Share Your World – February 26, 2018.

What are you reading right now?
We have so called obligatory readings in all the schools in Poland and I’m now reading one of those which are obligatory for our term, it is a comedy called in English “War Of Love” written by ALeksander Fredro. I love reading, but obligatory readings are usually fairly boring and this one isn’t an exception.

What was your first adult job?
My first and current job is being an office worker in my Dad’s company. There are only two of us in it, he had to register his own company to be employed in the company he’s working for now. He’s a tank driver. I don’t have my work to do, practically what I do is helping Dad with some tech stuff as even things like typing are like black magic for him. Also I answer to emails send to him. It isn’t anything exciting, but I earn some money which I can either spend on anything I want for myself, as I live with my family and don’t have to buy basic things like food for my own money, or I can save them for the future as I still don’t know what I will/want to do later in life. I appreciate it a lot and my Dad does too as because I’m disabled, he doesn’t lose any money when he pays me, he gets the same amount back from the fund for disabled people or however it should be called in English.

What’s your favorite breakfast cereal?
Cini Miiiiniiiis!!! πŸ˜€ I’m crazy for them and my siblings are too. I like them both with milk and dry. I like Chocapic too, I most often eat them with yoghurt, as well as those cereal that look like pillows and have different fillings, I forgot how they’re called. I love Cheerios too but rarely have them.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Β Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha, progress in my languages, blogging, writing more of my book, a self care evening I had on Friday with a long hot bath and Jack Daniels with Pepsi, listening to lots of good music, testing my Mum’s new electrostimulator which was funny and I’ve never used it before and didn’t have the slightest idea about how it works, trying some yummy food.

Thanks for hosting to Cee’s Photography

πŸ™‚

What’s your favourite?

Today is #WYF day at Revenge Of Eve

and the question is about your favourite colour.

Well when I was blogging in Polish on the platform for the blind I once asked people this question and it started a long discussion about how strange it is when people ask the blind about their fav colours. I’m totally blind since birth and I don’t see anything strange in it. I’ve always had my favourite colour, or, as it is now, even a few colours. What is really strange is that although I’ve never seen any colours obviously, I have some things I associate with them or imagine when I think about them and according to many sighted people I talked about it to, they are pretty accurate to how these colours really look. I know which fit with which, which are lively or calm, can distinguish some shades in my imagination and some blind people who have seen my stories say that my descriptions of people’s appearance are too detailed to be written by a blind person. πŸ˜€ I don’t know any other congenitally blind people who can’t see colours who have it like that but that’s how it is. for me and I think I’m glad of it. I suppose it may be somehow distantly related to the fact I’m synesthetic.

When I was a little girl, I loved red. Now red is my least favourite colour. I dislike very bright colours and don’t wear them or don’t have them in my room. I would feel awfully with the consciousness I am wearing something brightly red. πŸ˜€ It’s absolutely weird but I find this colour somewhat… anxiety provoking? Really hard to explain it.

Now, my favourite colours are: black, white, blue (all shades, or all I’ve heard of), green (excluding some shades) and grey.

I like to be surrounded by these colours, have lots of objects inn these colours or wear clothes in these colours. My favourite flowers – which I believe are called muscari in English – are blue and so many beautiful things are blue. As my favourite colour to be surrounded with I would pick green, my current room is dominated by green, while the colour I love to wear the most, feel the best wearing and people say I look good in is black. I am rather girly and love wearing dresses and almost all of them are black, except one.

ah, and I like silver too, but mostly just in jewellery.

So that’s it about my fav colours.

 

Question of the day.

What is the most important thing a person can do to improve themselves?

My answer:

Another hard one… Umm, a person? Every person? I think it’s hard to find a thing which all the people could do to improve themselves as we all have so different qualities… and so different values so what’s important to me doesn’t necessarily have to be important to you.

But the first thing I thought about was to become more empathetic. Most of us, unless severely hurt in childhood or having some conditions like brain damages, are empathetic to a varying degree, but I think also most of us could make more use of it or improve our empathy. I think it’s often that when we do something we know is good for us it sometimes happens that we tend to think so much about advantages which we will have of it, that we might not see other people who may be also influenced by our decisions and won’t benefit from them or may even feel hurt. Sometimes we feel emotional, arguing with someone or something like this and our emotions change our view on things. We see our feelings first and then other people’s and we often say things that may be hurtful for them just because we feel hurt. We know they will feel pain and it isn’t necessary to hurt them, but we don’t try to feel how it would be to be in their situation.

