would be scary. 😀 In the evening some of Dad’s family came and we were barbecuing, although I wasn’t with them for a long time because it was just so boring so I helped Mum out in the kitchen a bit.

Yesterday I had an awful morning. I woke up around 9, but didn’t feel like getting up, didn’t have anything necessary to do and not much energy and there was no one else at home except my Mum and Misha who were also napping, so I stayed in bed and I did one challenge of my Welsh course, well I didn’t finish it because suddenly I felt somehow very tired and exhausted, definitely not as if I just woke up. Soon I fell asleep again, or rather in a sort of lethargy, with some very weird and enigmatic dreams. But I know that even in those dreams I felt incredibly weak and tired and wondered why. Then I woke up around noon and was really concerned. I just felt so… faint, wiped out, weak, dunno… like I just ran a marathon, haven’t eaten for weeks and was very sick, all together. Even turning in bed was a bit of a challenge. I was dizzy, shaky, sweating and unable to do anything. my pulse was racing And my mind felt lethargic and a bit foggy. After some time, don’t know how much really, Mum came in to my room and told me it’s noon and that we slept really long and that maybe I”d get up already. Hmmmmmm, good sugestion, but… easier said than done. I just couldn’t imagine how I could make such a heroic effort as getting up. But maybe if I got up, ate something, drank a coffee, things would get better? I motivated myself, prepared for the effort for like 15 minutes, then finally managed to sit on the bed. I thought maybe it would be wise if I drank something first, well it’s hot, and we had a lot of salty and spicy stuff in the evening at the barbecue, and I hadn’t drank much then, maybe I’m a bit dehydrated, well I doubted that I can be so very dehydrated to feel this way, apart from the evening I was drinking something almost all the time, but who knows… That thought made my fucking emetophobia kick in. But I wasn’t even strong enough to feel very anxious. I made another considerable effort to reach the glass of water I had on my bedside table. My hands were shaky as if I was a drunkard in intense delirium or something, the part of my mind that was working more efficiently was very concerned that I may soon pour everything over my bed and my precious PlexTalk. It all was taking me ridiculous amounts of time and deep down I felt kinda scared. I even thought about calling my Mum to help me out somehow, but thought that when I’ll call her, she’ll freak out and I’ll freak out too, ’cause it will feel like it’s too bad to manage it on my own so something really concerning is going on, plus I thought I have too little energy to waste it on screaming. As I was drinking the water very slowly, stopping every now and then, I just remembered my Finnish pen pal named Sohvi. Sohvi’s biggest passion is painting, she’s sent me some of her paintings’ photos and my Mum saw them and described them to me and said they seem really good. She could be a professional painter, but can’t, because she has M.E and POTS and I remembered how she wrote me that on her significantly bad days she’s actually unable to do anything and just lies in bed because even sitting can make her dizzy and is too exhausting. So the only times when she can paint or do anything else around the house are when she has her better days. It always seemed so sad for me that she can’t fulfill herself being such a wise and sensitive person as she is. I am quite an empathetic person and my imagination is very fertile so I could imagine how she has to feel on her bad days, but now it felt like a horrifically similar experience, for me personally, not like I know exactly how it is to struggle with these conditions. My imagination started to work. So what? Am I going to end up as Sohvi so suddenly? And what then? I will never translate Vreeswijk’s poems for Polish people, I will never write that novel about the viking gods, my blog will be just hanging in the blogosphere, waiting for the day when I’ll be able to write anything, and my languages… Well that seemed rather saddening. Actually I had similar things happening to me before a few times that I woke up so faint and exhausted but never as intense. It was usually due to too low blood pressure or when I was sick or at some point at the boarding school when my brain was completely screwed up from all the anxiety, stress etc. and I ate very little because of my emetophobia and because I cared very little about and for myself in general. When I drank the water I still had enough ambition to get up, but my body was stronger than me and I just fell on the bed again. Finally I found the strength to get up, didn’t even  get dressed, although was incredibly dizzy, but managed to get downstairs by some miracle, and then find Mum in the cellar. I told Mum I think something’s wrong with me like I have low blood pressure or sugar or maybe something is going on with me because of the heat, and that I am completely wiped out and actually feel like I’m gonna faint anytime. Mum helped me, or rather dragged me to the kitchen and made me breakfast and then I felt more manageable. I showered, had a black coffee, then two big glasses of Mum’s orange juice and felt almost OK and definitely functional. Although when Mum measured my blood pressure it was still very low and for the whole day I felt dizzy and faint while standing and if I stood for longer it felt really unpleasant. My Mum also wasn’t feeling the best though. I think it’s all because of this heat. Anyway, I’m glad I’m OK now, but it was a bit scary, to just wake up and not be able to do anything, some part of me was really so anxious that almost sure that from now on I’m gonna share Sohvi’s fate although it was ridiculous to think so cos I guess such things don’t happen during one night.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you today Zofijka went to the Jump City with her cousin. It’s because it was Children’s Day yesterday. Zofijka is a kind of kid who always seeks for more adrenaline and likes when a lot of stuff happens around her, and she seemed happy. What I am kind of disappointed about is that those skunk slippers I bought her for her birthday still haven’t come. I hoped maybe I’ll be able to give them to her on Friday, but seems like their road is very long. Tomorrow I’m gonna be home alone for most of the day, Dad is going to work somewhere further and Mum is going with him – he’s a tank driver for those of you who don’t remember and sometimes he takes someone of us with him – and Zofijka is going on the beach with our cousins, and Olek is working. Don’t really know what I will be doing though.

OK, so that would be all from me.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee? 🙂

 

Plu – “Cân Melangell” (Melangell’s Song).

Hi! 🙂

Today is my Little Skunk’s (aka Zofijka) birthday, but other than that, it’s also saint Melangell’s story, also known by her latinised name – Monacella. It is a Welsh saint, or actually Irish, because she was said to be an Irish princess flee from Ireland to Wales and then live in the place known nowadays as Pennant Melangell. She is mostly known as a patron saint of… hares. I think that’s pretty cute that even animals have their own patrons, and not even only those domesticated, like cat, whose patron is saint Gertrude of Nivelles. The legend says that when Brochwel – prince of Powys – was hunting, a hare hid behind the saint’s apron and so avoided the death.

And this song tells the story of Melangell. This is my favourite version of this song just because it’s great and because I love Plu’s music, and because my current music crush Gwilym Bowen Rhys is part of this band.

Question of the day.

You’re getting to build the house of your dreams, so…
Where do you build it?
My answer:
I’d have many places to consider, but if it would be really the house of my dreams, I think it would be in UK, most probably in Wales, more exactly in North Wales. I guess somewhere in Gwynedd. I’d like it to be close to the sea, or at least a river, with some forest nearby, and not too far from the mountains. I’d like the area to be as rural as possible because I have a bit of a crush on British countryside and so has my Mum. There is a gardening TV channel my Mum likes, not so much because of the gardening stuff, but because they have a lot of programmes about houses and interior design, which is my Mum’s passion, and they have a programme about people buying houses in Britain, we always watch it whenever we can. 😀 Where would your house of dreams be located?
You can expect a few more questions on that topic in the next few days, I guess, at least unless I’ll get another constructive idea.

How to figure out people’s personalities fairly easily?

