Question of the day.

   What’s the worst part about puberty? 

   My answer: 

   Neither of these things are directly related to puberty, and they’re problems that I still experience, but I think they fully developed for me when I was around puberty. I think for me that would have to either be the neverending social pressure that I felt, or my constant emotional swings, which were probably all the worse that I kept bottling everything up. Regarding social pressure, I’m talking about all the socialising that you’re expected to do at school, in my case also at the boarding school ‘cause obviously after you go back from school you’re still surrounded by people pretty much all the time, in particular your peers, and you’re expected to act at least more or less like them. Also you’re supposed to make friends with people, which I didn’t really know how exactly it works. I guess I was mostly liked by people in my class and boarding school group and I liked most people as well and got on well with them, I also called a few of them friends if I got along with them better than with the rest, but these were never particularly close or deep friendships. Generally all those people that I considered friends, they were of course friendly with me and all, we’d talk a lot, even have our insider language or stuff like that, but they actually had a wider friends circle that they mostly spent their time with, and I wasn’t really part of that and they clearly didn’t want more people in that circle or at least not full-time, so I was alone most of the time. I generally didn’t mind as I really like being alone and not having to deal with people, I didn’t necessarily feel like I needed someone to be happy or anything like that, I was also used to it by then, but sometimes I did wish I had one proper friend and wondered what that would feel like and whether it would make my life at the boarding school any easier, because people who said they liked it there usually said so because they had friends there and they missed them while being at home on school breaks, which to me was unthinkable. I also had a strong feeling that it really made me stick out in the eyes of our group staff or teachers, and my Mum sometimes said that she was worried about me and that she’d like me to have a “real” friend there. While I could deal with the casual interactions with my peers, anything even slightly beyond that, and especially if involving more than three people at once, felt really straining for my brain, I was never sure what I was actually supposed to do or say and felt totally out of place and really stressed out. Just thinking about it in depth now makes me feel mentally weary and like phew, I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore, I’ve no clue how I did for so long and it’s little wonder that I ended up being a freak. 😀 

   Where swings are concerned, like I said I think that was something more due to my way of handling emotions and feelings rather than being so extremely hormonal. I remember it was really challenging for me that when I was an adolescent, I could feel quite a lot of really intense emotions in a very short time. The intensity could be quite crushing. On one hand, these were interesting experiences, but on the other, it was difficult to live with, especially if you’re determined to keep everything inside like I was, and I didn’t really have much in terms of a space where I could let some of that out safely and privately. I did keep a diary, but our days at the boarding school were busy, and I was rarely completely alone, so if I wrote in it, it was usually at night, which came at a high cost for my already messed up circadian rhythm and daily functioning, but I felt it was necessary for my sanity to have some time just for myself and I treasured every such minute. 

   Like I said, I still experience both of these things, I still struggle with that kind of peopling and I’m still very moodswingy if a lot is going oon for me, so I don’t really think these challenges were directly to do with puberty, but I don’t think that any of the typical puberty issues was really a significant issue for me. 

   What was the worst part for you? 🙂 

11 thoughts on “Question of the day.”

    1. Oh yeah, getting some privacy at boarding schools can be really challenging. Mine had a separate bathroom for every three-people bedroom though so at least we were lucky in that bathroom privacy wasn’t a big problem. And first periods are always yuck. I don’t remember mine as particularly rough though, perhaps because it was initially questionable whether I’d have a period at all due to my hormonal difficulties and when I eventually did get it it was quite late so my Mum managed to explain it all to me at least in theory, I guess not every girl has that luxury and it’s a lot more of a shock for many when it comes.

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  1. Yes, I’d say that expectation is the worst part of puberty. I believe it’s the phase when our potential peeks out but we don’t yet know what we want or who we are. The expectations, social or personal, is quite overwhelming until we know ourself. It starts in puberty but can possibly be with us our whole life.

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    1. Yes, expectations can be hard to deal with during puberty. Especially that you’re supposed to make some really important decisions during that time but you just don’t necessarily always know yet where you want to go with your life long-term.

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  2. HA HA HA! I’ll try to write this again now. I couldn’t master menstruation to save myself. I often bled all the way through my clothes and my ballet tights in ballet class. [Making faces at myself.] And my one ballet teacher was a man! Oh my. I think because I was raised in an emotionally abusive environment, I didn’t have the intelligence (as weird as that seems) to understand menses. It fooled me time and time again. Also, my period has always gone into “hiatus” where it disappears halfway through the week but then comes back, not finished. In middle school, it just kept confusing me and taking me by surprise, and I’d be in the school’s restroom stuffing toilet paper down there helplessly. [Really shaking my head at myself now.] I’ve never understood how most teens seem to get a grip on it right away. HA HA! Fun question!! I hope you’re doing well!! ❤

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    1. A period with a hiatus in between would probably take me by surprise a lot too, I can totally see myself having all sorts of ridiculous situations if it worked this way for me. And getting a grip on how it all works took me a long time too. My Mum took a lot of time to explain things to me in theory far in advance so I knew everything about what a period looks and feels like, what happens during it etc. but had no idea how to deal with it in practice once it came and would often wonder as well how most teenagers seem to grasp it so easily so I feel you in this. Though I was very lucky in that I didn’t really have any truly embarrassing accidents or at least have no such recollections.

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