I think if we tried to imagine possibly exactly how a person may feel when we do something, or how would we feel being in their shoes, we would do much less hurtful things to people and maybe even start to do more nice things to them. Of course too extreme empathy isn’t good either, but I feel like most of us would benefit if we tried to improve this quality in us. And it would be definitely a big self improvement.

What is such thing in your opinion?

Fffrrreeezzzing!

Yeah it’s really freezing here today. Snowing almost all the time since yesterday and very icy. My gramma whom we invited today for some time to stay with us almost collapsed on the steps when she was coming in, so slippery it is.

So as you know I had an almost sleepless night. Yeah luckily I managed to fall asleep about an hour after I wrote that post in the morning and had a few hours of sleep. It wasn’t very refreshing, but it was definitely something. Otherwise I would probably become very groggy after some time. We all went to the church in the morning. We went there on foot, it is about 7 minutes walk from us till there, so not that very far, but my leg was burning a lot after I got home. It’s shitty, I thought it healed at least a bit. and then my uncle dropped gramma (my Dad’s mum) to us. I was writing a lot with my pen pals. Also I played with Zofijka for a while. At 4 we went to church again, but now by car. Now as it is Lent, there is a special devotion on each Sunday of Lent related to that in Poland, apparently it doesn’t exist in any other Catholic countries, I think its English title would be something like Bitter Lamentations and it is about Christ’s passion and it is sung. We dropped gramma to her house afterwards and did some shopping. Zofijka felt very sleepy early on and she went to bed about 7 PM so very not like her. She wanted me and Misha to be with here so we were as she was falling asleep, she often wants us to be with her before she falls asleep. I told her a story. I don’t usually do that, only sometimes, but she really likes it. Zofijka’s stories are very special. They are about a fictional creature called Jim, which looks like a human, actually like a 10-year-old boy, but he is a Jimosaurus – the last Jimosaurus in the world and is 10000 years old, despite looking so very young and being so child-like. Jim lives in Australia (Zofijka had a slight obsession about Australia when I was making it all up so hence the location) in a little hut in the forest. He’s the king of that forest and all of the animals there can talk obviously. Jim’s best friend is – Plim – a pretty clumsy, forgetful, awkward and sluggish but very kind-hearted and sensitive koala who rules the forest on Jim’s behalf when Jim’s not there and a bit scating, but incredibly loyal bee called Sophie who is very good at cooking and making different curing mixtures and taking care of animals and people. Jim can eat normal people food and he likes it, but it isn’t nutritious for him. Really nutritious food for him is helping people. When he feels hungry, which happens very often, he takes out his binoculars and leather wings and climbs up on the roof of his hut. Then he looks at the whole world and searches for people or any other beings who may need help. If he finds someone to helps, he takes quickly what he needs, sometimes takes Sophie with him if any medical intervention is needed, puts on his wings and flies there. So as you see poor Plim has to be in charge most of the time actually. So Zofijka’s stories are always about different people or animals or plants or even sometimes things that Jim helps. She always says she loves Jim. But she always falls asleep so quickly that I highly doubt he can hear the whole story.

Question of the day.

What’s something that people think makes them look impressive/attractive but actually has the opposite effect?

My answer:

In my opinion, it is very hard to answer this question, if not impossible. Everyone has different taste as for fashion, different views and opinions. Some people like tattoos and think they’re a great expression of their style, thoughts, feelings, personality or whatever else, others think tattoos are only for prisoners or other socially condemned, marginalised people. Some people may think a plus size girl in tight clothes looks beautiful and feminine and she shouldn’t be ashamed of her body any less than conventional, slim models if she feels OK with her weight and looks, others will say she looks yucky.

So, although fashion styles, stereotypes and majority opinions are changing, I think people’s opinion always were, are and will always be very diverse and, at least if you won’t to answer this objectively, you actually can’t.

How do you think? Is it possible to answer this question objectively in your opinion? How about your own likes and dislikes? What do you find not attractive or impressive, but feel like others think it makes them attractive? I was focusing only on appearance, but since attractiveness isn’t absolutely only about that, how about your thoughts about other things that can be attractive or not attractive in a person.

Anyone else not sleeping?