Thought I’d write about the thing that I brought up once on my Polish blog before and it got quite a lot of interest. I deleted my Polish WordPress blog before I even started this one and haven’t saved the posts, but I’ll try to retrace it as faithfully as I can.
When I was much younger, I started to be very fascinated by people’s personalities. How they distinct between each other, what they have in common, and as I was, and still am, a habitual people watcher, I tried to find some relationships between speciffic character traits and what may cause them. It wasn’t actually only about the personalities, but individuals as a whole. I had tons of ideas, why this person is similar to that, and not someone else. Yes, genes, upbringing, social environment, but… it has to be something else. Some of my ideas were pretty reasonable, as I think, some just kinda overanalysing stuff or just nonsense, like I realised that many guys around me who were tall, were also phlegmatic, and I was convinced it’s a relationship between these two traits and that simply tall people/men are usually phlegmatic. 😀 My interest has grown bigger one day when I went to the hairdresser with my Mum and I heard them talking about astrology. It was a completely new word to me and what they were talking about seemed very interesting and coinciding with my views that there are some speciffic traits that can determine who we are or what we’re like. I then developed some interest in astrology, which was rather superficial back then, but it’s still wasn’t what I was looking for.
Another thing that led me closer to the breakthrough was meeting a person at the boarding school, who was named like me. We were just smalltalking, I introduced myself to her and she was like aw we have the same name, do you know what it means? I was like what? Can names mean anything? And thanks to her I realised that yes, names have meanings. But I haven’t heard about it more since much later. I heard in the church on saint Anna’s day, which is also my Mum’s name day, that Anna comes from the Hebrew word hannah, and means “grace, charm, mercy”. That left me wondering what my Dad’s name could mean. Many of you probably already know that my Dad’s name is Jacek, and I’ve always loved this name, I’ve always felt some kind of attraction to people named Jacek and when I was very small I used to say that if I’ll ever marry someone, his name would have to be Jacek. I wondered and wondered, and the answer came at a quite unexpected moment.
At the time I was going to the integration school, I got funding for my first computer with screenreader and other specialised stuff, and as I of course had no idea how to use all that and neither had anyone in my family, there was a girl who was training me. We were getting along very well and one day the topic of names came up somehow, we were playing with Zofijka who was only about a year old and we were saying she’s clever, and she summed it that it’s no wonder, because sophia means “wisdom” in Greek. So I asked her whether she knows what the name Jacek means, and she didn’t, as I supposed, but why not look it up. Long live the Internet! She opened a website where there was everything in detail about the etymology of the name Jacek, all its diminutives, other language forms (which I now know where wrong because everyone thinks Jacek is Polish for Jack) and something I didn’t quite understand what it was for at first. A characteristic of the name Jacek. Or rather, of a person bearing it. How can you characterise Jacek if there are so many Jaceks out there? But, at least for my Dad, the description seemed to fit.
That was the start for my new passion. The main thing I did online for a while was educating myself about names, their meanings, etymologies, but above all, traits they give those who bear them. But… something was still not quite as it should be. There are tons of descriptions over there, it’s true that most of them have something that shows you in some way the personality of a person bearing a certain name, but it wasn’t always so. why do they differ so much? Shouldn’t there be one concrete description for every name, if it is meant to be believable? Like there is the name Józef (you guessed it, Joseph) and on one website they say Józefs are hardworking, modest, shy and very practical minded people, while on another, they say they’re chronic procrastinators, very judgmental, narrow minded and narcissistic. How are these two descriptions supposed to work together for the same person? How thousands people with the same name are supposed to fit the same three-line description? Can it actually work? Also, why are there so many characteristics with only good character traits? And then you can stumble upon something which only describes flaws of a person? Is it all actually worth anything? What with people who have rare names? Hyphenated? Double? Middle name(s)? DOesn’t a nickname change anything? How about those who share their name with other people, but don’t resemble their namesakes at all?
It has taken me a lot of time to figure it out so that I felt satisfied, but quickly I realised that something like influence of a name on a person who bears it exists, but you have to think on your own to figure it out and how it works. I was looking up descriptions for very many names in very many sources, and people watching and analysing obsessively. And I started to see some rules and patterns to the game. I started to see that every name has its own feel, it may be similar to the feel another name has, but it’s never the same. This feel gives you an idea of some traits, I’d say kinda symbolises some traits. I went so deep into it that it started to work in my mind like a sort of synesthesia, even though it wasn’t. Like, you tell me your name is Helena – I see quite an attractive woman, with long black hair, pretty, heart-shaped face, dark blue eyes with long lashes, regular features, very feminine, sensitive, impulsive, generous, idealist, incredibly dedicated and altruistic, creative, ambivert, honest, very very proud, so that actually a bit overly, it’s hard for her to apologise, forgive, ask for anything, she has a very passionate nature.., likes to be mischievous at times, is easily hurt, an aesthete, very intelligent, but not quite a cerebral sort, very loyal friend, can be vindictive, envious, often exaggerates things, is very dreamy and a fantastic storyteller and housewife, when she’s young though, growing to adulting may take her more time than her peers and she likes to be cared for and awakens caring instincts in guys, she may sometimes want to be bossy and authoritarian, but it’s not her true nature, she is better as a part of the group than its leader, or particularly when working on her own, since she’s so very creative, she gets frustrated easily and her enthusiasm is passionate but short-lived…
The thing with appearance is entirely my personal quirk. It doesn’t mean all Helenas look or should look like that and are such beauties. I don’t know any Helena like that. But, for me, an ideal Helena, who would fit her name perfectly, should look like that, or close to it. She doesn’t have to have heart-shaped face or long lashes, doesn’t even have to have black hair, can be blonde and have light blue, or green, or grey eyes, or maybe even can be a redhead, kind of orange, but there just are appearance traits that fit Helena, and any other name, better, and such that don’t fit at all.
As for the personality. It doesn’t have to mean AT ALL that you’re like this. After all, all of us are luckily different. But if your parents gave you this name, it means that you’re very likely to develop these traits in your personality. Much more than if they called you, erm, whatever, let’s say Lisa. Your genes, your upbringing, environment and all the other factors that are more important may highlight these traits, or some of them, or may supplant them. And you may feel kinda conflicted, like there are two conflicting sides of you, or like your surroundings want you to be someone different than you are, or you may simply not like your name and not feel like it’s good for you. That was the case with me before I changed my name legally and it was one of the reasons behind it. I like my birth name, it’s classic and feminine, but I hated it on myself. It is very hard to explain, but anytime someone called me, somewhere deep inside I felt like they’re actually talking to someone else who I am supposed to fake. Or like they don’t know the truth and see someone in me who I am not. It felt like sorta dissonance. All that stuff about harmony prevailing in your life and how it is important sounds so incredibly cliche, but it can really influence you and your life when all of the aspects of you aren’t set in harmony. That’s what I think, have experienced and seen in others, anyway. That’s why many name nerds freak out so much when they see a clashing combo of a first and middle name. For many it’s just the thing of sound – you know, syllables, going well with the surname – but for others it’s something deeper. These names have to flow. Be similar in the feel, yet complement each other. So, going back to that poor Helena, if her middle name was Lisa, my opinion is that she would be quite a conflicted person. These names have so different vibes. I’m sure you can feel it. This is the art of naming.
You can ask yourself, who would be so dedicated and searched for an ideally matching name for their child, how you can predict your child’s personality, tendencies, to make the name(s) flow well with it. That can be a tough thing for some, but, surprisingly, most parents have that infallible instinct and nail it. I am particularly in awe for those who have some traditions in their family to give the children a few middle names. It could seem a damn hard work to make them all flow nicely and in harmony with the child’s tendencies, but most of them just seem to unconsciously do it right.
As some of you know, I love baby naming and helping people with naming their kids/book characters etc. so much that I’ve actually considreed seriously becoming a professional baby namer. So far though, I limit myself to helping people in my surroundings or on online forums for pregnant mummies. We have one here in Poland that is really reliable and there are lots of geeks in the field over there, and there are American Behind The Name, Nameberry and others, which are websites speciffically dedicated to names. What I always tell parents on our Polish forum when they have some ideas, but don’t know what to choose finally is – just wait until the childbirth and you’ll see who he/she looks like. One of the mums was confused – how you can see it who your child looks like – and I also wasn’t sure what to actually tell her, so I just said that when she sees her, she’ll have more clear idea I think. And then after her daughter was born she wrote to me: “Emi, you were right that I should see her before I choose the name. Now I know what you meant. She certainly doesn’t look like a Karolina. She is a KORNELIA!”. So I think when you become a parent, you just know what to do instinctively.
I think the worst thing you can do and the most common reason why some people’s names clash with their personalities, is a situation when before they even have a child on the way, parents are absolutely convinced about the name they will choose for their kid, for example friends promise each other they will name their children after each other. Friendships will pass, children have nothing in common with your ex-friends, but the name stays with them. That’s what happened to both my cousin and me, so that when I was changing my name even my Mum encouraged me to do it, because she “picked it so spontaneously”, just to honour a friend. Also naming children after currently popular stars/book/movie characters isn’t a good idea. The trend will pass, and there will be a whole generation of children named the same name just because of that celebrity/character being popular once, and most of such people don’t rather like their name. Of course if you’re a long time fan of some celebrity, book or movie and it’s your all time favourite, it’s a bit different. Your child will know you picked the name for them because you really liked it and had nice associations with it, and not because there was just a boom on something when they were born and you happened to be crazy about it at that time just like everyone else. I think I don’t have to mention about situations when parents give their children ridiculous or extremely rare/kre8tiv names to make them successful in life. I’d say you just have to go with your heart, and then ask your brain what he thinks about it.
What I learned very quickly as I explored the world of names was that it’s so very easy to become judgmental and trust your gut too easily. I mean, you can trust yourself, if you get how it works, it really helps me personally to have some idea of a person I can meet even before I meet them if I know their name. But sticking to that idea is something definitely not good and unfair to that person. You have to be careful to not judge them too quickly and assume you just know what they’re like.
I had a classmate, his name was Mariusz. I don’t know anyone whose name would be more mismatched with the personality than his. I think what lost their parents was the ambition that they wanted to call all their children with names beginning with M. When I heard that we will have a new student in our class and his name is Mariusz, I got a very speciffic picture of a person that I expected him to be. All the Mariusz’s I knew were a kind of guys that my Mum calls “teddy bears”. Overweight, lumpish, usually in their late 30’s early 40’s, phlegmatic, calm, like to eat well, that’s a teddy bear in my Mum’s dictionary. Plus guys with this name I knew were always lacking in imagination, sociable, rather well to do, eloquent, good daddies and rather boring people living very monotonous, schematic, but stable and family-centered lives.
And when I met that boy for the first time, I was shocked. He was anything but it. Well he was rather calm, but it was more of shyness than his real temperament, he liked to eat well and was more practical than imaginative, but that was all. Other than that, he didn’t fit his name as much as it can only be possible. He was short and thin, very agile and sporty, not eloquent at all and a bit of a nerd. 😀 I couldn’t be more mistaken. Needless to say he didn’t like his name. Around his friends, he was going by a nickname completely unrelated to his name. Once even one of our teachers commented that he doesn’t look like a Mariusz. And yeah, that learned me that I can be right very often and be good at figuring out others’ personalities, but that doesn’t mean I can just judge a book by its cover.
With time I realised that names and naming are a really fascinating thing, and stopped relying on online resources/books when it comes to name characteristics. I know I was good at it because my name instinct rarely let me down, and I started to be popular among my friends and they always came to me when they wanted to know a characteristic of a name and were always like “Wooow how do you know it?” 😀
I could and still am wrong at times, no one is unfallible and this is a very subtle area, but most of my assumptions or “forecasts” are right or at least fair.
I started to explore Behind The Name then and to go deeper into foreign names and name trends in general. And then I started to wonder whether the English-speaking Internet has some sites like we have, with characteristics of people based on their names. ‘Cause so far I haven’t seen any.
I was searching intensively for something, but the only stuff I seemed to find were sites based entirely on numerology. During the time when I was so very interested in all things esoteric in the past, I’ve explored numerology and I think it doesn’t work well with names. You have just 9, or optionally 13 numbers that you can operate on and that can represent different types of personalities and different symbols. If you get a whole numerological portrait of a person, I don’t know, maybe it could work, but if you have names and want to make characteristics of names based on numerology and only on numerology, what you’ll get is even more nonsense than on our sites, because you get a dozen or so of names that fit one description. And another reason why I really dislike such sites is that you often only have a search edit field to enter a name there, and you actually can enter ANYTHING you want. I once typed Shit, and I got a characteristic of Shit’s personality. Isn’t that very creative? 😀 I think it is, but not quite what I was searching for.
So far, I’ve found only one fairly good English website with very detailed characteristics of a very wide range of names. Sometimes they may be repetitive and they say these characteristics are also based solely on numerology, but I think it’s either not true, or they go into some more sophisticated numerology because their characteristics are really detailed and most often good.
That’s a pity that English-speaking countries, with all that wide range names that are freely in use, aren’t more interested in that stuff, but luckily there are many good sites with cold raw facts about names that aren’t just made up or not verified, and there are much more baby naming/name nerd communities than it is over here.
If you read this and are also interested in the topic and know some good English resources with name characteristics, let me know, it will be much appreciated.
It’s not as easy for me to make my own characteristics of foreign names as it is with Polish names, but I’ve been working on it a lot and I think I am fairly good at it. If I hear the name for the first time, of course it sounds usually very unfamiliar to me and I can’t say anything about it, but as I hear it often repeated, write it or something, it gets more personality. However I still have some issues with those names that are completely out there for me, like dunno Asian, African… and I’ve never done a characteristic of any super rare/unheard name for anyone else so I don’t know how good I’m at it. And sometimes I struggle with very popular names too, such timeless classics, all the Katherines, Janes, Annes, Marys, Johns, James’ and their equivalents in popularity in other cultures. It’s because they are so common and it’s hard to be objective and make a universal characteristic without relying only on the personality traits of all the people I know with that particular name, and not too universal and general so that almost anyone could fit in, as so many people seem to do. What was very stressful for me for a long time was when someone asked me for making a characteristic of their own name, and I knew them well. I was afraid I will fail at separating their name’s traits with their own personality traits and that they will think I just said all that I know about them personally. But now I think I cope better with it and am better at doing it objectively and right. Also what I find particularly hard with English names is figuring out for each name how its spelling influences the person, I mean for example how can Lyndsay be different from Lindsay and whether the differences are significant enough that we need to make completely separate characteristics for them. That’s really interesting. Websites fix it with numerology, but since I don’t really believe in it and its effectiveness, I don’t know what would be the best to do.
Have you ever wondered what more can be to a name than just how it sounds and looks? How do you feel about your own? Do you agree with all that or not, believe that your name can influence you in any way? Why or why not? Have you any thoughts or questions? Is it of any interest for you? 🙂

