Freaking out.

Guys I’m so panicky and jittery today, I just can’t calm down my mind.

Misha is probably ill. And it doesn’t look too well, if it ever looks well when someone’s sick.

Today we have a vet day overall, because earlier today mum was at the vet with Sasha, whose eyes are very watery and he has runny nose all the time and is hoarse. Sasha is feeling OK overall but those symptoms are still present although he’s been with us for three weeks now and on antibiotics, so Mum decided to go to another vet as she had an inkling there’s something more to it than just blocked tear ducts.

It turned out he has cat flu or I don’t know how it’s called in English, or actually that it is a recurrence because he was treated at his breeder’s before but not long enough. So now he’s taking other meds, and we’re hopeful he’ll get better soon. Other than being tearful and husky and sneezing all the time he’s fine and dandy so we don’t think there’s something to worry about.

But Misha…

I’ve been kind of worried about Misha since Sasha has come to us, he seems to be adjusted now to his new little friend, unless he invades his privacy or something, though I’ve had an impression he’s even more wary and anxious than before Sasha came. I tried to rationalise it that maybe it’s more visible now that Sasha lives with us and Sasha is so cuddly and energetic and all Misha’s individual traits are now more expressed or something. And maybe it is so.

But since like yesterday I had even an impression that he’s actually kind of sad and dejected. Well, he may be anxious, a loner, very withdrawn and it’s hard to figure out what he feels, but you couldn’t say he’s sad, when he’s his normal self. He’s actually pretty cheerful and humourous in his way. But yesterday, he was sad.

Last night he came to me, I didn’t even know it. I was already in bed, and he hid under it, as he often does when he doesn’t wish to be cuddled, because no one can get him out of there even if they want. He likes to sleep there, although I don’t think it’s the most comfortable place.

And suddenly I heard such a strange noise…. before I even realised I heard it, my heart started racing. I think everyone would be scared to hear some strange noises from under your bed if you don’t know that someone is sitting there since probably a few hours. Then I realised it has to be Misha, and that it sounds a bit like vomiting, or choking, or whatever.

Whatever it could be, if you’re emetophobic like me, you have yet another reason to be scared now.

In a way I got used to cat vomit since Misha lives with us, it’s much less anxiety provoking and triggery than human, the more that he usually does it very discreetly and away from us and it’s not me who has the honour to clean it up, and it’s usually not contagious, still though, I am quite anxious when it happens to him.

But this time it was worse, like more violent, I just felt like it sounded more serious.

He calmed down pretty quickly though so I tried to persuade my brain to forget about it.

After some time he wanted me to let him out so I did and Mum just came back from her friend’s so I went downstairs to her and told her that Misha was choking or vomiting very violently, but to my surprise she didn’t find anything extraordinary under my bed.

So I thought I can sleep peacefully and it was just some weird incident.

In the morning though Mum told me that she heard weird noises at night in the living room so she went there and found Misha choking and vomiting with foam, but said he calmed down quickly after she came to him.

So then I was already alarmed, though Mum said he probably ate something not edible or just ate too much.

And that would make sense – Misha sometimes likes to eat really weird things, despite all his classiness and aristocratic manners. If you leave him in the bathroom and there is water in the bathtube, he will drink it, even if there is soap melted, or shampoo, or bathsalt, or whatever you wish, he’s crazy about water. So maybe that’s why there was foam?

Still though I couldn’t stop worry about him although I was sure there’s no reason and i am just panicking like a neurotic spinster-catmummyfreak. I couldn’t help it though. I always freak out when it comes to Misha, because he’s the most precious thing I have. Even when he came to us, guess what was my first thought when I saw him?? “Oh God how beautiful he is, I love him, what will I do when he dies?” I was scared of even thinking of it, but it just popped in to my mind so suddenly…

I wanted to play with Misha a little in the morning, but he was definitely not in the mood. Then he went to Mum’s bedroom and just curled up there and slept.

I went horse riding then and, well do I need to say it was fabulous, only that it would be even more if I wouldn’t think constantly about Misha and wouldn’t be mad at myself for freaking out for no reason.

When we came home, I found Misha still curled up in Mum’s bedroom and lying very peacefully. I hugged him and I already noticed that he was all shaking and trembling. It happens to him sometimes, particularly when he’s asleep, so I tried to not think about it too much, maybe that’s the way he is.

After some time Mum was going to vacuum and she brought Misha to my room because he’s scared of vacuum cleaner so we always close him somewhere so that he wouldn’t be too scared. I laid him on my bed and stroked him, and couldn’t stop thinking about how shaky he is, as if he was freezing or extremely fearful, or had fever. I couldn’t resist to not wrap him up in the blanket, though it didn’t really help

I left him asleep and went to do my own things but soon heard him choking and vomiting again. And again and again. And then a couple more times throughout the day. Obviously it scared the shit out of me, both because I was so worried about Misha, but also because anything about vomit scares the shit out of me.

A while ago my Mum and Sofi went shopping and they also were at KFC (to get that takeaway meal with milkshakes I was telling you about recently) and when they came back I told Mum to look at Misha once again, because he’s really shaky and looks so depressed.

She looked at him and said there really has to be something wrong and she called the vet and they told her to come with him quickly. I just don’t know what to think, actually I would be really happy if I could switch off my brain, maybe if I’ll let it out here I’ll be able to…

So Mum took him and Zofijka went with them. I wanted to go too at first but then decided I rather wouldn’t, as it won’t make any good to anyone, especially me, and I can’t help him. So I stayed with Sasha.

By the way, speaking about Sasha, I don’t know if I told you about that guys before, but ironically Sasha seems to really like me. And I feel a bit weird about that since so far I don’t feel almost anything to him other than simply like him. Nothing as strong as to Misha. While Sasha is so clearly affectionate to me. 😀 Poor Zofijka, because officially he’s hers. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like her though, he likes everyone and is so very trustful.

I had my KFC food a while ago and the milkshake, and yes, it was good, as I expected, but I didn’t enjoy it at all, just drank it because probably I’d regret it later on if I wouldn’t, getting a chance after like ten years.

They just came back with Misha. Much quicker than I’d expect…

Mum says they don’t know anything. Misha was vaccinated like two days ago or so for cat flu, so maybe it could be a reaction for that, or the stress related to Sasha as it’s such a major change to him.

They wanted to give him an injection, but he was apparently fighting very vivaciously and crying, and Zofijka started to cry too, and she still can’t calm down.

I wish I could cry like her too, but I can’t and my head is throbbing and I feel almost physically sick of all that.

Misha got an antibiotic and something else and the vet said he indeed has fever.

I so wish it was just stress and that he gets better quickly.

Sorry for being so dramatic and emotional but I don’t have another brain mode to switch to at the moment and I just had to get it off, though don’t know if I really achieved it..

Please keep Misha in your prayers if you can or send him good vibes or something… He just looks so hopeless…

😱

Think I’m going to bed very soon, although it’s only half past eight, but I think it’s the wisest thing I can do now.

13 thoughts on “Freaking out.”

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