Goodnight, good morning or whatever people say at 04:10 AM. πŸ˜€

Yeah, another night of no sleep. With the difference that this time I won’t be able to catch up on sleep in the morning if I’d become sleepy as I have things to do in the morning. So unless a miracle will happen and I’ll get an hour or two of sleep until 6, I think I have a zombie day ahead, as I always call days after a completely sleepless night. Ugh, I hate it so much. But maybe if I’ll go zombie for a day, my sleep routine will settle back and my brain will get in which timezone I am. The good thing however is that Misha’s with me fast asleep in his basket, giving me some more sense of safety, and, which I am very gateful about, my anxiety is definitely not as overwhelming as it was last night. I mean it still is there, but it isn’t so exhausting and I am more functional so after like two hours of tossing and turning I got up and started doing some nice things like I wrote a bit of a next chapter of my book. It’s called “Jack Hamilton” and I’ve been writing it for years, finding comfort in it. Jack Hamilton is just a simple guy, but with very complex life and he’s quite funny, he is actually writing his story on its own. I often plan to direct his life and make him do what I want, but I end up writing something completely different like he’d want to write a life scenario for himself. I planned to publish Jack, but firstly now it’s definitely too long, and secondly, he became my close friend over the years, someone extremely close to me, almost ten years now. My God I can’t believe I can manage with him for so long. He isn’t easy to live with. And although many people know I’m writing a book about a guy called Jack Hamilton who is half Irish half Swedish, even know some of his life story, I’ve never shown anyone more than my notes before writing an actual chapter. I feel like my relationship with Jack, although he’s only my creation, is very intimate is some way.

Besides Jack, I’ve been reading my book, snuggling Misha, still have music on and I think soon I’ll go to bed again just in case I might fall asleep, although I highly doubt it could happen.

Who else isn’t sleeping for whatever reason?

Happy birthday, Olek and Mum!

So as I wrote a while ago today my brother Olek and my Mum have their birthday together. Olek is now 19 and I can’t believe it’s my Mum’s 45th birthday. She definitely doesn’t seem her age for me.

Besides having completely sleepless and very anxious night, I’m doing well. I could catch up on sleep in the morning which I did. It’s crazy to fall asleep at 7 AM, innit? πŸ˜€ But I’m glad I fell asleep finally, I prefer to sleep during the day than go around looking like Zombie and feeling totally rubbish, especially that with all the celebrations we had quite an eventful day. Although I doubt I will sleep tonight too, but well, we’ll see.

So right now we had a full house with lots of family, they came around 6 PM and I stayed with them for a few hours, but then me and Misha took a French leave before nine and are both in my room together. We have loads of delicious food, my Mum’s spectacular dessert which everyone likes and which never is boring – meringue with fruits (today peaches and billberries), a cheese cake, chicken wings, gyros salad and chops with chilli and mushrooms and other stuff, and some nachos and breaded nuts. Misha loved the chops.

Earlier today when I woke up we went with Zofijka to the shop and bought Mum a blanket she wanted to have. It looks really cosy and snug. I got some money for Olek as right now it seems to be the thing he needs and dreams about the most, plus I just hadn’t got any other idea honestly.

Also I will get some music for Mum as she mentioned to me she doesn’t have anything new to listen in the car.

As for other things, on Thursday I had an appointment with that OM doctor who is also a dermatologist and about whom I wrote some time ago, this time I saw him as a dermatologist because of my dry skin and the infection I have on my leg, but he didn’t really tell me anything which would be very new to me. He said I shouldn’t take showers but rather baths and don’t use a usual soap. I stopped taking showers last week already and we all always use black soap which is natural, also I try to make my baths possibly short most days. He also told me I should moisturise my skin and he prescribed me something moisturising. I moisturised it before as I thought it’s logical when you have dry skin, but I did it with oils, so maybe that cream he prescribed me will be more helpful, I didn’t collect the prescription yet though. And he told me the issue should ease a bit as the winter will finish which he told me last time too and which I’m really hoping for. I showed him my leg and he said he also thinks it may be because of my dry skin, then I mentioned to him that I showed it my GP two years ago and she said it might be staphylococcus and he said that yes it might be this too, but didn’t even suggest to make any tests or didn’t prescribe anything specifically for it, so looked pretty much like he didn’t know what it is. I told him I try to treat it with tea tree oil which seems to help and he said I should continue with it as it helps with healing. So, both me and my Mum, who also has dry skin and he says it’s genetic, we felt a bit like we wasted our time going there.

