What’s on your mind right now?
My answer:
Ugh, nothing specific really. Mostly my mind feels muffled and jumbled because I’ve been having a yucky headache since about noon. It’s not quite a migraine I guess, or not yet though I hope that if it hasn’t developed into one by now then it won’t at all, but still it’s pretty bad, and then on top of that I’ve been having a weird earache for some reason since yesterday, which seems totally random because I’d never really had earaches or ear infections or anything like that. I don’t even think this is due to an infection because it doesn’t affect my hearing and other than that and the headache I’m feeling okay, plus I don’t see how I would have gotten it and why, but it’s annoying nonetheless. It isn’t even like a constant earache but more like brief, sharp pain every few minutes so it actually feels more like a nerve thing or something. I slept for three hours or so thinking it would help but it didn’t really do much, in a way it actually only made things worse because I got really bad sleep paralysis. I woke up about two hours ago or so and am still processing and recovering from those dreams. Luckily I don’t even remember much but still it always leaves a shitty feeling in my brain, and I do remember one detail very clearly, how “Ian” (which is how I publicly call my dream “friend) roared at me that “Your mum crashed into a fucking ditch and died!” (except instead of the actual word that you’d normally use to talk about a human dying he used the one that you use for animals in Polish). He says a lot of bullshit like that and I sometimes think I should write down all his threats, prophecies and stuff to see if any will ever come true, but even though few or none do, he can still be very convincing. My Mum is in Germany on a camper trip with Dad, and I wondered why he said it about Mum but not Dad. Anyway, after I eventually woke up, I had to call Mum and make sure that she was okay and she was.
Also Misha’s on my mind. He’s been a real pain ever since Mum has left. Actually I’m not sure why we’ve only figured it out this year but Misha’s insanely attached to Mum. I mean we’ve always known that she is his favourite person and he often follows her around the house or watches TV with her and stuff like that, but Mum always said it’s simply because she is his main feeder so he associates her with food. But it doesn’t seem to be the case because he obviously still gets food from Sofi, , and he keeps crying so so much. And it’s always the case when my parents go on trips, and he gets so whiney and constantly wants something, either food or water or to pet him in the middle of the night while he sprawls himself out in the corridor. I used to think that Sofi doesn’t feed him enough, because in previous years she didn’t feed him often enough or change his water regularly, but it seems like Sofi’s a bit better about it now and he has more than enough food if he manages to vomit it fairly regularly. He constantly wants his snacks as well and can’t sleep normally through the night and keeps moaning. This is very different to how he cries when he wants out, it’s a bit guttural like his happy “hhrrru?” Except more resigned and lower-pitched, and he keeps repeating it over and over and over and over and over again. As soon as Mum comes back, he goes back to normal and is very affectionate with her. So I wonder if it wouldn’t actually be better for him if he went along with my parents. It would sure also be super stressful for him, but perhaps less than being away from mummy. My Dad always calls him Mama’s boy now. Last night Misha kept waking us up and we both felt like doing something nasty to him, so Mum said we should put him in the cellar/laundry room for the night and leave him some food and water there and that’s what we’ll probably do because he likes being there, and associates the place with Mum because he often accompanies her there when she’s ironing and Sofi says she’ll let Jocky in there as well so Misha will have someone to listen to his Mummy woes and Jocky will be able to cool off ‘cause it’s been frying outside for the last few days. For that reason I’m really glad that they’re coming back tomorrow, but then on Monday they go on another trip, this time one that my gran is organising for pensioners from her town. My parents are neither pensioners, nor from her town, but since she is the boss in their local pensioners group and they had some free spots with no local pensioners apparently willing to fill them in, they’re able to join in and will be going to Prague. We decided that Mum is going to give Misha his favourite pill (Prozac) from Saturday to Monday (but smaller dose than what the vet had originally recommended because we don’t necessarily want him completely zonked all over again especially while Mum wouldn’t be around) and maybe that will calm him down a bit until she’s back.
