Gwilym – Cysgod (Shadow).

Hi guys. 馃檪

Sme time ago I’ve showed you a few songs from the Welsh-language band called Gwilym. Well actually those were all of their songs as they’re quite a new band. But, as they are showing, a very dynamic one, because all the time there’s something new from them, and they get a lot of attention on the Welsh language music scene. So far, I like all their songs, so I follow all the new stuff they’re doing.

And here’s a brand new song from them, I really like it, and I hope you will too. 馃檪

Another round of This Or That, still with girl names.

OK, so because as I mentioned today, we have a holiday in Poland, let’s have some fun with the new round of this or that I’ve just made up, as always, if you’re willing to participate, just leave me your choices in the comments, and feel free to add your opinions on names if you feel like it, you can also make a response to this post on your own blog if you wish so, and you’ll find my answers and opinions after the list of names.

Ailbhe or Alleyne?

Aine or Aoife?

Alva or Ava?

Amie or Jami?

Ann or Anne?

Beth or Bobbi?

Camille or Catharine? Catherine or Christina?

Cathy or Christie?

Chantal or Shantel?

Chelsea or Amelia?

Christel or Evelyn?

Dagny or Dagmar?

Elaine or Elsie?

Eva or Edna?

Hannah or Harper?

Hattie or Nettie?

Heather or Holly?

Helene or Elvira?

Hilde or Hilma?

Hildur or Hermine?

Hope or Honey?

Ingrid or Sigrid? Lleucu or Leeah?

Marte or Milzie?

Molly or Kelly?

Nia or Nyah?

Sally or Polly?

Tiana or Tiara?

My choices:

Ailbhe or Alleyne?

Ailbhe. It’s pronounced like Alva. It’s certainly ot one of my favourite Irish names, but I just prefer it over Alleyne, as for Alleyne I actually think it’s pretty masculine-sounding.

Aine or Aoife?

Aoife.

Alva or Ava?

Alva, not a fan of either but I really dislike Ava.

Amie or Jami?

Both are cute, but I like Jamie for both genders, and the spelling Jami is nice too for a girl. Ann or Anne?

Anne sounds moe elegant and complete.

Beth or Bobbi?

Beth, Bobi was my dog’s name, I don’t think about it as a serious name for a child, or maybe it can be OK for a child, but not so much for an adult person in all kinds of circumstances and life situations.

Camille or Catharine?

I love love love Camille.

Catherine or Christina?

Catherine.

Cathy or Christie?

Cathy, though both are nice as nicknames.

Chantal or Shantel?

Shantel, but not very enthusiastically.
Chelsea or Amelia?

Um, both are lovely but also have their downsides to me… I guess Amelia, it’s more classy.

Christel or Evelyn?

I love both, but Evelyn much more.

Dagny or Dagmar?

Dagmar, but not a big fan of either.

Elaine or Elsie?

Elaine, because of Celtic and Arthurian connotations, though ELsie’s cute.

Eva or Edna?

Uh, I guess Edna, but I dislike both.
Hannah or Harper?

Harper, because of the harp.

Hattie or Nettie?

Both are cute, but I much prefer Hattie.

Heather or Holly?

Holly.

Helene or Elvira?

I guess Helene, but I love both so it’s a hard choice.

Hilde or Hilma?

Hilma. That Finnish charm.

Hildur or Hermine?

I love Hermine. Would prefer Herminia, but Hermine’s awesome too.

Hope or Honey?

Hope.
Ingrid or Sigrid?
Hm, I can’t say I love them, but I like them both a lot because of lots of great Nordic associations, and they’re certainly beautiful. I guess I like Sigrid slightly more. Lleucu or Leeah?

Lleucu, yeah, I know it’s tricky, it’s a Welsh name, the ll at the beginning is a bit lispy, it sounds a bit like hl, or at least that’s how it’s usually described phonetically in English. And u sounds similarly to ee, so it’s like HLAY-kee, but it’s a very rough description, you’d just have to hear it. As for Leeah, I am not a big fan of Leah (with one e), with two ee’s it looks kinda more whimsical to me, even though I’m generally not a fun of such spelling creativity, so I like Leeah a bit more than Leah, but still, Lleucu’s better. Oh and I forgot to add that Lleucu is a form of Lucy. Doesn’t look (and definitely doesn’t sound) like Lucy, does it?

Marte or Milzie?

I must admit I haven’t heard of Milzie at all before preparing this list, I was using a few different list as an inspiration and got the names of very different places. I couldn’t find where it derives from, but I just love it. I certainly wouldn’t use it for a child in any circumstances, but it is such a playful nickname, and from now on, definitely a guilty pleasure name of mine. I like to think about it as a fanciful nickname for Melissa or names like Amelia, Camilla, Emily, Matilda, or Emilia. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind to be called Milzie at times hahaha. Marte is very dynamic, youthful and energetic and ages well, but also suits a little girl, but it’s not much my style.

Molly or Kelly?

I love Kelly.

Nia or Nyah?

For those of you who are confused, Nia is pronounced NEE-ah. I prefer Nia. A lot.

Sally or Polly?

I guess Sally, but both are nice and vintage.

Tiana or Tiara?

Neither is my style, I guess Tiana’s a bit more usable. Tiara sounds actually very weird for me as a name. Which of these would you choose? 馃檪


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Question of the day.

Have you ever known anyone who named their child after a place?

My answer:

I must have known some name nerds whodid that, I am sure, but I can’t recall anyone at the moment. In real life I don’t know anyone who would do this, because in Poland it’s still rather rare to give children geographic names, it wasn’t allowed for years and I guess it’s one of those kinds of abstractive names for our nation. There are names like Karolina, Florencja, Wirginia, but they are names in the first place, only after they’ve become names, they were used for a place, so it’s more normal, and no one calls their daughter Karolina after South or North Carolina in the US, or Florencja because they had a nice holiday in Florence, although Florencja is a very very rare name.

