Question of the day (28th August).

Hi guys. πŸ™‚

Here are some questions for you.

What were your teenage interests?

My answer:

I think my interests have been, overall, pretty consistent. I don’t think very much has changed since then. At some point, as a teen, I felt very lost, in an emotional and spiritual way, and was full of shitty feelings that I hadn’t let out for years that were bottling up, and, as a way of silent rebellion, I decided I didn’t want to be Christian anymore and desperately tried to believe I was an agnostic, then Wiccan, or something. It was because my school was Catholic, and I felt like there was quite a lot of pressure put on it. But also, my family is very Christian so in a way I wanted to rebel against them too because, what I didn’t fully know back then, deep down I was feeling rejected by them, so I wanted to reject them as well. My Mum once told me that she’s not worried about me, because she knows I’m at the right place, that she knows I’ll never be lost in life because my school is Catholic and because I myself am mature enough to know what’s good for me, as if this was all you need as for not to feel lost at some point in your life. She said she was most worried about Olek, who was doing a lot of silly things at the time. So – because I think deep down I was desperate for attention even though then I’d say I wasn’t – I sort of decided that she’ll have a reason to worry about me too. And I just wanted some adventure, ya know, something fun to do, but most of all, something that could give me an escape from my life. So, getting to the point, I think my only other interests that I don’t have right now but had back then were all the spiritual stuff and esotericism. I was lucid dreaming whenever I could, or doing astral projections, talking to psychics and doing my own rituals and just reading all that I could find on the topic of astrology, esotericism and all that. I still think it’s interesting, but am no longer directly into it, apart from some stuff in astrology that I genuinely think makes some sense. I was also hugely into new age-y things. But most of all, I loved lucid dreaming and experimenting with Doses, which are like sound drugs – these are sounds which change something in your brain waves and simulate the effects of drugs. – They say they’re not addictive so that’s why I gave them a go, but in fact they can damage your brain pretty badly and, really, considering all the stuff I was experimenting with, I assume I must have a really determined and patient Guardian Angel. πŸ˜€ Or just as they say, silly people always get lucky haha. Apart from it weakening my relationship with God, and having some obvious but not overly tragical emotional and spiritual consequences that I had to deal with after that, I don’t think it did very much harm to me, not quite as much as it potentially could. I’ve started getting more severe sleep paralysis since then but that doesn’t necessarily have to be related. And my relationship with God was very difficult even before, and I’m still trying to get closer to Him which is at times very difficult, but I think I’m already much more bonded with him than I ever was. Oh, and at that time, I also loved all things Gothic. I wanted to be a Goth, I listened to Gothic music, when I was at home I dressed very much in a Gothic way but without the makeup, I listened to loads of Gothic rock and metal and symphonic metal and such and later on also to artists like Emilie Autumn – I still sort of like Emilie Autumn but listening to her always makes me depressed, and I still listen to some Gothic songs/bands that don’t have something that would go against Christianity in their music/in the way they present themselves, but I’m not half as crazy about it. – I did meet a real 100% Gothic Goth some time later on when that esoteric phase was already over for me and after I came back to God and came back home (it was my dear friend Jacek from Helsinki) who got me into his online Gothic cycle, but, being slightly older and more certain of my own values and all, I didn’t get fully into it, I never became a real Goth. I learned that there are people calling themselves Christian Goths and I identified as such for some time while hanging out with all them Goths in Jacek’s online community, but also I didn’t wear all that stuff and makeup they usually do, didn’t listen to most of their music, so it was a very loose connection. I liked that and liked being one of them but at the same time being a part of such communities, who are sort of supposed to look the same, like the same things etc. was never fully for me and I never truly felt like I belonged there. So, my fascination evaporated relatively quickly, my contacts with Goths loosened even more and then I just only talked to Jacek and all my other interests started to really bloom. I never do all that esoteric stuff anymore and don’t have the slightest desire to do, also I don’t take Doses anymore and don’t do OOBE and such, I sometimes lucid dream because sometimes that’s the only way for me to avoid the scary dreams and sleep paralysis, or it happens without my control, but it’s never like I seriously want to do it. It was always a bit difficult for me anyway because to get to the lucid dream part, first I had to get through terrible sleep paralysis and anxiety that was through the roof. My “transformation” started very suddenly, but that’s a whole new story, and I am so so grateful I got that chance!

How about you? πŸ™‚ How much has changed in your interests since you were a teen? πŸ™‚

16 thoughts on “Question of the day (28th August).”

  1. What were your teenage interests? Reading, writing, and most of all cartooning. I drew all the time. I did not attending sports functions at school, go to dances, socialize with my ‘peers’ or go out. I also learned to love driving.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was really interested in ice hockey. Not playing, but watching. I watched my favourite team on tv a lot, and some friends and I liked going to watch local junior hockey games. There were plenty of hockey crushes involved, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When I was a teenager I had a precocious – and it made sense given my background – interest in psychoanalysis.

    And that’s specifically the sort of interest that does unfold and reveal more as and when you get older.

    I tried to cultivate and culture interests like that.

    Not that I wasn’t suspectible to fads especially ones which meet sensory and social needs. One of those interests was Gak; another was disco dancing and rave music and glowsticks.

    Yeah; ice is cool.

    I also became very interested in reading biographies and autobiographies and testimonies.

    Lucid dreaming was for me when I got older – 2004 – when there was a Wikibooks book about it.

    And I don’t know if I talked to you at all about my interests in computing and programming which developed in a big way as a teenager – this was my public face if you like.

    And I was a graphic designer/typist/secretarial functionary.

