What is the most backhanded “compliment” anyone has ever given you?
This is an incredibly hard question for me, so that I’m not even sure I’ll be able to give you a concrete and unequivocal answer. I’ve always had a huge issue with compliments and that was one of those many things that have finally led me to the conclusion I may really have AVPD. As most people, I’ve received quite a lot of compliments on different things, and usually was happy about it ’cause well who doesn’t like when they appreciate you/what you did. But usually it has always been so that the more something matters to me, the more I want this compliment someone told me to be true, the more I feel like it isn’t. My inner critic is driven crazy and – sometimes very loudly and emphatically, sometimes in a low and sarcastic voice, somewhere in the background, deep down in my mind – desperately tries to convince me that they said it just to said something, or because they’re nice, or because they maybe would tell it to anyone in the same situation, or maybe just because they don’t know the truth and think what they said is true, or insert any other excuse here. But what I hate the most is when my mind tries to convince me that what they told me was just ambiguous and sarcastic and what they really meant is simply the opposite of what they said. While I generally like sarcasm and using it and sarcastic conversations with some people and, at least while with others, I think I have quite a lot of distance to myself and to everything and the ability to laugh off actually anything, I hate it when I get this feeling that it is just sure that they’re sarcastic. And it is not only about compliments, but pretty much about anything nice/positive that other people tell me. Of course, needless to say, rationally I know it is just a distortion and probably their intentions were good and clear, but my fantastic fascinating freaky fuckin brain is never able to get it fully, as it is usually with such things. I hate it also for another reason, because it makes me think in a bad way about other people and makes me in some way judgmental, even though I don’t let my thoughts and assumptions influence my relationships with other people or my attitude towards them unless I can have really strong rational evidence that something goes wrong indeed.
So yeah, I’m not going to tell you about the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever get, because according to my mind I guess around 95% of all the compliments I’ve got should be classified as backhanded and I don’t think that right now I’d be able to look at it objectively. Don’t know how much sense it makes for other people, the more that you guys are actually the first people I’ve ever told about it so I’ve never actually expressed it before, but that’s more or less how it feels for me.
What is such “compliment” in your case? 🙂