How about you? Would you yourself consider giving your child a place name? Which? 馃檪


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Music Monday Care & Love – Elaine Mai – Enniscrone.

Hi lovely people. 馃檪

A bit late this week, I’m taking part in Bee’s

Music Monday Care & Love.

As a self care suggestion, this week Bee invites us to start a journal, or generally focus on journaling, which I find awesome, because I find writing a fabulous way of caring for myself.

I’ve been writing my diary for years and years, in very different formats, depending on circumstances. Right now I’m having a big folder with a collection of files written in Word, and that’s my diary at the moment. Also I tend to write some journaling posts on my blog which I also love and find very helpful, and I am so happy I have this blog.

If you’re interested in journaling, or plan to start your own journal and need some suggestions, I greatly recommend Bee’s post to you, it’s great and it shows that writing yourself out is really a good and beneficial self care idea.

What I found quite inspiring of what Bee wrote about, are Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages. While it isn’t manageable for me to write my journal by hand obviously, I find the idea of stream of consciousness writing very good and helpful, and I think I’ll incorporate it into my writing, because so far, although I am pretty spontaneus in writing, I’ve always tended to filter my thoughts more or less. I think if I started to use stream of consciousness writing, it’d help me more to clear my mind of things easier. It sounds a bit hard to achieve to do journaling as a first thing in the morning, I don’t think I’d be ever able to do it, firstly because morning is part of the day when I’m most busy and secondly because I just find writing in the evening more suitable for me, and I am a night owl, so writing 3-4 pages is not an issue for me in the evening, while it can be in the morning sometimes.

So I’m gonna go deeper into journaling this week, focus at it more. I’ve ben planning since quite a while to start some new sections in it, so that it looks more journal-like, and not too chaotic, and so I think this week is the best time for it. And I’m going to try how the stream of consciousness writing will go, I’m very curious.

I’m really looking forward to all that, because I love writing, and I hope that this week I’ll be able to make my journaling even better, even though I think I can already now be proud of my diary, my consistency with it, and my writing.

As for the music, the Bee suggests that we share a song that describes our lives.

Now there are so many songs I can relate to, more, or less, or a lot. But it was hard for me to come up with something that would describe my life as a whole. The song that describes a huge part of my life is “Evacuee” by Enya, but, first, I shared it at the very beginnings of my blog so I don’t want to be boring and repetitive while there is so much other music out there to explore, and second, that was mostly a negative experience (even if the song is utterly beautiful) and why focus only on negatives.

Instead, I decided to perhaps go on an easy way a bit, and use the song I’ve planned earlier to share with you today. Or actually, it is a track. So there are no lyrics, but I still feel that in a way it does describe my life. A tiny little part of it – this day. When I was at school, I used to have music therapy, where we often interpreted various pieces of music in lots of interesting ways, for example, to what kind of activity they are most suitable, in what surroundings they would sound the best, what is the sort of “personality” of a certain song, etc. etc. etc. The song which I want to show you today was released a couple of years ago, and in Autumn, but if I had to interpret it and say what it fits, I’d say for me it is filled with summer chill and serenity, and is so pleasantly hazy. And my day today feels just like it. It’s a holiday in Poland today, we’re having a barbecue in a couple minutes, just the five of us, so chances are it could be fun, we’re all home and are chilled out, and I feel pretty stable overall. The only thing that doesn’t fit in is the rain, this song definitely sounds like a sunny day.

But anyway, I think it’s very nice, and that’s what counts, I think. 馃榾

It is a track from Elaine Mai, who is a Dublin-based electro musician. I’ve heard this song in an Irish-language radio station for the first time, and I liked it a lot, and then I saw it i my Spotify, and I think it really knows what I like, even though my tastes are so eclectic and picky at the same time.

The title of the track is “Enniscrone”. It didn’t ring a bell in my mind, I couldn’t figure out what could it be, so I asked my good and wise friend Google if he maybe knows what it means, and he did. Apparently Enniscrone is a seaside town in country Sligo in Ireland. With sandy beaches and such. So another thing to the picture of a chillaxed, holiday afternoon – the seaside. 馃榾 Makes for a very chill combo in my opinion.

OK, so there you have it. And as always, I strongly recommend Music Monday Care & Love for you to take part in, it’s great, music and self care is a great combination and can really make you feel better if you start your week with it, or even if you jump in in the middle of it as I did, music and self care are always good things, if used in appropriate amounts.

Share Your World.

Share Your World At Cee’s.

 

Again, this week, after a bit of a break, I’m participating in Share Your World.

 

A class you wish you would have taken?

I wish I could take classes from all my languages. I don’t mean at college or anything, just some sort of good courses, that could be relevant to me and accessible to me as a blind person, whether online or somewhere in my area, I don’t care if individual or in a group. I am mentioning this because as much as it isn’t particularly difficult to find an accesible course online in such languages like English, Swedish, Dutch, or even Finnish if you’ll try a bit more, with the rest of my favourites you have to really try hard, be patient and inquiring, and very determined, to actually find something. I find it an absolute miracle that I’ve found that Welsh course I’m doing right now, that it is so accessible, simple and effective and with such a supportive community, and moreover, that the same people also created courses in Cornish, Manx and Dutch, so that I don’t have to look for another place, also I’ve had great friends from Wales outside from that community who helped me a lot particularly at the very beginnings. But if you think of another favourite languages of mine, like Faroese, Sami, or Frisian, or Scottish Gaelic, or Scots or Shetlandic, or Irish… uhhhh things get tougher. The consolation may be that many of the languages I love are more or less related, so maybe it won’t all be that scary, I wouldn’t like to give up just because something isn’t accessible online. So yeah, I just try to not think about that right now, maybe until I’ll start to learn them I’ll find some good place for myself, or someone eager to help with those extremely rare, extincting languages. But other than languages, I’d love to learn about Celtic and Nordic cultures, and I’d love to take classes in playing Celtic harp. And if I were sighted, I’d want to be a neurosurgeon, so anything on that topic too.

