How I’ve been feeling lately.

Today, I’d like to write some a bit longer post inspired by a journaling prompt again, as I haven’t done that in a while. It probably won’t be too long or indepth, but I think it’ll be nice to do and also fill y’all in a bit on what’s going on for me. The prompt I chose to inspire myself with is from Listify by Marina Greenway and goes like this:

   Lately, I’ve been feeling… Your state of mind changes over time and through the seasons. Record how you are feeling right now. What is going through your mind? Are you responding emotionally to something that has happened earlier in the week? Are you anticipating your day in a positive or negative way? What does your general state of being feel like? Do this every so often to chronicle your journey.

I typically write in my journal and/or on here about how I’m feeling in a more prosaic form, and I don’t think doing a list will become my typical way of doing it, but I think it could be fun once in a while. So here is my list.

  •    Super anxious. I started feeling a bit anxious last Saturday (in this particular case when I say anxious I mean the sensory anxiety thing, but also generally I was super jumpy and hyper alert) and all that for no clear reason. I have some ideas now as for what could cause it, but given the intensity of the anxiety it seems very inadequate and this sensory anxiety episode has been one of the worst I’ve had in the last couple years. Last weekend and the beginning of the week was particularly awful, now I’m slowly recovering and it’s much better but still far from my baseline.
  •    Excited about MIMRAs (My Inner Mishmash Readership Award) and relieved that I’ve finally sent them out. This is a really happy and exciting process for me and I love the idea so much and that I came up with this, though all the preparations can get a bit exhausting. I am also hopeful that the winners will enjoy their MIMRAs as that’s the whole point of it. I am also happy that Sofi likes her new iPhone which she got from me earlier this week. It was meant to be a Christmas present, but since she chose the colour of it and the accessories anyway I figured I could just as well give it to her right away. Her old iPhone was in an awful state (our parents bought her a used one and it was in a pitiful condition already when she got it, but they refused to get her a new one even though the old one is now barely usable, because Mum says she doesn’t deserve it and needs to have higher grades. I don’t see it as a prize for anything, I think she should have a functioning phone to be able to do her schoolwork from home and not be lagging too far behind her peers with her knowledge and abilities regarding technology. Plus now that she has a functioning, brand new phone which will be supported for a few more years to come, unlike the old one, it should definitely serve her well at least until she’s 18, and then she can buy a new phone for herself, so no one of us will need to bother with buying her another phone any time soon. If she breaks it earlier, I emphasised it to her that it’s entirely her problem, although she does have coverage). She is really enjoying having a functional phone, and Mum now says that it was a good idea.
  •    A bit frustrated and tired. Frustrated with the fact that I’ve really been having a lot of migraines lately. Like, the last few months or so. It was the same last year about this time, autumn-winter, and then it got better, so I’m wondering if it’s some sort of a seasonal thing and if so why that is. It’s really getting in the way of things. The migraines themselves aren’t even all that painful, I’ve had worse and I know people have worse, but they’re really energy draining and make me feel kind of generally sick, so I’m effectively unable to do much of anything while having a migraine, especially that it often gets worse when I try to force myself to do something more ambitious that requires getting out of bed, and they’re more difficult to get rid of than they used to be. The combination of migraine medication and good sleep, or sometimes even just a usual NSAID if I’d take it early enough, used to be enough to get rid of the problem in one day, occasionally it would linger for some longer time but that was rare, while now the meds help rather rarely and it’s a bit like a lottery, at least I haven’t found any connections as to when and why they work or don’t work, and I need much more rest and sleep to make myself feel any better, I also don’t want to take the meds too often. I know it’s like this or even worse for many people who have migraines, but mine were generally easier to handle before so the situation is new to me and I’m feeling a bit clueless, and like I said frustrated because they often get in the way just when I want to do something productive. And as for the tired part, well I had a migraine yesterday until about noon today, and I’m still feeling a bit tired and sluggish afterwards.
  • A little stressed/worried, and a little looking forward to Christmas. Christmas is typically a stressful period for me, as it is for many of us. I don’t really know yet what it will be like for us this year, as we don’t have any specific plans, so typically I’m feeling rather apprehensive. But it’s also generally a nice occasion and I hope it’ll be at least a bit fun and not just stressful like it was last year.
  •    Desperate for a new faza. But that’s been the case for quite some time now and you probably all know about it, I don’t have anything to add to this really.

And I think that’s it. My day, apart from the migraine earlier, has been okayish, and it’s now coming to an end, so I’m not really anticipating anything today except for hoping for a decent night’s sleep. And my state of being feels a bit sluggish, a bit jumpy, but overall rather neutral at the moment.

How are you feeling? Do let me know. 🙂

 

9 thoughts on “How I’ve been feeling lately.”

  1. Migraines suck, even the ones that are relatively mild. I’m sorry your anxiety’s been bad. It’s frustrating when things flare up without much of a reason.

    I’m looking forward to the MIMRA arrival! Casper got to play model last year in photos of the MIMRA goodies. I think Peanut will do the honours this year.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’ve never had a migraine!! How weird is that?! I have a theory about it! I think migraines could be triggered or exacerbated by loud sounds, or too much sound intake. My hearing is muted by hearing loss, and the only sounds that hurt my ears are the air brakes made by trucks, and anything screechy. So when I see a truck or bus coming, I put my fingers in my ears. My theory is that overwhelmed senses with hearing can cause a migraine, and that must be why I’ve never had one. Because I’ve had every other “normal” physical illness, I’m sure.

    I wish you felt better!! If there’s any way I can help, please let me know!! I’m so freakishly excited to get the MIMRA! I love Ashley’s idea of posing the gifts with pets, so I’m all over that! I wonder who will volunteer, LuLuLu or Mr. Kitty? 😀

    I wish you weren’t anxious!! I hate, hate, hate anxiety. And hmm… I’m trying to think of who can be a fava for you, but I’m not too knowledgeable about the music world. Oh well.

    The phone was an awesome gift!! What a great big sister you are!!

    How do I feel? Completely and hopelessly spaced out. I’m just gone mentally. My mood is fine, good even. I’m just distracted and my thoughts are swirling the cosmos. It doesn’t fee bad, but I can’t get anything done. Well, baby steps.

    I’m excited for Christmas too, and I’m eager to celebrate in style. Pass the nog! I’m talking to Dr. Phlegm on the phone next week, and I need to plan my discussion with him about taking more Prozac for the sensitive winter months that are forthcoming. The risk of taking too much Prozac is largely that I take it for irrationality, not depression; and I’m bipolar, so too much antidepressant could in theory shoot me up to a manic mood. This happened mildly a few weeks ago when I went up on the Prozac for the week leading up to my period. I was high as a kite! But we’ll have to see. Wow. This has been the mother of all comments!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m inclined to think that migraines are largely a genetic thing – that appears to be the case for me at least because my grandma used to have them regularly – and what triggers them seems to vary a lot from person to person or it can be absolutely anything and everything from being too hot to sleeping too little to sleeping too much to being hungry for too long to eating something that specifically triggers migraines for you, but I think your theory may be also true that hearing overload may cause a migraine. That’s certainly not the case with me at the moment because my environment is pretty quiet, except for Sofi perhaps lol, but I can definitely see how it could be a trigger. Yeah I know the spaced out feeling, it’s indeed not always bad but being productive while feeling this way is quite impossible. 😀
      Lengthy comments are the best! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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