Question of the day.

I have to admit to having once…

My answer:

…tried to write a harlequin. It was a very serious idea. I was at the stage where I thought I maybe could make a living with writing, but didn’t quite know what I could write. I mean, I have written some poetry in the past and I write short stories or novellas very frequently, but… um, would anyone be interested in reading them? I hardly doubt it. So I was looking for some ideas what is selling well nowadays. You know, you can write for pleasure, but if you want to make a living with it, and be successful with it, make it be the only/basic thing you do for living as I wanted, you need to write about something that may really interest your readers. So I was researching. And one of the things I’ve read was that harlequins always sell well and are willingly read by women. I have to admit I had no idea about what the harlequin actually is. But I remembered a situation when I was much younger, just starting to write my first short stories that could be really worth something, and I showed one to my group at the boarding school. It was very light, kinda romantic stuff, maybe slightly mawkish, but well, I was like 12-13, certainly not older, and still I think it was pretty good because I settled it in 19th century Ireland and made it pretty realistic, and it was well written stylistically and the characters –
although very schematic, had their unique, well outlined personalities. And there was one of the caretakers with us and after I read it to them, she was like “Wow, that’s good, you could write harlequins!” Until then, I heard the word harlequin only once – my Mum was reading a book and I heard her talking about it with my aunt, and basically what I remember is that she thought it was rather bad “such a cheap harlequin”. So you can guess I felt kinda insulted. I guess she had to saw that I wasn’t very glad with what she said because she started to explain: “I mean, it would be quite a nice business, wouldn’t it? I’ve heard that harlequin writers earn quite a lot for them”. But I still felt rather resentful, a harlequin seemed something very cheap for me, even though I hadn’t a clue what it could actually be, and I was too much of an idealist then to even think about writing for the sake of money.