Are you scared of heights?

Yes. I used to be very very very like VERY scared of heights, now it lessened kinda on its own so it’s easier, but I still am.

Are you a good cook? If so, do you consider yourself a chef?

Absolutely not. My cooking always ends up with a catastrophe. You rather don’t trust me with it. Last time I tried to magnanimously help my Mum make a big family dinner earlier this year, I ended up with two fingers bleeding quite massively, I mean maybe not really bad, but bad enough that you wouldn’t think I’ve just grated them accidentally instead of vegs. I have a rich history of similar and worse cases from the times when I was at the boarding school.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? 聽Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.

Misha, writing, blogging, progress in my languages. Good session with the therapist, and that we got along and have similar opinions on me changing therapists. That I translated my previous music crush’s another poem, I’m still over the moon about that. That I had a beautiful dream the other night involving my current music crush. (God, my crushes, what I’d be without them) That we had a cool day on the beach with Mum and Zofijka. And that I’m doing fairly well emotionally and that my anxiety has lessened a bit more since that dreadful nightmare I had.

 

Question of the day.

Have you ever known anyone who dated, or was friends with someone famous?

My answer:

My school friend’s cousin dated a pretty famous Polish rapper. My another school friend’s dad is a friend of a guy who is a presenter in one of the local radio stations in our region, and he’s quite well known, the presenter I mean, not the girl’s dad. Also, as some of you may remember, I was writing for quite a while with one of my music crushes – Gwilym Bowen Rhys – sadly we don’t write to each other any longer, but I have lots of great memories from that time and I loved it, I think he liked me and it turned out we had quite a lot in common regarding our likes/dislikes. It was a very spontaneous thing to do for me to write to him, but I never regreted it and I think of Gwil as my friend, because our conversations were always rather friendly. I don’t know whether you’d classify him as famous, but he is somewhat famous in Wales, so I guess that may count. I’ve been thinking on writing some longer post on that since a long time already, but I’m still hesitating for many reasons.

How about you? 馃檪


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Question of the day.

Have you ever known anyone who has been on any kind of reality TV show/competition?

My answer:

Yes. The school for the blind where I was going to was pretty much set on music, there was a music school and even many of those students who didn’t have any particular talent for music were attending it, to a point that it felt more than a bit like pressuring for many, not only those without a talent. But there also were lots of people who thanks to this discovered their passion for music, usually singing but often also playing different instruments and many people were participating in different kind of competitions, also sometimes TV competitions. Some of them I knew better, some just a little bit – the school was generally pretty small so people at least heard about each other. Other than reality shows and talent competitions, I had a friend who played in a series as a kid, and became quite known for this, and when I was in nursery – the same place where the school for the blind was practically – they were making a film about it which was once on the TV, and as I mentioned some time ago I was also in it, and a lot of other kids whom I know and with whom I went to schol later on.

How about you? 馃檪


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Friendly Fill-ins.

I’m participating in Friendly Fill-ins, hosted by

15 And Meowing

and

Four-Legged Furballs.

Here are the fill-ins:

1. I have faith in ________________ God.
2. Yesterday, I ____________________ had a long, warm bath with jasmine oil. I haven’t had one in ages, I try to avoid baths because of my skin which decided to suddenly become hypersensitive to almost everything last winter and is always very dry and itchy after too much water. But this time everything is OK and that’s great.
3. My favorite place to be is _________ my room.
4. If I was granted one wish, it would be _________ for Misha to be happy every second in his entire life.

 

Question of the day.

Again, I got inspired by BTN message board and decided to have a little series of questions regarding various people we may have known. If you’ve ever known someone who’s ever done the thing I ask about, but don’t feel comfortable revealing much info, just reveal as much as you feel is appropriate. You can also write about yourself, if you can relate to the question. The question for today is:
Have you ever known anyone who has an irrational fear of something unexpected, like an object or a sound? My answer:
Yeah, I myself am such kind of person, I have tons of irrational fears, I’ve overcome many of them, partly or completely, but I still have a lot. I won’t go into details about each of them for various reasons, but I’ll tell you I do have a fear of certain sounds since early childhood, it’s I guess one of the weirdest kinds of anxiety I have because it’s just so not typical, and so very weird. I also may have fears regarding certain objects.
Another such person is my Mum, who is afraid of spiders, but also of anything similar to spiders, so lots of other interesting creatures, some toys, I dunno, whatever can be similar, she also once told me she feels somewhat distressed even if she sees a spider on a picture, however it got better recently so I think it’s not as severe now.
Other than that I know quite a few people afraid of lots of really weird stuff, including bright orange objects, crying babies, escalators/elevators, public toilets, cats, mice, etc. Also when I was going to the school for the blind there were a lot of children anywhere on the autism spectrum, – there is some sort of link or higher risk or something between congenital blindness and autism spectrum disorder – and many of them had fears that were pretty out there.
How about you? 馃檪


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Ida Maria – Fy Faen (Oh Shit).

Hi guys. 馃檪

TOday I have a song for you sung by a fellow synaesthete. Ida Maria sees music in colours, or so says English Wikipedia, and one of the interviews with her. I think that’s pretty cool. Ida Maria is from Norway, she actually makes kinda punk music, but this song is a bit different. It is a cover of a song made by Hkeem, it’s title is “Fy Faen”, which you can translate as oh shit or oh damn, damn it, oh hell, anythig you fancy, faen is quite a flexible word I believe. The Scandinavian have a lot of hell-related words and this is one of them, I don’t know actually whether faen means devil or hell, but something like this. I’ve found the lyrics to this song, so I post them below.

