Question of the day.

What is the most useless piece of advice anyone ever gave you?

My answer:

I probably can’t remember what was THE MOST useless one, but my Mum, who can generally be a good advisor, sometimes has given me quite crappy advice, and she seems to be especially crappy advisor when it comes to thinking. Or we just think in very different ways and are not able to imagine the way the other one does. Or my thinking is too strongly impacted by the anxiety and all that shit. Anyway, her best advice for me was: “You just have to stop thinking sometimes. Just switch your brain off for a while”. I asked her if she can seriously switch her brain off on demand, or does it happen randomly. In any case, if that happened to me, I don’t think I’d be particularly happy. My brain can be an uncooperative bitch, and obviously I hate anxiety and overthinking or when my thoughts are racing or other things that my brain is either hyperactive or not efficient enough at doing, but still, I do like my brain, I guess I have a real love-hate relationship with it, and I believe that, since I already have it, it would be a bit nonsense if I wanted to switch it off. I’d be afraid that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to switch it on again, and I don’t want to be a brainless Zombie, that’s way worse than having anxiety, even a lot of it. Yes, I know that some people who meditate can get into such a state that they practically don’t think, and some say it is relaxing and healthy for the mind and soul and all that, but I don’t like the idea at all, and some things about some of such meditative techniques don’t go in line with my beliefs. I did use to try doing some lighter meditation, as well as Christian meditation, but it was always extremely hard for me to focus on. I think I can’t say I have low attention span because I can do quite a few things at once as long as it doesn’t involve being able to coordinate your movements well, but I do have a hard time focusing on thinking about just one thing for an extended period of time, it’s boring and quite exhausting in a way. I just think about a lot of things at the same time always. Another thing my Mum used to say frequently that pissed me off incredibly was: “Don’t think about it”. Yeah, don’t think about the white bear. 😀 I think it is possible to just stop thinking about something if you try hard, but, well, at least for me, it takes a lot of effort, so usually I prefer to distract myself with something productive or do something relaxing rather than force the damn thing out of my brain for all means, doesn’t really pay off, or not for long. But I guess that works for my Mum somehow, because it seems like she frequently deals with negative things by just “erasing” them. Not if they are serious things that require some action, but, to give you an example, you may or may not remember Sasha, the other Russian blue kitty who used to live with us for some weeks. Mum decided to get him very spontaneously, without really thinking it through, what that would mean, for us and for him and for Misha, and we were all elated, everything was arranged literally at last minute, and it was quite a massively selfish act of us to do that and very much on a whim. Then it turned out there were various complications, they didn’t get along with Misha whatsoever, were both awfully stressed out and got sick from it, and Mum got quite depressed about it, I mean it seriously looked as if she was depressed, she would lie with Sasha on the sofa hardly able to do anything and was very dejected and overwhelmed by the whole situation, so very much unlike her. So we had to find a new home for Sasha, when things got really bad. We did, and he seems to have a great family, and we were happy for him that he will have a better life after all, but we were also really sad quite naturally and missed him, and a bit sorry for ourselves. The way my Mum coped with this situation was she didn’t speak about Sasha at all, and didn’t want to hear anything about him, or otherwise she snapped at people, so there was a bit of a taboo in our house for a while. It seemed like she wanted to ignore that he ever lived with us and forget about the whole thing, erase it from her brain and not think about it. And she really seems quite successful at it. I know that people often do it in an unhealthy way, that they try to stop thinking about things and make them disappear this way rather than do something about them, but, as far as I can tell, it is not unhealthy in her case. It is certainly not the way my brain works, though, so for me, that was absolutely useless advice. In the Sasha situation, neither me nor Zofijka wanted that to happen that we would forget about him completely, because despite the sadness, we were also very fond of him and we did want to talk about him and remember him so we did with each other. And while we all can still be sad when something reminds us of him, I think all of us coped and adjusted to the situation to a similar extend, despite applying different measures.

How about you? 🙂

17 thoughts on “Question of the day.”

  1. The worst stupidity my mother ever said to me was something about how ‘she shouldn’t have had to teach me’ not to get abused by people (who had already abused me). It was beyond dumb and useless and she could have run for president on that sort of thought–

    Liked by 1 person

    1. From what I’ve noticed in different families including my own that seems to be the case so very often that people who are toxic or abusive become more bearable and easier to live with, sometimes quite significantly in their old age. I’m glad that’s been the case with your mother as well.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. The Keto diet, huh. It scares me because of how it puts your body through ketoacidosis. I think there would have to be an extreme reason for doing that! For me, it’s not even worth it to lose weight that way. It honestly seems sort of scary to me!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. It causes ketosis rather than ketoacidosis like diabetes can, and it is useful in a certain subset of people with epilepsy, but I don’t think a diet that restrictive is good for the most people.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I had read a book about it years ago and it did seem kind of scary in a way to me as well. Most of all though, it is no fun to have such a restrictive diet, and I believe that food does have to be fun and yummy, at least a bit. Unless you seriously have to have a very restrictive diet.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. And rightly so, I suppose. Well, personally I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that there may be something that might work for very many conditions and improve them in theory, but in practice it will never work for everyone, even if it will for the majority, imo.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh, I can totally relate. It’s awful when your body or brain isn’t working right, and people think they can just say, “Well, quit worrying,” or whatever. I struggled with an issue that was probably physiological. I’d stay up all night and sleep all day, and despite how badly I wanted to righten it, I couldn’t. I finally am able to manage it with both sedatives and uppers (prescription Provigil, an alertness aid). I’m thrilled that the problem’s solved! But people kept telling me to just go to bed earlier. Um. Yeah, okay, if you slept until 4:00 in the afternoon (which always filled me with a sense of failure and doom), and you lie in bed at midnight, do you know what’s going to happen? You won’t freakin’ fall asleep, that’s what. I missed a whole summer in college where I had a job on campus I enjoyed, and I had friends there, and I couldn’t get out of bed and stagger in until 3:00 or so. (We were allowed to work any hours we wished between 8:00 AM and 5:00 PM.) It made me miserable, ya know? I’m glad it’s sorted out now, but it can be so unhelpful to just blithely tell someone to try going to bed earlier.

    Huh, that’s interesting about your mom. It sounds like she “blocks” things, sort of like I do. Yeah, getting rid of a pet is so hard. I’m still afraid to contact the spaniel rescue organization and inquire into Sammy Samson’s wellbeing. I’m afraid to hear their answer!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I feel ya! It makes me raging when people try to fix your brain like that. Since my brain is in a bit of a jet lag all the time, I can relate, even though it has never been as bad for me that I’d sleep all day through every single day, mostly because it looks kind of like my inner clock is changing every now and again or something, so my sleep patterns change in a bit of a cycle, though not always regular, so thankfully if I do sleep the way you did, it goes on for a week or so, not all the time. And I do have things that help me with sleep too, sometimes more, sometimes less, depends. But I have a real sleep expert in the house which is my Dad and he always has something to say about my sleep, because he is lucky and always falls asleep immediately and sleeps 6-8 hours a night, in the right time for his time zone, and everyone should fix themselves if they don’t.
      Poor Sammy Samson! I really hope he is doing well. I’d probably feel apprehensive about inquiring too though.

      Liked by 2 people

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