I’m also thinking what we should eat for dinner with Sofi, whether we should order something and if so what, or perhaps just keep it simple and have sandwiches or something, or Sofi said in the morning that she wanted to do some sort of pasta but she’s been out with a friend so when she comes back I think she’ll be hungry but not necessarily into making it. And I’m thinking whether I myself actually want anything for dinner at all given how I’m feeling. I don’t know about other people but for me a headache, never mind if it’s a migraine or more low-key, is always accompanied by more or less intense nausea so food isn’t really something I’d dream about then. But on the other hand I also didn’t really eat much at all today so perhaps I should eat something. How about you? 🙂
My Inner MishMash 
Sonya’s kitty, Zulejka, makes a similar noise to Misha! As best as I can describe it, it sounds like, Rrrra–rrra. Rrra-rrra! It’s darling! And little Mr. Kitty doesn’t speak much. He’s been unhappy since his dental procedure. He doesn’t let me hold him because he’s afraid I’m going to put him back in the carryall and take him back to the vets, poor kitty!! And he’s missing a huge patch of fur on his leg because they shaved it to give him an IV, presumably. It looks really bad with no fur there. Not injured, but just… furless. Poor kitty. We’ve been trying to be extra nice to him.
I’ve got a lot on my mind. I just took a “before” photo for my life coach, since I’m going to try to lose 20 pounds by the end of the year, and I’m horrified by how overweight I am. I mean, I’m no more overweight than ever, but I usually try to look thinner for the camera. Ugh. I’ve just got to keep trying! Oh! And then, four days later on January 4th, I’m going back to Prague! So much to do between now and then, including finally getting a cellphone for travel and such.
I hope you feel better soon!! Ugh, headaches! The worst! Keep us posted!! ❤
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Oh wow, Zulejka, what a cute name for a cat! 🙂
How long ago did he have the procedure? Hope he’s getting enough sleep to recover from that mentally and will soon feel more secure.
Yeah, Misha also makes the “rrrra” sound sometimes. He’s not very vocal when he’s doing well but he does have a huge repertoir of sounds to use when he really has to. It’s cute indeed, all Mish sounds are cute (perhaps the only exception would be vomit) but not necessarily so if you have to listen to one sound 24/7 in regular intervals.
Awwww poor little Mr. Kitty!
Ugh, I definitely feel for you with the weight loss thing and I really hope you can get there by the end of the year. It’s exciting that you’ll be going to Prague again! 🙂
Yes, I’m feeling a lot better today. The headache didn’t develop into a migraine and went away later in the evening. I’m still having that weird earache but it’s a lot easier to deal with one aching thing than two.
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I’m so glad you’re feeling better!! YAY!! ❤ Ugh, I hate earaches too and tend to get them often!! It feels like… a headache in my ears, if that makes sense. Mr. Kitty seems to be feeling better!! YAY! His procedure was on August 2nd, and last night he let me hold him in my arms while he fell asleep. Sweet kitty!! I think he's on the mend.
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Yikes, I feel for people who often get earaches. My Mum does too and I guess I’d never had one before and now I know it’s a really shitty feeling to have it. And yeah, I guess the headache in the ears analogy makes a lot of sense. 😀 Thankfully mine seems to be gone or at least calmed down a bit, hope I didn’t jinx it haha.
So good that Mr. Kitty is feeling better. It sounds like he’s had a pretty normal recovery time then, well at least judging by Misha’s standards, ’cause Misha when he has something very stressful happen to him can take a couple weeks to become fully himself again. I hope he continues to feel better. 🙂
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Is Ian in the habit of doing the dozens; as he would to all his friends and acquaintances?
[You are probably his “closest” friend – he living more or less rent-free in your head].
[The dozens – yelling things about mothers – usually sarcastic or humorous. Sometimes derogatory].
Or is he more of a sick joker – that is “Frog in the blender”-type of attitude and behaviour?
As for why “friends” attack our mothers more than our fathers…
that is a question for the ages.