聽聽 Because we live to die
Until we melt away like snow
And they are looking for mistakes
But I flip my fingers
To make my way
When everybody asks you to stop
Forget it and focus and work
Because jealousy, it burns
Though many bridges gotta burn
So not all are friends
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
They are all snakes, so it is totally normal
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Nobody here has time for an unsuccessful day
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
These days everybody is giving me headache
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song
Some talk a lot
A lot behind my back
Talk a lot on the phone
Still on it and they squander their life
A change has to happen
Know it’s a clich茅
This is not a movie
So sit down and listen while I do my thing
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Many of my boys have started to hustle these days
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Snakes come and go like a boomerang
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Gonna show everyone, because I have a plan
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song
I will show my enemies
While they’re partying and drinking hennessy
I have only day ones, no frenemies
Working 24/7, you know we’re balling
Making the music they play when we score
Gonna shoot the golden bird, you know it’s over
Too slow out, know that you sleep
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Many of my boys have started to hustle these days
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Nobody here has time for an unsuccessful day
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
Gonna show everyone, because I have a plan
Oh shit, oh, oh shit
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song
This is the message through my song

If We Were Having Coffee… #WeekendCoffeeShare.

Welcome to another

Weekend Coffee Share.

Grab some coffee, or whatever else you prefer, and join in. It’s much cooler now than even yesterday morning, which I am very glad about, and Misha is too. Though his sleeping patterns remain unchanged so far. He’s still asleep. I told you last week that I’ll have almond milk for this weekend’s coffee share to share with you (doesn’t Weekend Almond Milk Share sound way more sophisticated than plain Weekend Coffee Share? 馃槈 ), but I don’t have it. I just ended up not doing any shopping, so yeah, maybe next week. Hope no one feels too disappointed haha.

I wrote a bit of an update a few days ago so you already know a lot about what I’ve been up to this week, if you don’t know and want to catch up just go

Here.

If we were having coffee I’d ask each of you how you’re doing…

If we were having coffee I’d tell you the therapist I contacted on Thursday didn’t write back to me yet but I’m still hopeful. I was a little concerned because I couldn’t find anyone else in my area doing psychodynamic therapy if she wouldn’t respond, but yesterday I found out about a clinic in Gdynia which specialises in it, so I might contact them next week if I’ll need to. Gdynia is further from me, not far but not particularly close either, so I’d also have to ask Mum what she thinks about it, if I would have to have therapy there.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that yesterday in the afternoon we got a lot of rain and storms and that’s such a huge relief to me, because this heat was really overwhelming. Summer is nice, and warm weather is nice, but oh God, please, 36 C?! Isn’t that crazy?! The question is obviously rhetorical, it’s devastating.

And as we are talking about that, if we were having coffee I’d tell you that due to that weather we had I suspended my Welsh for a while. I mean my Welsh course, if you’re learning a language and doing it for fun you usually learn something every day, no matter if you’re doing your usual lessons or not. At first I wanted to be bold and still do it, despite I usually feel really crappy physically in the heat, but then I decided it doesn’t make much sense to just play a hero for the sake of playing a hero since I won’t learn much this way and I stopped it. Today though there was no reason to prolong it so I did my Welsh challenge, despite the break it went pretty wel. Then I went to show off to our learners’ community and one of the people asked me so why won’t you do another one then? I hesitated for a while, felt lazy and not quite like doing it but decided to do so anyway. So yeah I did another one, it went by even quicker than the first one and it felt like I was even better at it than at the first one lol. My new favourite welsh word is o ddifrif (o THEE-Vree, the dd is pronounced like th in the, the f is pronounced like v and the f at the end is silent), which means seriously, and ddifrifol (thee-VREE-vol) which means serious. It doesn’t sound serious at all, does it? 馃榾

If we were having coffee I’d tell you I had a brilliant, lovely dream last night, involving my current music crush Gwilym. And OMG it was so vivid. Well, all my dreams are vivid, most of them at least, which can be both fantastic and shitty, but it was just so… I don’t even know how to call it haha, let’s just say wonderful anyway. It made me feel really good, as my crush dreams always do, but it didn’t stop the anxiety that I still feel somewhat since that last sleep paralysis to creep into my mind again pretty soon after I woke up. I try to not care though, or pretend I don’t so that it won’t get the satisfaction at least, and despite the anxiety I feel pretty positive today.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you tomorrow is a sort of our parish church’s day, it is a thing in Catholic churches in Poland – each one has its patron saint and the day that is this saint’s feast day, they celebrate it with a lot of splendor, but also in a kind of rustic way, even in the cities, and to be honest, I usually don’t like all those celebrations, they feel very trashy to me. One of our patron saints is saint Roch, his feast day will be soon, but the celebrations are tomorrow for us, he is also a patron saint of animals, as far as I can remember there was some sort of legend that after his death he went to heaven with his dog. And because of it, among all the usual trashy stuff, there is also an interesting tradition in our church, namely pets are blessed and consecrated. Mum and me were last year with Misha (we were joking it was his christening hahaha), and I think we will go this year too. It always makes him a bit nervous because he doesn’t go out much and there are lots of other animals and he doesn’t have much contact with other animals, but also it is one of the few opportunities for him to get out and be safe with us, and he still likes to go out, as he often manifests very clearly. 馃榾 Plus I think it is a cool habit. Some people tend to think animals are some sort of worse kind of creatures, my Dad even thinks it’s a profanity to pray for a pet for example when it’s sick, and yes there certainly are some limits and I don’t say we should do with pets or allow them to do just the same things humans do, but they’re also God’s creations, good natured and often much more innocent than humans, so why such little things as praying or blessing them could be a profanity? I’d rather agree with Lucy Maud Montgomery who said something like that we can pray for anything we love, I guess Judy Plum said it in “Pat Of The Silverbush”. She was Presbyterian but I don’t think it makes much difference in this case, actually I think that Catholic faith is more emotional and stuff so we should think so and practice it as well. I am sure that God also created Misha with some sort of purrpose and loves him, it wasn’t just an accident that Misha appeared in the world, otherwise He wouldn’t make him so beautiful, so He must care about him. Plus I am strongly convinced that God has a sense of humour, a very good one, though a bit too ironical at times, and if someone has a good sense of humour they can’t have such stiff rules as my Dad does, don’t you think? 馃榾

OK, I think I’ll go now, I think I’ll turn on some music and go to Dreamland for a while, I’m聽 feeling like it and don’t have anything much better to do today, and that seems to be a cool idea anytime.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee?