Yesterday I had “brain drainage” in the evening – that’s how I call Maths because I always really feel brain-drained afterwards πŸ˜€ and I hate it – and because I was feeling so drained I decided to have some self care time. I had a long, oiling, moisturising and relaxing bath with olive, coconut and sunflower oil and Epsom salt. I felt a bit like I was sitting in some mediterranean dish lol, Greek salad or something, wondered whether I maybe should put some feta cheese or olives into it too πŸ˜€ it was really oily, but I felt a bit desperate to do something with my skin as it pisses me off more and more. It’s strange that it never was so hardcore until this year, I’ve never realised I had dry skin before. So I spent there about 15 minutes listening to Plu and relaxing and even took a drink with me to the bathroom and drank it, it was Jack Daniels with Pepsi. I love Jack Daniels (not only because it’s Jack πŸ˜€ ), this is actually the only alcohol I drink, and I didn’t have it for ages, since September, but somehow I felt I’d like to drink it that evening. It was so good to hear Gwilym singing and drink Jack. I felt very moisturised afterwards and also very relaxed and warm, so I think it was a good idea, although I think I should probably repeat it once or twice as I felt itchy again later at night, but not as horribly as it used to be recently. The doc said I may feel more itchy when I’m stressed and I was definitely very anxious at night so I think that could be a reason for it.

So yeah, the evening after Maths was definitely fabulous for me.

The night was pretty rough as I mentioned, my Mum suggested it was maybe because of Jack still circulating in my blood and I also think that’s possible. I felt somehow very agitated and anxious, sometimes even panicky and it was very exhausting. Misha wasn’t with me, I looked for him for a while but felt too overwhelmed and scared in general to walk around the whole house and look for him everywhere, I hoped he’d come to me later on but it didn’t happen and everyone was asleep so I didn’t call him with food as it makes a bit of a noise.

I still felt that anxiety staying with me for most part of the day, also probably because of so many people around, but now I’m not anxious almost at all.

How is your weekend going? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

What easy thing do you most often screw up?

My answer:

Oh, really many things. Lots of objectively fairly easy things to do around the house seem practically not doaable for me at least on my own, or take me lots of time and the effects aren’t really impressive. Same with some other things requiring good fine skills for example. My spacial orientation is rubbish too, also due to issues I have with my labyrinthum, I hope I spell it right. Ah, but something I screw up most often are casual talks with people or smalltalk. It either bores me to death or scares me and I VERy RARELY can do a good job of it.

How about you?

Question of the day.

Where is the worst smelling place you’ve been?
My answer:
Some public loos definitely. I hate to go to them. Of course not all are so very smelly, but in my area, very many. Especially when we talk about portable lavs on the streets. They are so smelly, that in my opinion, if you want to survive, you should take a deep breath in before you go in and not breathe out before you go out. Most of them look like they’re not cleaned at all. My Mum, who has much stronger abomination to such objects than me, was recently forced to visit a portable public loo and it looked like someone didn’t make it to the toilet on time as she saw someone’s poo all over the floor. Eww! So, unless it’s an urgent case, I much prefer to wait with it until I will be at my own home.
Another place I’ve been to is somewhere in Kuyavian-Pomeranian voivodeship where they have a cellulose factory and it is pretty smelly there for quite a bit of the way. Which are the most smelly places in your opinion? πŸ˜€

Question of the day.

If you could know the absolute and total truth to one question, what question would you ask?

My answer:

First thought I had – is there really any afterlife after we die? This may seem strange since I’m a practicing Christian so should be sure that there is, and I believe in it, but I suppose everyone of us, no matter what we believe in or if we don’t believe in the existence of any God, ask it sometimes, ’cause many of us would like to be sure. Is it all true or is it just a bullshit and we will just die and nothing will happen afterwards? That’s interesting. DO you guys ask yourselves this question sometimes too? But then I had another thought and I think I would prefer to get answer for this one, as I wonder really often about that and sometimes get quite frustrated about it:

Why actually was it so hard for me to go through that long period of time when I was at the boarding school? Or maybe not why it was so hard, but why did it affect me, my emotions and my mental health so much? Why I felt like it was so challenging if I wasn’t abused there, besides one year when I was emotionally abused by some of the staff, but then it finished. Why did I have such big issues with adapting there and why was it so overwhelming in so many different ways, for so many different reasons? Did other kids feel it too, but they were such great actors that I didn’t notice anything? They had to be really great, because I think I’m pretty good at “feeling” other people and I always thought they are happy there, well as happy as kids may be when they aren’t with their families. I know only one girl who I know that reacted to being there like me and ended up with generaised anxiety. Luckily she was much younger than me when people started to see what’s going on and it was my Mum who told her mum that she should take her home. Her issues looked very familiar for me. Is it the matter of high sensitivity? Coincidence of too many hard things put together? Emotional weakness? My Mum thinks so, but then why do a few other people said they think I’m strong? Is actually such thing like emotional strength a thing that can be objectively measured? Or maybe I was already freaky when I got there? Would I struggle less nowadays with my mental health if I wouldn’t go there? Or maybe I wouldn’t struggle at all? Why I am so afraid of processing my emotions and reacting so weirdly, emotionally and physically, to different, apparently normal stuff that all the other people are indifferent about and don’t think much about?