And then when I saw this thing about harlequins selling so well, I still hadn’t much of an idea what a harlequin is. So I looked it up and I thought, yeah, I could write something like this. It seemed for me like harlequins are basically thousands of alternative versions of Cinderella’s story, what could be difficult about rearranging this story? And the project grew in my head and I decided, yes, I’ll try it.

But first I thought that I could fail at it spectacularly if I won’t read any harlequin myself. I knew Cinderella, but I wanted to see and understand what’s so exciting about harlequins that people read them. So I was looking around for some romances of different kinds and I had quite a pile of them to read. Most of them were… ew, sooo boring and sugary. But I got what is so interesting for people there. Characters are relatable, particularly females – they usually have their fair share of troubles before Prince Charming arrives, like all of us mortals do –
yet they both the hero and the heroine have something that is admirable/unique/fascinating/something we dream of, be it beauty, wealth, kind heart, hard past, or possibly all combined, and then happiness everafter, and some hardships before they finally make it through to that happiness are, I suppose, very welcome, the more the merrier, for the reader I mean. Quite easy thing and I thought, maybe a bit audaciously, or maybe not, that I am capable of doing it.

And then, a bit later on, I discovered historical romances, like all those regency ones, and others. And I had to admit they can be really interesting. Well maybe not the regency ones, although some were well written too, but there’s no one like Austen as for that. Ones that particularly captured my attention were those set in the medieval times. I’ve absorbed dozens of them. I’ve particularly grown to love Viking romances.

So I got an idea of what I’d like to create. It definitely should be a historical romance. But then another problem appeared. There seemed to be NONE historical romances in Polish. I mean, written originally in Polish. All these harlequins I’ve read were in Polish, but they were translations from English. With time, I’ve found a few Polish ones, but it wasn’t quite the same. I wanted to write a historical romance in the style of Rexanne Becnel, or Julie Garwood, or Bertrice Small, but maybe not so very erotic as Small’s, I think I wouldn’t be able to write something as passionate not having much of experience in the area plus you need to be more emotional to do this right, I think, and it just isn’t my style.

I thought about where to place the action for quite a while. Vikings? Mmm, yes, but… no, not Vikings. Britain? That would be the easiest, but… no, same as Vikings, no, none of my most favourite places in the world will work. It has to be something uncommon, yet possibly easy to write… And after some time I came up with Byzantine Empire. At first I thought the whole plot will be set there, but then I decided that only my heroine will come from there. I had a lot of issue with the hero, and finally, after lots of issues, I changed my mind and decided he will be from one of my most favourite teritories in the world and he will be Welsh. Funnily enough, I wanted to call him Gwilym, but now I’d never do it because my current musical crush is Gwilym. I think now I’d go with something like… Aneirin maybe. Nothing that I like too much, but something that I still like and consider a good name for a protagonist, Aneirin could go well, although I feel like something a little little more masculine would be needed. Before though, I wanted him to be a historical/legendary figure and seriously considered Madoc ab Owain Gwynedd, a legendary Welsh prince who was said to discover and colonise America. But I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea, because then I’d have to be really really cautious about historical details and maybe even describe his voyage, which didn’t seem as appealing. So I decided that the hero would be Madoc’s brother, and a pirate. That gave me more freedom. I wanted my heroine to be a love-child of one of Bysantine emperors and during the time when I searched for perfect historical figures as parents for her, or at least a father who’d be a historical figure and lived in years when I decided to set my novel, I’ve learnt a whole lot about Bysantine emperors.

Gathering all the information absorbed me completely and I spent a lot of time doing it, so that I even doubted anyone who usually reads harlequins would read a novel so packed with historical details, so I decided I would use only those that are necessary to make it look realistic and satisfying for my readers, but I still assumed that if you’re an author of a book, you should know more on the topic than you reveal in the book, so I wanted to be as well oriented in all that as possible, plus it just became simply interesting for me, it was then when I discovered that history can be really interesting, if you go a bit beyond all that boring stuff you have to learn at school.

I have a very well-developed draft of the book and a whole big pile of notes for it, I’ve even made up a pen name for myself – a pretty pretentious and snobbish one on purpose, just for fun – but, as you may guess, I’ve never finished it.

Shortly after I started to seriously work on it, I got the opportunity of working in my Dad’s company, so I of course jumped on it and I felt a bit more secure as for my future. And then I found a Polish friend (named, surprise… Jacek! 😀 ) who was completing a degree in Scandinavian studies in Helsinki, which he finally didn’t complete, but that’s another story, and was obsessed with Vikings. And during one of our late night existential talks, he wondered what it would be if the world ended, and there would be no Last Judgment, no heaven, no hell, no purgatory, no nothingness, but the Ragnarok would start and Vikings’ gods would come to judge us. I thought it’s very weird to think about such things at first, but then it captured my imagination and I exclaimed: “Wow! It would be such a fab topic for a book! There is such a boom on Vikings recently! You should write about it, dude!!!” And we were both so zealous and bursting with ideas. We created a conlang, or rather some basics for it, it was based on Swedish and Finnish, we created different worlds where people were going after death. It was so that the Viking gods were very cruel and only those who believed in them consequently could expect a happy, everlasting life in Asgård or Valhalla. The rest either stayed in the Midgård, or went to the other world that we, or actually I, created, called Sorgland (Land Of Sadness/Sorrow). And this conlang was for the purpose of Sorgland people. And there was a couple of young Polish idealists desiring to save all the people from the eternal suffers and they had to do lots of different things and we were making up lots of different adventures for them that they had to go through to achieve their dream. And he started to write it. But sadly he didn’t finish. So I got to all his drafts and other stuff he has gathered for this purpose. Jacek wanted it to be written in Swedish or Finnish, but I don’t feel like my Swedish would be good enough, so sadly that won’t happen. And I forgot almost completely about the harlequin thing.

I’m not saying I won’t come back to it, but now I definitely don’t feel like doing it. I don’t even feel like having enough time and energy for the poor Vikings, and haven’t focused on them more in a while. I don’t have much of a heart for writing this year at all, since I’ve been in a lot of depression most of the time plus all that hustle with finals, but maybe I’ll be more productive now during holidays, I hope so anyway.

But I still have this project and may come back to it in future when I need to.

How would you end this sentence? 🙂

Gwilym Bowen Rhys ft. Gwyneth Glyn – Galargan (Lament).

Hi! 🙂

Time for something else from my current crush Gwilym Bowen Rhys. I was very interested what’s it about for a long time until I discovered the English lyrics on Gwilym’s website. As I’ve found out somewhere else, the lyrics are very old, originally it was a poem written by Edward Richard in 18th century and it had thirty something verses. Gwilym made a song of it combining it with the melody of an old Welsh Christmas carol, and no, it’s not 30 something verses long on his album, just six. 😀 Although it could be interesting to hear it in the original length.

It is a dialogue between two people, one person is grieving after the death of his loved one, and the other is consoling him. On Gwil’s album this other person’s part  is sung by incredibly expressive Gwyneth Glyn, who is a well-known Welsh language singer. To be honest, I didn’t always liked Glyn’s music, dunno, just couldn’t convince myself to her for a long long time, although can’t say why exactly, she has a nice vocal and everything, but just didn’t resonate with me, but recently I did convince myself to her and I think this song has helped a lot with it too.

What else I like about this piece is how it’s written, as I read it in Welsh there were so many intriguing words and the English in the translation sounds so archaic and slightly pathetic, can’t say much about the original text because my Welsh is too poor so I am not able to fully apreciate poetry yet, just can try to get out the words or phrases I do understand or look for some intriguing ones. I also like that the dead woman’s name is Gwenllian, it is one of my most favourite Welsh feminine names.