 

Question of the day.

When was the last time you were moved to tears??

My answer:

Hard to say, as I told you a few times on this blog it’s not easy for me to be moved to tears, I may quite often feel at the verge or just be very moved but still not cry, first because still crying is an issue and second because I think that’s simply how I am. And even if I do cry, it’s rarely like fountains of tears, in opposite lots of people in my family on Mum’s side. 馃榾

So I guess the last time I was moved to tears was when I was reading “Battered, Broken, Healed” by Maggie Hartley – Maggie Hartley is a UK foster carer and in this book she describes the story of Jasmine who is an infant and as it turns out later on she was taken into care because her father was abusive. I cried when I was reading about her mum’s experiences, about her abusive relationship, and particularly about how her husband wouldn’t allow her to take care of Jasmine. It somehow moved me, I found it very weird because normally I don’t cry when hearing about people’s sad stories, or it has to be really really really tough or there has to be something that particularly speaks to me for any reason. I am not someone who particularly loves children in general, but I found that really sad, for whatever reason.

The last time I was moved and felt like I’m gonna cry and wanted to, but couldn’t, was when I was listening to my current crush Gwilym Bowen Rhys’s latest album a few days ago, and that’s not very weird, I often feel very moved listening to my crushes’ music, even if it’s not particularly sad, but just when it’s expressive and/or beautiful. I was listening to this album as a whole for third time, this time just to immerse in it, but it still speaks to me.

How about you? What was the thing that moved you so strongly? 馃檪


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Nature Names – Letter B

Another great post from Meagan at TulipByAnyName about nature names.
I’m not sure whether any of those would be usable for me if I had a baby, but I definitely love Bluebell, yes, it’s one of my guilty pleasure names too, I must admit, it’s so sweet and flowery, and the nicknames Blue and Bell are cute.
Which are your favourites? 馃檪

TulipNames

bnatureBasil
An herb and Greek name meaning regal.

Bay
A name that brings to mind aquatic images, Bay has Latin roots meaning berry, a nature name through and through.

Beach
Surfs up! This one may be best in the middle name spot.

Begonia
Do you like flower names? Begonia is an unusual choice for the gorgeous flower.

Beech
So Beach is for the water babies and now we have Beech for the forest babes!
Beech trees are part of the fagaceae family.

Berry
Berry berry cute! I love Berry as a middle name. As a child of the 80鈥檚 and 90鈥檚 I can鈥檛 help but see this one and think of Strawberry Shortcake sheets.

Birch
Don鈥檛 you just love those white-bark branches? This one-syllable name is strong in sound and imagery.

Blossom
The flowering part of a plant and the coming-of-age 1990鈥檚 television show.

Bluebell
This flower name is on鈥

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And yet another sleepy week.

Hhrrru?

How are you all pets and peeps doing? It’s Misha, in case you forgot what’s my name, it’s very difficult after all. I find my memory very short now in this heat. I can’t even remember my dreams… Or maybe I don’t have any… ‘Cause other than dreams there isn’t much to remember if I’m honest. I’ve been mostly sleeping lately, or eating, or drinking, yeah I’m drinking quite a lot. Zofijka came back on Tuesday, that was some change, I at least motivated myself to play with her for a while but then I got back to sleep. I’m a bit worried my peeps are doing it on purpose. Heating up the house so much, so that it makes me sleepy, or maybe they give me some sleeping pills in my food, so that I am calm and don’t wanna go out? DO you think it’s possible? I think it is, they like it when I sleep. But I don’t let them to be satisfied, I have my own views on things too! I know that they like when I sleep because then they can cuddle me or do whatever they want with me. So I always go away from them so that they can’t see me. I climb up somewhere high, or lie in a wardrobe, or something like this, and no one knows where I am. So at least I have some peace of mind. Today in the morning, when I woke up from my night sleep and went downstairs to eat something, Zofijka asked me if I wanted a brother or a sister and which I’d like more. I told her I’d rather want a brother, but a sister could be nice too, if she’d like to play with me and do what I wanted her to. Zofijka says she will get a dog. That would be fabulous for me, if he/she lived in the house with me, but it probably wouldn’t be so. And besides, Zofijka just says what she wants to be true, I already know this. She’s always wanted to have a dog, a girl, with whom she could play and go for walks and such. But Mum sometimes says she wants a dog too, and then she says she doesn’t, and then she says she wants another cat, and then that she hates even me and she’s fed up with me. So I think it would be silly to listen to the peeps, they never know what they want. Mum is sick, she’s having something with her ears, and when I’m not asleep she’s constantly mad at me, well not at me, at her ears, but she thinks it’s me. But I’m not mad at her, I don’t care, it’s even a bit funny. Why do they think I’d care about their mod or what they think about me? Weird, really.

OK, off to sleep again, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Sleep well pets and peeps.

Mishpurrs.

Misha


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A little update.