[I thought in “Ian”‘s case that it was an Oedipal complex or the reverse of that].
I have been thinking a lot about property in the coast and in the country; about the things which are going on in the Gaza Strip at the moment [10 people have been killed]; about the Alex Jones defamation case [$65 million now – that will cover the Sandy Hook families so easily]; fake news more generally; about pickleball; poetry about Diggers; art shows.
And the books that I am reading at the moment:
THE SYMPATHIZER – Van Thanh
THE DUTCH HOUSE – Ann Patchett – I got quite far when I was sitting on the toilet – about 80 pages in it.
And another one I have not touched – I know some people will ask me “Is there a book that you have NOT touched?!” – well, there are many.
THE TIMELESS LAND – Eleanor Dark – well that one is a hardback and it has bigger print. It is also part of an Angus and Robertson printing.
[BEFORE they were overtaken by a Big Five publisher]
These came in a suitcase and there are three outfits involved.
Also I am thinking a lot about Irshad Manji and Islamic jurisprudence.
And the ethics of camps in sport.
I agree with writing down Ian’s threats and prophecies. If he is a magical thinker – or comes from the magical thinking part of you – he will simmer right on down.
And the prices of the Teaching Institute – how different they were from 10 years ago – and if there is inflation – how much HIGHER they would be. They were mostly in two figures and one was in four figures and began with 29…
And bigger figures like 600,000 and 60,000,000. I did have to think about how to make sixty thousand into sixty million or even SIX HUNDRED MILLION. The figure which was given was something like FIFTY EIGHT THOUSAND MILLION. [580,000+000 – in words three zeroes post-loaded]
If the Education Minister will not think about such figures and the people who they affect, I fear my respect goes down in to the ocean.
Then I thought about how the Great Barrier Reef is growing its coral again for the first time in 36 years. And replenishing some of the ecological damage.
I am thinking of two short story competitions – one is a Harry Potter competition for fanfiction and the other is an anthology for superheroes.
The Harry Potter competition is a local library competition
and the anthology of superhero fiction is Canadian as far as I know.
Also I am thinking about the new movie I would like to see called FULL TIME in English [it is originally in French].
Lots of movies come to my mind like GOOD LUCK LEO with Emma Thompson.
Last night I thought a lot about the HEXACO measurements.
H=honest
E=extroverted
X=
A=agreeable
C=conscientious
O=open to experience
And there was an oleo-word.
Emilia:
I hope Misha is not in the habit of scratching you in places that make cuts and infections which go too deep.
And the same for Jocky and his bites.
I am glad they are good companions.
Are your town’s local pensioners anxious about travelling because of the pandemic?
Meg:
I hope Mr Kitty is doing lots of activities.
Purkis had a wonderful Mr Kitty until 18 months ago I believe. [They are the one who wrote FINDING A DIFFERENT KIND OF NORMAL and other books: for example about work].
When people would come to Whimsy Manor and/or the blog Mr Kitty was always a presence – quirky and reassuring and caring and decent.
I will be interested in your cellphone adventures especially the ones which may or may not put it on call roaming and if it should have a SIM card.
Back to some of my own thoughts:
Also I thought a lot about the Throwback Thursday on childhood and adolescent discipline.
[this came up after reading Misha’s associations with the laundry room and the cellar].
It brought out my frustrated criminologist. [and, no, criminologist / penologist does not have 3 i’s before the -ist].
And the laugh I had with the Oxford Illustrated Dictionary about oleo- – The OLEO word had meanings like fat and greasy [connotation v denotation again!] as well as oily. So slick and smooth were there as befitting of a political biography or text being reviewed.
Prague for the win!
Yours truly had a map of Prague on her lap and a map of the provinces of Czechia and Moravia and for that matter Slovakia [the nearly-forgotten Višegrád state].
[Well, Z has not forgotten it!].
[because we do tend to bunch Poland; Hungary; Czechia together].
It will be just after the Christmas markets, won’t it?