It is so stunning and expressive in Gwilym’s and Gwyneth’s interpretation.

Here are the English lyrics:

All my days will be without jollity from now on
For Gwenllian’s been placed in the grit and gravel.
The longing I have is like daggers under my ribs
And my brow has become grey
Though she fell into the cold black earth
She will arise like sunshine, joyously from her ashes
For those who turn to him, life doesn’t wither
In their father’s blissful arms
Oh how human nature presses, despite my knowledge
I weep for grief and longing for her
My bruised heart, so painful,
Breaks and splinters despite these words.
In old age and in youth, in health and in sickness
people often move from this life to the grave,
No amount of devices, of wealth or watchfulness
Can keep us, or even the gentry, from this fate.
My days are spinning upwards
While the night draws near to hang my head
There is one I don’t have, I weep in a cold bed
And I’m falling ill, hear my sigh.
It’s raining in Berwyn valley and the shadows are lengthening May my cottage be the end to your journey tonight.
I’ll give you some hearty turnip soup, some cheese
And buttermilk immediately.

As for the music video, the titles of Gwilym’s songs on Youtube seem to be a little messed up, so the title of this one is wrong and confused with a different Gwilym’s song, but the song itself is right, just in case you’d be confused what it is.

Music Monday Blog Party at the Bee’s.

So today Bee over at The Bee Writes

is making a blog party and encouraging us to celebrate our life and work, as well as the life and work of those musicians we love and who passed away too quickly.

I’ve had a busy day today, doing some preparations to my finals and having two hours long lesson with my maths tutor which brain drained me completely or so I felt, but I did carve out some time to celebrate my life.

I had two cups of strong black coffee (primarily to get rid of an awful headache I was having and raise my blood pressure, but also just because I love coffee so so much) and I’ve also had a brownie. Yummmm. Then I was listening to some music, about which I’ll write more in the next paragraphs. Then I had a quick shower, but although it had to be quick I was singing in the shower all the time, not the music I was listening to before though, but some Sandy Dennyäs songs. As I said before I felt pretty much brain drained in the morning, but now I feel really cheered up and relaxed, and I agree with Bee that we do need to celebrate our lives, and that we – as people, but particularly in my opinion, we as people struggling with all kinds of mental illnesses, should think about celebrating more often – we think so often about how we hate our lives so that I feel like we often just forget to think about how much is there to celebrate.

Now on to the musicians. I was wondering and wondering and wondering who to choose for this post. There are so many musicians I love, and so many of great musicians have passed away too early, too young. It’s always striking and shocking when it happens. To name a few of those whom I love, respect and listen to very often – Amy Winehouse, Sandy Denny, John Lennon or, very recently, Dolores Oriordan, they all could live much longer than they did. But finally I realised that my choice should be clear and obvious. Cornelis Vreeswijk.

Cornelis Vreeswijk lived 1937-1987, definitely too short. He’s been my previous music crush. When I say previous, I definitely don’t mean I no longer have a crush on him. When I get a music crush, it lasts long, and even if someone new appears, they aren’t replaced, just kind of suppressed by this newer crush, but still there, still alive in my brain. And when I say crush, I don’t mean what most people would probably mean by saying they have a crush on someone, or not only this. My crushes, besides being my crushes, are my deep fascinations, my inspirations, my motivators, and, as someone put it in a raw and beautiful way, my “antidote for pain” of any kind. And much much more.

Cornelis was Dutch, but he emigrated to Sweden at the age of 12 with his family, because of the war, and most of his artistic work was in Swedish and in Sweden. He was a singer, songwriter and guitarist, sometimes a composer too, but also a poet and, occasionally, an actor. He was my big inspiration ever since I heard his music for the first time and got to know him more. It was so impressive for me when I read how quickly he learned Swedish and became fluent in it, I wanted it for myself too, so started to see him a bit like my rival, in a positive sense, which, as I see it now, has really helped me to become good and confident at Swedish quickly. Well he had it easier, because Dutch is a Germanic language like Swedish and he lived in Sweden, and he was younger than me, and thatäs why Iäm the more proud of my results, being only once in Stockholm and having so many people complimenting me on my accent and how natural my Swedish seems to be. 😀 Well I don’t think it’s natural, but maybe Swedish people aren’t used to talk to foreigners that are as fluent as me. Also very early on in the development of my crush, I started to see how much in common he must have with me. Seemingly it could be even the opposite, he was a rebel, a drunkard, an extreme socialist – while I am a definite rightist, – famous for his countless sexual affairs and three very stormy marriages and other stuff of this kind, just you wouldn’t think we could have shared anything. But, as I was learning Swedish and learning about him, I was discovering there is a lot of things we share, from pretty small, odd coincidences like both our dads are professional drivers and both of us were constantly moving places as children 😀 to how we perceive the world, to how our personalities are like. I read about how much he didn’t feel safe anywhere, how, being so rebellious and controversial on the outside, inside he was very shy and struggled with incredibly low self-esteem and was very vulnerable and doubting his own possibilities all the time. He was constantly craving for a relationship with someone and for love, but when he finally was close to starting and building it, he was runing away desperately and in fear of closeness and intimacy. That all, and lots of other things, just sound so familiar, he, he, he. Maybe he also had AVPD? Thinking now… Well from some things I’d rather assume BPD, but I guess it’s not my thing to diagnose people, especially people that I didn’t know and that died years ago. 😀 Didn’t actually think about him having any PD’s before. But well anyway, I love his a bit cynical and untoward, perverse or pawky sense of humour, don’t really know how it’s exactly called in English. 😀 I love how he always noticed funny or weird details about people and situations and could read between the lines and describe it all in an interesting way. I love his approach to hard situations, complaining about them, but laughing them off at the same time. I love how he was able to play with the language.

And it all just inspired me so much that one night a crazy idea popped in in my head. Why not to translate his poems and song lyrics into Polish? That felt really crazy, but I loved the idea. And you know what? So far, I managed to translate 6 of his songs. These aren’t very good translations, but they are decent imo and still they rhyme and their verses are as long as original, so, I guess I did a good job. 😀 I haven’t translated anything in months now, I just get stuck somewhere anytime I try to translate something fully and can’t get out in any way, but I have a whole folder of drafts and unfinished pseudotranslations.

I can’t say I like/agree/relate to all of his lyrics. His views on most things were completely different than mine, so even if I like some of his political songs, I usually don’t agree with them or just don’t know what they’re really about since I’m not very familiar with Swedish politics in 70’s-80’s. But still I think he deserves to be known more widely, even if it wasn’t directly his goal. ANother thing is that I’m worried that it might be like planting bananas in Lapland – you know, he just won’t be understood here by other people than “Swedophiles – and man I’ve had countless dreams about how I translated a ton of his poems and published them and it was a massive failure, but, I guess I won’t know how it’ll be if I won’t try. So I hope I’ll manage to do it some day and that I won’t bungle it.

So I’ve already told you that he was drinking and having many relationship issues, he was married three times, was in prison, had economic issues, was smoking all the time and addicted to drugs and sedatives and other “comforters”, as my Mum calls them, he had also chronically issues in other kinds of relationships, not only romantic. He quitted drinking and smoking and all in 1985 when he was diagnosed with diabetes, but it didn’t help that much. Soon after it he was also diagnosed with liver cancer which destroyed him completely and so he died in 1987 (before I was even born! THAT’S SO UNFAIR!!! 😥 ), being lonely and in a very bad economic situation, having a bunch of dedicated fans, but generally being condemned by Swedish very politically correct society, though soon they discovered him and now they love him and he’s very famous there, so famous that I heard people in Netherlands telling he’s a Swede, although he doesn’t even have Swedish citizenship as far as I know.

So I’ve been listening to Cornelis’ music for the whole evening and now I have a great trouble deciding what to show you…

Well OK, I guess I already know, after another 15 minutes.