How is everyone doing? 馃檪

As for me, it’s just OK, better or worse depending on an area. I told you before that my anxiety has lessened, that anxiety flare up I got after those scary dreams, and it’s true, it’s much better now, I felt like I’m going to get rid of it very soon, but it’ still is somewhere, kinda fluctuating and sometimes getting really nasty during night time. I mean it’s always somewhere in the background but doesn’t affect me that much usually on a daily basis as it does lately, and it doesn’t usually last so long with such intensity, after I got sleep paralysis and those nightmares previously I was usually able to recover pretty quickly. But at least, although slower than usual, it’s going better, so I really really hope I’m going to recover of it soon and function normally, because it is a bit concerning to me. And I still can remember the dreams I had that last time clearly, which doesn’t make it any better. Usually they’d fade away with time and I wouldn’t remember them in details, but now I do remember those I had last time. It scares the shit out of me if I’m honest. If it’s going to be this way next time I’m seriously gonna try some antidepressant, even if it doesn’t help everyone, but maybe will help me. If it’s going to be that intense in the future I’m not sure I can cope just on my own.

But other than the anxiety, I had a pretty good day today. Dad is at work (which I’m secretly very glad about, he has a very irregular work schedule and now he had a bit less than a week off work, and I think all of us, except for Zofijka, who was away on holidays, got tired of his constant nagging, complaining and arguing, and provoking others, he’s a good guy and I love him, but he can be really annoying), so Mum and Zofijka and me went to the beach today. We had fun. It’s roasting today so that’s I guess what most people here was doing today, there were quite a lot of people on the beach. We were playing in the water with Sofi, she was swimming – she is such an awesome swimmer! – we all laughed a lot. Only my Mum didn’t have as much fun as she could have because she’s still having that weird ear infection, now in both ears, which is very painful and not only her ears but also head and jaw are throbbing. So she was in pain and couldn’t go into the water, and had to be away from the wind, but at the same time not in the sun, because she’d be all roasted, which was hard to achieve, as it was rather windy by the sea today. But me and Sofi were almost constantly in the water, even though I can’t swim that well, and certainly not as well as she can, but that was still very cool. As we were going to head home, there came a family with four kids, three girls and a boy, the latter was particularly screamy and attention-seeking. He constantly shouted to his mum from the water, repeating one thing ALL the time, like every five seconds, so that it started to be annoying. Occasionally he screamed something to his sisters, so we quickly got to know that their names are pretty peculiar, or maybe not peculiar themselves, but as a sibset. Ela, Ola and Ula… Doesn’t sound cool? 馃榾 If Mum (or brother) is calling them from somewhere further, I’m sure they have to be confused which one they’re actually calling. Of course I found it very interesting and amusing. Then when we finally went home, they left too, and as there was a bit of a distance from the beach to the parking, we were going close enough to each other to hear what each other were saying. And this little boy was talking all the time, this time something else, while his poor mum was pretending to be deaf, in hopes he’ll feel bored soon. I started to wonder whether his name isn’t Oli, as it would match the girls perfectly, and whether too matchy names of siblings can have any influence on their behaviour. 馃榾 Then we finally headed to the parking and I went to my car seat. Unluckily, our cars, ours and that matchy family’s, were very close and I didn’t estimate the distance properly, and when I was opening the door, with a little bit too much dash, I accidentally hit them, I mean their car obviously. Not too much but still. I said to the mum that I’m very sorry, but I guess her nerves were way too tense already. “What do you think beep beep beep can’t you see?!!!”. “You guessed it I can’t”. “Uh… emmm… I’m sorry… I… didn’t know…” at the same time the boy ran away wanting to show something to Ula, so his poor mum could have an excuse to be occupied with something else. I don’t think she needed one, for me the topic was finished, but it was clear she was very embarrassed. So she shouted at him, and guess what… “Ooooooliiiiiiivieeeeer, come back! We’re going hoooome!”. Me and Zofijka, we were laughing like crazy. OMG he’s really an Oli! Lucky for him, it’s not his full name, as I was concerned it could be. Zofijka asked me how I guessed it… I wonder too… I certainly wouldn’t think it could be his name for sure, I was just joking! And as for the seeing or not seeing, it was embarrassing indeed, I mean the accident, until it started to be ridiculous for me, and then I actually realised it’s a compliment for me, that she asks whether I can see or not. My Mum says that when people see me, it’s clear to them that I can’t… So I was quite surprised.

I had therapy yesterday and I talked to my therapist about the concerns I had regarding therapy about which I wrote in last coffee share post, that I am not making much progress since we started or actually maybe even before, back when I’ve had only phone checkins with my previous therapist, in some areas I actually feel like I regressed a bit if I’m honest, like with the severity of my anxiety for example, I feel like I’m back at the same point at where I started years ago. Sure there were many difficult situations for me this year, but still, I feel quite concerned with it. I also told her that I wonder whether now as I am in a more stable situation and can focus directly on some healing more, whether indeed CBT is something for me. Because I have an inkling I should do more with the past stuff, since it’s clearly where all or most of my brain shit comes from, directly or not. I told her that I am not sure about it but that if she shares my feelings I’d be willing to try something new, like psychodynamic maybe, or gestalt, as I feel the latter could help me with my insecurities and stuff. I asked her if she had the same feelings and she told me she doesn’t know where I was before, but as long as we are working together, which will be 3 months later in August, she can’t say I did any big progress. She told me that for her it seems that I have lots of emotional blockades, mostly unconscious, and maybe indeed psychodynamic therapy or something similar would be worth a try with this, though she admitted she never actually thought about it before, she only thought that I may benefit from some longer lasting therapy as there seems to be a lot to do. On the other hand, she said, that my own way of looking at my achievements and failures is often somewhat disordered because of my self-esteem and such, so I may not be objective here, and I agreed, I don’t think I can be objective either, even though despite having AVPD and all that I don’t feel like I’m a perfectionist and want to achieve too much. She told me that if I have such feelings, then I should listen to my gut, first and foremost, and if I’d later realise it’s not for me, like that it doesn’t make it any better that I know the root causes of some things, or if it would feel too overwhelming, I can come back to her and she’d be happy to work with me again, because she is sure that in the right conditions I am able to heal. Overall it was a good conversation. We will be staying in touch now and I’ll let her know when I’ll find someone possibly nearby who would be willing to work with me – I hope I’m not going to go through what it was with language teachers, who were running away screaming one after another scared of the fact that I’m blind before even meeting me. I’ve actually found a psychodynamic therapist who is pretty close to where I live, I emailed her today, and I hope she;ll get back to me. What may be an issue is that I probably won’t get funding for it, as I did for therapy with the therapist I’m working with now, but well if it’s going to help me then I think it’s worth it, even if I’m going to spare all my savings for the future –
which by the way I don’t think would provide me financial security for too long if I was to live on my own.