Well it is certainly more than one question. πŸ˜€ But it’s all swirling around one thing, so I look at it as one, big question. It all really makes me wonder.

What would be your questions. πŸ™‚

A quick update.

I didn’t write anything about my life for quite a while, recently I feel like I’m behind everything, so decided to do it quickly today as I have a bit of free time on my hands.

So I’m back in the routine since last week, my winter break has finished and all goes relatively well. Besides being busy with school, my languages, family life and other stuff, last week I also went to the OM doctor. I think I didn’t mention yet that I am working since about two years in my Dad’s company as an office worker. My Dad is a tank driver and delivers fuel. I don’t do much and it’s surely nothing like the job of my dreams, but I can earn some money which I can save for the future or spend for some things just for myself which I really appreciate and I think I’m lucky I’m in such situation. I suppose lots of disabled people would love to have such a start in life, no matter what they’d do next. So obviously I need to go to the OM doc every year, I had my bloods taken and other things like that and then I talked to him. At some point he wanted to measure my blood pressure, he took my arm and was very astonished why my skin is so dry. Actually, I was astonished too, because I never really thought it was dry. I do have hypothyroidism, but I always thought that, especially as for a person with hypothyroidism, my skin is definitely OK. So I told him I have thyroid issues and maybe it’s about that, but he said he doesn’t think so. My Mum, who was in there with me, was astonished too. He asked her if it feels like her skin is dry. She said that no, absolutely not. We both were actually convinced our skin is very smooth. But he asked her to show him her arm and he said that it is dry. So that amazed us even more, like I didn’t know whether to actually believe him. And he said he’s a dermatologist, besides being an OM doc and we could make an appt with him as a dermatologist if we wanted to. So then I told him that although I’ve never thought about myself as having any bigger skin issues, recently I have often pretty disturbed sleep because of being very itchy at night and Mum said the same is with her, which I already knew about. So he told us there is apparently a genetic condition and when you have it, your skin tends to be dry and the problem increases in winter when you have the heating on or if you stay in air conditioned rooms for long periods of time. I surely am not in air conditioned rooms often, but obviously we do have heating on now when it’s winter and that itchiness occured in me very recently. He also said you can have skin infections frequently, can feel more itchy while having shower or when you’re stressed and that’s exactly what me and Mum experience from some time. So we decided we’ll book an appointment with him. I’ll have it tomorrow. I’m interested what he’ll tell me and what’s this condition, I’ve never heard of it. Sometime ago I wrote about the infection I’m having on my leg and maybe that’s why it’s occurring. So I will show it to him and maybe he’ll have any idea what to do with it, as I definitely don’t want to have it again and want to heal it as quickly as possible, I want to be able to horse ride again, but it’s too painful right now so I wouldn’t have any pleasure of it. So that’s it about my appointment.

As for other things, I finally got accepted to write my final exams in the school for the blind and not the school I’m attending to. My school is a mainstream school and it would be hard for them to technically adapt the exams for me and I would feel challenged and both me and my Mum think like I’d have quite a lot of additional stress while I’ll be already stressed out just with exams, so I’m glad I don’t have to worry about technical stuff now.

The only thing I am worrying about in this case (besides passing the exams of course) is that there is a boarding school as well. While having exams, me and my Mum will most likely have to stay there. It’s not the boarding school I was in, it’s a completely different school and I will stay there with Mum and Zofijka, but I feel kind of stressed about that. I feel like it can be a bit triggering. And I feel weird admitting that actually. I know it’s another school, other circumstances, but seems like my brain doesn’t know that. And that makes me wonder whether if simply staying in the surroundings resembling my school, where I didn’t feel well emotionally, makes me so anxious, even if the circumstances will be completely different, whether it means I have some more trauma around that or what… It makes me feel really weird, it was a really hard time for me, being there, lots of hard stuff, but I wasn’t abused there, well there was a time when I experienced emotional abuse from the staff, but my Mum realised what’s going on and it stopped reoccuring. But other than that, nothing really dramatic happened, no one did any harm to me at least not consciously. So I would really like to know what it’s all about. And, actually, that isn’t the first time and situation in which I’m wondering about it. Am I more traumatised than I think, or just so horrribly emotionally weak? I don’t know if it makes sense for you, I’m not even sure if it makes sense for me so… well it’s just so strange. πŸ˜€ But there’s still some time until May, so hopefully I’ll be able to pick myself together a bit until then. I didn’t talk abaout it with my Mum, but I talked briefly with my Dad. Not about my emotions around that, but just asked him if he would be able and if he would like to go there with us. Because if he could, it would be easier to move around and I know that my Mum would prefer it too, then we could stay somewhere else outside the school. But his work hours are very unpredictable so he didn’t tell me anything in particular and I know he would be bored to death there even if he wouldn’t have to work, so my question was actually rather theoretic.

