Question of the day.

What is one thing that your parents taught you, that later turned to be totally wrong?

My answer:

For me it’s generally so that it’s my Mum who is more of an authority for me than my Dad, and our views on a lot of things are generallyy very similar, which is extremely fortunate since we live together and do a lot of things together so it would be tricky if we were clashing a lot more, and it’s not as smooth for a lot of other families I know, but also when I want to talk to her about something that I don’t agree with her on or confront her about something she’ll be able to have an open-minded discussion, and she’s also not the type of person who would insist on always being right and never was, she is capable of saying things like “I’m sorry, I really thought it was like this but now I know it’s not”, or we’ll simply accept that we’re on totally different pages about something and move on. My Dad, meanwhile, is more of an authoritarian type, rather than authoritative, he has generally a problem with admitting anything wrong on his part in any relationship, so he always insists on being right, but because like I said I’ve always seen my Mum as more of an authority, and Dad wasn’t involved so much in our upbringing and was more the breadwinner, even if he did tell me things that I was supposed to somehow learn or believe in, I would usually take it with a wee grain of salt from quite early on, because Mum was always more right, and sometimes what they were saying was right down contradictory. ๐Ÿ˜€ It’s not that I didn’t take my Dad seriously, I do for example consider him my go-to expert in geography or the history of WWII, he was just simply a bit less of a role model for me. I remember that my Dad would often say very generalised, stereotypical things about people, from a very narrow point of view. For example, I can vaguely recall asking him about what does a philosopher do exactly, and he said something like that nothing really, philosophers just think all the time, about things that don’t need that much thinking anyway. I think I found it interesting that someone would do nothing but think all the time and about meaningless things and consider it a valid job, so I guess I must have been asking some more questions or something, anyway what I can recall very clearly is that at some point he said that a philosopher is someone with whom it’s really difficult to communicate. I don’t think I know any philosophers, but whenever I think about it now as an adult I find it funny, where did he even get that from? I’m pretty sure it can’t be the case or even if it often might be, it certainly isn’t the fact that someone is a philosopher that makes them difficult to communicate with, or maybe it’s just difficult for the other side to communicate with them because they have a different way of thinking. Anyway, things like these, my Dad has a lot of such assumptions. Often, when you’ll talk to him calmly without trying to impose your point of view, and try to get him to think on his own, he can see beyond them, but some are really deeply ingrained, and yes, that has a harmful potential, because stereotypes can be very harmful, but usually the main reason why I think it’s such a pity is because it makes his thinking quite inflexible, and his view of people must be rather uninteresting, while I think that people, as much as they are a pain to socialise with and totally regardless whether I like them or not, are interesting as such in their diversity and complexity.

How about you? ๐Ÿ™‚

14 thoughts on “Question of the day.”

  1. My mom told me to just be myself and people would like me. False. My dad told me to stand up to people and they would leave me alone. False.

    It was a rude awakening to find out their advice was hit and miss and not gospel.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s so difficult when, as a kid, and then often later on as well, you kind of naturally think your parents are always right and then you realise it’s not the case. I feel really lucky myself that my parents weren’t really wrong on anything that could really make a huge difference whether they’re right or wrong, because I’ve seen people struggle with this a lot because their parents gave them bad advice about something really important like in your case, and that really must be painful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s interesting. I have to admit that I’ve never stopped to wonder what philosophers do, and now I’m curious. I guess they teach philosophy at college? But what’s the whole point of even studying it? Huh, that’s a stumper. Philosophy. My brother majored in it, and I did psychology. My sense is that those two majors are gendered: females like psychology and males like philosophy, because females like relationships, insight, and understanding, and males like logical progression and deep thought. That’s a bit of a generalization, though, I’m sure.

    Hmm…. what were my parents wrong about… actually, it’s rather unfortunate that my mom was always right. Ugh. “You like an older man who’s still single? He’s gay.” She was right about that. “You’re upset about your friendships at church? Years from now, you won’t still know any of them.” She was right about that. And so I came to fear her naysaying gloom-and-doom because it was always right. Bad, bad mother. You know, I think there’s something to be said for just being nice instead of being right all the time. [Eyeroll.]

    Like, my dad’s right about everything, but in a GOOD way. (How this is possible I can’t even begin to explain.) Anytime I’m upset about something that happened, he’ll have an explanation ready. It could be something sociological (“It’s the coronavirus’s fault!”) or something about human nature, etc., etc., but he’s always right. And darn it, his rightness infiltrates my brain and makes sense, and then I feel better. (That can be our little secret… I don’t want it to go to his head!) ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha. I must admit I still am not entirely sure what philosophers do, either, they surely can’t all be lecturers or writers. ๐Ÿ˜€ I guess it must be one of those professions you almost always do because you are genuinely into it and that alone makes it kind of cool to me even though I’m not really all that much into philosophy as such.
      Wow, that’s kind of creepy about your mum always being so awfully right, like some sort of a prophet! But it sounds really good about your dad, I think it must be very useful to have such a person. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      1. HA HA HA HA! Oh my gosh, it’s exactly like that! My mom’s a dark prophet! I’ve always hated it whenever I tell her about something I’m excited about, because if she’s not excited, too, she’ll naysay it and her prophecies always come true!! AAUGH!

        But yeah with my dad, he’s a great person and I feel lucky to have him around!! YAY!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. My parents are a lot more judgmental than I am, on a variety of different topics. As I learned more about the world and interacted with different kinds of people, it became clear how wrong my parents were in their judginess.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m so glad you and your Mom usually find common ground on most topics. I’ll write a blog post answering your question in a bit, but let me say here that I used to idolize my Dad even though a lot of his ideas turned out to be rather off. He, like your Dad, is more of the authoritarian type.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can quite relate to your idolising your dad, as I used to do that with mine as well. I was at boarding school most of the time so I often didn’t see his weaknesses as starkly as others in our family did and he was my hero for a long time.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. My dad always has to be right, I hate that, he’s so judgemental as well! He think the past should remain in the past, this Is something he’s always told me, he doesn’t believe in therapy, meds, etc. xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ohh dear! That must be so painful for you to be invalidated by your dad like that! My Dad has a hard time understanding mental illness as well, so I normally don’t talk to him about mine and he knows just the bare minimum about it, but he’s not quite as hurtful.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. To be racist i had to teach myself we are all human. I was literally scared the first time a black man talked to me and it wasn’t menacing or sexual … it was small talk on a college campus and i was literally terrified in a room of people. So ridiculous ๐Ÿ™„ i figured out afterwards that i wasn’t going to be that way.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, that’s really sad what you’re saying that they had ingrained this fear so deeply in you. It just goes to show that racism doesn’t only affect negatively people who are being discriminated but others as well. Since my country is not nearly as racially diverse as the US I guess I didn’t even fully realise that even though in a way it’s very obvious that it wouldn’t be just the victims who’d be affected. I’m glad you managed to overcome this though. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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