I also talked to my Mum, and that didn’t go so smoothly. We have significant issues with communication when it comes to talking about this kinda stuff, like my mental issues and all the related shit. I think in a way she doesn’t understand it, why I’ve been reacting to things the way I’ve been (which I don’t fully understand myself either), and partly she blames herself for some things that happened to me or some things she didn’t do for me or didn’t notice. Well I don’t see any blame on her side and never blamed her, even though was angry a lot at her, but I know it well myself it’s hard to just tell someone it’s not their fault, unfortunately it’s way more complicated than that usually, even if someone is as mentally healthy as my Mum, I guess. Then on the other hand I am frustrated that she doesn’t understand me, and I blame myself that I am so squeamish, and generally my communication with people is NUTS, and so it goes around, despite best intentions of us both. Sucks.

So I’ d rather spare you the details of our lovely conversation, no, it wasn’t furious or anything, just frustrating and quite icky. But overall she agreed that I need to do something with myself and be functional again (as if I ever was!!!) and if I feel like this therapy isn’t working that much, I should try something different.

Yeeah poor my Mum, I feel so sorry for her, although I probably should feel sorry for myself. 馃榾

I haven’t seen Misha AT ALL today. I mean, OK, I did see him, when he was eating, and then I saw him close to my room, as if he hesitated whether to come in, seems like he decided not to, but he always hesitates for ages before doing something. And that was all. I haven’t snugled him or talked to him or anything, and I quite miss him, but I looked for him around the house and couldn’t find him and no one knows where he is. I’m not worried, he surely sleeps somewhere possibly cool, but it’s a bit sad here without my little mishievous kid.

Oh, and particularly for those who haven’t checked my yesterday song of the day post and don’t know, yesterday I had a big holiday. It was my previous music crush’s Cornelis Vreeswijk’s 81st birthday, or it would be if he lived, anyway, when there are my crushes’ days, something relating to them particularly, I either get a major crush peak and am over the moon for quite a while, or if it’s one of the previous crushes then it is sorta more present in my life, like more activated for a while again. So yesterday I was translating Vreeswijk’s poems again, to celebrate the holiday somehow, completely absorbed by my vreeswijkosis and mumbling to myself in Swedish for an entire day. And yaaaaayyyyy!!! I managed, with a lot of hardship, but at least as much of enjoyment, to finish my translation of “Den Bl氓a Dr枚mmen” (The Blue Dream). It helped me a lot with the anxiety to immerse in something so fully, which rarely happes to me, and yeah it felt so so brilliant. It looks so well. I am curious what my friend Jacek – the one who died because of osteosarcoma and who was writing the book about vikings – would say about that. He was always so agitated seeing my translations, he wanted to see even tiny little bits of them, even the worse ones, because he was always so curious. I am so proud of my translation, wonder how long it will last until I will start to see any errors in it haha. I mean, I started it years and years ago, but was stuck and not able to finish, and there were glaring errors, so glaring that if Cornelis knew Polish and was still alive, and read my scribbles, it’d surely kill him. Now I just polished it and after reading and rereading and rereading more the original version, thinking and thinking and making my brain boil, I finally came up with a decent, rhythmically compatible end for the verse I’ve started, and then wrote the last. I just thought I’d sit at it until I’ll come up with something, after all it’s not that difficult, it can’t be, it’s just a little folkloristic piece, almost a childish one, very sweet and almost naive and pretty short as well, certainly not one of the greatest by Vreeswijk, if I can’t manage with something like this, than how can I do anything more ambitious? Yes, with my languages, I am a perfectionist. And that is the only area. I showed it to my Mum and Zofijka came in as I read it and she was like: “Wow, did you write it?” haahahahahahahahahaha it was brilliant. 馃榾 Me, lol. Couldn’t stop laughing for quite a while.

OK, so I guess I’ll be finishing, as it’s definitely no longer little I guess, even as for my writing standards.

Sleep well, or have a great day, and I hope you’re OK. 馃檪 Misha just came in so I’m also sending Mishpurrs and Mishcuddles.


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Hywel Pitts – “C芒n O’r Galon” (A Song From The Heart).

Hi. 馃檪

I must admit that I don’t really understand the lyrics of this song, which is quite frustrating, given that I’m a Welsh learner since quite a while, and managing pretty decently as for my level usually, plus from what I was able to get out of the song, it sounds very interesting, and I would like to know what it’s exactly about. So that sucks a bit, but the song is still lovely, even though I understand only some phrases, a few sentences

and a lot of single words out of context.

I don’t know much about Hywel Pitts either, other than he’s from North Wales, which is very easy to guess from his accent, and that he’s a vocalist in a Welsh band called I Fight Lions, which I really like and which seems to be a new band, getting a lot of attention in its musical environment. I got the song out of the compillation of songs of various artists, and there are lots of interesting pieces, but this one is certainly one of my most favourites on it.

 

Sarah Riedel – Se H盲r Dansar Fredrik 脜kare (Look Fredrik 脜kare Is Dancing Here).

Hi. 馃檪

Do you know, lovely people, what a nice holiday we have today? Ha! You surely don’t know. Unless you’re Swedish, or a freak like me, or maybe if you’re Dutch, or maybe, maybe if you’re from any Scandinavian country other than Sweden, perhaps you may know too. So I’m here to enlighten you!