The song I want to show you is the first song by Vreeswijk I’ve ever heard, my Swedish teacher showed it to me and I was immediately lost, though I didn’t realise it back then yet. It has stuck in my head and even though I then had to have a long long break from learning Swedish, for years, I still remembered this song and its almost whole lyrics and after I rediscovered it, my full blown crush started and helped me indirectly to start with Swedish again. It is probably his most popular song. It’s called “Balladen Om Herr Fredrik Åkare Och Den Söta Fröken Cecilia Lind” (The ballad about Mr. Fredrik Åkare (Åkare means actually a driver) and the sweet maiden Cecilia Lind). This is something I’m working on translating for a ridiculously long time but it’s terribly hard mainly because we don’t have enough words ending in -ind in Polish, that would rhyme with the heroine’s last name, and we generally have too few one-syllable words, I love Polish, but that sucks sooo much.

Below are the English lyrics I found on the Internet, this is a literal translation:

From Öckerö barn (on a farm) sounds of accordion and base are heard and the full moon’s shining as if it was made of glass.
There Fredrik Åkare dances cheek to cheek
with little miss Cecilia Lind
She dances with closed eyes near (to him)
She follows in the dance right where he wants.
He leads and she follows light as a breeze,
but tell (me) why is Cecilia Lind blushing?
Say, was it because of what Fredrik Åkare said:
“You smell so good and you dance so well.
Your waist is thin and your bosom is round
You’re so beautiful, Cecilia Lind
But the dance ended and where could they go?
They lived so close to each other anyway
Finally they ended up at Cecilias gate
Now I want to be kissed, said Cecilia Lind
[You should] Know shame, Frederik Åkare, be ashamed old man!
Cecilia Lind is only a child
Pure as a flower, shy as a doe
I will soon turn 17, said Cecilia Lind
And the stars wander and the hours pass
And Fredrik is old, but the moon is new
Yes, Fredrik is old, but love is blind
Oh, kiss me again, said Cecilia Lind

And here’s the song:

Gwilym Bowen Rhys – “Da Gennyf Air O Ganu”.

Hi guys! 🙂

Time for another song by my crush Gwilym, from that album I’ve been mentioning recently – “Rhwng Y Môr A’r Mynydd” (Between the sea and the mountain) which is a collaboration of various artists from Wales and is entirely in Welsh. There are two songs of Gwilym’s on this album, the one I showed you a few days ago – “Yr Hogyn Pren” (The wooden boy) and this one – “Da Gennyf Air O Ganu”. I also told you how I admire his musical versatility – how he can sing kind of raucorously and fiercely such songs like “Yr Hogyn Pren”, but also things more rocky/garrage-like, like with his band Y Bandana, he can also do a bit psychedelic and otherworldly music with another band he’s a part of, which is Plu, and also kind of sophisticated, idyllic and moving folk music like on his debut solo album. And this song I want to show you today – “Da Gennyf Air O Ganu” – is of this last kind. I love when people are so versatile, and I particularly like it in music. I’ve heard this song in a slightly different arrangement before the album was released in Lisa Gwilym’s show on BBC Radio Cymru, and that version was maybe even more expressive. I even thought about posting that version from Radio Cymru, but I love them both so much so literally couldn’t decide. 😀 The thing that finally helped me make the decision was that if I’d choose the radio version, I’d have to cut it out from the programme, which would take me much more time, plus on the computer I am now I don’t even have a decent app for sound editing. So yeah I chose the album version and I put it in my Dropbox and will remove it after a month. I just love it how any kind of music he does is so expressive. I’m curious about your opinion. 🙂

https://www.dropbox.com/s/n449selznj3rlqt/01-014-Da%20Gennyf%20Air%20o%20Ganu.mp3?dl=0

Gwilym Bowen Rhys – Yr Hogyn Pren (The wooden boy).

Hi guys! 🙂

About a week ago, i was very thrilled to see on Twitter that my current music crush – Gwilym Bowen Rhys – is collaborating on a new album with various other artists. The album is called “Rhwng Môr A Mynydd” (Between sea and mountain), was produced by the most or at least one of the most significant Welsh language music labels Sain Records, and released on 6th April. After having crushes like Enya – who works on her albums very surely and diligently, but also very slowly – Declan Galbraith – who at the time when my crush on him was full-blown suspended his career for quite a few years – and Cornelis Vreeswijk –
who (although very creative and artistically fertile) has passed away years before my birth – it is nice to have a crush on someone this active and hearing something new from him even more than yearly. It is really thrilling. Needless to say I bought the album almost immediately and, although there were only two Gwil’s songs – carved out an hour from my recently very busy schedule to review the album just for myself. There were good, better and worse pieces (I’ve known most of them before, ha! 😀 ), but overall I enjoyed it a lot, even just because of Gwilym’s part, if not anything else.

As for Gwilym’s songs, I’ve also heard them before, but in different arrangements. A year ago (on my birthday, yay!) he played them in Lisa Gwilym’s programme on BBC Radio Cymru, with his friend Gethin Griffiths, it sounded so good and I was silently hoping to see them released.

The song I want to show you is called “Yr Hogyn Pren” and (I guess) originally made by Tebod Piws. While I’m not crazy about neither Tebod Piws’ music nor his version of this song, I really do like Gwilym’s.

I’ve showed you a few songs by him already – his own, and with his rock band Y Bandana, and with more psychedelic Plu and Bendith – so if you’ve seen them you can see he’s very versatile (all my crushes are!). And what I like the most about his music… well, I don’t know whether it’s what I like the most, there’s so much to like about it, but one thing I like a lot about his music is how rich his possibilities and musical interests are. You can hear him in lovely, gentle, sophisticated folk tunes, like from his own album, then you can hear the band Plu of which he’s one of the members – with their music balancing somewhere between the worlds – then the band Y Bandana – with their garrage-styled, catchy songs and Gwilym’s rockish vocals, and then in tunes like this – kind of fierce, mischievous folk. That’s a huge diversity, innit?

I’ll show you Gwilym’s second song from this album later on, it’s more of the sophisticated/lyrical kind. Another artist that caught my attention immediately and that I’ve NEVER heard about before listening to this album is Magi Tudur, and I’ll be also showing you her music some time in future, as it is definitely worth exposing.

Because the album isn’t available online, or at least not yet, I’ll put it in Dropbox and remove after a month.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tkfp9x9g73j8rhs/01-006-Yr%20Hogyn%20Pren.mp3?dl=0

My fav word *long post*.

Another challenge I’d like to take part in this week is #WYF hosted by Eve over at Revenge Of Eve

What’s my fav word?

As I saw Eve’s post, my first thought was “But, in which language?”. 😀 Guys I have so many favourite words, in so many languages, not only in thesE i am able to communicate in but also other my favourite languages which I didn’t start to learn seriously yet. I even had a time in my life when I was doing a yearly ranking of my favourite words. I am a lover of words and languages and linguistics so this is a damn hard question to answer and I am afraid I won’t be able to answer with just one word, it’s simply impossible, but I’ll try to narrow it down somehow, although am not sure if I’ll manage lol.

OK so in Polish, my mother tongue, my all time favourite word is kulka (KUWL-kah). It means a little ball. I just find it very charming. When I was a little girl, I was playing a lot with glass and metal balls, I just liked them a lot and I liked the word kulka equally. I like how flexible it is. The big ball is kula (but not the ball you can play sports with, this one is piłka), a bit smaller is kulka, smaller than kulka is kuleczka, kulcia, kulinka, kulisia, whatever, the case of your creativity.

