Question of the day.

   Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, what are some annoying things that the opposite do? 

   My answer: 

   Well I’m an introvert, and what I’m going to say obviously aren’t things that I think ALL extroverts do, just what I experienced with quite a few of them. 

   The most annoying thing imo is how a lot of extroverts see introversion as something weird, abnormal or pathological, something that is the worse option of the two and that you should at least try to change, or else you’re crazy, strange or something. I think if it’s something pathological, it’s not introversion but anxiety or other things like that, and introversion is just a totally neutral trait. Sure, there are more introverts than extroverts who have social anxiety or are shy, but that doesn’t mean that introversion alone is something that is deemed to make you pathologically shy and socially crippled, or that extroverts cannot develop those things (I actually wonder if something like social anxiety wouldn’t be even more painful and frustrating for an extrovert to live with). It’s kind of like being tall vs being short for example – each has its own upsides and downsides and potential risks that are more linked to the one but not the other, but none is inherently better or worse than the other. – 

   A lot of extroverts I know have a bit of an egocentric mentality, which sometimes really annoys me. They always readily assume that you must enjoy the same things as them, and if you’re not into partying or going out with their whole group of friends that you barely know, and if you politely refuse or something, they’ll assume you’re haughty/rude/cocky or that you don’t like them, alternatively they’ll keep trying to persuade you because they know that you want to do it and that you need company and someone who’d make your life less “boring”, you just don’t know it yourself yet, and even if you really do not want it, it’s the normal thing to do so you should. Speaking of extroverts assuming that you’re haughty or rude, that’s something that, to me personally as both an introvert as well as someone with AVPD and all that fun stuff that affects my peopling capacity, isn’t just annoying but also quite hurtful, because the last thing I want is for people to assume that I’m being deliberately rude towards them or don’t like them or consider myself superior in relation to them. 

   Insisting that you come in and stay at theirs when you just popped for a little while. Sure, it is hospitable to offer that, but insisting more than once when the invited individual already said “No, thank you”, to me it seems rather pushy and sometimes even threatening when someone is hellbent on having it their way. A lot of my family do that, and so does my Dad when people come to us. I always feel for them when they’ve come to, for example, just take their car back after last night’s party and my Dad invites them to come all over again and they’re like: “Oh no, no, thank you, we’d like to but we have this and this and that to do at home!” And he keeps going: “Oh but just stay for a cup of coffee” Guests: “Sorry but…” Dad: “I’ll make you a cuppa, come in, come in!” Guests: “But we really can’t stay long…” Dad: “Milk or sugar?”… That’s obnoxious! I totally get that he just wants to be nice and hospitable but, for flip’s sake, there’s a limit to everything! 

   And something that is objectively very minor but a real pet peeve of mine is how extroverts call introverted people “quiet”. I hate this word so, so much! Like, really? You see me for five minutes, during which I don’t really have much to say to you because I barely know you (and, as we’ve already established, I don’t know how to do peopling really) and you already know that I’m quiet? You should spend a minute in my brain. 😀 I can be very quiet, but I can  talk up a storm just as well in the right circumstances, and I think many introverts are like that, it depends how comfortable they feel in a given situation and how much they have to say on a specific topic. Some people, in addition to quickly labelling others with the “quiet” label, say it in a way that sounds as if they perceived those so-called “quiet” people as pretty dull and boring. And I do get that a lot of introverts seem like that at  first glance indeed. Sometimes even at second, too. And that group of introverts absolutely includes Bibielz too, perhaps even in the top 5! 😀 But if you label someone as “quiet” right away, you can’t expect them to ever open up to you. We’ll let you see what you want to see, we wouldn’t want you to get a shock from finding out how intense it can get when we go “loud”. 😀 And even those who are truly  quiet and very careful with how much they say at all times, they can be extremely deep people in their inner peace and balance, even deeper than those of us who hide intensity behind quietness, and in my experience can be really wise and anything but boring, but it takes time to get to know them of course. 

   So I think these are all the things that I find particularly annoying about some extroverts. 

   You? 🙂 


6 thoughts on “Question of the day.”

  1. Yeah, I was making a list of traits that have social introversion in common somehow!

    *** Introversion, when you need time alone to recharge
    *** Social anxiety, where you get really stressed or anxious interacting.
    *** Empathy, where you pick up on other people’s emotions and wind up feeling them yourself.
    *** Shyness, where you’re self-conscious about sharing.
    *** Being highly sensitive, where you perceive all these subtleties and react to them, like loud sounds, etc.

    Thanks for giving me a place to share my list, since I’m still between blogs at the moment. 😀 My own combination of the above is: yes, no, no, no, yes. So I’m a highly sensitive introvert who’s not empathic, shy, or anxious. (I’m just wondering how much of a stressor it would be to have all five traits!)