    I would read proofs.

    Yeah – road trips are awesome! I also developed an interest in travelling and holidays and tourism which lasts today and if anything grows strong especially on Saturdays and Sundays.

    Space exploration and astronomy became cool.

    And there were two Olympiads during my teenage years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You had loads of varied interests and I think really sophisticated for a teen! That’s brilliant. πŸ™‚ Psychoanalysis was also very interesting for me for some time, it still is, but not to such a great extent.

      Like

      1. Ah – you too, Emilia!

        Psychoanalysis does have its limits and its hard spots.

        I think it was that simplicity bored me and had me disinterested – especially my grandparents’ perspectives which were not necessarily relatable.

        I was also not one who wanted to look foolish or ridiculous in the eyes of those who cared about me and who I cared about.

        And there are families who encourage their kids to keep up at the table – this was in a Parent’s Day issue in a newspaper. I think it was Ben Folds’ family or an ordinary family – also two radio men – Fitzy and Wippa.

        I will find you a podcast about those two.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I was into astral projection big time, and lucid dreams, and all things spiritual just as you were! For me, I wasn’t pressured to be religious, and I never saw spirituality as defying God, nor do I see it that way today. I think God wants us to explore as many paths as we’re interested in, and that they don’t all have to be Biblical/religious pathways to have merit. The only exception I see is anything innately evil, such as Devil worship/satanism. That’s completely wrong to me. Any other path: religion, spirituality, etc., are all valid. My dad’s a Christian, and Mother’s an atheist. She took me to church as a child in case it was the path I wanted to choose for myself. Ultimately, I consider myself half-Christian, half-spiritual. I love Jesus and think He’s the greatest person ever, but I also go for all the esoteric stuff, but without any fear that Jesus would disapprove. There’s sort of an interesting book called Mary, Called Magdalene about Mary Magdalene and her relationship with Jesus. As a child, she became enamored of an idol (a weird toy she found that was considered evil somehow), and it made her schizophrenic in a really bad way. Jesus met her and cast out the demons of her illness. Anyway, sorry, I can’t remember where I was going with that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure there are loads of different views on that, but what I’ve heard a lot about is that ultimately astral projections do have a connection to satanism, or at least to satan. Those spirit guides/guardians you see in there are, according to Christianity at least, said to be evil spirits, though they obviously won’t reveal themselves to you as such at first. I’ve read a book in Polish written by a woman who was doing astral projections for decades and converted to Christianity afterwards, and she and people she interviewed for that book were often saying how they would tell them to do things that apparently weren’t wrong, but ultimately had catastrophic results for them – I’m not talking just spiritually, in their daily lives as well, regarding their emotions and relationships and such – and because they had strong bonds with them as their spirit guides and trusted them, I remember someone whose story she quoted also saw a being that was telling him he was Jesus, and then after some months of that guy visiting the astral world he started repeatedly telling him that he should kill himself so that he’ll be able to stay close to him for eternity. People were seeing scary things in those dreams, some were delusional when awake after doing it for years or couldn’t control when they went into astral world or couldn’t get out, weird things were coming up in their EEG’s and they had a lot of emotional issues. Of course all those spiritual and religious things are of very subtle nature so there could perhaps often be other reasons that you could find for their problems when digging in it, but what is true here for sure we’ll probably never know, can only do what we feel is right. Right now I no longer even miss the astral projections, perhaps sometimes I miss some aspects of it, like that you can easily escape into some other reality, but, even regardless of my religious beliefs, I just no longer feel like coming back to that. And esotericism – or most of it that I used to try to believe in – doesn’t feel very rational to me nowadays, even though it’s still really interesting for me to read about from an observer perspective.
      That book sounds very interesting!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh no about Satan!

        And if he really did send this stuff to tempt us.

        Astral projections were introduced to me through a really fun and eccentric hippie character called Harley who was the elder brother of the protagonist of Robin Klein’s HATING ALISON ASHLEY [which I hope was translated into Polish at some time].

        I seem to be split 71% seeker/29% skeptic according to the ClearerThinking website.

        Ah – subtlety! Ken Wilber seems very good at bringing out the gross and the subtle forms.

        And Right Action – very good.

        It’s all a matter of trust, isn’t it, Emilia and Meg?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Yikes!! I didn’t know any of that stuff, but now I’ve learned something. It makes sense if you think about it from a perspective of bad people being on this plane of existence, so they’d be on the astral plane, pretending to be Jesus and being otherwise manipulative, as well. But for me, astral travel was just about experiencing alternate dimensions. Oh my gosh! Is there any way you can read my Advice Avengers series? I mean, is there a way it could be formatted due to your blindness? Let me know!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I would really like to read your books. πŸ™‚ I am hoping to get a new computer sometime soon, hopefully this month, and that when I get it, my conflict with Kindle will be resolved and I’ll be able to use it. So far though, what’s accessible to me is plain text – txt, doc, docx, rtf, all that – some PDF (I honestly don’t know what it depends on if it is accessible to me or not, some PDF files, but some not), Epub without DRM, Daisy format, which is a special format for the blind, which I’ve heard is easy to compile a book in but I have a very vague practical idea myself. Alternatively, I can read Kindle books without DRM’s – or more exactly convert them to a different format then that is more accessible and convenient – though I haven’t tried that a lot as either I am so ignorant and don’t know how to use the DRM removing apps, or they’re so fiendishly unintuitive, and I don’t like the idea since theoretically it’s an illegal thing to do from Amazon’s perspective even if you do buy a book and don’t make copies.

      Liked by 1 person

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