My other favourite Polish word is mózg (muwsk) which means brain. I am very interested in brain in general, but none of the languages I love and know how brain is called in them, has an equally nice word for it. I just love to use it whenever possible, even overuse it in some eccentric ways, I use it more than I realise. I can even say when I have a headache that my mózg is aching. Sometime ago my Mum was washing her hair and someone rang to our door, I opened and the person wanted to see Mum, and was quite astonished when I informed her that Mum is washing her mózg. 😀

From some more international words that exist in Polish I love miszmasz or mish mash, it’s so funny and nice to hear. It means the same in Polish in case you wondereD

From some older, a bit colloquial and maybe even archaic for some people words I absolutely adore wydudlić (vi-DUWD-leech, or something close to it any way). It’s an old, underused word meaning to drink something very quickly and greedily. We also have wtranżolić (vtrahn-ZHAW-leech) which means to eat something quickly and greedily, although it doesn’t have this slightly childish feel as wydudlić has.

For swear words my favourite is pierniczyć (pyer-NEE-chich, well English phonetics can’t manage it!). It’s an infinitive, often used in an expressions like “Ja pierniczę (a bit of an equivalent of fuck it or something). THe word pierniczyć or the phrase ja pierniczę doesn’t have any particular meaning as far as I know other than being a swearword, but it’s related (at least etymologically) to the word piernik – ginger bread. It’s such a fantastic swear word, although rather light. Cholera (haw-LE-rah) is one of the words I use in more harsh situations and literally it means the same as in English, as a swearword it’s an equivalent of damn. Cholipa (haw-LEE-pah, the same swear meaning, but not so expressive) is also funny, or its charming diminutive cholipcia.

Recently I’ve come across a deliciously old and archaic, very colloquial word – pitigrilić się – for having sex. I just felt in love with it, pity it seems to be no longer in use.

Oh, and I can’t resist to not mention a very modern, every day word, which doesn’t sound like it originated here, but I don’t know where it did. It’s gites (GEE-tes). Someone asks you how you’re doing and if it’s like really really cool you can just say it’s gites. Or simply git.

OK, that’s for Polish.

The word that would climb very high in my yearly ranking if I did one last year would be glimpse. I love this word more and more. It sounds a bit magical. I like many simple words in English, for example I’ve been in love with the word sleep since early childhood. It’s so soothing and… I dunno, sleepy lol. But in a nice way. I love the word hijack. It sounds so ridiculous like “Hi Jack!”, but I like it for that. I like the name Jack, you know. 😀 From more sophisticated words (oh yes, I love sophisticated!) I adore mellifluous. It’s so mellifluous, I guess we don’t even have the exact word for it in Polish, I mean like a literal translation of it. And there are so many more, but I don’t want to bore you and make this post longer than necessary. But I need to mention one more word which is cringy.

Now let’s talk about Swedish words a bit.

My favourite Swedish word is krim kram. I guess it also exists in other Germanic languages like Dutch or German, although I’m not sure. Krim kram means pretty much the same as English knick-knacks. But krim kram sounds more lyrical and funny at the same time in my opinion. In Polish krim kram are called bibeloty, and this is also a fantastic, old-fashioned word. There are loads and loads of fascinating Swedish words. As for my absolutely favourite Swedish swearword, well if you speak Swedish it won’t be anything very exotic – I love skit. Skit is pronounced similarly to the word sheet, but sk is quite a weird sound, although I can make it I don’t know how to explain it to other people. It means shit, but I love how creative Swedes are with using it. First of all, it is milder than shit, and heard almost all the time among young people. It’s not like a normal word you’d use in any situation, but a very mild swearword. ANd it may also mean dirt of any kind. It’s a bit like English fucking, you can just throw it in a conversation to strengthen the negativity of what you’re talking about. But they also use in in a positive context, like “Det är skit bra” (This is shit (very) good), Du är skit kull” (You are shit cool). ANd that was kind of new to me and I liked it a lot, to use skit to accentuate something positive. It’s just such a skit cool word.

Then another language I speak a little bit is Welsh. I love, love love the word pilipala (simply pee-lee-pah-lah). It means butterfly and omg it’s so charming, isn’t it? I like words that have pil in them, they’re cute in some way. It often makes me wonder how different impressions this nice little insect might make on people in different languages. We in Polish have motyl – which sounds pretty elegant for me, like a butterfly slowly unwinding its wings and majestically soaring over the meadow. Swedes have fjärill – it’s also a cute, little word, but in a different way than pilipala. Pilipala is funny and kinda mischievous, but fjärill is very lyrical and almost poetic, it has some nostalgic vibe for me, don’t know why. Germans have their schmeterling (don’t know how it’s written as I’ve learnt German only for three years at school, so excuse me if it’s wrong) and it sounds so heavy. I mean, many people don’t like harsh languages, I like them a lot, but schmeterling just doesn’t match with what it means, imo. I’m not a big fan of French and other ROmance languages, they just don’t speak to me, but French papillon is adorable and when I hear it I feel like this word somehow flies, is light and smooth, just delightful. Dutch vlinder is cool, but it’s hard for me to picture something particular when I hear it. But oh gosh, as much as I love English, I don’t like the word butterfly. What I see in my mind when I hear it and focus on it, is definitely not a butterfly. It is simply a fly, desperately wagging its wings in the butter. Ew… Yuck! I don’t know who created this word, but it’s a little bit weird.

Oh gosh what a long digression!!! but well, I’ll leave it… you can always skip it if you want, but I’ll leave it to show you how freaky my mózg can be at times haha.

ANother Welsh word I like is hiraeth. I’ve mentioned it smetime before on my blog. Hiraeth means a longing or yearning to something that basically doesn’t exist. It’s usually in context of your home country, when you’re an emmigrant, and you’ve seen your motherland years ago, idealised it, but it’s not like in your mind. It has changed, plus as I said, the picture in your mind is idealised. But it can also regard anything. I very often experienced hiraeth as a child, that’s probably why I resonate so much with this word. Also I’ve heard from my Welsh friend that hiraeth is a longing for something you can’t precise for some reason. And that’s also a thing I’m familiar with.

I would also like to mention a very expressive Wenglish phrase here. It’s actually Wenglish. Wenglish is easily enough a combination of Welsh and English, mainly spoken in the south of Wales, in the valleys. Actually, in the form I like it the most, it apparently isn’t seriously used. They have three words for describing the feeling of rage, anger, madness… These are: tampin’, fumin’ and ragin’. I love them all! And I’ve heard that there was a series in Wales called “The Valleys” and one of the characters used to say “I’m tampin’ fumin’ ragin'”! I loved it immediately as I’ve heard about it. ‘Cause when you like all these words, why make a choice or compromise? Use them all! I love how accurately they describe it when you’re super mad. It doesn’t happen often to me, but when it does, it’s really hard and overwhelming, and it’s really like tampin’ fumin’ ragin’.

Lastly (I promise!)  I want to tell you about my favourite Finnish swear word. I don’t speak Finnish, I know some basics, and my Finnish friend who is also blind taught me a lot of swearwords and other handy expressions like that, but that’s all I can say in Finnish for now. Nevertheless I love this language. It sounds so cool and calm, or at least it seems so, it seems to me just like Finns, but because they always accentuate the first syllable, in my opinion, their language sounds like what you say is very significant. So it’s perfect for declarations of love, or hatred, or releasing your silent anger. You don’t have to scream when you swear in Finnish, just put enough expression in what you say and the rest will come on its own. My favourite swearword of all those I know in Finnish, is vittu, which means cunt or pussy and it is used like fuck in English. For some reason I like it much more than English fuck. It’s also the most popular Finnish swearword apparently. I also like to use perkele, which means devil, or helvetti for hell, or even Swedish helvete with the same meaning, also used in Finland very often.

If you speak any other languages than your native, do you like to swear in it/them, even if not in the country where it’s spoken? I like it a lot and it’s fun, although of course not in all circumstances, sometimes I guess it may lead to pretty awkward situations. 😀 I’ve had a few, but they turned out to be pretty funny. My school friend used to joke I have to be possessed, because she heard somewhere that when people are possessed they swear in multiple languages. 😀 I doubt it though, that would be a rather weird sign for me and sounds like taken out of some paranormal book. 😀

OK, sorry for making it so long, but really wanted to share with you my at least a few most favourite words, and maybe hear what yours are, and what you think of all these i mentioned.