And the last thing I would like to mention about is that last week I got a wonderful gift from my Maths tutor. She is a typhlopedagogist and surdopedagogist and because I am learning on my own outside of school, just at home, but having trouble with Maths, I have lessons with her two days a week and she explains stuff for me. She is also helping Zofijka with her Maths, although Zofijka goes to school regularly and doesn’t have any special needs, but has issues with Maths and it’s just easier to pay for one tutor than for two. And Zofijka is absolutely fascinated by her. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is, last week on Tuesday, when she came to us she had three large boxes of gem stones for me! I was so excited and I really appreciated the fact she remembered that I collect gem stones. After all she’s only my tutor, but she’s really involved and helpful. Some time ago we chatted after the lesson and she saw my huge collection and I told her a bit about it and showed her many of my stones and she mentioned her brother was collecting gem stones and other minerals when he was younger and now no one cares about them so she brought them to me. And there are a few pretty rare minerals, some which I looked for and couldn’t find anywhere, so, yeah, I was extatic. πŸ˜€

Today I’m having a really peaceful day finally which I really appreciate. I spent a lot of time with my Mum. Zofijka has sinus infection so she’s still at home and we played a lot. And although I had lots of weird and sometimes scary dreams recently, I feel really well today.

How is it going for you guys? πŸ™‚

Question of the day.

What quote or saying do people spout but is complete BS?

In my opinion, such saying, or maybe proverb, or whatever it is, is that there are no irreplaceable people. I don’t actually know if there’s something like this or any equivalent of this in English, but we use it in Polish. And that’s simply not true, I think. Because in my opinion everyone is different, so everyone is irreplaceable. I can’t think of a person who would replace my Mum for me and for my whole family. Misha is not a human, but seems like pets are irreplaceable either, because I don’t think any cat could replace Misha for me. Sure, I could have another cat or whichever pet if I wanted after him, but it wouldn’t replace him. It wouldn’t be like him. I could accept that my Mum passed away or that Misha passed away, I could find other beings to love and care about and who will love and care about me, but I’d still feel lack of that one who passed away. What do you think? And what saying or quote would you choose? πŸ™‚

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What’s your favourite?

Thanks for hosting to Eve over at Revenge Of Eve

. This week she asks us about favourite fairytales.

It was a pretty hard choice because although I’m not a child anymore I read fairytales pretty often and I love them. I read fairytales from all around the world and I suppose I could pick my favourite fairytale from every or almost every culture. I think I have it after my Mum who also loves lots of fairytales and she read many of them to me.

As a little girl, I loved Little Red Riding Hood. I don’t really remember why I loved her so much. I just could listen to it over and over and over again. So now I am not as big fan of it as I was back then because it’s not so interesting for me now since I’ve listened to it so much in my early childhood. Which doesn’t mean I don’t like this fairytale at all.

So as my all time favourite I think I would pick a fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen, but since I always read it in Polish, I’m not sure its English title, its Danish title is “Ole LukΓΈje” and it was based on the myth about the Sandman, a creature who was believed to give dreams to children. I’ve loved this fairytale my whole life and was always kind of inspired by sandman in general.

Question of the day.

Today my question for you is:

What’s your biggest screw up in the kitchen?

My Answer:

I am not very experienced in cooking, in fact, I’ve never prepared any meals completely on my own. I had some cooking lessons at the boarding school or we were doing some food for ourselves with other students, sometimes I help my Mum with most basic things, but generally I was never good at cooking, maybe because my fine skills are a mess, and I often felt kinda discouraged because I never succeeded in it and felt like it’s something impossible for me to learn. But although sometime ago it was a bit frustrating for me, now I don’t care that much about it, I don’t need to cook for myself, I live with my family, and there still are caterings, restaurants etc, lots of able-bodied people can’t cook as well.

