Question of the day.

What social stigma does society need to get over?

My answer:

As someone who is disabled and mentally ill, the most instinctive answer for me is disability/mental illness stigma, but since many of my readers also have mental illnesses and/or disabilities, I figured I’d leave that in case someone would like to write about this and I’d write about something else. Recently we’ve been talking with my Mum about stigma that mothers have to face, and if I were a mother, I’d be pissed off big time about it. Even when I’m not, I find it very annoying. Being conservative, Christian, traditionalist in a lot of ways, albeit an open-minded and quirky one, and all sorts of things like that I’m not necessarily a feminist the way feminism is typically understood these days, and neither is my Mum, but I think both of us still are, just in a different way. I suppose though that in this case the more modern feminists would probably agree with me. What I’m talking about is, when a man who has children goes out for a beer with his friends, no one investigates where and with whom he left his children, no one makes a tragedy out of it that a dad went out on his own without dragging his kids along. When a woman goes out with her friends clothes shopping and happens to come across someone she knows in the meantime, she’ll very likely be questioned about where her children are, as if her sole function was being a mother. Many will even procede to make such a “cruel” mother feel guilty or something. I’m not saying that a father can replace a mother, and there are definitely things that mothers tend to do better than fathers, and that fathers tend to do better than mothers, hence I believe that it makes sense that their respective roles in the family should be different, but their responsibility for children, and the right to have other identities and not just one of a parent, is something they both should share.

Also in the family department, the childless/single people stigma bites. I know a lot of young single and/or childless people and it’s crazy how often I hear people talking to them or about them how they should start looking for someone, how it would be super cool and cute and amazing and delightful if they became a mummy or daddy, how it would be good if they found another half to make them happy, ask them if they already have someone, or when they’re gonna have kids etc. etc. etc. Probably the most of that stuff that I witness is directed at my brother, who has no plans of finding a girlfriend any time soon and thus of having children either. I’m in a similar situation, but luckily I get way less of such bullcrap because duh, I’m blind so in most people’s brains it’s probably not even possible for me to be in a relationship and have children. ๐Ÿ˜€ Even my Mum, who is a very open-minded thinker and doesn’t like going with a life scheme and all that, and always tells us that she doesn’t want us to feel pressured to do any of the normal stuff that people do, she’ll still sometimes sigh how she’d like for Olek to “settle” and “find someone”. Thankfully she always has me to remind her of her no schemes philosophy lol.

The main reason why I’m so opposed to people imposing their relationship/children views on other people is not even so much because I don’t like schemes, but more so because I think not everyone is a good fit to be a parent. It’s a great thing to have a great family if you can and if you’re a good parent, but I think it’s a really bad idea to make it seem so that it should be the majority’s vocation to have children. My Mum and me have come up with that idea many years ago that people should be tested in all sorts of ways whether they’re fit to be parents and then be allowed or not allowed to have children. Obviously in practice there would be loads of problems and controversies around it that would be super difficult to handle in real life, and especially if you look at it from our Christian perspective, but in any case, parenting is a very difficult task, probably the most difficult in the world, and few people at the age of 20 when they’re often emotionally still much like children themselves are ready to start raising children of their own and the whole social pressure is an awful idea.

What is such stigma in your opinion? ๐Ÿ™‚

12 thoughts on “Question of the day.”

  1. I think, for me, it has to be stigma about my mental illness, which is did, because of all the media frenzy about it, about people who have it being dangerous or violent, and making us out to be monsters or serial killers when clearly we arent. X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh yeah, I think there’s a lot of stigma around mental illness and the mentally ill in general, but I have an impression that DID is one of the most stigmatised disorders, with the media and movies and stuff demonising it, but also it seems like there are so many weird ideas and misconceptions around it even among professionals. That must be really difficult to deal with.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My first thought was disability for mental illness. Many times I’ve been in good conversations until I’m asked what I do for work and that is the end of the conversation. But this morning I saw an example of your answer. Maybe a little different. This morning the power went out in my building and a lot of people went outside. I got to the bottom floor as my neighbor had just struggled her way through the exit. It was a struggle for her because she is 9 months pregnant, carrying another child in a car seat and a bag of supplies in the other arm. I think I said, “ugh” and she said, “yeah, it’s frustrating. I didn’t think much until I got outside and saw her boyfriend already outside with the dog having fun with his friends. They live on the 3rd floor. He left her behind to take care of everything. I don’t want to swear on your blog so I won’t tell you which of my favorite slang words came to mind.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha thanks. It’s funny. After I wrote that I accidentally found an article about changing your reaction to the way you believe others should behave. I thought, that’s me. It’s 12 hours later and I’m still pissed at that guy. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. I’m only upsetting myself for no reason.

        Liked by 3 people

  3. All great points!! I too have escaped my family’s pressure to have kids! I never even knew it existed until I saw my aunt pressure my cousin many years ago, and I was like, “What the freak is she doing? Isn’t it his choice to have kids or not?” I was shocked. Geez.

    Hmm…. stigmas… I like it that so many stigmas are being challenged these days. And yeah, the mom stigma is ridiculous and so sexist! Regarding mental illness stigma in particular, one I’ve noticed in pop culture is this tendency to overreact if someone’s taking antidepressants. Like, “What?! How can you take crazy-person drugs? Are you insane now, too?” And it’s like, it’s a medication. Just take a deep breath and chill. Lots of people need help with their brain chemistry.

    I watched a Lifetime movie once based on a Nora Roberts book, and the main character was scared out of her mind because she’d been working as a chef when a madman came in and shot up the restaurant. She had horrific PTSD and couldn’t relax anywhere. And as she went on the run to small-town USA, everyone asked her, “Well, you’re not taking meds, are you?” And she replied, “Nope, I’m curing it all on my own,” and I’m like, facepalm. Those meds could help bridge the gap between her period of needing them and then not needing them anymore. Instead, she’s reinforcing her fears every single moment of every day, in the name of being virtuously med-free.

    And then I watched this episode of “48 Hours Mystery” about real-life crime, and there was a young man who I think was in his late teens and struggled with depression and anxiety. His medications barely took the edge off, which made me irate, because he was really unhappy and needed serious help. (I could tell from the videos he filmed.) It’s as if his psych doc didn’t take his concerns seriously and figured that a very lowkey antidepressant would have a powerful placebo effect, or something.

    And then, he was trying so hard to overcome his issues when a mean girl peer-pressured him into killing himself, hence the crime episode. And while it’s obviously her fault (she walked him through it step by step), I’m also enraged at his psych doc for just shrugging off his problems as “stupid teen issues”. [Facepalm.] So there are some aspects of the mental illness stigma that we should address as a society!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a very good point about meds and I agree with you. People act like taking antidepressants would actually cause you to become mentally ill rather than treat the mental health issues you’re already dealing with. I can certainly understand people’s very varying views on meds and that people may have their reasons not to go on certain types of medications, like be wary of certain side effects or something but when your quality of life is really low and you’re seriously ill, not taking meds just for the sake of not taking them like that character you mentioned is not something I get.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I’d say it’s the stigma of human intelligence. I find that once humans find an answer and feel intelligent, their egos come into play and the labeling for all begins. It’s where we lose sight of individual beings, experience of the moment and separate ourselves from nature. Having intelligence seems to make people act like they are closer to being a God and the knowledge that every life is unique and for that being is forgotten. We learn from each other but not all is for all.

    Liked by 3 people

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