    Hmm… I’m trying to think of who I know that’s an extrovert. I heard that Jesus was an extrovert. That was interesting. Hmm… I think I don’t know enough extroverts to think of anything. Interesting question, though!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a really good list! I wonder if there are any other things that could be aded to it that perhaps are less common or less obvious to think about. I’m thinking even of avoidant personality disorder, but then there’s a theory that it’s just a more extreme and ingrained version of social anxiety with some extra gimmicks so not sure if it counts. Speaking of personality disorders, schizoid would probably count but then I guess all people with SPD must be introverts anyway. Oh yeah, now I’m thinking autism.
      Ohhh that must be pretty awful living with all five of these! But I guess there may be quite a bunch of people who are like that. Personally I wouldn’t call myself an empath in the sense in which this word is used now a lot, I mean I am fairly empathetic but nothing out of the ordinary I guess and it rarely interferes with peopling for me, it doesn’t happen to me very often that I’d be totally overcome with feeling someone’s emotions or pain or stuff. Shyness I’m not sure, I guess there’s too much overlap with social anxiety to say for certain but I relate to descriptions of social anxiety a lot more than to shyness. But in any case I still live with the majority of these (or half if we include autism on the list), being an introvert who’s highly sensitive and socially anxious, so now I’m thinking it’s little wonder I hate peopling as much as I do. 😀
      You’ve heard that Jesus was an extrovert? :O That’s very interesting, ’cause just quite recently I’ve heard that Jesus must have been an introvert, which made a lot of sense to me given his contemplative nature, not speaking more than is absolutely necessary etc. But I can also see why one could think he is an extrovert. Which now makes me think that he must be an ambivert, which would probably make most sense, first because there are most ambiverts in the world, and second because God is perfect, and ambiversion is the most balanced, without any sort of excess in any direction, so you can be either intro- or extroverted whatever a situation requires.
      It’s also interesting and kind of funny in a way that you say you don’t know enough extroverts, given how it’s often showed as if they were the majority or something. I do know a lot of extroverts but I guess among people I know the ratio is pretty equal.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think some people forget that even extroverts can feel social anxiety in situations. I have a coworker who always seems to have his social calendar booked to the max. The first day he was at work, he had to engage with strangers and hand out flyers to promote an event, which is something all new employees (including me) had to do on their first day. He actually told me later on he got so much anxiety while doing it and never wants to do that ever again. I was like, yep, I get it.

    One thing I can never understand about extroverts is how they can stand to be around people for so long. I feel exhausted and like I need to hibernate from people after only a few hours or a full day of being around a select number of people.

    Personally I feel less of a sting in my adult life when people call me quiet. As a child, a teenager and then a young adult, I often felt there was an overtly negative connotation attached to “being quiet”. Being pointed out as such only made me not want to verbally engage with people even more. Recently I asked a coworker what he thought of me (since we work a shift together and see each other often). He said he thought I was quiet but that I was easy to talk to and a good person to work with because we have en established rapport with each other. I was unsurprised and not offended at being called quiet. I think I didn’t take offense because I’ve reached a point of clarity in my experiences (with being quiet and also having times where I feel like speaking up so I do) that I take the descriptive word in stride. It helped that afterwards I even felt comfortable enough to explain to him that, yeah, I can be quiet and it can be for a variety of reasons, like when my energy level at work is low or if I have a lot on my mind so I’m just not in the mindset of being very chatty. What I didn’t tell him was that my social anxiety was once so severe that doing something as simple was walking into class late or asking a question during class was so anxiety inducing that I would avoid doing it at all costs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true what you’re saying about extroverts and social anxiety. I guess it’s not talked about as much because extroversion and social anxiety are kind of conflicting things, but I guess it must make it all the more difficult for a person experiencing it. My Mum is a mostly extrovert-leaning ambivert but also with an introverted side to her I’d say, and she also has various situations or times when she finds it very difficult to interact with people. Perhaps not quite as pathological level as social anxiety but still it can be quite strong. And the paradox of her wanting to connect with people yet being anxious about interacting with her seems very difficult for her to live with at times.
      Yeah, I totally don’t get how one can have such capable social batteries as some extroverts do either, I’m often really weary after just an hour of peopling.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Definitely, it extroverism and social anxiety should be talked about more. Those are two things people don’t usually imagine go together but they do for some people.

        I find I have a similar complexity as your mother with wanting to connect with others but being anxious about their interactions with me, although I consider myself an introvert. I am not well practiced at making friends and it’s hard when I want to get to know someone but it feels weird to go beyond just saying hi to them and actually making the effort to approach them to make casual conversation. Or the opposite happens and people come to me and I get intimidated and nervous by people showing interest in knowing me. It’s jarring.

        Social batteries is a nice term. There was a work party recently and of course I didn’t go. It wasn’t only that there would be some employees there from other departments who I’ve never met, but the fact the party was late in the afternoon so I’d have to wait half the day just to attend was not for me at all. I’m the type that wants to get stuff done bright and early and then go home and wind down for the night. I can’t understand how for some people they still want to be out and about after hours and then have to deal with commuting home late and getting home late, too. To each their own…

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Well, actually I guess most people have at least some desire for connection with others, so it’s definitely not just extroverts, but I suppose it plays more of an important role for extroverts, because they usually don’t do loneliness too well and find longer periods with little or no human interactions to be really sad and boring, more so than introverts at least from what I’ve noticed. But yeah, being an introvert certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t have the need for connection as well, though I’d say we can handle lack thereof better.
      Haha I totally get your perspective. I was recently wondering about a similar thing re my (very extroverted) sister and school, how she’s able and willing to hang out with her mates for hours after school, after having already mingled with them for the first half of the day at school.

      Liked by 1 person

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