 

Question of the day.

If you could bring to life one type of fantastical entity, be it a fairy or a dragon, what would it be?

My answer:

I think I’m gonna be a little bit predictable, for those of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while, so I think I’ll give you a chance to guess lol. Do you have any ideas, what entity am I thinking about?

*** *** ***

My actual answer: 😀

The answer is… Jaaaaaaaaaack Frooooooost!!! 😀

For any newbies who probably are a bit confused, I’ve always had a weird liking for people named Jack, Jackie, or Jacek, or Jac, or almost anything beginning with Jacek, or names related to the name Hyacinth. Being a very socially anxious being, very often i somehow end up getting along with Jac- people, sooner or later, and most of them really do deserve my liking. There is just something very special about them. Can’t explain.

So yeah, Jack Frost… Fantastic topic for Easter time, huh? But we had snow a few days ago, so I feel kind of justified. 😀 As long as I know about Jack Frost, I like him. My contact with Jack Frost started with hearing Kate Rusby’s song “Jack Frost” which I really liked and wanted to get to know who Jack Frost is. So as I found out, my first thought was something like: “Wow, he sounds so cool. I’d love to meet him. He’d be so interesting and funny and cute, why don’t we have him in Poland?” Or actually, why so few people here know about him, as he isn’t our tradition? Yeah, I just like Jack Frost for his mischievousness and how artsy he must be.

But I also have another idea. I’d love to bring Selkies to life as well! I love Selkies! Again, my relationship with Selkies started with song – this time with Aine Minogue’s “The Selkie”. I loved the lyrics but i was curious what this Selkie actually is and it took me quite a while to find it out. I guess Selkies are much less popular than Jack Frost, so let me tell you a bit about them.

Selkies are mythical creatures of Celtic regions and Scandinavia. They are told to be seals, which can shed their sealskin when on the land and then become humans. There are legends about female selkies that were forced to marry a man who then was hiding her sealskin, not wanting to let her go back to the sea. Apparently, Selkies were very good housewives and mothers, but as they were seals primarily, they still wanted to go back to the sea and missed their true home. When such unhappy Selkie finally found her sealskin, she came back to see and to never leave it again, only to play or breastfeed their children. I don’t actually know why I like Selkies so much. Apparently there are also male Selkies, but I don’t know much about them. And I also love hulders, which are similar beings, but living in the Scandinavian forests and only females, and I would also bring them to life willingly.

And there’s still one more entity… The Sandman! OMG Sandman is so inspiring for me. I am generally easily inspired by dreams and stuff like this, so I just love everything about the Sandman. I would really, really like him to be real, maybe if I could bring him to live, he would take all those scary dreams from me and my fantastic friend named Sleep Paralysis who decided to visit me last night and make this week even more of a shit for me than it already was. Awww it would be so great… And I love that Enya’s song – “Song Of The Sandman”, too.

So, as you see, I can’t decide. I’m too in love with folklore and different mythological beings to pick just one, I could talk about them for ages.

And hence I’m very curious what your choices would be. 🙂

My fav animal.

It’s the #WYF day at Revenge Of Eve

and today the question is – what’s your favourite animal? Thanks for hosting, Eve. 🙂

So, my favourite animal for years was bear. Just any kind of a bear. Now I think it was mainly because I just liked our Polish word for a little bear, or a teddy bear, which is miś. I still really like it, I mean the word, and I still have my most favourite teddybear Pimpuś, but that’s  it about my love for bears now. I like them, but not as crazily as when I was younger, when I wanted to feed bears in the zoo with honey. 😀

Now, my favourite animals are cats and horses. Cats because they’re just so mysterious, enigmatic, introverted, silent, you may think they’re so silent so that you may not even notice their presence, but still most of them has something very soothing about them, my Misha is this kind of cat, I’ll always somehow sense when he’s around. I don’t know… the atmosphere changes in some way lol. Plus I think cats have a lot of traits in common with me, or otherwise, so that’s probably why I like them and why many of them seem to like me. My gramma’s cat Felix, about whom gramma says that he’s wild, always comes to me and lies at my feet when we come to her. He never lets me stroke him, but aparently, besides gramma, he doesn’t lay at anyone else’s feet and doesn’t act this way around anyone. Maybe he feels Misha’s smell. Before I got Misha and became convinced that Russian blue cats are just the best cats under the sun, I wanted to have a black cat, but now I wouldn’t change Misha for a million billiards of black cats. He’s just the best and he’s my baby and my best friend and just everything for me. But well, I named him Misha, which (apart from being a diminutIVE of michael) is Russian for little bear or teddy bear, so I must still have those bears on my mind haha. But Misha is such a cool name for him, rather gentle and cute, but still handsome and masculine and charming, just as Misha is. There aren’t many names with this kind of vibe. Oh but I’m going off topic!

Let’s go on to horses. When I was a little girl I was just so enormously afraid of horses. I’ve always had balance issues and height anxiety, and we all had obligatory hipotherapy at the nursery. I was just so shaky when I had to have it. Usually we just were riding around, but if I had to do some exercises on the horse, I always failed. I was so afraid and my coordination and balance was so rubbish, so that everyTime I finished hipotherapy I was more and more discouraged and more afraid. Then the nightmare ended and at school only a few kids with most complex needs like CP were having hipotherapy so I was immensely relieved. But after a few years my Mum decided to sign me up for hipotherapy at our local stud. Mum didn’t really know about my fear for horses, but even if she did, I don’t think it would change that much. I got to know I’ll have hipotherapy the very last day before it was supposed to happen and I was just panicking. You know, after all these years, my fear grew just so huuuge. But then we went there, I sat on a horse, felt very very anxious and dizzy for a while and then started to relax and actually at the end of my hour I was extatic. I liked this horse so much! I started to love horse riding very passionately. I was still afraid and my balance was still a mess, but after some time, my hipotherapist, who is also a professional rider and horse riding instructor, offered me to have actual riding lessons because she said I’m very good at it despite my issues. And I agreed and I still horseride in the same stud, on the same horse and with the same instructor, having just elements of hipotherapy, but generally learning to ride and sometimes still participating in competitions. I am so grateful for my Mum. Actually it is still weird for me that I am riding, because theoretically it seems like the worst choice of sport for me – it requires good balance, sensory integration, coordination skills and a few other things that I don’t have in abundance, but I’m still doing it and apparently it goes well. I still do have some fear every time I’m riding, my horse is very big so I need to face my height anxiety and I hate riding downhill, but it’s not so overwhelming at all.

I love my horse. His name is Czardasz, which is literally just czardas in Polish,but everyone calls him Łoś, which means elk. 😀 He’s very big as I said and very old, he’s 23, having various health difficulties, but still working. He’s just so incredibly phlegmatic, he’s so calm that when he’s walking, he can literally lose himself so deeply in his thoughts (or in sleep 😀 ) that he can easily stumble, but overall he’s so calm that he’s the safest horse on Earth. He’s very demanding for his riders, he never lets me do things by halves while riding and somehow he always knows the possibilities of a rider, for example if a child with cerebral palsy is riding him apparently he can feel what they can do, and if they can do something, he will only respond if they will do it correctly. but despite his phlegmatic, a bit indifferent you could say, way of being, he’s very feeling and emotional. We get along really well and actually are pretty similar.

My horse “for replacement” (so when Łoś is ill or something else happens) is named Tarzan, but everyone calls him Rudy (which means redhead). He’s younger than Łoś, his very sensitive and lively, and a bit cheeky. I love troting on him, because his trot is so light. My instructor says it’s so light you could as well just sit down, relax  and have a cup of coffee while troting and you wouldn’t spill a drop and that’s true. 😀 He can be very stubborn at times and his favourite food are apples. Łoś can’t eat apples, but when I’m riding on Rudy and don’t have apples for him, but only carrots, he seems rather disappointed, although he’ll devour anything edible willingly.

So yeah, that’s it about my favourite animals.