So that being said, I suppose almost every activity I would try to undertake in the kitchen without assistance, would likely end with a massive screw up. The one I can recall at the moment was when I wanted to help my Mum to cut the carrot for the salad and almost ended up cutting my finger out, luckily it didn’t happen, but I hurt it pretty bad and there was a whole lot of blood allover afterwards and my right hand was non functional for quite a while. πŸ˜€

How about your screw ups? πŸ™‚

Share your world, February 19, 2018.

How do you like your eggs?
I am not a massive eggs fan, but if I eat them, they are usually either soft-boiled or hard-boiled. I really don’t like fried or scrambled.

Have you ever met anyone famous?
I think it depends on what you mean by famous. Famous people may be famous in some environments, whereas not heard about at all in others, the same about different countries. I’ve met some people that apparently were famous, but I’ve had no idea about their existence before I met them. But putting it very generally I think I know a few famous people. The most important from these from me is a Polish writer MaΕ‚gorzata Musierowicz. She writes books for children and young people, but especially those addressed for youth, are willingly read by all the generations, especially by women, but also not only, and they are very much appreciated. She writes about a multi-generational family, their life, their friends… It may seem pretty prosaic, but these books are full of interesting thoughts, intelligent humour, warmth and yummy food they eat.

I was at the quite difficult time in my life, I left the boarding school for the blind where I didn’t feel good emotionally and went to the integration school for two years, but it didn’t seem to be good practically for me, so I had no choice but come back to the boarding school. And it was a very hard decision. My Mum knew about it so she said she will make my dream come true if I will do it. So I did. And my biggest dream at that time was to meet Musierowicz. So my Mum told one of the staff about our agreement, no one else knew about it, and they organised a contest for the whole school about Musierowicz’s books and their characters. As at that time I even knew some parts of her books by heart (:D so obsessed I was) I was one of the finalists and so we met her. I had a great time with her and I saw she’s really an amazing person. We even hugged each other and I could see her house and the garden and she read the book for us.

I also met the wife of one of the former presidents of Poland as she came to our school, I was very small back then though so I don’t remember that very well, but I sang for her. Our school was often visited by different apparently famous people so I saw lots of them, but didn’t realy care about it.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
My Russian blue cat, Misha, was bought partly for my money. I don’t want to talk on his behalf, but I personally have never regreted it even for a while.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Usual things like Misha and progress in all my languages. On Tuesday my Maths tutor, with whom each of us – me and Zofijka – has individual lessons twice a week, came to me and had a great gift for me. She saw my gem stones collection and told me her brother has collected a lot of minerals when he was younger and now he moved houses so no one cares about them. So she brought them to me. I was excited. There are three big boxes full of stones and actually I still haven’t seen all of them. Also on the same day I was very proud of myself for challenging myself and my social anxiety and talking to a guy I’ve just met, which turned out to be a very nice conversation. His name was Jacek. It was so just not like me to just chat with a guy I’ve never seen before. But I felt relatively comfortable around him. I have always a weird liking for names Jack and Jacek and almost always tend to like/get on with people with these names. Even if a villainin a book is called Jack, I’ll still be more understanding for him than for any other villain. Maybe because my Dad’s name is Jacek. I don’t know, some say I’m just a name and language fetishist. πŸ˜€ On Wednesday it was Valentine’s Day and although I am single so didn’t celebrate it much, especially that we are a Catholic family so it was Ash Wednesday for us, it was still a good day for me and I had a great time with my family. And it was Cat’s Day on Saturday. We didn’t have any presents for Misha, but we treated him like a king. I appreciated the fact that I slept relatively well all the nights last week. Wow, it seems quite long! πŸ˜€

Thanks so much for hosting to Cee over at Cee’s Photography. πŸ™‚

https://ceenphotography.com/2018/02/19/share-your-world-february-19-2018/

Question of the day.

OK so here is my question for you. I thought I will add my answers too, so even if you’re not answering a question, you can always read something more, plus I think I will enjoy it.

So my question for you guys is: What are your best and worst purchases?

As for mine, the best is surely Misha. I’ve never, just never regret I have him. Surely, there are moments when I’m just mad at him or he annoys me or vice versa, but we are happy together and I wish everyone had such a friendly and loving companion as Misha is for me.