Then I thought about athletics and role models – especially in the art of race walking.
Values-based motivation rather than fear-based motivation.
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Whoa, you’ve been thinking about so many different things, and quite heavy ones a lot of them! It’s really cool to have an eclectic mind . and have a lot of interesting things to think about
Hm, I don’t think “Ian” has a particular habit of doing the dozens. He says a lot of things that are supposed to be either threatening or insulting or just generally scary and everything else along that spectrum, but they don’t necessarily have to be about my Mum, in fact I can’t think of another instance where he’d talk about my Mum, though he sometimes likes to pretend that he is my Mum and does nasty things to make me believe that it’s my Mum doing it or that she would be capable of doing this in real life, so perhaps that’s somehow related. Still, I think he belongs more in the latter category.
Im not really sure if he’s a thinker at all, he never seems very smart to me, he’s very primitive and mostly just acts on some weird impulses and most of the time very predictably because he just does things that he knows will creep me out in some way. But still my sleep paralysis world in general definitely does have a strong link to some magical thinking part of my brain now that I think of it, so I think I really will start writing down what he says.
I had a time as a teen when I was into personality inventories, I was part of a Polish forum for introverts then and they had a whole section about personality tests and a lot of people there were into these kinds of things, but I’d never heard about HEXAco before.
Oh, no, don’t worry, Misha doesn’t scratch me like that. He scratches me a lot accidentally but these are only shallow scratches and don’t even hurt at all or anything. And even if he sometimes scratches me more deeply like when he’s scared or overwhelmed or something, I always have something disinfecting at hand in case of self-harming. Jocky does bite people a lot affectionately but it’s more likely to cause bruises than cuts.
Well, my gran definitely is afraid of the pandemic very much as she had a very nasty case of Covid last winter and we didn’t even think she’d make it through, but as it seems she isn’t afraid enough to stop her from travelling. She really loves travelling with them by coach, going on pilgrimages and in particular being the leader of all of this, and I can’t imagine her giving that up for too long, unless it would be physically impossible for her to travel. And if other people are going, then I suppose it’s the same with them. There are almost always a couple free spots on their trips though, because someone always gets sick, or has other plans, or just doesn’t want to go etc.
I think the presence of a cat is always so reassuring and almost automatically creates a very pleasant atmosphere. Even more so, I would think, if it’s a particularly quirky cat.
Hahah, people often think when I tell them that we put Misha in the cellar when he cries a lot that it’s a form of punishment or discipline. But it isn’t really, because like I said he likes being there and finds this place soothing, and it’s easier for us to live and not snap out at him when we can have a break from his endless crying. I guess people think so because cellar is usually associated with some gloomy, wet, dark place, but ours is very cosy actually, because it works as a laundry room at the same time, or even a sort of common room occasionally, because Mum, me and Sofi often sit and talk there. One doesn’t have to go through a lot of stairs to check on him in case he wants out so we can easily do it regularly.
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Hey.
I live in poland and it isn*t always a realm of an unicorn.
You see, Im partially disabled as the result of mine underage decisions.
I fell into love and sex stuff being 17 years old and have chosen the worst of possible paths for the first 5 years of my young life.
I think about it: about my life. I have written a bio of myself which took me at least two months of active introspection.
I stay in front of the opportunity to grow or maybe to fall apart again- not sure really.
Im thinking of love- I am in an romantic relationship, Im thinking of money- Im unemployed, Im wondering about art- theres a way I can push an envelope of creativity to my girlfriend.
Loads of “think about”. Also Im thinking about you, Emilia- Ive been observing your blog since 2019 and for me your blog is a freakin* great place to read and work on english. I really appreciate your work. Have a great day!
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Sounds like a lot of difficult things to think about. I’m sorry that your past actions affect your present life so much, but hopefully something good will come out of it in the future as it seems like you’re going in the right direction, I think introspection is a good thing.
I’m very happy to hear that my blog has helped you with your English, it has really helped me improve my own English skills as well. 🙂
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