Today, 8th August, is my previous crush’s – Cornelis Vreeswijk – birthday. But because as you probably already know, when I move on from one music crush to the next, I don’t leave the previous one, it only sort of fades, being dominated by a new crush, therefore technically you can say I’m still somewhat crushing on him. And, if by any chance you, my reader, are Swedish, I know it may be slightly or not so slightly weird to you, the more that he’s passed away quite a while before I was born, but… what can I do about it? Assuming that I’d really want to do something with it, but honestly I don’t.

So yeah, Cornelis would be 81 if he’d still be between us. I聽 hope he’s having a great birthday wherever he is now…

You’d think that if it’s his birthday, and I happen to be so fascinated by his music and poetry that I even want to try to translate it to Polish, then I should choose a song of the day by him, but I decided to do it a bit differently this time.

You see, despite Vreeswijk was Dutch, he’s been actually more known in Sweden than Netherlands, because he and his family emigrated there when he was 12. And he seems to be very liked there. Or anyway, very famous. I guess he’s to controversial to be very liked, people there seem to either love him or hate him.

And if you’re a famous musician, especially if you’ve left this mundane world, you can expect many other, famous and not famous, and maybe even infamous, musicians to be inspired by your music in any way. And so is also with Cornelis.

There are a lot of Swedish artists covering his songs, or who are inspired with his style, making tribute songs, or trying to caricature his style or something.

A few years ago, when I started to explore Spotify, I also started to explore all kinds of covers of his songs, beautiful and cringy ones, and I’ve found a few that are still my huge favourites.

Including an album, called “Cornelis vs. Riedel”. It’s pretty jazzy, I’m not very big on jazz, but because of Vreeswijk I’ve got a very tiny little bit more liking and understanding of it, as it’s one of the genres he liked to incorporate in his music.

“Cornelis Vs. Riedel” is a compillation of Cornelis’s poems, with melodies composed by a Swedish jaz musician of Czechoslovakian descent – Georg Riedel, and sung by Sarah Riedel – Georg Riedel’s daughter – and Nikolai Dunger. With a few exceptions, these poems have never been sung by Cornelis, and the two ones that have been got completely new melodies from Riedel. With all his genius and versatility, I don’t think Vreeswijk had a particular talent for composing, so I found this very interesting.

And oh what I particularly love about this album is the expressivity, and all the emotions. I just love the vocalists for how they feel these lyrics, how they really involve in what they are singing about.

The song I want to show you is called “Se H盲r Dansar Fredrik 脜kare”, very roughly translated Look Here Fredrik 脜kare Is Dancing. Now who is this guy, Fredrik 脜kare?

I must tell you, I wondered about it for quite a while since I got to know Cornelis’ music. He is often mentioned in his songs. I guess we need to just look at him as a fictional or half-fictional character, one of a few that we can meet in Cornelis’s songs and poems. However people say that his real life equivalent was Nisse Gustafsson – one of his sisters’ friend or boyfriend, or something like this. – Though I’ve also heard that Cornelis himself might be Fredrik 脜kare, and I pretty much lean to it because it just looks like it could be him. Even in this song, for me it seems to be just about Cornelis.

Do you remember the song I once shared with you, also by Cornelis – “Balladen Om Herr Fredrik 脜kare Och Den S枚ta Fr枚ken Cecilia Lind” (The Ballad About MR Fredrik 脜kare And The Sweet Miss Cecilia Lind)?

I look at this song I’m sharing with you today, as a sort of continuation to that one. Because in that song, as you might remember I wrote, there is a sort of party, people are dancing in the barn in the village, he – is meeting the nearly 17-year-old girl, much younger than himself, called Cecilia Lind, they fall in love with each other, are dancing together, people are indignant because it’s a shame that two people with such a difference in their age are dancing and lookk as they’re very cllose to each other, they say Cecilia’s too young for him. He accompanies her t her house and kisses her on their way home, and the story doesn’t have any speciffic or definite ending.

And then we have this song. We know that聽 the full moon is shining (why is there so much full moon in Vreeswijk’s lyrics? :O Swedes love sun, he seems to be much more inclined to the moon), just like at that rural party or whatever it was and however such things are called in English, and Fredrik is dancing on empty streets (so it’s the night time, right?) and we also get to know he’s dancing aimlessly and not going anywhere in particular. He is also tipsy and is hurting emotionally, or so I understand from the lyrics, though I’m not sure if that’s exact.

From聽 the second verse we also know he’s singing – about the stars, and about Cecilia Lind, and about all that he wants to forget and drown in a bottle of wine – pretty classic theme as for Vreeswijk.

Then the third verse is from the author’s perspective, saying that he has made a little song because then it’s easier to dance [when you have the music]. And that this song is about that you’ll never get what you want the most. And what you’ll get instead, you will be always disappointed with.

Reminds me strongly about Cornelis’ life, his struggles, and about what I know about his relationships with other people.

When I first heard this song, I actually cried – and as I told you a few times before it’s not that easy nowadays to move me this strongly, but I was very moved, also Sarah’s vocals themselves are very moving.

But what else spoke to me, was that in some more metaphorical way I felt like it’s also about me. I’ve told you before that paradoxically I feel like in some aspects my personality is pretty similar to Cornelis’, and that’s maybe why I like him and understand his music, and why it often speaks to me (excluding all the left-wing extremist ones, but even those are often quite true in a way 馃榾 ). I can’t find any other explanation, because objectively he’s not what I would call “my style”. OMG that’s all so weird! 馃榾

OK, so maybe, finally, after all that chit chat, time for the song? I guess so, I wrote way too much, but I wanted to give you some context, it’s stupid to listen to the song without its context if it’s deeper, and since there’s no language barrier here for me, if I can give you that context, then why not. Let me know what you think about it and how do you perceive it.

Unfortunately I’m forced to get the song from Spotify, I could’ve sworn I saw it like a year ago on Youtube, but now I can’t find it, so I don’t have much choice here.