The worst… hard to pick, I usually don’t think much about the worst things I buy, I just get rid of them and continue living, and it’s the more hard that it is not a long time since I can buy things for my own money. So yeah, I’ll pick a thing that actually my Mum bought for me and it is my Braille embosser. I really wanted to have it, thought it would help me in life, in having access to some rare books, or at least parts of them. But it turned out to be a complete failure, it took me ages to find someone who would be good at setting up Braille embossers and could do it for me, and then it turned out something is wrong with it and there was a lot of fuss about it, as far as I remember me and this person who helped me with it didn’t fully resolve the problem and it still wasn’t working exactly as it should. I couldn’t figure out many things in it. Then finally it was (somehow) set up, I was very happy, but we soon moved houses and I had to set it up again and… ugh, I just thought it’s too much effort compared to the advantages I had of it. Plus I’d have to pay that guy to help me once again, which also cost quite a bit. So although it still is in my house, it’s not usable and I don’t think I will use it anymore. It’s a pity though that such things cost so much money and then seem actually useless.

How about your purchases?

Present.

It’s often hard for me to live in the present

.I’ve always had a tendency to either worry to much about the future, or delve in the past, analysing all the awful stuff that happened to me or idealising my good memories, or when my future seemed absolutely hopeless to me, to escape into daydreams where everything looked colourful and I could entertain myself with millions of beautiful scenarios of my life and the reality around me.

I noticed it at some point a few years ago, while talking with my Mum about something good that happened to me in the past and I was all like “oh it was so good back then” and Mum finally told me something that really amazed me and gave me a lot to think about. She said she thinks I think about the past or the future so much that I don’t live the present and can’t appreciate it, and so my own life flies past beside me, without me taking actually part in it. And although it sounded harsh and brutal for me back then and I immediately said it’s not true, it stayed with me and I thought about it a lot.

Finally I realised it’s true. I realised that when those things I liked so much about the past, when all those nice moments were happening, I didn’t think much about them, didn’t think they are nice because my mind was focused on so many other things, negative and stressful things, so I didn’t really live that moment, only in my memories afterwards. I know now that there is even the word for it in the Welsh language, which can’t be translated directly to English, it is “hiraeth” and it means longing for things, or particularly places, that don’t really exist, because you idealised them in your mind. Like your motherland for example, when you’re an emigrant. Some time passed away, so it could change, and your mind deludes you that it was better than it ever was because, the grass is always greener… obviously. Hiraeth may also refer to the longing for something you don’t know, so you know you feel the longing or yearning and it’s very strong, but you don’t know what’s it all about so it’s a bit frustrating. Oh but I shouldn’t talk about the hiraeth now!

So I realised I was experiencing that what now I know as hiraeth and decided to change it. I thought it is a total and pointless waste of energy and of time to do what I did.

I started to try to see all the positive things around me and, pretty quickly actually, it wasn’t already so hard for me to notice different small things in life that could be enjoyable. I still am a pessimist, but not of that kind that don’t see any positives at all. My pessimism, as I wrote sometime before, is more of a defensive nature. And it doesn’t stop me from being positive and grateful for all the good things in life. I am very often depressed, but, unless it hits me really hard for some time, usually I’m not anhedonic, so, I still have my passions, things I like to do, and they usually help me. Also I cope better with not so distant future. Like, let’s say about three years ago, if I would have a nice weekend and could do lots of things I like, everything would be great, I wouldn’t focus on the weekend, but would likely freak out about all the stressful things that wait for me on Monday. Now I rarely experience it to an extent that really disturbs me a lot. If I have something stressing ahead, it’s still in the back of my mind, but if I’m doing something better right now, I surely won’t focus on that stressful thing. Why should I do it?

I think it is now easier to appreciate the life and all about it more, because the present is just easier for me than the past was. Just the fact that I wasn’t seriously suicidal in years now means I’m now in much better place than I was back then.

Unfortunately, I’m still worrying, sometimes almost obsessively, about the more distant future, it’s very hard to control it, especially in times like these, when I’m finishing one of the stages in my life and aren’t quite sure what to do next. I am still daydreaming, and, especially at night, different crappy memories like to remind me about their existence. I’m still trying to unlearn it. But at least I haven’t that feeling, that my life is going beside me, and I am stuck in the past or in the future and don’t take any advantage of it.

Do you also feel sometimes like you’re not living the present?

 

Question of the day.

Don’t know if it’ll be a regular series on my blog, depends on whether you guys will like it and whether I will be able to come up with or find online any questions for every day, but decided to give it a try. Here’s my question for you, this one I found on the Behind The Name message board:
What have you gotten away with? How sneaky were you when you were younger? Or was it something recent that you messed up and got away with?